An old friend of mine once told me never to go to Necro town. I asked him why but he just never gave me the answer. Looking far from my home town, Necro town looked abandoned and was never owned by anybody nearby. Whenever I look out into that town, I wonder about it. The unknown and its many mysteries.
My old friend seems to have lived in that place but he never did. It's as if he was making up a horror story about Necro town. But, I did what he told me to. Never go there. Ever.
I asked my parents about that place. They never knew anything about it except it's just a wasteland. Grandpa never knew about it either. Such a mystery as to why would my old friend prohibit me from entering but my dad said otherwise. "If you want to go there and explore the place, I guess you can. But you better be careful from strangers alright kid."
By the time I turned 14, the bully in my school keeps getting worse on me. I get slammed into a locker, get my head knocked out, and even beaten up. I really don't want to go back to school but how am I supposed to convince my parents that?
The reason I don't have any friends at school was mostly because they don't like me as a person. I expressed myself for who I am and yet I get mocked by them all the time. calling me many names like freak, loser, norm, or even Melvin the idiot. Was it because I'm different? I have no clue about them at all.
I tried to fight back but they just keep winning every time. So then, I run away from school in the middle of classes, lunch breaks, and activities but every time I do, a teacher always caught me down and send me to the principles office. I lied to them and said "Because I wanna get candy." Or "I forgot my books back home.". I don't want to tell them the truth because I knew how much big trouble I'm going to have if I do.
I tried escaping all over again and finally I made it one day. And whenever I escaped, I always go to my old friends house. We go into the woods to go fishing in the pond. I love seeing those shiny blue fishes in the waters because they're just so beautiful when I look at them in the afternoon.
My old friend's name is Brandon West. He's of course much older than me because he's about 64 years old and for some reason he got so much energy to keep himself moving. He always have his brown firm cane with him everywhere he goes. He tells me tales of ancient beings, heavens and hells, the Sturgeon, and the blue turbo.
I've asked about the blue turbo and all he said was. "He's a sad man." Sad man sounds like he's been through a lot.
The blue turbo was born in a world where flame people live. They all have special powers depending on their shape and colors of their bodies. Green flame, blue flame, red flame, etc. He grew up with lovely parents who have similar powers to his. His power is both his parents powers. In his childhood, he grew fond of his friends and family that he devoted his life to protect the good in life.
In his teenage years, he became an officer. Protecting the people who are in danger. It was starting to get dangerous for him, but that never means he won't give up.
In his late 20s, he became a well devoted guardian, fighting against the evil dark powers from beneath the world's surface. He loved everything that is good in life. He had a wife and son while being a guardian. Their relationship was strong and they did whatever it takes to enjoy life. But then one day, the world around them turned into a warfare. The evil dark powers are killing people whilst they fight back. He fought hard and won. But it was at a huge cost. He lost his wife and child right in front of his eyes. Lost what's left in the world. He fell to a deep depression, which he quit being a guardian and was never to be seen again.
Brandon always looked sad whenever he told me the blue turbo. It's as if that felt real and it did happen. But, it is compelling. I asked him about where did the blue turbo go. He said. "Don't know. But wherever he is, he'll still devote himself in life."
One day when I was 16, I escaped school again and this time it didn't go well. By the time I walked behind the basketball court, I was caught by the bully and his gang. "Well oh well. Looks like Melvin the idiot is trying to leave the school all by himself. You're really going to leave again just so that you'll get away from us? That ain't happening norm." They were going to beat me up badly, so I didn't waste anymore time as I ran away from them. I didn't know how fast I was at this point.
They kept following me as I ran on the sidewalk. I didn't want to look back because I knew very well that if I did, I'll slow down. The running footsteps behind me kept pacing towards me. I can hear the loud steps as if they're like the golem's foot. My breath is getting shallow the more I keep running and my legs began to grow numb and sore. But I never slowed down nor stop. I just kept running until I finally lost them.
"Get back here you freak!!"
"We're going to kill you loser!!"
Then, a road towards Necro Town appeared before me. The words from Brandon echoed inside my mind not to go in there. My heart beats in fear. The bully and his gang chasing behind me like I'm their food to eat. My legs are about to surrender to my exhaustion and I can feel every pain coming from my muscles.
I can hear the footsteps behind me as I think of any other options. There are no other ways to go except into Necro town. I don't want to be beaten up or killed. Then, every memory of myself being bullied by them flashes into my mind, making me very angry. I'm sick and tired of being their punching bag. It's time for me to fight back!
I stopped at my tracks and turned to face them. Face to face. They stood on their grounds before me. Laughing at me with mockery. I stood my grounds and prepared myself for the worst. "I'm tired of being your punching bag! It's time for me to stand up for myself! I'm not afraid of you!!" But I lied. I'm still scared of getting beaten up. All I want is for them to stop bullying me forever.
The bully rushes towards me and I was ready to punch him at any moment given. By the time he's in front of me, I missed my shot. The punishment for my failed attempt to punch him was getting knocked out by getting punched in the face. I fell to the ground, knocking my head against it. My body passed through the limits of entering Necro town. My head and shoulders lay on the Necro town grounds.
I was then slowly dragged into Necro town by the bully's gang. I can feel the painful sting on my back as I get dragged. Suddenly, before I went to sleep mode, I heard screams. The bully's scream fades far away and his gang gets slowly decreasing. My arms are dropped down. The hands that held me tight are loosened from my arms so fast. I can hear each of them screaming in fear as piece by piece they disappear. Then I blacked out.
I woke up to find myself in an empty dark room. While my vision was getting clear, I slowly stand back up. When I got back my conscious, I gagged from the awful stench that just came from inside this room. I looked around to see where's the door for my escape and there, I see the shining golden knob reflecting my sight. I ran and grab hold of it, then twist it to open the door. To my very eyes, I've witnessed the most insane horror I've ever had in my life.
The sources aren't just in the room I was in. It was also in the living room because there are 5 dead bodies hanging like pig meat. Their flesh cut and sliced so disgustingly brutal that I can see their organs and tissues beginning to slip out of the sockets. Blood and bones are spread around the floor, shining the cold light that shines through the curtains of the outside. When I look at the top of their corpses, there are eyes looking directly at me with fear. Then I realize that they're still alive.
They suddenly screamed everywhere with the pain they share. I blocked my ears with my palm as I felt the twist in my stomach getting worse. Tears rapidly escapes out of my eyes that I shut my eyes tight. I quickly ran out of there and arrived to a room that is full of random colors. The colors are wrong. They're all wrong in many different ways that I can't describe so well about it. The screams and the colors made me vomit all over the floor. I nearly fell to the ground but I kept myself back up in hopes of leaving this place. I want to go home. I want to see Brandon again. I wished I'd rather get beaten up in the basketball court than coming here to lead my bully and his crew to their unholy demise.
I spun around in a frenzy and saw the bright and weird door before me. I quickly opened it and I was met with a freezing atmosphere. The world turned into some sort of hell. There are large stone spikes all over Necro town, crushing through the houses. The sky all grey and the sun is smiling at me with an empty mouth. Its eyes glaring at me in those sockets. The Sockets are too big for the eye balls that I thought it'll fall to the ground but it didn't.
I don't see anybody else outside. There's only the deformed flesh like trees and broken homes. My heart begins to panic. The world is making me crazy and horrified at the same time that I froze in place.
Something was walking behind me. They felt wrong, all wrong like it's not human. I turned around to see nothing. Literally nothing. There's no room filled with colors and the screaming stopped. Far away from myself is the darkest room I've ever seen. All dark. No light. Nothing.
I closed the door behind me and checked the room that was hanging my bully and his colleagues but they're all gone and the wall is stained with blood. The writing gave me enough chills and fear that drives me mad. There is no god to save you, Hermit
I spun around in a frenzy as if someones looking at me. I can feel the eyes are at me and I don't know where it is until a stomp noise can be heard right in the room I woke up in. At first, there were loud footsteps, and now it's banging on the door like a maniac. I didn't wait for it to come out of course. So I ran away, outside in the hellish Necro town.
I'm running on the road now and something is coming for me. Thoughts popping inside my head about whatever is coming for me, it won't lose my tracks as it can smell my very soul. Until I was very far away from the house I was in, a loud scream booms from that house. The scream is like the thousand souls tormented in hell for all eternity. I can feel its gaze at me with its hellish intentions.
I didn't stop to look back. I just kept running until I get into my home. How far is this town? Because I've been running for much longer and the town shouldn't be so far. The footsteps are getting closer as my heart beats faster with every second of its footsteps getting closer.
My legs became so sore and numb, and my lungs became so shallow from the burning air. I suddenly coughed so much that I fell to the ground, hitting my elbow. I tried to crawl away but it was already too late as the thing behind me has already come to get me. I rolled on my back and looked forward to see a tall hideous figure.
It was a tall humanoid with coal like skin. Its skin tightens its bones and I can see its red blood veins pulse around its deflated muscles. Its legs are of a goat's legs, resembling the creature to be something demonic like the devil. The arms are so long that its length is from shoulder to feet. Snd its fingers are way too long that it's like a monstrous claw. Its head is not human, more like a hood connecting to its shoulders. It's not the long and impossible stretched jaw that made me scream. The eyes are because there's nothing in them. Nothing but darkness of Sheol.
It's reaching me with those hideous claws while screaming like a wild demonic animal ready to pounce on their prey. Is this really how I was going to die. To be brutally mauled by its claws and jaw. Will I share the same fate as the bully and his comrades? I don't want to know and I never want to live like this. I'm scared. I don't want to die.
By the time it reaches me, something bright hits it. It's like I'm looking at a fireball? It was big. Bigger than my torso. I looked upwards to see a bright blue figure approaching me. It's like I'm looking at someone from the afterlife because its whole body is in flames except for a recognizable coat, pants, and a cane.
"It's been so long since I've fought these creatures." It was a voice of an old man I recognize clearly. But this doesn't make any sense at all. It's so strange for this guy to sound like Brandon but his voice matches him.
The creature growled at him like a dog and I didn't waste anytime to get away from it. But the smoking smell in my lungs prohibit me to get away. It's like I was dying. But my eyes are alright.
The creature jumps over me, attacking the savior of my life. He shot another fire ball at it and that makes the creature soar back. The creature stands back up wildly before the stranger appeared before it as if he teleported in a blink of an eye. He wack his cane at its head which rips off from its neck. This stranger killed that creature like its nothing but when he turned around I can see fear on his face.
His face, I can see his eyes and mouth. There's also 2 triangular scar at the sides of his chin and they're not burning in flames. "Melvin. I can explain later but right now we have to leave." He said my name just like Brandon does. This is insane, I don't know if I was dreaming or it's real because everything is going mad.
"Let me help you up." He held me by the arm, pulling me up from the ground as I tried to take a breath. My legs are too tired for me to walk. But when he pulled me from the ground, I felt a great sensation of cleansing in my lungs and my legs and muscles began to relax. His hands doesn't hurt nor burn me as if it's a regular hand with no effect on me. I look at him and still he's in fear. Why would he be scared too?
"Brandon?" I said with fear and question in my voice. He looked at me with defeat as if he can't hide that away anymore. That's how I knew he's Brandon. "Well. Looks like you figured it out. But come on. Lets move now. You don't want the fish and chips cold." As he ran, I followed in pursuit. My legs felt reborn and my lungs have increased somehow. This felt so real. Everything does. I'm not dreaming at all. It's really happening. I kept asking Brandon with many questions from my head. "You're the blue turbo?"
"Yes. I am."
"Where were you after you quit being a -"
"Melvin. Now is not the time. We have to go. I'll answer them until we reach home ok."
We were suddenly blocked by 5 more of these creatures. They're just like the one I met before when I was being chased. I hid behind Brandon for safety as the creatures screams. I stepped far back from them, not wanting to turn into their puppet or something worse. I looked around to see more of them approaching us with hungry mouths. We're surrounded.
We stand with our backs facing each other. I'm horrified to see more of these demonic creatures all around us, ready to pounce at any moment. When I turn to see Brandon I thought he would be scared but he looks like he knew this would happen. "Melvin, when I say go, run away and don't look back. Keep running no matter what."
"What? But I don't want to leave you."
"I know. But this is the least I can do for you to live. You know my story Melvin. You know why."
My heart sank from the message. Leaving him here with all these creatures, I don't even know if he'll live on after this. But what can I do against these creatures. I'm just a human. I felt so much fear and guilt. After for what I've done to myself and Brandon. I wished I never had run away.
The monsters are creeping in. I can hear the chatters from their jaws and the footsteps around us. The creatures are ready to kill us because their backs are lifting up as a sign of predatory nature. Then suddenly when Brandon pierces his cane to the ground a loud boom vibrated around us as blue circular waves from the cane emerges out. The waves created a gravitational force that the creatures started floating in the air. Except we weren't floating. "GO!!"
And with that, I ran away as fast as I can, far away from this hell, far away from the only friend I have in my life. I can hear the sounds of vibration turned shut quiet and the screams of the demonic creatures so loud I ran even more faster. Tears are falling from my cheek with the guilt squeezing my heart with pain.
When I finally escaped and was on the clear road, I cried. I cried so much that I can feel everything around me started to fall. I've lost my best friend in Necro town and it's all my fault. If I hadn’t ran away, none of this would’ve happened. I've lost him. I was lying on the ground with the deepest depression in my soul hurting me. I can't bare to lose my friend. I just can't. What am I even supposed to do? I can't save him. I'm not strong enough. I'm just scared.
I'm now sitting at the front porch of Brandon's home. Waiting for him to come back for days. I haven't eaten anything nor come back home or school. I just stayed there waiting for him to come back. I'm alone and scared.
I kept being bothered by random people. They ask why I'm still outside. I never did answer until they called the hospital or the cops. I told them there's nothing to worry about but they don't believe me. If I tell them the truth, they'll die in Necro town and I don't want that for them. I don't believe the cops would understand.
From every hospital or cops I went through, I just kept coming back. Even my parents told me to stay home, I snuck out in the night waiting for my old friend. I did eat sometimes but not really much. I just went to my room until night time arrives.
Then, one day, at midnight, he's back. He's really back. I was so happy and glad he's alive just the way he is. But when I approached to hug him, he collapsed down to his knees. I was exploded with fear and worry. I helped him up and asked him what just happened. "I don't have much time Melvin. Lets go inside, we have a visitor I think you would like to meet. Meet Judith Wednesday." Behind him was a girl who's the same age as me. Her hair is black and she wore a grey hoodie with a logo I've never seen in my whole life. She was covered in dark red blood. The blood that is definitely from the creatures in Necro town.
We all went in and I gave Brandon a seat on the couch. Judith sat next to his left. And me, I sat next to his right. "Brandon, what happened?"
He looked at me with a smile on his face as he begins to change form in front of my eyes. His body changed like he was glowing and the flames form around him. His form now just like the form I saw while at Necro city. "Well. With the help of this young lady, we've defeated all the monsters. But, for me, it didn't go well for me. I'm slowly dying you see. I'm not going to have much time in this world."
"But you can't die. You're like spiritual aren't you?"
"Yes. But that doesn't mean death can't happen to me. I don't know where people like me go when they die. Nobody does."
I can feel my heart race as the tears slides on my face. I can't help myself but to cry before him.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have ran away. I shouldn't have."
"Melvin. It's not your fault. I saved you because I wanted you to live a life I protected. It's my choice. And I'm glad I did. And you didn’t do anything to get there on purpose. I would’ve done the same thing by running if I were you. Now. Lets go fishing together. One last time."
I wiped my tears away, trying my best not to ruin this very moment but I just couldn't help myself. He reached out his arms and I took it. I hugged him tightly whilst crying so deeply that I don't want to let go. We've stayed like this for couple of minutes until I finally let go with my soul finally relaxing but with small sadness. My guilt is free.
We grabbed our fishing equipment and went to the river in the forest. Judith follows us with a fishing rod in hand. I don't feel anything like talking to her but at least we both have company. To share the moment together I guess. But this is for Brandon and I hope she knew that too.
When we arrived at the jetty and started placing worm food at the hooks. Brandon was the first to throw his fishing hook. The fishing hook was glowing blue, just like his flames. The pond glowed so bright like a lantern. It was beautiful. The fishes shine so bright from the light. It's as if the world around us is gone and all that matters was this very moment before death.
Judith was struggling to put the worm food at the hook. I went to help her but she said. "It's ok. I got it." By the time her finger was nearly stabbed by the hook, the tip of her finger turned into metal. But that didn't bother me because at this moment, it felt like home. We just laughed. I don't know why we were laughing and it's like being a kid again.
We threw our fishing hooks in the pond, waiting for a fish to bite. The shiny blue fishes. They're more beautiful than I'd remembered. The stains of my tears fades away. "Melvin. You promise me that you'll stay strong?"
I heard Brandon said and I didn't believe it at first. How can I be strong for those that really need help or even myself? "I'm not strong."
"You are. You're strong the way you are. It's ok to be scared because that's a part of how we live. You're a good man Melvin. You just got to believe in yourself."
"How?"
With a smile on his face, he replied. "You find ways to make yourself better. Achieve your goals. And enjoy life." His words are so convincing that I begin to believe that. My eyes caught my attention to Judith with a warm and sad smile on her face. For some reason, that helped me believe too. I think I can be strong if that's what he said. "Ok. I'll be strong."
"Good. Remember Melvin, you're not alone." And with a sad and free smile on his face, he faded away before my very eyes. His body evaporated into nothing as the last bits of his flames disappear. The tears in my eyes slowly fell as I look into the the pond and the sun beginning to rise.
"I know how it feels." I heard Judith said.
"Really?'
"I've lost my mom and dad to cancer. My mom died when I turned 8. My dad died when I'm at the age of 16. I felt so depressed when my parents die right in front of me. I can't do anything except watch."
"I guess we both got the same moment then. I wish I could just get him back." She looked at me with sad eyes. This very moment makes us feel so calmly sad like its a funeral or somewhere quiet.
"I know. But there's nothing we can do. We just have to move forward with the memories."
It was nice to have someone with me who had similar stories like mine. She was right, we can't do anything about it. We can't get them back. It was hard for me, I know well. Like she said, I had to move forward and keep the memories I had with Brandon. I looked at the sky and prayed that wherever Brandon is now, he's at peace with his wife and son. In a good life he deserved.
It's been a few weeks. I stopped trying to escape school because my bully's are gone. But that didn't make me feel better at all nor felt good. Their parents looked everywhere for them, even the cops but they're not found. Some of the cops went into Necro town and was never heard of again. I wished I could warn them but they don't believe me when I did.
Judith came to visit me every now and then whenever I left school. We exchange stories of our past lives and other stories shared by others. We became close as friends as we kept hanging out with each other. I'm very glad and happy to have a new friend. She's not like any other teenager I've ever met. She's really good with cutting wood. She even shot an arrow directly at the fish in the river.
She's really cool but also depressing. She doesn't have any other friends and doesn't even go to school. Her mom died first, which is the reason she stopped going to school. So that she'll spend more time with her dad just like with her mom. She didn't want any friends. She only wanted her mom and dad and they're enough for her. Until she lost them. They were everything to her. But as time goes, she moved on and came here.
I knew how she fought the creatures with Brandon. At first I thought she was lost like me too but she's much stronger than I'd think. She told me she got a robot spirit within her spirit. A fusion. She can form into the form of her spiritual companion. Her name was Athena and in every single dream she kept coming over in her dreams, babbling random stuff. She's inside of her head, which means she's the everyday annoying voice in her mind that she cannot get away from. I felt bad for her at first but she shrugged it off, saying. "But hey, we got along with each other. Even that I don't like her at first, she's a person too."
One day, we went to the woods at night with our flash lights. It was horrifying for me because we could get lost so easily here. Sweat poured down on my forehead as we kept walking into the woods. Until suddenly, a bright blue light in front of us glows in the night. When we approached the light, it was the pond.
The pond was glowing the same light as Brandon's. This never happened ever in every night or day. Unless he did something or he somehow resides there. But I don't feel like he's there. But I can feel something else.
We walked to the jetty until we stopped near the edge. The pond is as beautiful as I remember with the blue shiny fishes swimming around it. I wonder what happens if I put my hand in the pond. Will I feel something warm or something else. Maybe my arm will glow. I don't know. But then something grew within my soul. A connection. As if the pond wants me to put my hand in. It felt amusing.
So I did it without hesitation. It felt warm as I swim my right hand in the water. The water suddenly jumped on my arm. I thought I was going to panic but I didn't flinch. Instead I let it do what it does. Judith tried to pull me away but I told her not to. She then watched as the glow of the pond gathered around the water that is holding my arm. I felt a great sensation of warmth and heat. I felt a stinging pain all over my arm but it quickly turned into a cold feeling.
All of the glow of the blue flame from the pond is now on my arm, glowing as small flames flew up from my arm, just like Brandon's head of flames. As the glow fades away, I can see clearly that my arm is stained with bright blue.
The pond is now empty of normal water and the fish swims peacefully. We were both shocked as to what happened. Did the glow of Brandon's flames just fused with my arm? I can definitely feel the power from my arm coursing with my soul. "How did it feel?"
"It felt like, painful at first but went normal. I don't know." A realization hit me that I forgot where my flashlight was. I looked to find nothing. Judith helped me out by lighting around the place but it wasn't enough. Suddenly, I felt something in my arm. I lift my hand up and gripped tight, making a bold fist. When I opened my hand, a bright blue flame appeared before me. A bright orb of blue flame glowing our surroundings.
It's as if I knew what I was doing. It's like my soul is connected to this power. When I looked at Judith, her face was a surprised look. I'm surprised as well. So I think I have Brandons powers now. I think I know the reason the glow came tonight. Brandon gave me his powers because what's the point in keeping them when he's living in a peaceful life. I understand now.
I looked around and found my flashlight dropped in the pond. I was frightened that it could've electrocuted the fishes but it didn't. I wasn't paying any attention to it. Accidentally dropping my flashlight. But it looked to be drained off somehow. When I was grabbing in for it, the pond created a vortex beneath the touch of my right palm.
It was shockingly beautiful to watch. The vortex flows so smoothly. I then put my foot on the ground and the pond made space for me to be able to move around. The fish swims all around the pond as I stepped on the ground of the pond beneath me. It was dry. All dry. I grabbed my flashlight and looked up to the jetty. To Judith. With a smile on her face, she said. "This is so cool."
I smiled back as the pond begins to glow and my right hand glows with blue the blue flames. I stand on the ground of the pond my old friend and I loved going to. I have the gift from Brandon and now, I think I'll use this power for good.
I looked up into the night sky, watching the stars shine above whilst a shooting star appeared with them.
I'll be strong Brandon. I'll overcome every obstacle I come across and overcome the suffering. I'll be strong for who I am. And no one is going to stand in my way of doing that.

Hi! We've been having issues with our current provider and they just increased our prices again just because, so I went to a store and signed up for TMHI today. Hooked it up to my external router and shut off wifi. and it seems to get good speeds now, will see how it goes. I did have a few initial question I haven't been able to answer with searching so far.

1. They gave me a Nokia 5G21, it seems to support less bands and I haven't been able to get as many 'bars' as my phone (Pixel 7 on Mint Mobile, so same network) in several locations but signal strength looks a little better any way. -108 dBm on Phone, - 98 dBm on 5G21. Is this normal should I go back and ask for a different one?
2. I have a few home hosted services (grocy, home assistant, DVR) that I use remotely. Can anyone point me to a guide to get them working or provide some tips?

(This'll probably mostly be about 1 and 2, with some 3 and 4 mixed in maybe)
• The buildings in 1 and 2 both used to be something else before they were Freddy's, which could explain the strange architecture.
• Some of Foxy's rips and tears came from his hook, while others came from obnoxious kids attacking him.
• The Show Stage also uses purple curtains similar to Pirate Cove
• The FNaF 1 location has a small arcade off to the side in the dining area, and the darkness prevents you from seeing it. The carousel seen in FNaF 2 is also there and goes off at night sometimes, whether it's ghosts or just shoddy manufacturing.
• When not killing you, Golden Freddy chills in various places you can't see on the camera map, like storage rooms or the Safe Room.
• Pirate Cove has a moon on its stage background to go with the Show Stage's sun.
• Both Freddy's locations we see have a drawing table somewhere off-camera, which has paper and crayons for kids to draw pictures.
• Freddy’s Toreador song and light-up effect were programmed for the case of the power going out at the restaurant, using a light sensor to see if it was darker than usual. The idea was that the song would comfort scared children. Instead, it usually had the opposite effect (but of course the company didn’t care)
• FNaF 1 has vents, but they're too small for the animatronics to fit in this time. (Bonnie just learned some stuff from Golden Freddy probably and can break the laws of physics)
• The camera maps are slightly inaccurate and there are some other rooms they don't show, such as storage rooms, control rooms, managers office etc.
• The space between the dining room, halls, and office in FNaF 1 is both the prize area and a storage room. The storage room is behind the prize area.
• In universe, the FNaF 1 Freddy’s is the most well-known version of the restaurant because it was open the longest. (1988-1993 or whenever depending on what timeline/au)
• In FNaF 1, we are at the final operating Freddy’s location. (probably canon but idk if it's confirmed) It was a small chain beforehand which was local to Utah/wherever. The pre-withered location was a standalone place, and the Toy location was planned to be a chain at some point (obviously this did not go through)
• When making the Toy location, Fazbear Ent. wanted to promote the arcade/video games more, so they made Toy Freddy love them.
• The Toys could only roam around one at a time during the day. One would go off stage, one would "sleep" or turn off for a bit to conserve energy, and one would stay on scanning the room for any danger.
• In universe, there is more corporate training/testing footage of the Toy animatronics available on the internet than home footage of them in action at the store. This was because Fazbear Ent. spent so much time and money preparing for their arrival while the actual location was open for so little. The training videos were saved and uploaded by former employees/technicians.
• Withered Freddy is the least damaged because the guys tearing them apart felt too guilty to rip up the main mascot. (But not the others apparently)
• Toy Chica's beak was made removable so technicians could reach her jaw/endo head better in case it needed fixing.
• FNaF 2's kitchen is located between the dining room and Party Room 4 (god i had to look up the party rooms to remember which one) and has an entrance under the Main Hall camera that we can't see. Again, the camera maps are slightly inaccurate.
• FNaF 1's entrance is located between the stage and restrooms, while FNaF 2's is located on the side wall past the Prize Corner
• Kids' Cove was the "toddler zone" of Freddy's
• The posters of Freddy, Bonnie and Chica in FNaF 3 (the ones going ":D") came from the original Freddy's where the pre-withereds were.
• Withered Foxy had long pants while Classic Foxy had shorts.
• The Toy animatronics were based on a weird figure set of the Freddy's gang from the early 80s (the ones we see in FNaF 4) The Mangle toy is a mini test animatronic Elizabeth got her hands on and destroyed for some reason
• Balloon Boy and The Puppet were based on pre-existing Freddy's (possibly Fredbear's) characters. They didn't return in the FNaF 1 building due to budget cuts (though puppet probably hangs around there anyway)
• The FNaF 2 building still exists and is used today. It's some random store now
• When it first opened, Fredbear's Family Diner originally had an "old fashioned" theme. Fredbear wore brown accessories, and Spring Bonnie only had a button on his chest. Sometime a few years later, there was a remodel where the place got a new, more colorful theme. Fredbear and Spring Bonnie were given new purple accessories.
• Fredbear's had a couple early arcade games off to the side, while the later Freddy's locations had more fleshed out arcade sections.
• There were multiple sets of Fredbear and Spring Bonnie made. They looked so much different from each other because Henry + William were always trying to come up with better ideas for their designs and could never settle on one.
• Henry voiced Fredbear, while William voiced Spring Bonnie. Fredbear was given a deep, friendly voice while Spring Bonnie had a snappy yet nice sounding one.
All I could think of for now. I've been back on a FNaF kick for the past few days so I decided to share them. I might post again or edit this if I think of more.
Also, I now realize that a lot of these are about the buildings themselves lol. I guess I'm just really into developing settings
(Also sorry if any of these contradict any lore. Its been a while and I stopped following the lore years ago. Also this was much longer than I expected it to be…)

Hi everyone! Just came back from my first trip to Japan. It has always been my biggest dream to visit Japan since I was a kid and I'm so glad I finally got the chance to go! The trip was actually planned by my boyfriend who booked everything for us in May, which is my birthday month.
Tips:
Make Reservations Months in Advance! We made reservations for cafes, activities, restaurants, and even trains months in advance to make sure we would be able to do everything we wanted; we were not taking any risks and we were so thankful for our reservations. Make sure to do your research about when to make reservations months in advance.
Pack and Travel Light. Japan isn't really suited for traveling with big luggage to haul around. The trains can get incredibly crowded, you’ll probably be walking around and using stairs frequently, and hotel rooms can be very small at times. I recommend bringing a small rolling luggage and a large backpack and only pack what you need. Leave some room in your luggage for souvenirs or snacks to bring back.
Get Yen immediately at the airport or at the nearest convenience store! You will definitely need yen for a good amount of places in Japan. My boyfriend and I tried to load money in our Suica but the machine we used only accepted yen. Luckily we found a nearby conbini that accepted our debit card but we couldn't use our credit cards for some reason because the atm required a pin number. I might have accepted Mastercard but we both didn't have one.
Bringing comfortable shoes is a must in Japan! I brought comfortable shoes and my feet still hurt by the third day because we were walking and standing most of the days. I also recommend buying Lion’s Foot Patch if you find it at a conbini (I think we bought them at Lawsons) as the gel patch felt so good after a long day of walking!
Plan more days to relax. Although I have no regrets doing all the fun things we planned for our trip, I do wish we had more rest days in Japan, especially when our feet were so sore and we were so sleep deprived from waking up early. I wish we would have stayed a full 2 weeks in Japan and planned relaxing things to do in between our activities like visiting an Onsen and staying in a Ryokan.
Get to popular places early! My boyfriend and I would wake up at 5am to get ready and beat the morning rush hour and to get to popular places before the crowds showed up, it definitely worked out well for us.
Use hotel luggage transport or lockers when necessary. The luggage transport was especially useful when traveling long distances and carrying luggage through the trains would just be a hassle. All we had to do was just talk to our hotel clerk and give him the information for our next hotel we would be sending it to, and the clerk did the rest of the work. The luggage would usually arrive 2 days after we sent it. For the rest of the time, we just used lockers at train stations to store our luggage as we went sightseeing.
Trip Report:
Sunday May 14: Arrival and TokyoDisney
Arrival at Narita Airport
Arrival was simple, fast, and easy. For immigration and customs, we just had to scan our QR codes and passport and also take a picture.
Yen situation
As we arrived at Disney by bus, we wanted to use the coin lockers to store our luggage. The lockers only took suica (maybe yen too) so we tried to buy a suica but the machines only took yen (it didn't look like it took foreign cards). We tried walking to 7/11but it was closed so we ended up just walking to our hotel to drop off luggage. We ended up spending more than an hour walking everywhere and only had 2 hours for Disney.
Tokyo Disney
The only ride we had time for was the beauty and the beast ride and it was amazing! We loved our experience inside the castle and we were amazed how fluid the animatronics were. If I could recommend one ride in Disney it would be this one. We did have time to go on one more ride so we went on the Monsters Inc ride which was just a shooter game and was just okay.
Monday May 15: Tokyo- DisneySea
Before we went to disneysea, we wanted to try some convenience store food so we went to Lawsons and Family Mart. The convenience store food was delicious! The onigiri tastes better than the ones in the US, the chicken in the hot food section was so juicy and delicious! Definitely recommend eating the hot foods and drinks. We tried getting money out of the ATM with our Visa credit cards but it didnt work so we used our debit card because the atm required a pin number.
Tokyo Disneysea
We arrived at Disneysea almost an hour early and we still had to wait in line. After the gates opened, we went straight to Journey to the Center of the Earth, but it broke down before we were able to ride it. The staff did offer us a fast pass to use for the ride later when it would be fixed. When the ride was working again, we headed back, used the fast pass and immediately got on the ride. It was a fun. fast, and short ride. All the rides at disneysea are pretty short and are moderately thrilling. Afterwards, we went to the submarine ride, 20,000 leagues under the sea, which was a unique experience and a very chill ride. Next was the Indiana jones ride; it was fun and a much better ride than the one in california. Then we went to Tower of terror which wasn't too scary. We also went to Soaring which actually has really long lines and wait time but it was a cool experience. The ride with the longest line was probably toy story mania; we decided not to go on the ride because of the long lines and we've been to the one in california. Kings triton castle was the most beautiful area to look at and explore, our favorite part of the area was exploring ariel's trinket room. Lots of rides were closed the day we went so we didnt get to ride on the spirits roller coaster, autopia, and explorers. My favorite food i tried there was the Ukiwa bun.
We also got to eat at Magellan which is one of the more expensive dining options. We didn't make a reservation until that very same day but we luckily able to reserve a spot in the morning. The food was tasty and it was my first time going to a fancier kind of restaurant that offered 3 course meal that were all tiny portions. I got the cheaper option (around $40 or $60, i cant remember) and it was very delicious. My boyfriend got the most expensive option (around $100) and it tasted terrible! I wouldnt recommend getting the most expensive option there.
Tuesday May 16: Tokyo-Harajuku
Harajuku
We took the trains to get to Harajuku and it was a little overwhelming trying to figure out how to find our train the first few times but, after a while, it became a very easy process. We used google maps to find the trains we needed to take. Then at the train stations, we looked for signs with the name of the train line we needed and followed the arrows and asked for directions when we needed extra help. Then we used our suica card to tap into the specific station we needed to be at to find our train. Next we looked for the PLATFORM NUMBER our train would be arriving at and followed the signs for that number. Once at the platform, we confirmed if we were at the right place by making sure the ARRIVAL TIME, PLATFORM NUMBER, and TRAIN LINE on the digital signs matched the one from our google maps. Make sure to follow train etiquette by stepping to the side to let people out of the train and putting your backpack in front of you if the train is really crowded.
At Harajuku station, we put our luggage in coin lockers for the day so we could explore. We went to a conbini, grabbed some food for breakfast and went to Yoyogi park to eat since nothing was open at 7am. After eating, we went to Meiji shrine for a bit, which is also near yoyogi park, and then headed back to harajuku so we wouldn't be late for our mipig reservations.
Mipig cafe was our favorite cafe and one of our favorite experiences in japan! The pigs were so loving and friendly, they came right up to us and laid on our laps after the staff put some blankets on us. They were adorable and as many as 2-3 pigs would come up to us and sit on our laps. Some pigs would even get aggressive with other piggies if you gave one too much attention. Some pigs started chewing on my dress so I had to get another blanket to hide my dress from being eaten.
After Mipig, we wanted to get some food. We tried Marian crepes, candied strawberries, and some small cafes. We visited Anakuma cafe and it was definitely an interesting experience. A bear hand would come out of hole in the wall and give us candy and a coin to put in a gacha machine and it would also play rock paper scissor with us.
Next stop was Hedgehog cafe which i wouldnt recommend only because I learned later that hedgehogs are nocturnal and they were sleeping most of the time we were there. We ended up leaving early because there was not much to do as we felt bad disturbing the little guys.
Afterwards we visited the Kiddyland store and I enjoyed the studio ghibli section but they also had kirby, pokemon, and sanrio merchandise.
Teamlabs
Next we took a train to team labs, we got there early but we had to wait until it was closer to our reservation time before we could line up. After getting inside we had to put our shoes and backpacks in lockers so we could go through the water exhibition first. They offer shorts if you are wearing dresses as some of the exhibitions have mirror floors. I wasnt too into the water exhibition but I did like the lights exhibition and flower exhibition the best. Overall it was a cool experience and I got some amazing photos out of it.
Shibuya sky
Lastly we went to shibuya sky. We also couldn't get inside until our reservation time started. The elevator ride up was pretty cool as they played a video on the ceiling. They have some restaurants and cafes near the top, I wish I came earlier to try them but we were so tired I didnt want to stay too long. The top of shibuya sky was outside and it was cold (i wish i brought a sweater) but it was incredibly beautiful, especially at night. It's a nice place to relax and look at views. This was probably my favorite sky building out of the three i went (shibuya sky, umeda sky, and tokyo skytree).
Wednesday May 17: Nagoya-Ghibli Park
Ghibli park
We left early morning to get on the train and avoid morning rush hour. We ended up taking the Nozomi train to Nagoya. We bought our shinkansen tickets at the JR ticket booth. We recommend reserving seats as its only a couple yen more and gives you peace of mind knowing you get to choose your seats. We also grabbed some ekibens which were delicious, my favorite was the blue one with mt. fuji on it. Next we had to take a bus to ghibli park which was actually very hard to find. We had to ask for help to find it. To pay for the bus, you can use a suica card or yen to pay as you board the bus.
We arrived super early, and put some of our bags in the lockers. We went to lawsons nearby and bought a ghibli park book which features the exhibitions inside. We walked around the park a bit before we were allowed to start lining up for our reservation times. There are also no trash cans at ghibli park so make sure you bring a trash bag with you to take all your trash back with you.
Around 12pm we went inside and went straight to the first exhibition (Becoming characters in Memorable Ghibli scenes) and there was already a line to get in. Once we got in we took pictures with Noface from spirited away, ponyo, princess mononoke scene, and many more movie scenes.
The next exhibition we went to was the food exhibition (Delicious! Animating Memorable Meals). You can't take pictures in that area but it was cool to be able to interact in the kitchen spaces from your favorite movie scenes. Also, in the end of this exhibition, you can take pictures with totoro and the cat bus!
We visited the ghibli store next because I heard the lines can get rather long at the end of the day and I bought some merchandise from there.
Afterwards, we took pictures at the central staircase, the castle in the sky scene, and the scene with Yubaba.
Next, we took the elevator down to the bottom floor and took pictures in the arietty scenes, it was cool feeling so tiny while everything was supersized!
Lastly we went to the bakery to get some sandwiches. Unfortunately, the food does sell out and there were not a lot of choices left by the time we got there. The food we got was okay but nothing special.
Osaka: Ichiran ramen
After Ghibli park we took the train to Osaka. In Osaka, we lined up to get into Ichiran ramen. We ordered our ramen through a vending machine and it gave us our ticket to give to our server. We were seated in these small cubicle areas but we were also able to close the partition in between us so my boyfriend and I could share our table space together. I thought it was a unique dining experience; it was cool not having to say a single word to our server, and the food was also delicious too.
Thursday May 18: Osaka-Universal Studios Japan
Got to USJ an hour before it opened and there were still super long lines! As the gates opened up, we ran to nintendoland to make sure we got in. We went to toadstool cafe to get ticket reservations but they didn't open until 9am so we decided to take the single rider line for the mario kart ride, it was a bad idea. For some reason the single rider line still took us 30 minutes to complete and it felt like it was going slower than the regular lines. The mario kart ride was cool, it used like a VR headset and you were able to shoot shells at others but I really didn't understand what was going on.
Toadstool cafe
We went back to toadstool but all the tickets were gone, I tried talking to one of the workers if they would offer tickets later but I don't think he understood what i was saying. He actually just let me in the line after I asked a few times if they had anymore tickets for the afternoon. After waiting in line and ordering, we grabbed our drinks and table number and sat down at our table. The drinks were delicious! Definitely recommend. We also ordered some kind of mushroom pesto soup and it was bomb! We recommend that too since they don't offer it in the California Universal. We also got peaches cake for like $30 which is supposed to be for 4 people but just the 2 of us ate it. It was light and fluffy and we recommend getting it as they also dont offer it in the California Universal. The staff also came by and offered to take pics of us which was so nice.
Next we bought the limited edition wrist bands and started playing some of the mini games. We played about 3 games before we decided to leave nintendo land and check out the other areas because we also bought a reserved time to get back into nintendoland to use our fastpass for the yoshi ride.
We had a fastpass for the Jurassic park ride so we went on that next. Make sure you are prepared to get wet cause you will get soaked at the end. Then we went to Hogwarts and watched some of the shows they offered and grabbed a meatpie. We didn't stay long here as we have already been to Hogwarts in california. Next we got in line for the mario strawberry shortcake pancake and it was delicious light and fluffy! I think we also had a fastpass ride for jaws and that ride was actually really cooler than I expected . The next fastpass ride was for despicable me ride so we did that one too and it was actually better than the california version. And lastly we went back to nintendoland to use our reservation time and our fastpass for the yoshi ride. It was a cute slow ride but it had nice views of the park. I enjoyed it even though it was a kiddy ride. Lastly, we had the yakisoba shells and melon lassi and both were delicious
By this time our feet were so sore from walking for days so we left early to go rest at our hotel. I ended up being so sore and tired I just knocked out early. My boyfriend bought Lions Foot Patches from Lawson and put them on my feet while i slept. They felt so nice and cool on my feet. I recommed getting those foot patches while you're in japan.
We woke up for a late dinner and got some nearby mcdonalds. I'm not a fan of mcdonalds in the US but i wanted to try japan's mcdonalds to see if its better. I honestly didn't like the Japan Mcdonalds either even though it does taste different, I'm not sure what the hype is about with the japanese mcdonalds. I found that japan's convenience store chicken was much juicer and tasted better than the mcdonalds chicken.
Friday May 19: Kyoto-Fushimi Inari Taisha, Nishiki market, Ninenzaka
Fushimi inari taisha shrine
We got to the shrine early, maybe around 7am,and it was not very crowded but there were still people there. It was raining a bit so luckily i brought my umbrella, unfortunately my boyfriend did not, this would haunt him later. We took a picture of a map to see which way to go to reach the top as there are different routes you can take. It was a gradual climb up but my boyfriend really struggled as his feet still hurt from the days before. The gates were beautiful and there were so many areas to look at and explore as we climbed. Unfortunately my boyfriend was tired and we were in a time crunch so we didn't explore every area but I wish I could have because this was the most beautiful place I had visited in Japan. As we neared the top it started to rain more heavily and my boyfriend ended up getting soaked. The top of the shrine was anticlimactic, but we took our picture and headed back down. On our way we stopped by the little stores and bought an umbrella for my boyfriend which we were thankful they had some. As we went down the steps in the rain, my boyfriend accidentally slipped and fell on his back pretty badly. He ended up with a deep gash on his finger as the blood gushed all over the floor. Luckily I had some tissues to wrap up his finger. We headed back down the mountain and bought some bandaids at a conbini store. We also bought some strawberry daifuku at a small little shop and it was the best daifuku I ate in Japan. The mochi was a great consistency and the strawberry was the juiciest strawberry i ever had. I wish i had bought more from there.
Nishiki market
We went to Nishiki market around 11am and it was super crowded while the path was so small and narrow. We literally had to push through the crowds at times because there were so many people, it was not a fun time for me. I also ended up losing my suica card somewhere around there. I'm also not the biggest fan of seafood but my boyfriend is so he ended up eating most of the food. We ended up not staying long for all those reasons and ended up going to a nearby store that sold all kinds of different food which I liked a lot better because there weren't crowds of people there.
Ninenzaka
Next we walked to Ninenzaka which was like a 30 minute walk. It was still raining so we were just looking for a place to stop and eat for a bit. We went to Kudamono cafe and got the cloud dessert. It was pretty good and fluffy and the dessert looked so pretty. Afterwards, we had room for more dessert so we tried Maccha house. We ordered the matcha tiramisu and the parfait. The matcha tiramisu was probably the best dessert i had in Japan, I definitely recommend getting it! We also visited Donguri and bought more totoro merchandise. At this point, my boyfriend was so tired and soaked from the rain we decided to go back to the hotel. We took the bus this time and it was packed! We had to push people just to get out.
Saturday May 20: Kyoto, Nara, Osaka
Kyoto:
Arashiyama bamboo forest
We got to the bamboo forest early at 7am, there were a few people there but not too many like later in the day. I recommend going super early to beat the crowds. The bamboo forest was super short but it was still a cool area to check out and plus there are many things to do around the area. We walked to a nearby park next to a big river and the views were absolutely gorgeous! Kyoto is really breathtaking. After walking a while and checking out the scenery we headed back to the bamboo forest to board the Sagano Romantic Train.
Sagano Romantic Train
We had reserved seats for the Sagano Romantic Train and the views from the train were amazing! Get there early because you might have to do some minor paperwork stuff to print out your ticket if you reserved in advance. The reserved seating we had was in a train with no glass windows so you can just feel the air rushing through your hair as the train moves. Truly it was a memorable and fun experience with a lot of breathtaking nature views. After coming back to our initial departure spot on the train, we left for Monkey Park.
Monkey Park
We rushed over to Monkey park and by this time the streets of kyoto became much crowded as we had to dodge pedestrians left and right. We paid a fee to get into the monkey park and hiked our way up to the park, there were a couple benches to take rest if needed. At the top, you can see monkeys running around and playing with one another. We went inside a little building where you can buy food for the monkeys and feed them through windows covered with a mesh net. We didnt stay long as we had a full schedule planned for the day so we left to go catch a train to Nara but we did eat some amazing street food on the way. I don't know why but the street food in Kyoto was so delicious, the best I had in Japan probably.
Nara:
Nakatanidou
We arrived at Nara from the trains and went straight to Nakatanidou for some mochi and it was packed with people! It was even hard trying to get a space to watch them make the mochis. It was cool to experience the mochi making and to taste the mochi but I probably wouldn't go back there again because of the crowds.
Nara Park
After the mochis, we walked to Nara park and it was amazing! There were so many deers and they were so friendly and polite! This was my favorite part of nara for sure. For a few yen, we bought some crackers and found some deers that would bow everytime they wanted a cracker, it was too cute. The deers were literally everywhere, on the streets and even at temples.
Shrines
There were lots of shrines around the area but we came pretty late so most of them were closing up but the ones we did see were pretty neat to look at. We also ate some udon at a little restaurant next to a small lake, the views of the lake were amazing from inside the restaurant.
Osaka:
After Nara, we came back to Osaka and the streets were so crowded at night. I tried shopping at don quixote but there were just to many people to weave through that I just decide to give up and try a 10 yen cheese bread near the store. The line was kind of long but I decided to try it out, it was actually really big, not that good, and made my stomach hurt. I would not be getting that again haha
Matsusakagyu Yakiniku Restaurant
My boyfriend had reserved this place for Thursday but we were so tired that day that we decided to cancel our reservation. We decided to try to go in person on this day to see if we could get in. We were lucky that they had a spot available and we ordered a platter of A5 wagyu beef for more than $100 US dollar. Im not really a meat person but the beef was very tender and delicious and the service was very good. They took pictures of me and my boyfriend and gave me free ice cream for my birthday.
Sunday May 21: Tokyo-Joypolis, Akihabara, skytree
Joypolis
The next morning we took the Nozumi back to Tokyo and headed straight to joypolis. We got tickets that allowed us to go on pretty much any ride there. Joypolis was small but had some interesting and unique rides and attractions. My favorite was the rhythm rollercoaster where you play rhythm games on a small roller coaster. We also played a VR Laser tag which was actually pretty fun even though I dont really play VR. There was an Attack on Titan walkthrough attraction that was completely in Japanese so I didnt understand any of it but it had some very cool props inside. The other interesting attraction was a scary house, where you have to get into these lockers and a girl comes and bangs on them and then the lockers flip you back horizontally. It wasnt that scary but it was pretty unique.
Akihabara
Next we went to Akihabara just to check out but we were actually super tired so we didnt stay long. We went to a couple stores but to be honest it was actually kind of boring as I am no longer as into anime as I was when I was a kid so we ended leaving akihabara fairly quickly.
Tokyo Skytree
Instead of going to akihabara I kind of wish I just went to the tokyo skytree shopping area because there was so much cool things to do there! They have a pokemon center, a kirby cafe, studio ghibli shop, and so many stores to shop or restaurants to eat at! We also went to the top of skytree but it honestly wasnt worth the money as the very top didnt have that much stuff and we just had to wait in these super long lines to get both up and down the skytree. After the skytree, we found a yakitori spot and ate some beef skewers which were delicious. We wished we went restaurant hopping more as there were just so many places to eat in this area.
Monday May 22: Ueno Park and Departure
Ueno park
Before we left to the airport, we visited Ueno park which was only a few blocks away from our hotel. It had a beautiful lake which was covered with some sort of lily pads. The park was pretty big and it was nice just walking around the area.
Life Mart
We decided to stop at Life Mart to get some food before we left to the airport. The Meat was so delicious and was so cheap, and it had different options from conbinis. We took train back to Narita Airport, this train I think you have to reserve in advance.
Narita airport
Going back through immigrations and customs and tsa was super easy and fast. We recommended getting lunch or snack early because there were pretty long lines as our departure time approached.
We also bought Tokyo Banana for souvenir snacks to bring back to our families, its very delicious!
For pictures of my trip you can take a look at my Instagram: martha_o93
https://www.instagram.com/martha_o93/
In the end, visiting Japan was better than I could ever imagine and I just cant wait to go back! Please let me know what your favorite parts of Japan are and what other areas in Japan I must check out!

Alright y'all... here's the final piece. It's 15 Google Docs pages, so it's a long one. If you don't want to read and are wondering what the takeaway is, it's this: Jenelle has so many different health "issues" that have popped up and disappeared over the last 10+ years, received diagnoses for some, has had tests done for most, and has ultimately ignored all of it. Sometimes she focuses on her esophagus. Sometimes it's her neck cracking. Sometimes it's her lungs. Sometimes it's her bloodwork. Sometimes it's her hemangiomas. Nowhere in any of the testing, medications, unofficial or official diagnoses is there a solution she's happy with. It never ends, and it never will. I'll eat a very tall sandwich if she ever announces (another) official diagnosis that explains all of her ailments (not necessarily one blanket one) and demonstrates treatment or lifestyle changes that she's making to try to make herself feel better.
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January 2022 - Posts a TikTok video saying she’s been taking things easy lately and has lost her spark and motivation because of her health issues. She says, “I’ve recently been diagnosed with two tumors in my spine, and they recently found out that I also have a tumor in my neck, which hurts pretty bad. We don’t know what we’re doing about this yet, but I’ve just been in a lot of pain lately. My neck is just killing me.” She hashtags the video "syringomyelia," "hemangioma," and "spinetumor." In another video, she says these tumors are different than the cysts she’s previously mentioned and lists out what she has: cysts in her spine and head, two small tumors on her vertebrae and “thoratic” spine, another tumor at C3 in her neck, called hemangiomas. More on that in a bit.
January 2, 2022 - Posts a TikTok response to a comment that said, “I have a cyst on my brain. Actually, a lot of people do. They call them ‘don’t bother me cysts’ because they are so common. Your absolutely fine.” Sarcastically, Jenelle says, “You know what you’re so right; it doesn’t cause any issues until you go paralyzed or can’t hold your bowels anymore or have left arm weakness like I do, or have a nerve study done and show left side weakness in your body.” She says we shouldn’t compare whos worse and that it’s not a competition, and wants to clarify that she has cysts and tumors. She says cysts elsewhere aren’t a big issue, but they are when they’re on your spine. “Just use Google.” She points out that the video is shaking and says it’s because of weakness in her hands. She says the commenter is right that they won’t do anything about it until the symptoms get worse.
Posts another response to a different comment that says, “I know it’s been a long road to this discovery. Can you share with us the journey such as exams they had to conduct to find these tumors?” Jenelle says every time you get an MRI/CT scan done, you should ask for the image disk and bring it with you to every doctor you go to, as long as it has a diagnosis. She shows a picture of her “thoratic” spine and points out two little tumors and a cyst. She shows the MRI of her sinuses and shows us that cyst. She says she got another MRI that she doesn’t have the image disk for, but it showed she had another hemangioma.
January 5, 2022 - Posts a TikTok with someone else’s audio that says, “how do you know you can’t OD on cannabis? Because I try! I try every fucking day Barbara.” It could be argued she only posted this because her mom’s name is Barbara, but her cannabis addiction is well documented.
January 6, 2022 - Posts a dancing TikTok and a commenter says, “That’s good for the back.” She responds, “Staying positive and dancing until I can’t anymore.”
January 8, 2022 - Says in a TikTok comment that she was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and just has anxiety.
January 12, 2022 - Posts a TikTok with the caption “When your husband asks if he got you sick,” and the audio says, “Umm… yeah.”
Random thoughts YT January 2022 - talks about her implants and says, “They say to get them redone every 10 years, but I don’t have any problems right now.” She says she asked 2 different doctors, and both told her that she has so many other health issues that they don’t think she has BII and aren’t concerned about it.
January 2022 - Seventh video, with footage starting in October and going through January. It’s been six months since she found out about the cyst. Her back hurts really bad, yet still went on a fair ride (which made her nauseous, despite her “never” having motion sickness before). She has nerve pain in her shoulders, back, and ribs. Headache, neck cracking, ear popping, feels like she can’t breathe. She Googled what she shouldn’t be doing: no trampolines, no scuba diving (“which I’m certified in scuba diving, so that really sucks”), and no roller coaster riding. So. ENT said to see the neurologist again; the neurologist suggests seeing a new ENT. The neurologist assumes the neck cracking isn’t caused by the cyst. Goes back to the neurosurgeon - they’re going to repeat the MRI and look for any changes. The results show it’s getting longer but is the same width. Mentions her heat issues again; she’s getting red patches on her chest and breaking out and itching when she’s in the sun. She says she’s getting neck tightness, extreme pressure headaches, and blood pressure rising when she stands up and sits down. The doctor suggests an MRI of her neck. Now claims arm & fingertip numbness. Refers to her cysts as tumors, benign vertebrae tumors, and hemangiomas. The neurosurgeon suggests pain management, but she wants to try herbal remedies and some fruit that cures cancer. The neurosurgeon says the hemangioma is fine and that her neck is normal. Jenelle suggests she may have thoracic outlet syndrome. She thought her neck was cracking due to the hemangioma, but the doctor tells her that wouldn’t cause the neck cracking. She has an EMG scheduled and will get a blood study done to detect her blood circulation.
February 2, 2022 - Posts a negative review for another doctor on Facebook. She says she was told by the PA to “go to the ER if you become paralyzed or lose bowel movements due to the cyst in your spine.” She was referred elsewhere for TOS syndrome (thoracic outlet syndrome). She says she’s been crying for months about her problems, and the practice didn’t care to look into it further when her problems are “very apparent” on her MRIs. She doesn’t recommend this office and ends the review with, “Not to mention my cyst in my spine is growing in length 1mm per month.”
This same day, someone comments on a TikTok video asking how her back is doing. She responds by saying, “Lots of pain, and my neck always cracks but waiting on second opinions.”
February 8, 2022 - Posts a TikTok with the caption “Nerve Study Day” with star emojis. She starts her voiceover by saying, “Time for another dottor’s appointment.” She explains the nerve study tests her nerve impulses with shocks and acupuncture pokes. She says, “Don’t worry, I wore a mask, I was sick.” She says she felt like shit after and took a bath and then laid down after because she had a bad headache. She had to help Kaiser with homework, though, because being a mom doesn’t stop. Ate dinner but still didn’t feel well, so she went to sleep.
February 2022 - Eighth video. Got a new opinion from a new neurologist who sent her for another MRI and a nerve study. Claims her symptoms have gotten worse. Says her cervical MRI was at C3, C5, C6, & C7. She has a hemangioma in her neck, degenerative disc disease, and a disc bulge. The thoracic MRI showed T7, T8, & T9 - has a syrinx & hemangiomas there. And the cyst in her sinus. Says her thumb on her left side is losing grip, and her arm doesn’t feel like it’s attached to her body. Her brain pain has been getting worse and worse. Claims the new doctor says it’s weird no one is doing anything. She looked at her CT myelogram scan from 2021 and says spondylosis is her new diagnosis and that the neurologist didn’t tell her about it. Her neck has been cracking even louder - she’s being referred to another neurosurgeon for her spine cyst. She’s going to have her lungs checked for more cysts. After the nerve study, says she has problems at C6 in her spine and is waiting for the neurologist to look at the results. She has had nerve pain in her arm and back since the study, as well as double vision.
February 20, 2022 - Posts a TikTok about her health and mentions she will get checked for ALS and has been crying a lot. She’s getting all of her tests redone and her nerve study redone. She says she’s having trouble breathing, and since she has cysts “popping up everywhere,” they want to check to see if they’re also on her lungs. She hashtags the video “ALSAwareness” and “PrayersNeeded.” Responding to comments, she says, “Yeah, I asked my doc about MS, and she said nope, I don’t have that based on my brain MRI” and “I wish I did have MS and not ALS… but she said she looked at my brain MRI and there were no lesions.” Someone comments that the shaky hands and poor thumb grip could be caused by phone use and gaming controllers, but Jenelle says, “No… I’ve had a nerve study to prove weakness. I am having atrophy in my thumb. My thumb is losing muscle.”
February 23, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story selfie from a doctor’s office captioned “Good news but bad news… blood work is normal”
February 24, 2022 - Posts a TikTok captioned “freaking out on the inside” and “Life tough at the moment :( #NerveStudy.” She says she had to get another nerve study done because the other person who did it wasn’t her doctor’s office. She shows us her medical shorts and her laughing at herself but says she was “tearing up.” She says the electricity part was good but waited on needles. She shows us the equipment they used. Then she shows us herself crying when she got home because she had such bad nerve pain and then went to bed. A comment asks what she takes for the nerve pain, and she says, “Hot baths.” Another asks if she has fibromyalgia, and she says, “Nope.”
March 6, 2022 - Asked in the comments on a TikTok video how she’s been feeling and when she’s going to the doctor again. She responds, “Thanks for asking! Have a lot of double vision, neck pain, and headaches everyday.. Going this week for my check up.”
March 10, 2022 - Posts on Instagram that she has a diagnosis. The next day she sold the story to E! News and said she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. From the article: “For as long as I can remember, I would get extremely bad tension headaches and full body aches - like I had the flu, but was not sick. My entire body gets in so much pain, and sometimes I lay in bed and cry.” She says, “Living life every day is challenging because of having only a little bit of energy to be able to get my work done and then having to go to bed early due to headaches or body aches.” She claims to be changing her diet to manage her symptoms.
March 11, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story that says, “I’m still so sad. Even tho I have a diagnosis… still doesn’t explain my neck cracking, double vision, and throat pain. I feel so hopeless. Something is def wrong with my neck, and it’s severely tight 24/7.”
March 12, 2022 - Posts a TikTok captioned “Hiii #LungCheckup #HealthUpdate #fibromyalgia.” She says she hasn’t been feeling good and took a break from TikTok for a few days. She shares her diagnosis and says she told her neurologist a few months ago that she couldn’t breathe, so she had a checkup with a lung doctor. They did a FeNO test on her, and her score was abnormally low, like “way too low.” She exclaims it measures the nitric oxide that you exhale on your breath. She’s now been prescribed an inhaler, nitroglycerin for her esophagus spasms, and a full lung checkup. She was going to skip her lung appointment, but good thing she didn’t! A quick Google search tells us that a high FeNO score is when you should be concerned.
March 13, 2022 - Posts a TikTok showing off weed merch someone sent her. In the comments, someone asks, “But do you think smoking is contributing to your lung problems? Hope you get answers soon!” Jenelle responds and says, “.....yeah I know :( but thank you.”
Same day - Posts a TikTok discussing her health, and in the comments, someone says one of her results can indicate a certain type of asthma. She responds, “or COPD, anemic, cystic fibrosis, etc. lots of issues.”
March 14, 2022 - A commenter on TikTok says, “My boyfriend rolls his eyes when I tell him my health issues.” Jenelle responds, “David does too.”
Same day - A commenter asks why she doesn’t feel good, and she replies, “The middle of my chest has been hurting for days extremely bad.”
March 16, 2022 - She posts a video captioned “Peak Flow Meter - Lung Reading” and starts it off by saying, “This is your sign to get your lungs checked.” She said she just woke up and has been told to keep a diary of how her lung function is and is going to see how good it is based on her age and height. She blows into the device for about a second and coughs afterward, gasping for breath. She shows us her level is at 410, and for her height and age, it should be at 475. She says she has the lungs of a 70-year-old. She’s going to continue to do readings 3 times a day and report back to her lung doctor. In the comments, she mentions her average is 400. There are multiple comments telling her the correct way to administer this test and that she’s doing it wrong.
She posts a second video responding to a comment telling her to stand up straight, take a big deep breath and blow out as fast and hard as she can. She does it three times and shows it’s 410 each time. Someone comments, asking if she’s sure it’s not stuck, and asks if she quit smoking. She responds, “I’m going to try breathing exercises.”
March 17, 2022 - Posts a video in response to a comment saying, “I thought you said you had a stiff neck and couldn’t breathe?” She’s lipsyncing to Eminem’s “Hailies Song,” specifically the lyrics “I act like shit don’t phase me, inside it drives me crazy. My insecurities could eat me alive.”
March 20, 2022 - Makes a video responding to a comment saying, “Whatever treatment plan your doctor has you on must really be working. You went from uncontrollable neck pain to this in no time at all.” Jenelle says she’s not going to be the most depressed bitch on this app every single day and is going to show us good and bad days. She says some people are in pain more than others. She says she’s been up since 1 in the morning because of her esophageal spasms, feeling like she has a heart attack. She’s not going to film herself every single time she feels like shit. There’s no treatment plan because they don’t know what’s going on. The only treatment plan she has is for her esophagus. She’s going to dance until she can’t no more.
March 26, 2022 - Makes a video with the caption, “I’ll give y’all more of an update soon. If you see bruises on my arms… you know why #myastheniagravis.” She’s crying and breathing heavily and captions herself saying her chest hurts. The text on the video says, “2 months ago: can’t breathe when waking up.” A clip of her in the bath says, “Tried to relax and rest since this began.” Posts a clip of herself in the ER that says, “2 days ago: hospitalized for extreme chest pain and difficulty breathing” and shows off her IV and pulls down her gown to show the monitors taped to her chest. The first clip is taken at 3:05 PM, and the second is taken at 3:49 PM. This one says, “Recently had 2 antibodies related to Myasthenia Gravis show up on blood tests.” Another says, “Had 2 EKGs, they stuck me 4 times for blood, stuck me 2 more for IVs, chest x-ray, CT scan,” and shows off all of her taped IV/blood draw locations. She posts another clip in the hallway outside of the x-ray room that says, “My blood clotting test came back high, but they said images looked ok.” We got a full picture of her IV in her arm that says, “resting for now but following up with neurologist ASAP”
March 27, 2022 - A commenter on TikTok mentions that weight gain can affect her mobility and says it happened to someone they know. Jenelle responds, “I can’t hardly walk 5ft without my legs burning like I’m doing squats, but I have been trying to take walks around my land lately.”
March 28, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story of someone else’s video explaining Epstein-Barr and Jenelle captions it “Yes, I do have Epstein Barr nuclear in my system too lol. This is crazy to think about yall… I had mono in middle school and was hospitalized for it (mind blown emoji)”
April 3, 2022 - Posts on her (shortly thereafter) defunct blog that she’s switching to wine from beer. She says, “With all my health issues happening my stomach and esophagus have not been agreeing with me. Since possibly having Myasthenia Gravis, there’s a huge diet and foods to avoid that can trigger GI symptoms and/or problems.” She claims that “Since switching to wine, my stomach has been a lot calmer, and my burping also has decreased significantly! Super happy I’m making healthier choices for myself.”
April 4, 2022 - Posts a video making and eating a homemade breakfast sandwich (English muffin, bacon, eggs, mayo).
April 26, 2022 - Shows her coffee order again - trenta iced coffee with vanilla sweet cream cold foam, classic syrup, and sweet cream.
May 2, 2022 - In an Instagram Q&A, she's asked how she’s doing lately and asked for health updates. She responds, “Health? It’s put on hold until June when I see my new neuromuscular doctor.”
Mid May 2022 - Starts her OnlyFans.
June 3, 2022 - Posts a picture in her pool exposing her entire rump and captions it “Summer tip: Idk why but switching from beer to wine has shrunk my stomach sooo much!”
June 3, 2022 - Posts a TikTok response to a comment that said, “weren’t you almost paralyzed a month ago? It’s a miracle you’ve recovered.” She says you can’t recover from a cyst in your spine. She says she needs an MRI check up to see how long it’s gotten. She clarified that she said she could go paralyzed any day now. “If I go paralyzed or lose any bowel movements without trying, then I have to immediately go to the hospital and get emergency surgery. So yeah, really, I’m like a ticking time bomb over here, just waiting to give up, I guess you can say. So next week, I’ll be going to see my new neuromuscular doctor. Still have a lot more genetic testing to do and blood work, so we’ll see what’s going on, but they’re thinking an autoimmune disease.” She hashtags it “syringomyelia” and “syringomyeliaawareness.” She also clarifies that she’s leaving health content on the back burner until she has answers.
June 7, 2022 - Posts a video once again showing her scans of her spine and sinuses. She hashtags this one “syringomyelia,” “sphiehemangioma,” and “sinuscyst.”
End of June 2022 - She and David go to St. Thomas. In the Youtube vlog she posts, she explains she’s wearing a portable fan around her neck to help cool her down since her various illnesses make her sweat/hot. In the airport, she mentions she’s relieved that she’s “so far not sick,” or in other words, not experiencing esophagus spasms. Once they land, she tells us she didn’t get sick on the flight.
June 26, 2022 - Posts a TikTok explaining the wearable fan more. She says she’s been having an overheating issue and that her face has been red, so if she looks burnt, she isn’t. Nevermind the fact that she posted pictures of herself extremely burnt from their vacation.
July 1, 2022 - Posts a video of her on an alpine coaster.
July 4, 2022 - Takes the kids on a trip to the mountains. Posts TikToks over the week of herself hiking and reaching the top of a lookout point. No health mentions.
July 22, 2022 - Posts about her Invisalign. Responds to a comment saying her jaw and teeth hurt and that she has headaches at night.
August 9, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story selfie showing a heart monitor taped to her chest and captions it “Heart monitor for 48 hours :(. This is following up from a high D Dimer test.”
August 10, 2022 - Posts a health update to TikTok. She reminds us she went to the ER in March and that while she was there, she had a high D Dimer test. The text on the screen says, “also had abnormal ECG in ER, sinus brachycardia (sic), & sinus arrhythmia.” She explains D Dimer tests are for blood clots or heart disease. They saw she didn’t have a blood clot and that her “lungs were fine” but told her to follow up with her doctor. She says the chest pain has been on and off for the last 3 months so she’s been ignoring it. She finally got ahold of her primary care doctor, who told her the chest pain is still happening, told her about the test results, and got a referral to a cardiologist. She shows us the heart monitor she has to wear for the next 48 hours (her exact words are, “so now, I’m on a chest monitor for the next 48 hours”) and says she has a heart ultrasound tomorrow and a stress test in September.
August 11, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story that says, “I told the tech ‘I feel like it might be stress from my kids but idk…’ She said ‘no you’re not crazy when it comes to your pain, I see it happening right here.’”
August 24, 2022 - In another Instagram Q&A she’s asked how her health is going. She says, “Just taking things easy and trying to stay stress free but waiting on test results from my cardiologist still and stress test next month.”
August 31, 2022 - Takes a big bite from a tall sandwich.
September 27, 2022 - Posts on Instagram/TikTok that they’re flying to Bar Harbor for their “honeymoon.” No mention of esophageal spasms on the plane. On this trip, she completes the Beehive Summit hike in Acadia National Park. She also showed us when she took a ginormous bite of a lobster roll and a breakfast sandwich.
October 1, 2022 - Rants about her golf cart that broke. Explains that she needs the golf cart so she doesn’t have to “break her back” “running” to the kids. No mention of mobility issues or because of her illnesses. Does mention her life was at risk since the brakes went out.
October 16, 2022 - Buys herself & David new dirtbikes. Bought herself two - one that is too big and powerful for her to ride yet and another that is more manageable for her.
October 19, 2022 - Posts a TikTok about getting mono in middle school. She explains her throat was so swollen and inflamed that she went to the hospital and was admitted. She had IV steroids. Said her body “could not handle” mono and that she was severely sick. She says mono is REALLY severe and that it is the Epstein-Barr virus. She’s “stitching” someone else’s video and references it when she says that E-B can cause so many other diseases when you’re older without you realizing it. There are 3 blood tests that can see if you actively have E-B. Jenelle says it’s crazy to think it can cause all these health issues. She says she can’t breathe and has bad mucus problems lately in the morning. She’s on an inhaler and seeing her lung doctor. They’re going to do a “bronoscopy” and she’s really scared. She tells people she thinks all of her health issues are from E-B. She must’ve forgotten she already explored this avenue in March. And in August of 2021.
October 26, 2022 - Posts a TikTok that says, “My stomach feeling great… but then… *warning triangle emoji* Esophagus Spams *warning triangle emoji*” and the video of her like errors out? The audio that goes with it says, “Everyone underestimates me but then…. *error noise*” so this is a trend that Jenelle is jumping on to make her esophagus spasms relevant again.
November 2, 2022 - Posts a selfie to her Instagram stories and captions it “sick with the flu..”
November 8, 2022 - Posts a selfie and captions it “In bed today, feeling bad AF. Had 4 lung biopsies yesterday and SO sore :(“
Same day posts a TikTok saying, “y’all have you ever had a bronchoscopy where they stick the camera down into your lungs and they take biopsies?” and tells us she had 4 biopsies done yesterday. She’s lying down with her heating blanket and says she feels sore on the inside. She asks again if we’ve ever had it done before, again. She says she had one taken on her voicebox as well, so 4 lung biopsies and that. They did something to her right lung and they cleaned it out with saline water. She says she’ll get results this week. She has mucus built up in her system, and they don’t know why. She captions it, “I can’t stand this #lungbiopsyrecovery”
She got her hair done for 4 hours the next day.
November 12, 2022 - Posts on her Instagram stories, “Connecting the dots with my health issues. One more blood test, hopefully that’s it. :(“
November 14, 2022 - Posts a TikTok of her using her inhaler. The caption says “#Combivent Inhaler hopefully some of my mucus production is cut down” She’s making goofy faces while she puts her inhaler together and looks giddy to have an actual physical toy to play with.
November 17, 2022 - David posts a picture of them and captions it “Yall pray for my beautiful wife, she has been pretty sick lately”
November 17, 2022 - Posts an Instagram story “Y’all, Predisone (sic) is working wonders right now for my entire body, thank god! #Grateful”
November 27, 2022 - Takes the kids to the mountains for Thanksgiving.
November 28, 2022 - Went tubing in the snow. Snow tubing?
December 2, 2022 - Posts on Facebook “Sorry if I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve been in so much pain with my health. Not feeling good enough to make any content.”
December 9, 2022 - Says she lost 20 lbs without trying and thinks it’s from health issues. She says she’s had a harder time eating and is eating smaller meals. She then goes on to explain how she’s been losing weight and says, “So if you’re wondering how I’m losing weight: smaller meals, eating healthier, cutting out fast food.”
December 15, 2022 - Posts on Instagram “If I could find the smartest doctor on this planet, that would be fantastic.”
December 19, 2022 - Her birthday. She and David fight, she calls him a “narcissistic asshole” and took off her wedding ring. Two days later, posts a TikTok and claims the argument was about luggage. There’s speculation this fight was drug related. In her TikTok defending their argument, her pupils are huge. They’re at the mountains with the kids when all of this is going on. She posts another video saying she has PTSD from past relationships and always assumes David’s cheating because she’s been cheated on in the past. She asks if she’s the only one that experiences this.
December 26, 2022 - Posts a selfie and captions it “I think I’m sick FML”
December 28, 2022 - Posts another selfie and captions it “Still sick AF. Yeah.. y’all are right I’m always sick idk why”
January 10, 2023 - Posts a video eating a chia bowl and captions it “Happy dance after fasting for 12 hours.” She has what looks like a blood draw wrap around her arm. In the comments someone asks if it helps and she says she’s doing it for blood work.
January 12, 2023 - Posts a picture of a digestive system poster from a doctor’s office and captions it “FML.”
January 14, 2023 - She and David take a trip to New Orleans. Posts an entire TikTok of what she ate and drank. She takes a giant bite of a crepe. She had 8 alcoholic drinks throughout the day.
January 17, 2023 - Posts on Instagram, “I have mycoplasma pneumoniae” and asks if anyone else has ever suffered from it.
February 2, 2023 - Lipsyncs to a song about smoking weed.
February 4, 2023 - In comments on another video, someone asks if she lost weight, and she responds, “Eating smaller meals, honestly haven’t been trying. I have a hard time eating.”
February 4, 2023 - Posts a TikTok captioned “Weirdest medicine I’ve ever taken! #MethyleneBlue #mycoplasmapneumonia.” She explains she’s trying to figure out her lung problems and says she found out she has long-term pneumonia and has had it for “pretty long.” Her antibodies are pretty high. Treatment is antibiotics for three months, then retesting her antibodies. She calls methylene blue her other medicine/treatment and says it’s an antioxidant if you use a little and if you use a lot it’s anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and boosts serotonin and dopamine. She’s also using a redlight watch that is supposed to kill the bacteria in her veins once the dye is in her system. She claims in the comments this was all prescribed by her doctor.
That same day she posts another TikTok where she says she’s been seeing a functional medicine doctor out of Nashville that she found on YouTube. She had one video call visit and said the doctor sent one test to LabCorp and found her diagnosis. She was diagnosed with mycoplasma pneumonia, as mentioned in the previous video, and neutrophilic asthma. He’s who prescribed the methylene blue and wants her to use it with a nebulizer. She says she’s done a lot of research on it and that it has more pros than cons and seems very beneficial. She says she has shortness of breath but is hoping the combination of antibiotics, methylene blue, and redlight therapy will help her feel better in the long run. She’ll let us know how she feels in 3 months. In the comments she claims she wakes up in the morning with panic attacks because of clear mucus.
February 7, 2023 - Answers a question on Instagram from someone asking how her breathing treatment is going and says, “It’s helping a lot! Since I’m gaining back my ability to fully breathe I’m about to sign up at the gym next.”
February 8, 2023 - Posts another video responding to someone’s comment that asks who diagnosed her and says that before she says who it is she wants to make sure that all of her problems are taken care of and that it’s the root cause of her issues. She found out with a blood test. She shows us her results and that her count for mycoplasma pneumonia antibodies is very high. You can see a doctor’s name on the page, which I’ve covered to protect their privacy. She says if this treatment doesn’t work, next to try is IV antibiotics.
February 10, 2023 - Posts another video referencing smoking weed/being high all the time.
February 10, 2023 - Posts a picture of Ensley and says, “She told me she’s sick… idk if she’s lying, off to the doctor we go.”
February 14, 2023 - Answers an Instagram question where someone asks about her health with “Getting much better!”
February 20, 2023 - Posts a picture in gym clothes outside the gym with the caption, “Here’s a cheers to my new journey to lose my ‘Mommy Pouch’ and love handles. Started working out today and it feels great!”
February 23, 2023 - Takes a giant bite of a birria taco.
February 24, 2023 - Posts a TikTok that she captions “#GymDay.” Based on what she’s wearing & her hair, this looks to be from 2/22. She says it’s an arm and chest day. We see the chocolate peanut butter protein shake she gets after and the Epsom salt bath she takes to soothe her muscles from yesterday’s workout.
March 1, 2023 - Posts a TikTok response to a comment that says, “Hope all is well. Miss ya video’s.” She says she’s been in a shitty mood. She thought her health was getting better, it was getting a little better, and she interrupts herself with a big cough. She says she’s finally seeing her new lung doctor and is having a sleep study done, is on a new inhaler, is having old CT scan results looked over, and her mind is “boggled” because she has to redo all of her esophagus tests again because they’re so old. She has to redo the catheter test with it down her nose/throat.
March 13, 2023 - Posts a TikTok with text on it that says, “Won’t be available in 1 week because I have esophagus testing but still drinking this alcohol like I’m A-OK” and captioned “#truth but kidding at the same time.” She says in the comments that it’s a trend. I don’t know or understand the trend, but she said it herself, truth.
March 22, 2023 - She and David take a trip to Key West without the kids.
March 23, 2023 - In response to criticism of her stomach, she says she had three kids, had her appendix removed, and had a hernia repaired. Her last child was born in 2017, her appendix was removed in 2013, and the hernia was repaired in 2018. Her significant weight gain started around 2020 and was unrelated to any of these events.
March 25, 2023 - Posts on Facebook that she had an esophageal spasm episode from deep sea fishing and wants to know if anyone else has experienced this so she can share experiences.
March 26, 2023 - Shows pictures on a TikTok video of how sunburnt she and David both got. She says she used “so much” sunscreen.
March 27, 2023 - Posts a TikTok telling us her seasick story from when they went deep sea fishing. She says they chartered their own boat and were talking about how neither of them had ever experienced seasickness before. She says they have their own 18 ft boat, and she’s never gotten sick on it. She says the waves were super choppy, and they were rocking so hard that her esophagus started acting up. This was around 12:30, and she just laid on the boat until they docked at 6:30. She tells us to be careful if we go deep-sea fishing because we can get seasick. She thinks that’s what happened to her, anyway. In the comments, someone tells her to take Dramamine, and she says it makes her sleepy. Which like, yeah…
April 6, 2023 - Posts on IG “Been MIA for a few days because my breathing isn’t so great and random chest pain as usual. Literally been resting for 3 days now.”
April 9, 2023 - Posts on Facebook “Positive ANA. Maybe there will be answers soon.” Someone responds in the comments that it could mean Lupus or Sjogren’s syndrome and said a rheumatologist can do further testing. Jenelle responds, “yes, being referred. My endo found out for me.”
April 17, 2023 - Posts a TikTok going to get Vitamin B12 injections. She says she has to give them to herself once a week for 4 weeks, then once a month after. Her vitamin D is also low. She went to the store to get syringes and stopped for her usual coffee. She shows us her order, which is now a Trenta iced coffee with no classic syrup, hazelnut syrup, ½ sweet cream, and vanilla sweet cream foam topping. Someone in the comments points out that a doctor on TikTok said those injections are just to make money, and she responded, “well, my vitamin B12 and D is low, and my ANA is positive, which means now I go to see a rheumatologist.”
April 18, 2023 - Posts a TikTok this day and the next day with her catheter in for her acid reflux test. She posted a picture on Instagram where we can see she’s driving 80 mph and captions it, “Going alone to get a procedure done for my esophagus today and I’m really scared. Have no support so any prayers are appreciated.” Through her postings about this procedure, we learn she stayed in a hotel by herself overnight.
In the video from the 19th, in the comments, she says she has a spot on her lung that hurts. The doctor says it’s caused by vaping, but she claims she never vapes. She’s definitely posted videos and pictures of herself with weed vape pens and has been a known weed smoker for over 10 years, as well as smoking cigarettes throughout the years and smoking heroin out of wooden pipes, which she had addressed by a doctor in 2012. Curious if she mentioned that this time. She’s up and down the comments claiming she doesn’t vape weed because that’s illegal where she lives.
April 24, 2023 - She and David travel to Virginia to buy a boat and start their multi-day journey sailing through the ocean back home. She claims she purchased this $57,000 boat with money made on OnlyFans.
April 30, 2023 - Posts on Instagram that they made it back home. Someone commented asking how long until she has esophageal spasms again. Jenelle responded, “I’ve had them the whole time I was gone…”
May 2, 2023 - Not health related but still fun; she posts that the turbos need to be replaced.
May 4, 2023 - Posts on Instagram “Good news: I don’t have acid reflux. Bad news: they still don’t know why I have esophagus spasms”
May 7, 2023 - Posts on Instagram “#HealthUpdate Found out I have thymic hyperplasia and lesions on my liver, and no I don’t have MG like they thought. Don’t know why this is happening. Discussing these results next week with my doc and the next steps.”
May 16, 2023 - On an Instagram Q&A, answers two questions about her health. To the first generally asking how she is, she says, “Seeing my rheumatologist this week for a positive ANA. Maybe I’ll get an answer.” To the second that says, “Any word on your liver results?” she says, “My doctors do not care at all. Told me I’ll get another CT scan in a year to check on that and my thymus.”
May 19, 2023 - Posts on Instagram “#HealthUpdate: My rheumatologist is retesting me for things like arthritis, lupus, etc., for having a positive ANA. Might be referred to another lung specialist soon. We will see what my results show in 2 weeks.”
May 28, 2023 - Answers two more questions in an Instagram Q&A about her health. One asking how she’s doing, she says, “I’m doing good, just not feeling too great lately.” The other asked about her health, she says, “I had DNA testing done and honestly shocked but will share the news soon.”
May 31, 2023 - Posts a TikTok of them taking their smaller boat out onto the Intracoastal Waterway. In Part 1, posted on the 30th, she says she was starting to feel seasick. We learn their “new” boat is still not working.

Coming face to face with people in suits always makes me hyper-aware of how badly I dress. Since I knew I was going to meet up with Mary Markov today, I intentionally put some more effort into my appearance. I picked out a pressed shirt to wear over my leggings. Since it was far too big for me, I threw my wide yellow belt into the mix. Thus satisfied, I called up Elijah Carter and asked whether he wanted to come along. He agreed readily enough so I had him pick me up and drive us over to Mary's office. It was nowhere near the hospital and not in the vicinity of her news channel headquarters either. It was located in a slate gray concrete building that was quite confusing to look at.
No outside observer could have mistaken it for a residential house, for there was hardly a less homely or comfortable place imaginable. It was utterly repellent in its rough, dreary nature. It couldn't have belonged to some kind of business either, though. There were no marked parking spaces for employees, no signs or advertisements. Altogether, it reminded me of something out of a cheap or unfinished video game.
"Sketchy," Eli remarked, eyeing the slab of concrete with a similar lack of enthusiasm. "Looks almost abandoned. How weirdly fitting for a semi-secret government operation."
I nodded. The warm air had taken me by surprise and I found the weight of my jacket suffocating, so I took it off to leave in the car. "What is it?" I asked, noticing the way Elijah squinted at my outfit.
"What are you wearing?"
"Clothes."
"You don't say." He snorted. "Looking kinda funny there, Shirley."
"I look professional," I corrected him.
"I suppose." He grinned to himself. "Depends on the profession, though."
We rang the bell and a highly official-looking security guard let us in through the heavy double doors after confirming that Mary Markov was expecting us. He gave the necessary directions, sending us down several flights of stairs. The better part of the building was in fact underground, like with an iceberg. Eli made a remark about how it'd be safer if outsiders weren’t allowed to roam the place by themselves. It seems to be a habit of his to vaguely analyze and point out flaws in the structures of government institutions. Then again, maybe it's just flaws in general he's fascinated with.
Upon arriving outside Mary's office, we were called inside to find her sitting behind her desk. She lifted her head, giving us a polite, if cold, smile. "Good morning. You're on time. Wonderful."
"Would you please give me an honest appraisal of my outfit?" I asked.
The newsreader frowned in confusion, her eyes briefly roaming my form. "You put effort into your appearance today," she concluded. "It's appreciated."
"Wait, what do you mean today?" I inquired.
"Note also how she did not actually answer your question," Elijah added.
I huffed, flinging myself into one of the chairs in front of Mary's desk. Eli sat down beside me, folding his hands in his lap and leaning back. "Thanks for letting me come with Shirley," he told her.
"Naturally. I assume you're her emotional support human." Mary Markov's lips curled slightly. "At any rate, you had contact with the Collective yourself, so this does concern you. As far as I'm concerned, it can't hurt having an ex-cop in the mix, anyways. Despite the regrettable reasons you had for leaving the force."
Elijah's brows lowered, the muscle in his pronounced jaw twitching. "How do you know about that?"
Mary looked innocent. "It's very important that I'm fully informed, of course. Don't worry. We don't need to go into it, and I don't judge you, either. The effect the incident at that highschool had on you is completely understandable."
"I didn't ask for your assessment." My friend's voice had sharpened. "Can we move on from this?"
"Of course." If the sudden shift in tone had rattled the agent, she wasn't letting it on. Sifting through the neat stack of papers on her desk, she pulled out a thin brown file which she slid over to me. "Miss Shirley, you remember the female member of the Collective we took into custody? She has already been questioned by the local police. Unfortunately, I don't have the authority to lead such an interrogation, but I was present for it and I want you to have this transcript."
I perked up and began leafing through the folder.
"You may take that with you to read in peace," Mary told me. "But don't expect too much, lest you'll be sorely disappointed. The girl hardly said anything at all. The most helpful information she gave us was a name she kept referencing. Jewel. At first, we thought it was a sort of code word, but it seems to be what the other person she was with calls themself."
“Jewel,” I echoed.
“Sadly enough, that’s all we have. We’ve never provided our services to anyone of their physical description. There are a couple clues, but they don’t amount to anything helpful. There’s the fact that you met them at a convenience store with relatively high prices. Maybe I’m just grasping at straws, but that could indicate a cushy financial situation. On top of that, the store is rather far away from here, so they might be an out-of-towner. They also might be able to influence the way others perceive them, considering the way they seemed to hypnotize you in the woods merely by holding eye contact.”
“How come they couldn’t do anything to Frank Preston?”
Mary Markov twinkled at me. “They couldn’t? Huh. That rather intrigues the philosopher in me. Jewel works through eye contact and it is said that the eyes are the window to the soul.” She cocked her head at me.
“Are you saying Blondie doesn’t have a soul?” Eli asked, raising a skeptical brow. “Is this one of those Plato-Schopenhauer-whatevers?”
The newsreader shrugged artfully, watching my reaction. “We could discuss this for hours on end. I only meant to draw attention to the implied distinction between an organically born entity and a being who was originally an inanimate object.”
“I beg your pardon?” I said slowly.
“Oh, nevermind; that’s neither here nor there.” Her tone told me that she did, in fact, consider it to be both here and there. Not wanting to go further into this with her, I made a mental note to ask Frankie later.
“There’s more,” I added, trying to gently prepare her for what I was about to say. “I want to get Kit Sutton back.”
Mary’s lips thinned. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t mean for the town to get flooded in the process. I think we can find a solution to help her, if we work together. I’m convinced we can figure something out, but I don’t believe in abandoning her anymore. Which is essentially what we’re doing if we leave her to her fate.”
“You do realize what you’re asking of me? Your former roommate isn’t some kind of minor water spirit. Her father appears to hold tremendous power over the seas, or at the very least our part of it. He has countless similarly dangerous individuals at his service so he might be considered a ruler of sorts, if not a deity.”
“So Kit’s the little mermaid, basically?” Elijah asked, equal parts joking and genuinely intrigued.
Mary grinned an actual, amused grin. “I must ask you to take this seriously, Mr Carter.”
“I am!” he chuckled, raising his hands. “I swear.”
“Anyways, Miss Shirley, the point you make is an individualistic one, but I see why you’re invested in the girl’s fate. I want to help, I do… But we need to proceed with caution. If you can suggest to me some kind of sensible approach, then I’ll do what I can. That’s all the promises I can make at the moment.”
I thanked her and got up, Eli following me as I headed for the door. “Miss Shirley,” Mary called out and I stopped, turning back around to face her. “If you like my style, we could perhaps meet up to go shopping sometime? I could show you some quality stores. It wouldn’t be anytime soon since I’m currently swamped, but I figure—well, just in case you might like to.”
I nodded. “That sounds pleasant enough.”
She smiled brightly and waved us out the door. “Excellent. I’ll be in touch.”
Back inside the car, I tossed the file onto the backseat to read later. “Would you like to go to the beach?” I suggested.
“Why not. Wait, is this for a stroll and ice cream or do you want to kickstart the mermaid-rescue-operation?”
“I can’t see why it shouldn’t be both,” I replied comfortably. “We’ll need to take your flashlight, though.”
"You know I don't like getting myself into trouble unless it's paid."
"Yes, but you also find me endearing and want to protect me from danger, which you can only do by accompanying me."
"You're a terrifying tentacle beast from another dimension. I don't know that I'm all that scared for your safety," he grunted.
I gave him an affronted look. "You have now hurt my feelings."
"Have I?"
"Plenty, but I'll forgive you if you come with me."
Elijah Carter sighed deeply but started driving anyway. I let my arm dangle out of the open window, allowing the warming spring air to wash over my skin. The closer we got to the shore, the stronger the scent of salt mixed into the breeze. The cries of seagulls became audible over the sounds of the road and the streaming wind and was finally joined by the crashing of waves when we pulled into a parking spot and got out of the car. Taking along the heavy duty flashlight he always kept in the passenger seat footwell, I led Eli to the mouth of the cave, explaining what Nettie and I had seen along the way. He looked commendably calm, simply turning on the torch and entering alongside me.
The tunnels were just as damp, dim and quiet as the last time. Before long, we had reached the spacious canyon room with the lake at the bottom. "I want to go across and see if there's anything important in the rest of the grotto back there," I reminded him. "Please hold on to your bearings."
"I'm not repeating your mistakes," he replied gamely. "What do you think? This oughta be connected to the ocean somehow." He let the beam of the torch roam the mirror-like surface of the lake. It seemed almost deceptively quiet. My eyes followed the lengthy stone ledge. Eli stepped close, and after receiving a nod of approval, he grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me onto the rocky protrusion. I straightened up, instantly pressing my back against the wall. A wave of nausea hit me as I glanced at the water below. "Chill," Elijah muttered, climbing after me with ease. "Nothing will happen. You're not gonna fall."
I merely shook my head. "You didn't see what's down there."
"And I won't, because we'll be careful," he answered steadfastly.
I started walking, the warm light of the torch upon my back, illuminating the path ahead. The shelf narrowed as we reached the end. I swiftly clambered down, relieved to place my feet on wider, solid ground once more. Now looking over the lake from the other side, it had an entirely different feel to it. It seemed darker somehow, but also less big—I attributed it to the change in perspective. We were standing in a cramped little nook with two passageways leading off into separate directions behind us. Elijah Carter eyed them pensively. “Which do you reckon?”
I pursed my lips. “The right one. Because it’s right.”
“Makes sense.”
We proceeded into the passage, the tight space pushing us closer together. He had to duck his head, uncomfortably hunching his shoulders, and for once, I was grateful for my own short stature. The corridor seemed to go on forever. The darkness and silence created a feel of unnatural solitude, and for more than once, I got the distinct impression that I must have jumped dimensions again. It was as though Elijah and I were enclosed in some kind of bubble, cut off from everything outside; a place where time was a foreign concept and the only sun was our flashlight. Needless to say, I was distinctly uneasy. I allowed myself to lean back, brushing against Eli’s chest whenever I could. Eventually, I cleared my throat.
“Could you touch me?”
“What?”
“Just so I still know you’re there.”
His palm came to rest on my shoulder, his thumb digging into one of the tense, painfully rigid muscles of my upper back, forcing it to soften. “Good?”
“Yes, thank you.”
He hummed. “You’re scared.”
“Yes.”
“Me, too.”
This caused my resolve to falter. “Maybe we should turn around after all,” I said quietly. “Who knows how much longer—”
“Look.”
I perked up. Before us, the tunnel grew wider, opening into a large, spacious room. We picked up our pace, tackling the remaining distance in a light jog, and finally found ourselves standing in another hall. The beam of light traveled the floor and high walls, revealing a sight that took our breath away. We were standing in front of another lake, only slightly smaller than the last. The water glittered in violet hues and strange, pale plants climbed up the walls, some of them looking rather like starfish. Multiple rocky protrusions formed an almost complete bridge across its middle. With a bit of light climbing, we'd undoubtedly be able to get to the other side. Wordlessly, Elijah Carter swung himself up onto the platform closest to the edge of the water, pulling me up after him. The flashlight switched hands a couple times as we maneuvered ourselves along.
Soon, we reached the middle of the lake. I risked a glance at the water below. All was still and perfectly quiet. Eli was about to take on the next rock when suddenly, I felt something heavy and gooey drip onto my head from above. I flinched, then slowly pointed the torch up to the ceiling. My stomach dropped. My throat had turned paper-dry, and I frantically tugged on Eli’s arm. He tipped his head back, following my pointing finger. His eyes blew wide and his face fell.
There was a creature clinging to the high walls, its pale, enormous body describing a streamline curve as it pressed itself against the hollowed stone. The closest thing I can compare it to would be a sort of olm, except probably a hundred times larger. Its snout looked large enough to swallow either of us whole. It hung open, secreting a thick fluid that slowly dripped down to hit the rocks or create ripples upon the water. Its blind eyes seemed to be trained on us, and I could spot tiny, sharp teeth lining its maw. It wasn’t moving, not even an inch, but somehow, I knew it was aware of us.
I looked up at Elijah, the panic in his eyes mirroring mine. Both of us had freezed up mid-motion, not daring to take another step. My mind was running wild; I was thinking feverishly. We’d have to turn around for sure, but how? The olm was already highly alert, if we were to start scrambling back to solid ground, it would undoubtedly hear us straight away. Eli looked equal parts terrified and furious, and I could tell he was scolding himself for not thinking to check the entirety of the room before proceeding across the lake. I could understand the sentiment, we’d definitely made a grave mistake. I figured it had been the misleading beauty of the cave hall that had taken our edge off. Glancing over into the direction we’d come from, I found myself wishing to be back in the endless dark corridor. The entrance to the passage seemed miles away.
The olm lifted a three-toed foot, shifting its massive form to a lower spot on the wall. It was taking a tentative step towards us, extending its snout as its body bent into our direction. Elijah had grabbed onto my arm, his fingers clamping around it like a vice. He stayed silent and unmoving, but he held my gaze with clear, sharp eyes.
“Don’t move,” I mouthed, and he gave me a curt nod.
Slowly, I reached around to push my shirt out of the way of my unfurling tentacles. Elijah took a quiet step back to make room for my changing form, something of a resolute expression settling on his face. I opened my mouth, relieved when my teeth acted according to my will and elongated. I didn’t know to what extent I would be able to defend against this absolute giant of an amphibian, but at least it would give us a chance. I took a deep breath, trading glances with Eli once more before darting off to the side, bounding onto the platform next to our current one. Elijah followed suit, grabbing onto one of the limbs I extended to him for support. Despite the swiftness of our movements, we were anything but quiet, and the olm reacted in an instant. It slithered down from the wall, sinking into the lake below to make its way to the rocks we were standing on. As we headed for the next stone, it darted out of the water, splashing wildly as its snout breached the surface. Its jaws snapped at us, missing me by a mere foot as I jumped across the gap between the protrusions. Droplets flew as the creature dropped once more, but instead of retreating, it swam around the platform. Its massive, snake-like body was bobbing up and down as it circled us.
“Oh fuck,” Elijah breathed, his chest heaving. “Keep going! Move, move!”
I took a short running start, then flung myself onto the next rock, using my extra limbs to land safely. I then helped him cross again. The olm rose from the depths of the lake once again, and I lashed at it with one of my tentacles, hitting it on the snout and forcing it to dive underwater again. We kept working our way back towards the other side of the lake, slipping and sliding as we went. The water surrounding us seemed to hum with unrestrained energy, the white salamander’s tail whipping up waves and splashing around. We were finally getting close to solid ground again, or at least it looked like we were for a moment. That’s when the creature took a massive leap, draping itself over the final stepping stone, effectively blocking our path.
“Shit,” Eli hissed beside me as we came to a skittering halt.
I’d have to try and fight this thing. There was no way around it now. I clenched my sweat-laced palms into fist, trying to slow my rapid, shallow breaths. I can do this, I said to myself. All I’d have to do is send it back into the lake for long enough so we could run back into the tunnel. There was no way the olm would fit through the passage—once we were in there, we’d be relatively safe. I stared at the dripping, writhing animal; stared at its bared needle teeth, and the less hopeful, more realistic part of my brain told me that I would, indeed, probably not be able to do this. Just as I was contemplating the degree of our screwed-ness, an unseen someone called out from behind us. I didn’t understand a word they were saying, but I recognized the language, and more importantly, the voice.
It was bright as a bell, girlish but with a rough, warm edge. Even before I could turn to face her, I knew who it was.
The gigantic amphibian perked up at the sound, lowering its head and withdrawing into the murky depths with a splash. Elijah Carter let go of a long-held breath, dropping his shoulders before tensing up again, realization setting in. He shot me a look of utter disbelief.
“Wow,” the newcomer spoke up again, this time not in the tongue of the deep ones. “You two have to be actually crazy or something to show up here.”
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
19: shopping cart
21: reunion

Just wrote a short story about memory problems. Maybe some of you can relate to it.
Where memories fade, love's essence ignites.
A car crash into a pine tree shatters the facade of a once seemingly blissful marriage. Jack's desperate attempts to bring down the tree with a chainsaw leave his wife, Hazel, wondering what has become of their bond. Is he still the same man she fell in love with three decades ago? As Hazel battles her fears, "Journey to the Treetop" invites readers on an emotional ride through the tumultuous landscape of a mind affected by memory loss.
‐---------------------
CABIN ROAD is the gateway to paradise.
But why does this feel like a path to hell?
I smash into a tall pine tree that stands in the middle of the otherwise straight gravel road. I've gone around it hundreds of times before. But now, my fingers are firmly gripped on the steering wheel, disregarding all my commands. Have I become paralyzed?
A potato is wobbling on the dashboard, having obviously leaped out of the potato crates in the back seat. Jack gets out and strides to the front bumper. His lips press into a thin line as he appraises the destruction and cost of fixing it. Nothing should hold him back from swearing. But he maintains his composure, anger simmering just beneath the surface.
The memory of thirty years of marriage fills my mind. I question whether this man has drugged me. A fleeting thought that he might have crashed the car surfaces, but it seems too much of a stretch. I take a deep breath and try to clear my head.In the rear-view mirror, Jack gets an axe from the trunk. He comes and gazes at me from my window, his eyes looking heavy and weary—like two precious pearls inside their oyster-like shells. I straighten and open the window:
“Thank goodness it wasn't worse.”
“I'll chop it down.”
“That’s a pretty big tree, Jack.”
Jack blinks several times.
“I do have a chainsaw...”
“Yes.” I wonder what stories this tree has witnessed during its lifetime. Will we see the marks of our journey on its rings? There’s always something that gets squeezed in tighter, begging to be unraveled.
“I'll drive you to the cabin and grab the chainsaw,” Jack says. “Prepare some coffee while I'm gone.”
Our short passage to the cabin around the bend is like shifting through the fog of memory. I'm in the kitchen. My fingers clench around the coffee tin can and spoon. Bewilderment engulfs my brain. I spot Jack with his saw. He slips around the corner, the curve of his bottom visible through his tight work trousers. I feel anxious about the crash. Did I deliberately hit the tree?
The measuring spoon slips from my hand. It drops onto the floor along with the tin can. I clean up the mess. Could someone drive into a tree on purpose? Accidents do happen after all. It's fascinating to see him take on this role of being so chivalrous. Far away from his academic duties.
As the chainsaw outside whines, I scroll through social media on my phone. People arguing about something or other makes me tired. I pick up a copy of Science magazine from the coffee table and scan through an article titled “Quantum Communication Across Interstellar Space,” authored by Jack. As usual, the details go right over my head. I like to amuse myself with the idea that it speaks about communicating with individuals who have passed away.
Billy's message pops up. He asks for money for a fishing trip with his buddies somewhere in Lapland. I am more than happy to support him since he’s enlisting in the army soon in July. My big boy.
I tell him about the car crash, and he gives me advice about a car repair store. Jack comes back earlier than expected. He plops into his seat, sweat beading on his forehead and the smell of resin emanating from him. He seems disappointed.I pour coffee to the brim.
“Did the saw get stuck?”
Jack shakes his head and adds sugar to his mug.
“It got shattered under the tree. I stumbled...”
Silence descends slowly, like dust.
“My helmet cracked.”
“Do you want me to buy new parts when I go to the store?”
“No need.”
“But there's pruning and cutting to do first.”
Jack takes a bite out of a cinnamon bun.
“I can sharpen the axe.”
“Ask the neighbors for help, that's what they're for. You can also mow the lawn while I'm away.”
“The grass is already short— it'll die off.”
“You don't want ticks taking over! Think about your mother's joint pain. She would roll in her grave if—”
“Cremated?’
“Yes!” My answer is like a flyswatter, leaving no room for further discussion or quantum physics.
Jack is busy chewing on the bun. His regular coffee breaks, which have become part of his daily routine in his sixties, have honed impressive jowls.
We enjoy our coffee and stare at the lake. Calm as a mirror. I have a feeling Jack will soon suggest fishing. As I gather my things to leave, I call to him:
“Don't hurt yourself. Should I bring more buns?”
“I was thinking of skipping the sugar and wheat...”
I simply smile in reply.
“Can you refuel the car?” Jack asks.
I'm already off. The door slams shut in the middle of his sentence, but Jack knows better than to expect a response.
I jump into the driver's seat and immediately notice forgotten potato baskets in the back seat, but my mind drifts away before I can do anything about it. As I pass by our old well, I remember that we need to discuss connecting the cabin to a new water source. No matter what it costs, it needs to be done. Why should I agree to be responsible for our running water anymore?
I collide with something hard. Airbags abruptly inflate around me, disorienting me as my vision blurs. Struggling to escape from the tangled mess of seatbelts and inflatable bags, it feels like I'm an old person trying to climb out of a bouncy castle.
My gaze rests on the scene before me, but my thoughts can't understand it. I have plowed into a tree stump. The tree stretches over the ditch. Nearby the chainsaw lies crushed. The cutting chain is nowhere to be found.
I get back in the car. Should I phone Jack for an urgent call? Inhaling slowly helps me stay calm. Why didn’t he mention the tree stump?
Someone taps on my window
I jump and my neck stiffens up. I reach for the window switch.
“I should have told you about...” Jack says.
“The stump?”
“Didn't you see the tree on the ground?”
“I'm sorry. I was daydreaming.”
“Great galaxy, Hazel! You're burning through our last savings as if money grew on trees!”
Jack is being truly authentic with me. I stare back at him like some big-eyed exotic species from Madagascar that I can't identify in all this chaos. Jack opens the door and starts to put the cushion back in its place. We turn on the engine, giving the accelerator a test ride.
“Let's go to a repair shop. I'm sure our insurance will cover this,” Jack suggests. “We can say that we had an accident with a reindeer.”
“You're supposed to report it to the police or game warden if you hit an animal,” I reply.
Jack pauses for a moment. He then reverses and drives forward again, but when he looks into the rear-view mirror, he slams on the brakes.
“I have a better plan.”
He retrieves an orange towing strap from the trunk, a burst of determination on his face. He connects the stump and the tow hook.
“Get ready. We’re going to take a quantum leap here.”
We buckle our seat belts with a single click as we prepare for the inevitable disaster. We had already made so many mistakes together, starting with raising our children—though sometimes failing was just part of parenting.
Jack revs up the engine. A sudden lurch forward, then Jack howls in pain as the stump smashes through the rear window, clambering through the seats and lodging itself onto the gearbox, trapping Jack's hand. He veers off toward the ditch. The Milky Way spins around us, potatoes fly in the air and suddenly, all is quiet. We find ourselves upside down—surrounded by earthy potatoes and broken glass.
I try to break the silence:
“I just remembered: Billy's friend can repair cars at the vocational school much cheaper.”
Jack looks so pale, his face almost white. I guess he’s contemplating the next step.
Through the cracked windshield, I see the chainsaw chain lying in the ditch. How did it come to be rusting away? Maybe everything will go back to normal if we sit here and wait.
It feels almost as if we are flying in outer space, my nerves slowly calming down. But then a sudden stillness strikes that is anything but soothing.
“Jack, I’m feeling a bit dizzy…”
No answer.
“Jack...”
I snap open my eyes and the scene in front of me has changed drastically. It’s like I’ve been sucked into some kind of surreal void.
I hear a tapping noise on the window. An apology and then a loud thud; a huge rock has been hurled through the glass. A stench of strong aftershave ferments around me. A burly arm reaches across to release the seatbelt. An elderly man growls something crude, nothing like Jack's usual scout-like words.
My eyes close as I'm being cradled away, and visions of Jack's mathematics and symbols flicker around in my mind. Is the soul truly free when there is no force of gravity to pull us down?
I don't know who my savior is, but I can sense his worry as his face reddens. He is in military garb.
I come to as I feel my head thudding against the rubble. Instantly, I yearn to run away, contemplating that perhaps this experience is only a dream, and I'm back in the cabin chamber, tucked securely underneath a cosy blanket. A blanket that grants me the power to perform heroic acts like disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“Are you okay?” he speaks in a familiar voice.
Fingers brush over my clothes, picking out pieces of glass. My pocket contains an odd bulge—a potato? Suddenly, everything clicks: an aged Billy, wearing a major's rank insignia. How could he have achieved that rank so fast?
“Son, what are you doing on this tree ring?”
Billy peers at me from across the way, accompanied by a mysterious female figure. “We came to check on how you're doing,” Billy says. “Do you remember what happened?”
I raise my head and look around. There's nobody in the driver's seat of the car.
“Where is Jack?” I manage.
Billy furrows his brows like a detective would when weighing evidence. An image of the classic TV show Columbo flashes through my mind—he could lull suspects into a false sense of security before dropping the hammer of his sharp intellect on their inconsistencies. But I'm not hiding anything here. Though why are modern shows so bad? That's another mystery entirely.
“Mom, what were you doing out here? The road is an absolute disaster zone, with the car smashed up in the ditch.”
My thoughts swim haphazardly as Billy reads something from my expression, then casts his eyes towards his new girlfriend for assistance.
I try to get up but it hurts too much. Instead, I reach into my pocket and feel a sandy-sharp potato there. Maybe I can still wash it off.
“I’m fine,” I reply. “I need to get back to plowing the field... baking buns for Jack... buying a chainsaw...”
The darkness returns and I feel my body shiver. I'm in the car, traveling down bumps I've known for quite some time. Soon, I’m settled inside the cabin's living room on the couch. The coffee maker is gurgling in the corner of the room. Billy is on a call with a doctor about how to deal with grief and coping alone; it seems someone had died while cutting down a tree last year. He gets furious and threatens to take away the keys from the person he's talking to. It might be a good idea; many people have too many keys that they don't use anyway.
My head is spinning with thoughts about Jack's absence. Where did he go?Someone runs water over potatoes while a pot clatters on the stovetop. My temper rises as I wait for Jack's return. I won't stay here by myself without an explanation from him. I call out for Jack until there's no sound left but my coughing voice.
I crave sausage soup, and I know I must go to the store. As I try to move forward, I am wading through tar. They guide me to the coffee table. According to Jack, time runs faster the more hunched your back becomes. Let it be and let us sit here, motionless, gazing at the tips of our shoes. Surely, time has slowed down in this moment.
Billy reaches out and takes my hand. A handsome, greying gentleman. His girlfriend also places her hand on top of the pile. Her name is Ewa. A beautiful name, something familiar about her.
But did I hear her calling me mother?
In the yard, a squirrel hops with a cone in its mouth. It freezes and stares at me. I avert my gaze. My hands suddenly look wrinkled. I summon the inner strength that I've been striving to find for an eternity:
“Do we have to leave now?”
Billy exchanges glances with Ewa and then looks outside.
“You don't have to walk this path alone, Mother.”
We finish our coffee without saying another word. The wind sweeps across the lake. A pair of swans take flight, and a duet of gentle honks echo across the water. A shivering cold envelops me. Billy and Ewa take me to the car. The potatoes can wait.
The sun blazes brightly above us as we travel the cabin road; shapeless clouds dot the horizon and suddenly I sense a presence—as if someone is waving to me.
I surrender.
I believe I will be warmly welcomed.

When the old man got within range, John kicked at him with his good leg, but the old timer was quick, much quicker than he looked. He ducked to his right, side stepping John's lashing foot, then darted in and touched the tip of the prod to John's leg. Fire--that's what it felt like. White hot fire. A jolt went through John's body that made his eyeballs hurt. And just like that, the old man slipped in again and jabbed him in the stomach. Then, as John rolled onto his belly, the tip touched his back.
John curled into a ball and hugged his knees to his chest.
"Get through that door, boy," the old man said. "Move it, now!" Like herding an ornery animal.
And like an animal, John Burke responded, lifting himself onto all fours and crawling toward the exit. Halfway across the floor, the old man jammed the cattle prod against John's ass. He cried out and scampered through the door.
As soon they were out of the room, the old man clicked his cheek a couple of times like he was calling a dog. "Get on your feet, like a good boy." John struggled to his feet as the door closed behind him and the bolts slammed into place. He stood at one end of a narrow passage, dark, except for a single bulb hanging from the ceiling at the far end. Again, John felt the prod touch his back.
"Get!" the old man said.
John limped toward the light.
The passage emptied into a windowless room, low ceilinged and big. The old man forced him into a chute--a cattle chute. Horizontal steel poles on each side formed a walkway barely wide enough for a man's shoulders. The poles were stacked four high, the top pole about five feet off the ground. Every six or eight feet stood a vertical brace.
The old man closed and locked a sliding wooden door behind them, then bent and slipped between two of the horizontal poles. Outside the chute, he prodded John to keep him moving. As John walked toward the end, the old man thumped him two or three times with the prod but didn't shock him.
Suddenly, an overpowering stench hit John and his feet stopped moving. He looked to the right, toward the source of the smell, and saw a stainless steel table, on top of which lay a man's lifeless body. He was on his belly with his head turned and John could see the face of the man who'd been goaded out of the room just before him. The white-haired old lady stood beside the table gripping an electric carving knife in one latexed hand, while with her other gloved hand she pressed the man's leg firmly against the table. Bile gurgled up into John's throat as the old lady thumbed the switch on the carving knife and sliced a hunk of meat from the back of the dead man's thigh.
John spewed vomit and dropped to his knees. "Get up, boy," he heard from behind him as the prod juiced his lower back. John screamed in pain as he staggered to his feet. "Move it," the old man said. With legs like jelly, John stumbled forward.
The cut he'd worked into the leather belt was just to the right of the steel loop through which the handcuffs ran. Only an eighth of an inch of leather remained. Using his body, John shielded his hands from the old man's view while he tugged on the handcuffs and hobbled along.
The sides of the chute closed in on him as he reached the end. Near panic, John tried to turn around, but before he could the old man slid a gate closed behind him that penned him in.
Trapped.
From the corner of his eye, John watched the old man. Saw him step towards a workbench against the wall, fifteen feet away, and toss the cattle prod onto it. He pulled a ballpeen hammer down from a wall above the bench. It had a big stainless steel head with a foot long wooden handle. The old man turned and walked toward John with a casual, bored look on his face, just another day in the slaughterhouse.
Bent as far forward as he could, John thrust his hips back and jerked his cuffed hands forward, but the leather belt held. Behind him he heard the old man's shoes scrape the cement floor. Desperate, John twisted his hands to the right. The leather still held. Just an eighth of an inch between a chance for escape and a hammer to the back of the head.
A shoe scuff on the floor. Afraid to look, John stared at his hands. He groaned as he thrust his hips to the right and jerked his hands to the left. The leather tore and the belt pulled free from his waist.
"Where you think you're going?" the old man said.
John ducked and heard the top pole ring as the ballpeen hammer glanced off of it. With the belt still dangling from his handcuffs, John doubled over and stepped between the two middle poles on his left side. To his right the old man cursed him and swung the hammer between the bars. The hammer thumped into John's right hip but he didn't stop. Once through the bars he ran--hobbled on his painful ankle--toward the wall, trying to put as much distance between him and the old man as possible.
"Momma, momma, he got loose!"
"Catch him quick 'fore he gets away," the old lady screamed.
John Burke was lost. He didn't know where he was our how to get out. He turned, saw the old man race around the end of the chute, hammer cocked over his shoulder. John's back was to the wall. Wildly, he glanced around for something he could use. There was nothing.
To his left, twenty feet away was the corner of the room and a closed door.
The old man saw John looking. "You'll never get out." But he slowed down, approaching cautiously, angling toward the door to cut off John's only escape route.
The old man looked nervous about the door. John broke and ran. Waves of pain shot up his leg from his swollen ankle but he ignored it. The old man lunged toward the door to intercept. John tried to stop and start, throw a fake at the old man, but his ankle folded and he hit the floor.
The old man dropped to one knee beside him and raised the hammer over his head. "Got you!"
But as the killer blow came down, John shifted slightly to the side and the hammer struck the cement beside his head, sending tiny chips flying into his face. He lashed out with his good foot, missed the old man's head but caught him in the ribs. As the old man grunted and toppled over, John got to his feet and struggled to the door.
Locked.
John twisted the knob and screamed in rage. The old man stood up. Mounted on the wall next to the door was a gray metal circuit box, the handle protruding from its side angled up in the on position. An electrical shut off.
"Get him, poppy," the old woman screamed from the other side of the room. A nice old couple who called each other momma and poppy.
John grabbed the handle with both hands, shot a glance at the old man, saw him bearing down, and pulled.
Lights out. Total darkness.
Just in time John ducked. He heard the old man grunt as the hammer dug into the drywall. With his manacled hands, John shoved the old man, then ran along the wall to his left. Moving through the dark it felt like a mile. The old lady screamed.
Cuffed hands out in front with the torn leather belt dangling from them, John ran into the wall and turned right. He had no idea where to go or what to do. Just knew he had to put as much distance as he could between him and the old man. At the next corner he turned right again. Just up ahead he heard the old lady. "Poppy, I can't see."
He slowed down, tried to catch his breath. Then the lights came on. Poppy must have gotten to the switch. John found himself next to the stainless steel butchering table, and face-to-face with the old lady. With the power on, her electric carving knife started buzzing.
"I got him, poppy!" she said and chopped at him with the knife.
John jerked his head back as the humming blade passed less than an inch from his eyes.
"Momma!" the old man screamed.
John looked across the big room at the old man by the door. Hammer swinging from his hand, he started to run towards them but had to go around the cattle chute. The old lady again cut at John but this time he managed to catch her wrist in his hands. As he kicked her in the shin he heard one of his bare toes crack, but she loosened her grip on the knife and he was able to jerk it out of her hand.
The old man rounded the end of the chute and howled in rage as he saw them struggling. Momma clawed at John's eyes with both hands, but he managed to close them just as her nails raked his face. Carving knife in hand, he slashed at the old lady. The vibrating blade ripped into the side of her neck and cut across her throat. She gurgled up a foul smelling blast of air from her open trachea that made John gag. With her eyes wide open, the old lady looked stunned as her knees folded and she collapsed to the ground.
John Burke turned and the old man was right on top of him, screaming, swinging the hammer at his head. As John raised the carving knife, the hammer snapped the blade off and knocked it from his hand. The old man lunged closer, grabbed him by the throat with his left hand and raised the hammer again.
John threw an awkward jab with his shackled hands and hit the old man in the face with just enough force to stun him into losing his grip on John's neck. Then with a two-handed uppercut to the gut, this one with a little more behind it, he doubled the old man over, then ran for the door.
Standing in front of the door, he jerked down the power switch and again shrouded the room in darkness. He raised his good leg and kicked the wooden door as hard as he could. It gave just a little. Behind him he heard the old man crying, and something else--things being knocked over, things hitting the floor, the sounds of searching.
As John kicked again, his bad ankle screamed in pain, yet still the door held. He caught his breath, raised his good leg and managed one more kick. This time the knob splintered off and the door flew open. Stairs led up.
Behind him, a two-count metallic click echoed through the room. The unmistakable sound of a shell being chambered. A shotgun.
Fighting back the pain, John loped up the stairs as the shotgun blasted behind him. Upstairs he found himself in an empty kitchen. He moved down a short hallway that opened into a room he recognized, the den of the old lady's house. It was dark outside and only a few lights were on inside the house.
Footsteps on the cellar stairs.
Frantically, John looked around, seeing the big bay windows, but no door to the outside. He knocked the dead telephone to the ground, snatched up the end table, and heaved it through one of the windows.
Outside the air was warm and muggy, the ground soft like after a rain. Naked, except for the handcuffs and leather belt hanging from them, John staggered toward the woods just beyond the house. As he reached the first trees he heard another shotgun blast behind him, heard glass shatter, heard pellets tearing through the trees to his right.
Into the trees, getting some of them between him and the house in case the old man ripped off another shot.
"Murderer! I'll kill you," the old timer yelled through the trees. Almost funny, a minute ago the old man trying to bash his brains in with a hammer but still had the nerve to call him a murderer. Not to mention the sweet old lady carving a man like a Christmas turkey.
John turned forty-five degrees to the right. Choosing a zig-zag over a straight line. A minute later he heard another shot, then the pellets ripped into the branches off to his left. A frustration shot. The old man had guessed he'd turn but he'd guessed the wrong way.
He'd gotten out of shape. Just a few minutes into the woods he was puffing like a steam train, a stitch like a knife twisting into his side. John could feel his ankle starting to swell. Time for the zag so he turned left, crossed through what he guessed was fifty or sixty yards of woods, then suddenly burst into a clearing--the cemetery. The high three-quarter moon cast short, dark shadows from the tombstones. Blackness in a sea of night.
Something crashed through the brush behind him in the distance, followed by bark of a big dog. John had trouble as he stepped over the low spiked fence that surrounded the graveyard. For a second he had to put all of his weight on his bad leg and came close to impaling himself.
John remembered another fence, a six-foot iron one that spanned the front of the property, the half-inch thick bars thrust at the sky like black spears. If it circled the whole property, how the hell was he going to get out?
The barking grew louder.
As he limped between the gravestones, John heard the old man cursing in the distance, farther away than the dog, but getting closer. Terror's icy hand gripped John Burke's heart. His feet stopped moving and he dropped down onto a soft, moist patch of earth and leaned his back against a marble slab that marked someone's final resting place, someone whose troubles were over for good. John put his head into his hands as despair washed over him.
He wasn't going to get away. Not on a bad ankle. Not with his hands cuffed. Not from a madman with a dog and shotgun. A madman who kept humans like cattle, who beat men to death with a hammer, whose wife ran a human butcher shop. They were close, the old man and his dog. John could hear the dog tearing through the underbrush just inside the woods, just beyond the cemetery fence. In a minute it would all be over. He wondered if Gail would ever find out what happened to him? To die like this, in a bone yard, victim to a crazy old man and his even crazier wife.
Fear, despair, hopelessness--these feelings surged through John as a sob racked his body so hard it bounced his back off the marble tombstone and shot a bolt of pain down his spine. Then, as if cleansed by fire, those feelings melted like snow, replaced by something new, by something better, by something that fueled him--Rage.
Perched in front of the grave next to him was a thick marble urn, holding a bouquet of long dead flowers. John rolled to it, grabbed the urn in both hands, and dumped out the withered flora. He felt the comforting weight of the urn, heavy enough to crush a dog's skull, or a man's.
He wasn't going to make it easy. If they were going to kill him, they'd have to work for it. The headstones were too small to hide behind unless he crouched down and John didn't want to crouch down and hide. He was through hiding, besides, his ankle couldn't take much crouching. Better to let the dog see him, try to get rid of the mutt before the old man made it out of the woods.
The underbrush got quiet. The dog was out of the woods. No more barking. The moonlight and the shadows played tricks on John's eyes. A glimpse of movement at the fence then nothing. He strained his eyes, willing them to see through the darkness but it was his ears that responded, picking up the quick thumping of padded feet on the wet grass. The sound coming from his left. John raised the urn and turned, then heard it behind him, much closer. A throaty growl. He tried to spin around but the furry beast hit him in the back.
Claws raked his bare shoulder blades as he slammed face first into the ground and the marble urn flew from his hands, useless. Sharp teeth gripped the back of his head and shook it like the stuffed head of a doll. His scalp tore--he actually felt it--as the dog growled and bit harder.
"Get him, boy!" the old man shouted from somewhere near the edge of the woods.
John used his good left leg to push into the ground and roll. The dog tightened its grip on John's head and tried to roll with him but John used his arms to topple the German Shepherd off of him. As the brute tried to regain his feet, John kept rolling until he was on top with the dog pinned under him. The canine's jaws sprung open, looking for something to bite as John grabbed the animal's big head, one hand on each side, and forced the handcuff chain and part of the leather belt into the back of its mouth.
With his naked body pressing down on the dog, John forced the Shepherd's head back. The handcuff chain cut into the roof of the dog's mouth as John pushed back harder and harder. The beast's nails ripped at John's chest and thighs, but still he forced the big head back until the dog's agonized yelping was cut short by a loud crack, like the dry snap of a rotten branch, as its neck broke and body went limp.
John rolled off of the dead dog and struggled to his feet. The old man yelled, "Did you get him, Butch? Did you get him?" John turned toward the sound of the man's voice and saw him stumble out of the woods, just on the other side of the fence, shotgun held across his chest. The old man's eyes locked on the animal lying on the ground. "Butch!" he cried, voice cracked with emotion Then he raised his shotgun.
John dropped behind a headstone just as a blast ripped through the air. Pellets smacked into the other side of the stone. Then, as the double click of a new shell being racked into the chamber echoed across the graveyard, John scrambled away on all fours, keeping his head below the top of the tombstones.
By the time he reached the cemetery fence, John could barely move. His breath came in ragged gasps; his chest, shoulders, and thighs were on fire; and the back of his neck felt wet and sticky. He lifted his cuffed hands over his head and wiped at his neck. His palms came away covered with blood, blood that looked almost black in the moonlight.
One foot got tangled going over the fence and John fell, landing with a thud on the other side. Behind him, fifty yards at most, he could hear the old man's quick shuffle coming across the cemetery. The old man mumbling and cursing to himself. Once John got into the tree line he felt a little safer, something between him and muzzle of that shotgun. But the going was slow. Much tougher than before. He started to feel dizzy. The dog had torn him up and he knew he was bleeding badly.
He'd made it this far but knew there was no way he could make it all the way back home, at least not tonight. Too tired and too hurt. But with the dog dead, all he had to do was shake the old man off his trail, then hole up somewhere until daylight. In the morning he would parallel the road just inside the trees to keep out of sight. His house was only two miles away. He would make it even if he had to crawl on his hands and knees the whole way.
He ran into the fence. Six feet tall, made of pointed wrought iron bars, no more than ten inches apart. Impossible to slip between them. The bars braced by two thin rectangular, iron beams that ran the length of the fence. One, a foot from the ground; the other, a foot from the top.
John hadn't gained any distance on the old man. He could hear his thrashing back in the trees, his slow, steady pace, his mumbling punctuated by curses.
There was only one way to get out and that was over the fence. John set his feet on the bottom support and grabbed the top crossbar with both hands, but with his wrists cuffed he couldn't spread his hands out. He couldn't climb.
He managed to pull himself up so his chin was over the top of the fence and then swung his good leg up. It didn't go high enough. Arms straining, he swung it up harder and managed to hook his heel on the top support, between two of the bars. That's when he lost his grip.
John fell but his foot stayed. He heard his ankle crack and he screamed. Caught between the two vertical bars and the horizontal support, his bare foot was wedged in tight and he hung upside down, naked, like a stuck pig being bled in a slaughterhouse.
The old man stepped out from the trees, shotgun held across his chest like a soldier. Fifteen feet from John, he raised it to his shoulder and grinned as he pulled the trigger. CLICK.
"Goddamit!" He racked the pump, took aim, and pulled the trigger again. Another empty click. This time he slammed the pump back and stared into the open chamber. "Son of a bitch," he mumbled, then grabbed the barrel in a two handed grip.
He swung it like a baseball bat at John's head and all John Burke could do was close his eyes. Just before the wooden stock crashed into his skull, he heard himself say, "Gail."
* * *
Gail Burke was on the toilet, in the middle of peeing, when the doorbell rang. "John," she heard herself say. "God, please let it be John." She pulled on her jeans and ran to the door, didn't even flush. But it wasn't John. It was a man, old but distinguished looking in a dark suit with a pale blue tie draped in front of a starched white shirt. She glanced behind him and saw a van parked in her driveway. Not a minivan, but a full-sized, white work van, windowless except for the driver and passenger doors. No name on the side.
"Can I help you?" she asked, losing hope her caller had anything to do with John.
He raised his hands slightly and she noticed they held a round plastic container. Rubbermaid, or Tupperware, with a lid on it. "Yes," she said.
"Mrs. Burke?"
Gail nodded.
My name is Muller, Frank Muller. He nodded to the right. "I live on Cemetery Road."
She gave him a brief smile.
"I've read about your...your husband's disappearance in the paper."
At first she'd had a lot of visitors like this. Well-wishers, sympathizers, but it had been two weeks and people had stopped coming by. Mostly, she guessed they thought John's disappearance maybe wasn't so mysterious after all. Middle-aged man, married for a dozen years, suddenly takes off. Maybe found a young girl. No mystery there. But she knew that wasn't what he'd done. Something terrible had happened. She could feel it.
"Thank you," was all she could think of to say.
He raised his hands again. "I've brought you something. Chili, my wife's secret recipe."
She looked at the container. The two-gallon size. That's a lot of chili, she thought. She caught a whiff of it as he slipped one hand under the container and lifted part of the lid with the other. He said, "Chock full of beef and beans. Put some meat on your bones."
Gail felt her face flush. Her jeans hung loosely on her hips. She'd lost ten pounds since John disappeared and hadn't had it to spare to begin with. "Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr..." She couldn't even remember the gentleman's name.
"Muller," he said.
"Of course," she said quickly. "Thank you again, Mr. Muller." Gail reached for the container. "To be honest I haven't felt much like cooking and that smells delicious. Please tell Mrs. Muller that I said--"
Mr. Muller shook his head. "Buried her recently."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
As she took the chili from him, he forced a smile. "I made it but it's her recipe so if it's good she gets the credit." He laughed a more genuine laugh. "And if it's bad, I'll take the blame."
She felt the heat through the plastic. They said goodbye and Gail Burke went inside to eat a bowl of Mrs. Muller's secret recipe. She felt her stomach growl with hunger. If it tasted as good as it smelled, maybe she'd have two bowls.
THE END

Not every town is on the map.
"Daddy, I gotta pee."
Dale Thornton looked over his shoulder at his six-year-old son belted into the back seat of their Jeep Cherokee. As the boy squirmed around, Dale looked at his wife in the passenger seat beside him. "Didn't he just go?"
Carol glanced at her watch. "That was over an hour ago." She twisted to look into the back seat. "Can you hold it?"
In the rearview mirror, Dale saw Jesse shake his head. His wife checked her watch again. He could almost see the wheels turning inside her head. She was the family mediator, and she had just come up with something that made perfect sense. One of the reasons he loved her so much was her ability to change gears. In himself, Dale recognized his single-mindedness as a drawback. He admired her flexibility. In more ways than one, he thought. She was a good wife and a good mother.
"It's almost five," Carol said. "Let's stop at the next town. We can all use the restroom and get something to eat."
Dale tugged the spiral-bound road atlas down from where he had wedged it between the visor and the roof. They had left Tulsa that morning, headed for Mardi Gras, and he hoped to be in New Orleans by 10 p.m. Looking at the LOUISIANA page, his eyes traced the route he had highlighted in yellow. They had detoured down old U.S. 167. Rural America was disappearing and Dale wanted his son to see something of it before it was completely gone.
They were somewhere south of Ruston. He couldn't remember if they had passed Jonesboro or not, so the next town was either that or--if they'd already passed it--Winnfield. The gas gauge was on a quarter of a tank. They needed to stop anyway. "All right, honey," he said. "We'll take a break."
Carol laid a hand on his leg. "I'm glad we came this way. You can't see anything from the Interstate."
Ten miles later they sprang upon a small town. There was an old-fashioned, carved wooden sign posted beside the highway. Dale read out loud, "Welcome to Batesville. Population 875."
"What's that mean," Jesse asked.
Dale glanced at his son in the rearview mirror. "That's how many people live here."
"When somebody dies, do they change the number on the sign?"
Carol smiled over her shoulder at Jesse. "I bet they change it when a baby is born."
Just like her. She didn't like to talk about death or dying. Instead, she liked to focus on the good things in life, babies, birthdays, and family vacations. She had always been like that but more so since her grandfather passed away last year. She had been very close to him, closer than she had ever been to her father.
Dale sneaked a glance at her. She was his angel but an angel with dark secrets. She had shared some of those secrets with him but not all of them, probably because she knew the abuse in her life disturbed him so much. "That sign probably hasn't been changed in twenty years," he said.
"Why put it up if it's not right?" Jesse asked.
Good question. "I don't know, son."
As they got into the little town, Dale was impressed. The side streets that cut off of the highway were lined with neat wooden houses, most of them with white picket fences. A lot of the little towns they had passed through looked run down and dirty, but not this one. Batesville was clean and pretty.
When they came to the town's only traffic light, Dale saw a business on each corner: a hotel, a gas station, a restaurant, and the Batesville General Store. Before the light turned green, Dale pulled the Jeep beside the pumps at the gas station. A middle-aged man wearing oil stained coveralls stepped out from the office. "What can I do you for?" he asked. His tone was friendly, something you didn't hear at many gas stations these days.
Dale stepped out of the driver's seat and stretched. "I need a fill-up and some food." Then he jerked his thumb toward the back seat. "And my son needs to use the head."
The man wiped his hands on a rag he pulled out of his pocket. Then he shook Dale's hand. "Dudley Simpson. I can help you with the gas and the bathroom for your boy, but as for food, afraid all I got is potato chips and sodas." He pointed to the restaurant across the street. "Right over there is the best food in town." He laughed. "Only restaurant we got, but I wouldn't kid you. It's really good. Restroom's not too bad either."
Jesse said he could hold it until they got to the restaurant, so Dale sent him and Carol across the street to get a table. When he reached for the gas pump, Dudley Simpson stopped him. "I don't charge extra for full service. Every car comes through here I pump the gas, look under the hood, and check the tires."
"Don't see that too much anymore," Dale said.
"Guess I'm kind of old-fashioned."
After Dudley finished, Dale added a couple of bucks to the bill. He felt a little awkward, unsure if he could tip the owner of a gas station without insulting him. But Dudley took no offense, just said thank you and asked him to stop in again on their way home.
When Dale turned the key, nothing happened. He turned it again and still nothing happened. Just a click. No dash lights, the motor didn't turn over, nothing. Dudley told him to pop the hood again. After Dale turned the key a couple more times with Simpson's head buried under the hood, Dudley said he'd found the problem. "Alternator's shot. You must've been running on battery for a good while."
"Can you fix it?"
The gas station owner looked at his watch. "Not today. Parts store is closed 'till tomorrow."
Great, just great, Dale thought.
"I could arrange a tow to somewhere else, next town down the highway has a Goodyear Service Center," Dudley said, "but even they won't get to it until tomorrow."
Dale nodded, his mind stuck on having to spend the night in Batesville instead of New Orleans.
"I'll get to it first thing," Dudley said. "Have you out of here by ten o'clock." He pointed at the hotel. "Mrs. Jensen has a nice place. A-C, cable TV, and no bugs."
Great. No bugs.
Dudley told Dale that he could leave the Jeep right where it was. No need to worry about it, he said. They had a town marshal but nothing ever happened in Batesville. So quiet the state police never even came by.
"Sorry I'm blocking your pumps," Dale said.
Dudley shrugged. "Other side's open." Then he looked at his watch. "Besides, it's five-thirty. I close in half an hour."
As he crossed the street, Dale remembered his gun. A Smith and Wesson .357 revolver that he always brought with him on road trips. You never knew what could happen. They might break down on the highway and get attacked by a drug-crazed motorcycle gang. The gun was in the cargo compartment, wrapped inside a cloth and tucked between the spare tire and the side wall. It would be safe enough.
At the restaurant he told Carol the news and in typical Carol fashion she looked on the bright side. "It'll be fun being stranded in a small town," she said. "Who knows what'll happen?"
"Do they have TV?" Jesse asked.
A cute young waitress served them. The plastic tag pinned to her blouse said her name was April. When she brought out their food she set Jesse's down first.
"That's the cutest little mark on your face," she said. "Almost looks like lipstick."
Unabashedly, Jesse pointed to the red oval shaped birthmark set high on his right cheek. "It means I'm special."
She smiled. "It looks like a kiss."
"Really?" Jesse asked.
Dale saw a look of contentment on Carol's face. Jesse's birthmark was something she'd never wanted their son to be shy or embarrassed about.
The waitress set out the rest of the plates. "I heard a mark like that means that right before you were born an angel kissed you."
Jesse turned to his mom. "Is that true?"
Carol smiled at her son and nodded. "I think she may be right."
April bent down and kissed Jesse on the top of his head. "I'm not an angel, but there's a kiss from me."
Dudley Simpson had been right; the food was excellent. After they ate, Dale got up to use the bathroom. "You need to go again, Jess?"
The boy shook his head. "No thanks."
Dale handed Carol a credit card. "Let's save our cash."
She nodded. "All right, baby."
"Back in a sec," he said as he turned away.
***
When he came out of the men's room, Carol and Jesse weren't at the table. The waitress had been quick. Most of the dirty plates were gone; the only ones left were his. Dale looked for his family near the front door, then up by the cash register, but they weren't there.
Maybe Jesse had changed his mind and Carol had brought him into the bathroom with her. So Dale waited, but after several minutes passed and they didn't come out, he decided to check outside. They might have gotten cold or Jesse could've gotten restless and they were waiting out front for him. But they weren't out front, either.
Across the street the lights were out at the gas station--Dudley was closed for the night. The Jeep Cherokee sat at the pumps. Anxiously, Dale looked at the hotel. Maybe...but they wouldn't do that, wouldn't have gone without him. That wasn't like Carol. Smart and independent, but she liked her husband doing the man things, and in her mind, checking into a hotel was a man thing.
Back inside he knocked on the door of the women's restroom. No one answered, so he cracked it open. "Carol?" No answer. "Carol, Jess, you there?"
"Can I help you, sir?" It was their waitress.
Embarrassed, Dale forced a laugh. "I seem to have lost my wife and son." He nodded toward the men's room. "While I was in there."
"Your wife and son?" She looked confused.
"When I came back they were gone."
She had a blank look on her face.
Annoyed, he said, "I ate with them."
The waitress furrowed her brow. "Sir, I didn't see you with anyone else."
Dale stared at her. For a second he thought that maybe he was wrong, maybe this wasn't his waitress. He checked her name tag, saw it said April. "You waited on us." Dale pointed to his right cheek. "My son has that little birthmark. You said an angel kissed him."
She shrugged. "I think I'd remember that."
He pointed to himself. "You remember me?" Then at their table. "We were sitting right there."
She nodded. "Yes, sir. I remember you, but you ate by yourself." She turned to the table where Dale's dishes still sat. "I was just bringing you your bill."
He raised his voice. "Is this some kind of a joke?" People began looking at him.
April took a step back and raised her hands. "You need to talk to Mr. Simms."
"Who's Mr. Simms?"
"The owner."
"Well that's who I want to see."
Mr. Simms was already scurrying over. "What's the problem?"
Dale turned to him. "I can't find my family." He pointed at the girl. "She was our waitress and she's telling me she doesn't even remember them."
Mr. Simms looked at April.
She shrugged again. "I'm sorry but he was alone. I've never seen his family."
Simms looked like he didn't understand. April tried to explain it again, but Dale cut her off and pointed to the table. "My family and I ate right there. I went to the restroom, came out, and they were gone."
Mr. Simms clapped a hand on Dale's shoulder. "Maybe they're outside waiting for you."
"I've checked outside," he barked. "They're not there."
Simms glanced at the waitress. "Why don't you get back to work. I'll handle this."
Dale grabbed her by the arm. "She knows where they are."
Everyone in the restaurant stared at him.
Mr. Simms jerked Dale's hand away from the girl. "Sir, she said she doesn't know where your family is."
April pleaded with her boss. "He didn't have his family with him."
"She's lying!" Dale said, as he inched closer to April.
Simms stepped between them. Looking at Dale, he said, "Have you checked your car?"
He nodded. "It's broken down at the gas station across the street. We've got to spend the night at the hotel."
Mr. Simms smiled. "That's probably it."
"What?"
"I bet they're at the hotel."
"He was by himself," April said.
The restaurant owner snapped his head towards her and pointed to the dinning area. "Go."
She looked at her boss for a second, a half-formed protest on her lips; then suddenly she spun on her heel and stomped away.
Simms looked back at Dale. "Have you checked the hotel?"
"They wouldn't do that."
"Have you checked?" Insistent.
Dale could feel himself losing control as the sweat dripped from his armpits. He took several deep breaths, trying to force himself to calm down. "No, I haven't."
"Maybe your kids got tired."
The deep breathing had made him light-headed. "Just the one boy." As Dale turned toward the door, Simms patted him on the back. "I'm sure everything's going to be fine."
But things weren't fine. At the hotel, he woke up Mrs. Jensen. Turns out she and Mr. Jensen had an apartment behind the office. Dale had banged on the glass door of the office for five minutes before a light came on.
Mrs. Jensen had come out first. A white haired old lady, covered in a paper-thin pink housecoat, imprinted with blue flowers the size of a quarter. A minute later, Mr. Jensen, looking about seventy, dressed in a full set of dark green, silk pajamas and a pair of matching slippers, stumbled into the office, smelling like he'd taken a bath in Jack Daniel's.
Dale's heart sank. He went through the story anyway, but as he expected, the Jensens said that no one had checked in or even come by since mid-morning.
Walking back to the restaurant, he looked at his Jeep. Still empty and no one near it.
A marked police car was parked near the restaurant's front door. As he got closer, Dale read the decal on the side, BATESVILLE TOWN MARSHAL. Maybe now he could get some help.
Just inside, near the cash register, Dale found April the waitress, Mr. Simms, and a heavyset man in jeans and a T-shirt, talking. As he walked up, all three stopped and stared at him. He felt like a freak in a boardwalk exhibit.
"Did you find them?" Simms asked.
Dale shook his head. "The people at the hotel haven't seen them."
The big man in jeans took a step toward him. "Mr...?
"Thornton. Dale Thornton."
The man stuck out his hand. "Jerry Stillwell. I'm town marshal."
"Saw your car outside." Dale shook the marshal's hand. "My wife and son are miss--"
"I understand there was a problem here earlier."
"Yeah there's a problem. My family disappeared."
The marshal and Simms traded glances; then he looked back at Dale. "So I heard. What do you think happened to them?"
Something didn't feel right. "If I knew that, they wouldn't be missing."
Marshal Stillwell stuck his belly out. "No reason to get smart. You all ready scared some customers. Don't make--"
"Scared some customers. Is that why you're here, because I scared some customers? My wife and son are MISSING!" Everyone in the restaurant had stopped eating and was watching the soap opera at the door. With a sharp edge to his voice, Dale said, "What are you going to do about it?"
The marshal jabbed a finger at him. "You better calm yourself down or I'll do it for you. Now I need to ask you some questions," his eyes swept the customers, "and I don't think this is the place to do it."
"I'm not going anywhere." Dale pointed to the completely cleaned off table where they'd eaten. "Half an hour ago my family and I ate right there. Now they're gone. Someone in here knows what happened to them."
The marshal dropped a big hand on Dale's shoulder and tried to guide him out the door. "We're going to find your family, but not here, not like--"
Dale pulled away. He pointed to Simms and the waitress. "They coming with us?"
"I don't see the need for--"
Dale reached out for April. "She's lying!"
With surprising speed, the town marshal slipped behind him and clamped a meaty forearm around his throat, sealing off his windpipe. Dale grabbed at the hairy arm and tried to twist it away as the marshal whispered in his ear, "Take it easy, son." Then something jabbed him in the kidney that sent waves of pain shooting up his back.
Seconds later, Dale was on the floor, his cheek pressed against the cool tiles, as the marshal handcuffed his wrists behind his back.
***
"She said it was the kiss of an angel, huh?" Marshal Stillwell asked. Things had calmed down some. Dale and the town marshal were alone in his office. Dale was still handcuffed, but the marshal had moved them to the front. He sat in a chair in front of the lawman's desk, watching him fill out forms with a ballpoint pen. Stillwell touched his finger to his right cheek. "That mark you're talking about is right here?"
Dale nodded.
"That's strange."
The handcuffs were uncomfortable. Dale twisted his wrists, trying to get some circulation back. "What's unusual about it?"
"We had a preacher in town few years back with the same kind of mark on his face." Stillwell traced a small circle on his cheek. "Heard him say once during a sermon it was from an angel's kiss."
Dale stared at the marshal, his flesh suddenly crawling with goosebumps.
"But he was a strange one. Lots of rumors. Guess it goes with the territory."
"What territory?"
"Young, good-looking preacher. Single. Moves into town, starts preaching all hours of the night." He gave Dale a knowing wink, like they were sharing a secret. "Giving special counseling sessions to half the women in town."
Grasping at straws, looking for anything. Dale said, "Is he still here?"
Marshal Stillwell shook his head. "Church burned down."
"What about the preacher?"
"We never found his body."
"He was the only one in the church?"
Stillwell looked down at the form on his desk and pressed his pen to it. "He had six or eight ladies in there with him. Supposed to be some sort of social club. Fire was so hot, we couldn't tell one body from the next. That was when the rumors really started."
Dale flexed his fingers. His hands hurt. "What kind of rumors?"
The marshal laughed. "Just gossip. People 'round here are simple minded, superstitious, that's all."
"What kind of gossip?"
Stillwell looked up. "Not everybody you understand, but some people have been talking about how the preacher isn't really dead, about how he's gonna come back some day."
Dale needed to get out, to find Carol and Jesse. There was something terribly wrong here. "Am I under arrest?"
Stillwell nodded.
In the corner stood a single holding cell, the door gaping open, waiting. "What's the charge?"
The marshal jerked a thumb in the general direction of the restaurant. "Disturbing the peace."
"What about my family?"
The man tapped the pile of forms in front of him. "I'll forward these missing persons reports to the state police in the morning; then I'll call the judge and try to get a bond set for you."
Dale sprung to his feet. "I've got to find my family tonight!"
Marshal Stillwell eased out of his chair and stood up. "Just calm down. Soon as I get this information to them, the state troopers will be on the lookout." He jerked his thumb toward the south. "Their office is just five miles down the road."
Dale nodded at the phone on the desk. "Call them now."
The marshal shook his head. "Can't do that."
"Why not."
"I got procedures to follow."
Dale Thornton squatted and shoved the desk into Stillwell. The marshal's chair rolled back on its casters but snagged on something and tipped over, spilling Marshal Stillwell onto the floor. Dale scrambled over the desk, knocking papers, pens, and a near full cup of coffee on top of the lawman, then dropped a knee into the man's big belly. The marshal curled into a ball and moaned.
Stillwell didn't have a gun on him, at least not one Dale could find. The way he was dressed it looked like he had been called out from home. Maybe he forgot his gun, or maybe he just didn't carry one. Dale grabbed a handful of shirt and dragged the marshal into the open holding cell, then kicked the door shut. It locked automatically.
By the time Stillwell staggered to his feet Dale was searching his desk. The marshal tried to rip the steel bars apart with his bare hands. "Let me out of here, you crazy bastard!"
Dale ignored him. In the bottom right hand drawer he found a gun, a .38 caliber, five-shot Smith and Wesson. Stillwell started shouting for help. Dale leveled the gun at him. "Shut up."
Stillwell quit yelling.
Dale kept searching.
A few seconds later, the marshal said, "You'll never get away with this."
Holding his wrists up, Dale rattled the handcuffs. "Keys?"
The cop pointed to the desk. "Bottom left."
After he got the handcuffs off, Dale finished going through the desk, then did a quick search of a filing cabinet that was set against the wall. There he found keys to the holding cell and a roll of duct tape.
As Dale approached the cell, Marshal Stillwell backed against the far wall. "What are you gonna do?"
Aiming the revolver at Stillwell's belly, Dale ordered him to lie on the floor. A few minutes later he relocked the cell door, leaving the marshal with his hands cuffed behind his back and a strip of silver duct tape wrapped around his head that sealed his mouth shut. On his way out of the marshal's office, Dale tossed the revolver back into the desk drawer and kicked it shut. That was trouble he didn't need.
The state police. "Their office is just five miles down the road," the marshal had said.
Darkness had settled over the Batesville. How long had he been in the marshal's office? Everything in town was closed and locked up tight. There wasn't a light to be seen, and not a soul on the street. He didn't see any payphones.
He had to get out of town. Which way had the marshal pointed when he mentioned the state police? Thinking about it, Dale decided it had to be south. They'd driven in from the north and he was sure they hadn't passed a state police troop.
The night had turned cold. If he was going to walk for five miles he needed a jacket.
It took just a few minutes to make it to the gas station. His Jeep was right where he'd left it, but when he reached into his pocket for the keys they weren't there. An image flashed through his mind. A close up shot just like in a movie. His hand reaching toward Dudley Simpson's, and in his hand, his keys.
Damn!
He looked into the rear window, saw their luggage lying in the back. Dale thought about breaking the window and getting a jacket, maybe his gun, too. Not the gun. He was in enough trouble all ready for what he'd done to the town marshal. Assault, kidnapping--maybe not kidnapping, he hadn't taken him anywhere, just locked him in his own cell--but something like kidnapping. Desperation had driven him to it. That's the only reason he had done it. Because he had to find Carol and Jesse.
He could make it without a jacket.
Old Highway 167 south. Dale Thornton started walking. Ten minutes later he saw headlights behind him, coming from town. He crouched in the bushes beside the highway, but the beat-up pickup glided to a stop next to him. An old man sat behind the wheel, alone in the truck. "You need a ride?"
Feeling like a complete fool, Dale stood. "Yeah, I guess."
"Where you headed?"
"You know where the state police office is?"
The old man nodded, then jerked his head toward the passenger side. "Hop in."
As he climbed into the pickup truck, Dale shot a glance at the old man. Probably at least seventy, with long ghost white hair and a bushy mustache, wearing a stained undershirt and a pair of denim overalls. Dale scanned the dashboard for a clock but didn't see one. "What time is it?"
The old man shrugged. "Haven't worn a watch in thirty years. Do things as quick as I can. A timepiece strapped to my wrist ain't gonna make me move any faster."
The drive was torture. Never did the old man go over thirty-five miles an hour. Only good thing was that he didn't ask any questions. Just dropped Dale off in the parking lot of the state police troop. As he walked through the door into the police station, Dale glanced over his shoulder and saw the old man's pickup rumbling down the highway.
Inside, sitting behind a chest high counter, was a uniformed trooper, sergeant stripes on his sleeves. Mid-40's, with an iron gray crew cut. "Can I help you, sir?" the sergeant said.
Dale spat out the story as fast as he could, leaving out the part about how he'd handcuffed the town marshal and left him gagged in his own jail cell.
The sergeant's face had remained inscrutable while Dale talked. "What was the name of that town again, sir?"
"Batesville."
The sergeant wheeled his chair over to a map hanging on the wall. "And where'd you say it was?"
The state cop demonstrated the same bureaucrat mentality as the town marshal. Any minute now he'd break out a sheaf of forms and start filling them out. Dale pointed north. "Five miles that way."
"What'd you say your name was again?" The sergeant glided the chair back over to his work area and pulled a pen from his shirt pocket.
"Thornton. Dale Thornton."
As soon as the sergeant finished jotting Dale's name on a pad, he looked up. "There's no town named Batesville."
"I was just there!"
The sergeant stood up. "Take it easy, sir. I'm sure you just got the name mixed up."
Just like in the restaurant.
"...get to the bottom of it." The desk sergeant was still talking, but Dale hadn't heard everything. He felt dizzy. Was everyone around here crazy? "We ate dinner there," he mumbled. "I left my car at the gas station. Dudley Simpson's gas station."
The sergeant nodded as he walked around the counter. A big man, at least six feet, with the beefy build of a weightlifter. "I know Simpson's place. Old 167 and Highway 90. But there's no town there, just the gas station."
"The gas station's smack in the middle of the town. There's a restaurant, a general store, and a hotel, too."
The sergeant closed on him, his body bladed, his gun side away from Dale. "I need you to put your hands on the counter, sir."
"What?"
With his right hand resting on his holstered pistol, the state trooper took hold of Dale's wrist with his left hand and pushed it to the top of the counter. Dale's other hand followed. The sergeant said, "Pull you feet back."
"What are you doing?"
"You have any weapons on you?"
"No! Of course not." Glad he'd left the marshal's gun, glad he hadn't gotten his own out of the Jeep.
"I'm just gonna pat you down."
"Why?" Dale said. "I haven't done anything. My family's missing?"
The sergeant slid his hands over Dale's waist and the outside of his pockets. "It's for safety, sir."
"Whose?"
"Yours and mine," the trooper sergeant said as he stepped backward a few feet.
"Something's happened to my wife and son. I came here for help."
"What happened to them?"
"I don't know," Dale said. "That's why I need your help."
"Mr. Thornton, I've worked this area for nineteen years. There is no town called Batesville."
"I don't care what you call it, but there's a town five miles away and we need to go there right now."
"Closest town is twelve miles from here and it's south."
The gas station. At least the sergeant knew about the gas station. Dale looked over his shoulder at the big cop. "Can I stand up?" After getting a nod, Dale pushed away from the counter and stood straight. Arguing wasn't getting him anywhere. "Look sergeant, maybe I seem a bit confused, but I know my wife and 6-year-old son are missing. Our car broke down at Simpson's gas station. Can you drive me there and help me look for them?"
The sergeant took his hand off his pistol and relaxed a little. "How'd you get here?"
"An old man in a pickup gave me a ride."
"You get his name?"
Dale's mouth opened but nothing came out as he realized he couldn't remember a thing about the old man or his truck. No details at all.
"What's the matter?"
Dale shook his head. "He...he just gave me a ride. I didn't get his name."
The trooper sergeant held up his hand. "Stay right here. Soon as I get someone to cover the desk, I'll give you a ride back to Simpson's."
Ten minutes later Dale climbed into the passenger seat of the state police car. The sergeant looked over at him. "Put your seatbelt on." Dale strapped himself in but noticed the sergeant didn't.
On the highway the trooper asked him to go over the story again. As Dale repeated what had happened, the sergeant asked several questions about Simpson's: what time of day, what was wrong with the car, who had the keys; but he asked nothing about what happened in the restaurant. The restaurant that wasn't there, according to the sergeant.
A few minutes later the police cruiser's headlights lit up the darkened gas station and Dale's Jeep parked at the pumps.
There was nothing else--absolutely nothing else.
The sergeant slowed down as he turned into the parking lot. "That your Cherokee?"
Stunned, Dale couldn't answer. Staring out the window, struck dumb by what he saw, or didn't see. No restaurant, no hotel, no Batesville General Store--no town. Just empty farmland and a few trees surrounding the gas station.
The trooper pulled his car up behind the Jeep, leaving a car-length gap between the two of them. "Stay here," he said as he pulled a flashlight from a charger mounted to the dash.
Dale leaned his head against the window and watched the sergeant creep up to the driver's door of his Jeep Cherokee, flashlight held out in front of him, his other hand on the butt of his pistol. The state cop opened the door--the locked door--and poked his head inside the passenger compartment of Dale's Jeep. The trooper backed out and held up his hand, Dale's keys dangling from his fingers. "Keys were inside," he shouted.
With legs quivering, Dale stepped out of the police car. He couldn't understand this. The Jeep had been locked, Dudley Simpson had the keys. He stumbled toward the trooper.
The sergeant shined his flashlight into the back, into the cargo compartment. Suddenly, his face turned to stone. He dropped the keys, drew his gun, aimed both it and his flashlight at Dale. "Don't move!"
Dale stopped dead. What the hell was...
"Get on the ground!"
Not comprehending, Dale just stood there.
The trooper screamed at him, "Get on the fucking ground--now."
Dale Thornton dropped face down onto the pavement. From the corner of his eye, he saw the sergeant side-stepping around him until he was behind Dale and to his left.
The trooper said, "Turn your head to the right."
Dale did as he was told. Then the sergeant closed in and cuffed his hands behind his back. Just the second time in his life Dale had been handcuffed, both on the same night.
After backing up a few steps, the sergeant keyed the radio clipped to his belt and called the state police troop. When the dispatcher answered, the sergeant said, "I need back up units," Dale heard him take a deep breath, "and notify the corner."
The tinny voice from the radio said, "What you got, sergeant?"
"Homicide," the trooper answered. "Suspect is in custody."
Homicide?
The sergeant hooked Dale's elbows and jerked him to his feet, then picked up the keys and opened the tailgate of the Jeep.
Lying in the back, in the cargo space, arms and legs twisted into a torturous configuration, was the naked body of his wife, Carol. At the back of her head, her golden hair was tangled and caked with dried blood. Her face chalk white, her forehead blown out where the bullet had exited. On the carpet next to her was a .357 revolver--Dale's .357 revolver.
She was alone.
"Jesse!" Dale screamed at the dark and empty fields.
***
In 1885 the town of Batesville, Louisiana burned to the ground. Scores of people were killed in the predawn fire that swept through the town. Among those reported killed in the blaze was the town's only minister, but many bodies were so badly burned that positive identification was impossible.
The fire started in the Batesville church and was allegedly set by a preacher from a nearby town. The preacher, a God-fearing and righteous man, was said to have been outraged at the evil deeds going on in Batesville, which he had called a modern-day Sodom.
The town of Batesville was never rebuilt.
THE END

Nettie Peterson has known me at my best and at my worst, and after everything that's happened lately, I think I can finally say the same. I'm admittedly not very good at comforting her, though. I haven't had much practice, is all. Historically speaking, she's always been the one to take care of me. My introduction to earth was a confusing, horrifying time for me, and she had dealt with all of it. She'd handled every panic attack, brought me back from every low. When I woke up one night to a drilling pain in my stomach and blood soaking my panties, she managed to keep me calm while explaining that this would now happen every month.
What I'm saying is that the woman is insanely skilled.
Me, not so much. After we had gotten out of the cave, I tried to provide emotional support by petting her hair and talking soothingly. Seeing as I was also distressed, she was doing the same to me, so we were basically sitting on the beach holding each other. To the outside observer, we must have looked rather strange. I was relieved to finally get back to her house. We sat down in front of the TV and ate cupcakes. We have a special system for eating cupcakes. I peel off the frosting and give her rest. It's messy and I have to keep hand wipes nearby everytime, but it's how we do it. We both eat cupcakes whole when we're by ourselves, so it doesn't make much sense either, but when we share, it's always like this.
Once I was sure she was alright, I left her to go off to bed while I made my way back to the hotel, bracing myself for what I expected to be an extremely uncomfortable conversation.
The lobby was dim and quiet. The large, bright ceiling lights had been turned off with only a couple floor lamps illuminating the hall. I walked past the unmanned reception desk and up the stairs, then rapped my knuckles against the door to Frankie's room. After a couple seconds, he opened up. Upon meeting my gaze, he let out a soft gasp, but it wasn't followed by a smile this time. He made way for me to step inside, wordlessly, and I entered without breaking the silence. I sat down on the sofa where he joined me after placing a glass of coconut water in front of me.
For a beat, we both stared at the drink. I didn't take it.
"What you did felt really off earlier," I began. "You were trying to embarrass Nettie. If you were testing your boundaries, if you were trying to see how I'd react, you got your answer. Don't ever make me choose between you two. You'll lose."
"Yes," he said quietly.
"If you don't get along with Nettie, that's one thing. You don't need to. But she was needling you and you made a real effort to be cruel." I paused. "You act so strange sometimes. All bossy and cagey."
"Yes," he repeated, briefly falling silent as he worked away on his gum in slow, contemplative motions. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to unsettle her. It's not that I don't like her, she's fine, but at that moment, I simply loathed her. I couldn't tell you why. But I wish I'd kept quiet. I feel gross for spouting off like that."
"Then… why?"
"I don't know! There's this weird feeling, it comes over me and makes me remember stuff that's in the past… Then I get caught up and confused. I run my mouth, but I don't want to make you upset. I swear I won't do it again. I'll rein myself in."
"Will you? This doesn't seem right." I took a deep breath. "Frankie, I have no idea what you are. Even though you know everything about me."
"Not everything," he argued. "You never said a thing about what life was like where you're from. Or who you were before. Yes, that's not what this is about, but I'm just speaking technically."
"You shouldn't have to rely on technicalities to make a point."
"No. Look, I keep wondering what I'm even doing here. I like you a lot. But I haven't thought this through and by now, I'm scared to."
"Stop talking in riddles," I implored him.
He huffed out a chuckle. "I'd have to stop thinking in them first." Before he could add anything else, his phone started vibrating on the TV table. "Oh, dammit," he muttered. Shooting me an uncertain gaze, he reached out for it, his hand hovering above the screen. "Can I?"
"Sure." I let go of a long breath, snatched up the glass and leaned back in my seat as Frankie answered the call. I pick up on a woman's voice talking on the other end.
He kept glancing over at me almost sheepishly as he mumbled words of affirmation into the phone. "Yes… Yeah, I remember… Well, it's not a good time, but I'll do it. Bye." Dropping the device into his lap, he gave me a twist of the mouth. "That was Mae-Lynn. She works at—"
"The diner with you," I cut him off. "I do take note of the other staff there, for your information." I took a sip of my water. "Occasionally."
"I promised to do some shopping for her. She's come down with the flu. Store's closing soon, though, so I'll have to go now."
"Well, that's convenient."
"I was going to ask you to come along."
I agreed. Having lost track of the conversation, the drive was a grim, quiet affair. Frankie took us to one of the more expensive stores in the area, saying that he wanted to treat Mae-Lynn.
"Take a cart," I ordered, and once he had acquired one, I had him hold it still while I climbed inside. He regarded me with a bemused expression but refrained from commenting as he began to roll me down the aisles.
Grocery shopping at night is something else. Eighties music was playing over the radio at a low volume, but the otherwise quiet space made it sound decidedly louder. There was almost the hint of an echo. Safe for two of three singular, tired-looking individuals, Frankie and I were the only people in the store. I had nestled against the back of the cart, my head tipped back to watch Fran's face from below as his eyes roamed the shelves. Occasionally, he'd stop to check the list Mae-Lynn had texted him on his phone.
"If you want anything, speak up," he told me.
"I'm out of cereal," I said, just as we passed the respective aisle. He turned the cart back around, let me pick out a carton of cornflakes and took up walking again. After five minutes of stoically regarding him from my mobile vantage point, I piped up again. "Go back. Wrong ones."
"Well, which ones do you want? I'll get them, it's faster than pushing this thing around."
I shook my head. "No, no, I have to look at them. Go back."
He shook his head to himself but obediently maneuvered the cart back to the shelf with the breakfast items. I took my time picking out a different box, then settled back down.
"Happy?" Fran asked.
"Delighted."
After fifteen minutes, we were getting close to finishing Mae-Lynn's list. Frankie was starting to move towards the cash register, only for me to tug on his arm. "Turn back," I told him, holding up the box. "I don't want them after all. I need different ones."
He stifled a groan. "Sure, Sunshine." I let him roll me all the way back to the cereal aisle where I studied the colorful boxes intensely. "Nevermind," I said, turning back to him. "Let's go."
He started making his way over to the register again when I cleared my throat. "Actually, I think I might have another look."
"Are you kidding me?" he squeaked, only for me to hold his gaze with a smile. "You are," he choked out. "I oughta send you rolling right into that stack of cans."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Is that a challenge?" He glanced about himself, finding that we were alone. Then, he pushed the cart, and it swerved, sliding across the shiny floor. The thrill of the launch washed over me and I started laughing. He lunged for it, grabbing it just in time to prevent the collision.
"Do it again!" I demanded.
He indulged me, sending me swerving and spinning a couple more times. Eventually, he took a running start and pushed me down a long, empty aisle at a breakneck speed. The giggles died in my throat when, seemingly out of thin air, someone appeared at the end of the aisle. My jaw dropped and I reflexively gripped the sides of the cart to protect myself from the impending crash, but the person simply reached out and caught the cart by its edges. Within the blink of an eye, they had managed to steady it. My vehicle had come to a standstill. It all happened incredibly fast, and for a moment, I found myself unable to react. One of the other person's hands had come to rest over mine in the process. Still at a loss for words, I raised my head to meet their gaze.
Those eyes.
My heart, already thundering in my chest, dropped entirely into my stomach. There were pupils filling the void in that formerly uninterrupted pale vastness this time, but I recognized them either way. Seeing them sit in an actual face instead of behind a nondescript black mask was strange, but there was not a doubt in my mind. It was them.
The cultist had jarringly pleasant features that struck me as neither overtly feminine nor masculine. Their tawny skin had an almost bronze sheen to it and short locks of platinum blond hair stuck to their smooth forehead, slick with the same sweat that formed stains beneath the armpits of their light gray t-shirt.
It was like time stood still. The interaction could not have been longer than two seconds in total, but it felt like a full hour. From me staring at our linked hands, to locking eyes with them, to the cold, raw realization, it seemed to me as though forty minutes or more had gone by, followed by another twenty when I watched the crude smile forming on their lips. Their fingers clamped down on my own, and before I knew it, it had happened.
The lights in the store had changed color, taking on a dimmer, sickly green tint. The shelves around us had emptied and the gentle, melodic hum of the radio had been replaced by a deep, droning buzz of static. I was still sitting in the shopping cart, and the cultist was still leaning over me, but their expression had morphed into one of shocked disbelief. Seeing fear on the face of the person who'd stabbed me might have been a great satisfaction to me in any other situation, but right then and there, I was equally as terrified.
I had switched dimensions and was now alone with my attempted murderer.
The thought took a while to sink in, but the clearer it became, the more I felt the need to scream. And yet, not a sound left my lips. My own saliva had turned sour, filling my mouth with an acidic taste. Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach like icy, chilled water and tears were stringing the corners of my eyes. I blinked them away in a hurry, redirecting my gaze at the cultist. They were staring past me in a daze, taking in our changed surroundings before fixing me with a sharp glare.
"Seriously?"
"What?" The word somehow slipped past the lump in my throat.
The cultist made a sweeping gesture at our surroundings. "Where are we? What the hell is this? You don't even have your dimension hopping under control? Not gonna lie, I had higher expectations of you."
"What?" I repeated eloquently.
"You just switched dimensions on my ass. And seeing as you literally crashed into me, I don't think you planned on doing that."
"I didn't," I confirmed.
"That's what I'm talking about."
"You know about dimensions?"
The cultist palmed their face, emitting a deep, low groan. "Clearly."
I scrambled back in the cart, trying to bring some distance between the two of us. I bared my teeth at them, both rows elongating and curving outward. At least I was getting the hang of my physical transformation. "If you come any closer, I'll rip your hand off," I hissed, spittle flying out between my fangs.
"I believe you," they replied, narrowing their eyes at me. "I'm not gonna hurt you."
"That's hard for me to believe."
"Yes, sure. I did and I would again, but not here. Not now. You understand?" they asked pointedly, their voice cutting like a razor blade.
"I'm not sure I do."
"Well, without you, I won't get out of here, and I've stuff to do on the other side." They stepped behind the cart and grabbed onto the handle.
I hastily twisted around to face them. "You know about the finer details of dimension hopping but you can't do it yourself?"
They let out a soft sigh as they began pushing the cart, with me inside, down the empty aisle. "I managed to do it once. Just once. Never again. It's not a great surprise to me that you should be able to switch to the other sides, but I'd thought you'd be able to control it. I think I have your number. I'm pretty sure I know what you are, and we have more in common than you could have probably guessed. That boy you were with on the other hand… I won't lie, he freaks me out. He's got the strangest face and he didn't react to my eyes at all."
"What are you?" I queried, quick to steer him away from the topic of Frankie Preston even though I didn't really expect an honest answer. "How'd you do that the other night? Your… your eye thing?"
"That unsettled you, didn't it? It's not anything I do per se." They shrugged leisurely. "I could just as well ask you where you're hiding your tentacles."
"So you're not human. I didn't think you were," I stated. "What's your business with the Collective? What are you after? Are any of you normal people?"
"As far as I know, I'm the only one who's not." They steered the cart around the corner with a swift, forcible yank and I bumped painfully against the side of the cart. Stifling a yelp, I kept my face straight, looking over the shelves as we passed them. I noticed that some of them weren't entirely empty—there were a couple jars, cans and bags of various goods standing scattered throughout. They looked almost lonely. The cultist, registering my wandering gaze, stopped and grabbed a random plastic jar that looked like it could be containing peanut butter or something of the sort. The label was faded and partially peeled off. They inspected it from all sides before thrusting it into my hands. "Here, open it," they commanded.
"I certainly won't," I replied, a mix of rage and apprehension bubbling in my chest.
"Aren't you curious?"
"No. But if you are, go on and open it yourself."
They grunted, grabbing the jar and unscrewing the red lid. They dropped it to the floor where it bounced off once and rolled away into the darkness. Peering in, their expression remained unchanged. "Nothing. Look." They held it out to me and sure enough, it was empty. I let them hand it to me, intrigue winning me over as I started examining the small container. It was completely unremarkable. I reached two of my fingers inside only for the digits to suddenly be stricken with a searing pain. It flashed through my bones like lightning and I cried out, withdrawing my hand. Suddenly, the floor seemed to quiver. The lights in the store flickered, seeming startlingly bright for a split second only to turn dimly green once more. The cultist let out an involuntary shriek, staggering back before managing to steady themself as everything went back to its former solid state.
"What the fuck was that?" they wheezed.
"An earthquake?" I suggested, not quite knowing what else to say. My pulse was thrumming in my ears, hard enough to split my head in half. It took me a minute to regain a relative state of calm.
"An earthquake? In another dimension? You're messing with me."
"I don't know! Maybe it was… maybe I was nearly jumping back, I have no idea." I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing pain shooting through my temples. "I don't have it all figured out yet, but it's an emotional response. Whenever my flight instinct gets triggered, these dimension switches happen. It was the jar. The jar is painful inside."
"What do you mean?" they asked, eagerly reaching for the jar and sticking their pinky finger into it. They pulled it back out with a howl, letting the jar drop to the floor. "What the hell is up with this place?"
"How would I know?" I argued hotly.
"Yeah, well. Anyways." All of a sudden, their hand was in my hair, tugging on my braid. They yanked my head to the side, and before I could break out my tentacles or try to snap my jaws at them, I could feel their hot breath on my nape. A scream died in my throat, equal parts painful and shocked. My eyes burned, my vision swimming when the cultist dragged their teeth across my skin, leaving a trail of warm saliva. And then, fast and without mercy, they bit down.
The lights turned bright white. The static buzzing that had been hanging in the stale air changed to the familiar eighties music tunes. Squinting into the sudden brightness, the colors of the countless types of packaged products filling the shelves almost seemed to be screaming at me.
We were back.
The cultist disentangled themself, quickly stepping away from me. I looked up, still dazed, to see why. Frankie Preston had come up behind us, snatching the cart away from the other person and pulling it out of their reach. I immediately scrambled up to wrap my arms around him. "That's them," I breathed. "From the Collective."
"I know," he said tonelessly. His eyes, trained on the blonde, spelled murder. "You should get out of here," he added, addressing them. "The shelves here are rickety, they might fall on you."
The cultist's expression was a frozen mix of suppressed uncertainty and confusion. Still, they held the server's gaze. "You should maybe not… do anything stupid," they uttered, their voice almost equally as flat as his.
"I'm all about stupid."
"Then I guess I ought to leave. See you guys soon. It was a pleasure." They threw us a smile that was faker than Frankie's when he waited tables before marching off, leaving the two of us alone in the aisle.
"Are you alright?" Fran asked, running a hand over my mussed braid. "What happened? I'm so… one minute you were here and the next…"
"We switched dimensions."
"I pieced that together. You weren't gone for long… just a couple minutes." He nervously twisted his wet bubble gum around the tip of his finger, drawing nervous strings.
"Were you worried?"
"Out of my mind," he said in a low voice, not meeting my gaze. "I mean, I knew you'd be okay on your own, I wasn't saying that—"
"I wasn't. I'm not," I interrupted him. "I got out alright, sure I did, but I'm not okay right now." I swallowed. My throat was bone dry. "I need to call Mary Markov. She should hear about this."
Frankie nodded along. "Do you want me to do it for you? I'm certain I can give her an accurate description."
I declined and sat back in the cart. Per my request, Fran brought me home after we'd paid for everything. I needed some time alone to relax and pretend everything was normal. I cleaned my room and then looked through job listings, which I admittedly haven't done in a little while. When I couldn't find any other way to procrastinate, I made the call to Mary Markov, which went about as well as could be expected. She wants to see me tomorrow, though. I wish she'd told me about what. For a newsreader, she's really not very forward with her information.
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
20: olms and Jewels

Where memories fade, love's essence ignites.
A car crash into a pine tree shatters the facade of a once seemingly blissful marriage. Jack's desperate attempts to bring down the tree with a chainsaw leave his wife, Hazel, wondering what has become of their bond. Is he still the same man she fell in love with three decades ago? As Hazel battles her fears, "Journey to the Treetop" invites readers on an emotional ride through the tumultuous landscape of a mind affected by memory loss.
_____________________________________________
​
CABIN ROAD is the gateway to paradise.
But why does this feel like a path to hell?
I smash into a tall pine tree that stands in the middle of the otherwise straight gravel road. I've gone around it hundreds of times before. But now, my fingers are firmly gripped on the steering wheel, disregarding all my commands. Have I become paralyzed?
A potato is wobbling on the dashboard, having obviously leaped out of the potato crates in the back seat. Jack gets out and strides to the front bumper. His lips press into a thin line as he appraises the destruction and cost of fixing it. Nothing should hold him back from swearing. But he maintains his composure, anger simmering just beneath the surface.
The memory of thirty years of marriage fills my mind. I question whether this man has drugged me. A fleeting thought that he might have crashed the car surfaces, but it seems too much of a stretch. I take a deep breath and try to clear my head.In the rear-view mirror, Jack gets an axe from the trunk. He comes and gazes at me from my window, his eyes looking heavy and weary—like two precious pearls inside their oyster-like shells. I straighten and open the window:
“Thank goodness it wasn't worse.”
“I'll chop it down.”
“That’s a pretty big tree, Jack.”
Jack blinks several times.
“I do have a chainsaw...”
“Yes.” I wonder what stories this tree has witnessed during its lifetime. Will we see the marks of our journey on its rings? There’s always something that gets squeezed in tighter, begging to be unraveled.
“I'll drive you to the cabin and grab the chainsaw,” Jack says. “Prepare some coffee while I'm gone.”
Our short passage to the cabin around the bend is like shifting through the fog of memory. I'm in the kitchen. My fingers clench around the coffee tin can and spoon. Bewilderment engulfs my brain. I spot Jack with his saw. He slips around the corner, the curve of his bottom visible through his tight work trousers. I feel anxious about the crash. Did I deliberately hit the tree?
The measuring spoon slips from my hand. It drops onto the floor along with the tin can. I clean up the mess. Could someone drive into a tree on purpose? Accidents do happen after all. It's fascinating to see him take on this role of being so chivalrous. Far away from his academic duties.
As the chainsaw outside whines, I scroll through social media on my phone. People arguing about something or other makes me tired. I pick up a copy of Science magazine from the coffee table and scan through an article titled “Quantum Communication Across Interstellar Space,” authored by Jack. As usual, the details go right over my head. I like to amuse myself with the idea that it speaks about communicating with individuals who have passed away.
Billy's message pops up. He asks for money for a fishing trip with his buddies somewhere in Lapland. I am more than happy to support him since he’s enlisting in the army soon in July. My big boy.
I tell him about the car crash, and he gives me advice about a car repair store. Jack comes back earlier than expected. He plops into his seat, sweat beading on his forehead and the smell of resin emanating from him. He seems disappointed.I pour coffee to the brim.
“Did the saw get stuck?”
Jack shakes his head and adds sugar to his mug.
“It got shattered under the tree. I stumbled...”
Silence descends slowly, like dust.
“My helmet cracked.”
“Do you want me to buy new parts when I go to the store?”
“No need.”
“But there's pruning and cutting to do first.”
Jack takes a bite out of a cinnamon bun.
“I can sharpen the axe.”
“Ask the neighbors for help, that's what they're for. You can also mow the lawn while I'm away.”
“The grass is already short— it'll die off.”
“You don't want ticks taking over! Think about your mother's joint pain. She would roll in her grave if—”
“Cremated?’
“Yes!” My answer is like a flyswatter, leaving no room for further discussion or quantum physics.
Jack is busy chewing on the bun. His regular coffee breaks, which have become part of his daily routine in his sixties, have honed impressive jowls.
We enjoy our coffee and stare at the lake. Calm as a mirror. I have a feeling Jack will soon suggest fishing. As I gather my things to leave, I call to him:
“Don't hurt yourself. Should I bring more buns?”
“I was thinking of skipping the sugar and wheat...”
I simply smile in reply.
“Can you refuel the car?” Jack asks.
I'm already off. The door slams shut in the middle of his sentence, but Jack knows better than to expect a response.
I jump into the driver's seat and immediately notice forgotten potato baskets in the back seat, but my mind drifts away before I can do anything about it. As I pass by our old well, I remember that we need to discuss connecting the cabin to a new water source. No matter what it costs, it needs to be done. Why should I agree to be responsible for our running water anymore?
I collide with something hard. Airbags abruptly inflate around me, disorienting me as my vision blurs. Struggling to escape from the tangled mess of seatbelts and inflatable bags, it feels like I'm an old person trying to climb out of a bouncy castle.
My gaze rests on the scene before me, but my thoughts can't understand it. I have plowed into a tree stump. The tree stretches over the ditch. Nearby the chainsaw lies crushed. The cutting chain is nowhere to be found.
I get back in the car. Should I phone Jack for an urgent call? Inhaling slowly helps me stay calm. Why didn’t he mention the tree stump?
Someone taps on my window.
I jump and my neck stiffens up. I reach for the window switch.
“I should have told you about...” Jack says.
“The stump?”
“Didn't you see the tree on the ground?”
“I'm sorry. I was daydreaming.”
“Great galaxy, Hazel! You're burning through our last savings as if money grew on trees!”
Jack is being truly authentic with me. I stare back at him like some big-eyed exotic species from Madagascar that I can't identify in all this chaos. Jack opens the door and starts to put the cushion back in its place. We turn on the engine, giving the accelerator a test ride.
“Let's go to a repair shop. I'm sure our insurance will cover this,” Jack suggests. “We can say that we had an accident with a reindeer.”
“You're supposed to report it to the police or game warden if you hit an animal,” I reply.
Jack pauses for a moment. He then reverses and drives forward again, but when he looks into the rear-view mirror, he slams on the brakes.
“I have a better plan.”
He retrieves an orange towing strap from the trunk, a burst of determination on his face. He connects the stump and the tow hook.
“Get ready. We’re going to take a quantum leap here.”
We buckle our seat belts with a single click as we prepare for the inevitable disaster. We had already made so many mistakes together, starting with raising our children—though sometimes failing was just part of parenting.
Jack revs up the engine. A sudden lurch forward, then Jack howls in pain as the stump smashes through the rear window, clambering through the seats and lodging itself onto the gearbox, trapping Jack's hand. He veers off toward the ditch. The Milky Way spins around us, potatoes fly in the air and suddenly, all is quiet. We find ourselves upside down—surrounded by earthy potatoes and broken glass.
I try to break the silence:
“I just remembered: Billy's friend can repair cars at the vocational school much cheaper.”
Jack looks so pale, his face almost white. I guess he’s contemplating the next step.
Through the cracked windshield, I see the chainsaw chain lying in the ditch. How did it come to be rusting away? Maybe everything will go back to normal if we sit here and wait.
It feels almost as if we are flying in outer space, my nerves slowly calming down. But then a sudden stillness strikes that is anything but soothing.
“Jack, I’m feeling a bit dizzy…”
No answer.
“Jack...”
I snap open my eyes and the scene in front of me has changed drastically. It’s like I’ve been sucked into some kind of surreal void.
I hear a tapping noise on the window. An apology and then a loud thud; a huge rock has been hurled through the glass. A stench of strong aftershave ferments around me. A burly arm reaches across to release the seatbelt. An elderly man growls something crude, nothing like Jack's usual scout-like words.
My eyes close as I'm being cradled away, and visions of Jack's mathematics and symbols flicker around in my mind. Is the soul truly free when there is no force of gravity to pull us down?
I don't know who my savior is, but I can sense his worry as his face reddens. He is in military garb.
I come to as I feel my head thudding against the rubble. Instantly, I yearn to run away, contemplating that perhaps this experience is only a dream, and I'm back in the cabin chamber, tucked securely underneath a cosy blanket. A blanket that grants me the power to perform heroic acts like disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“Are you okay?” he speaks in a familiar voice.
Fingers brush over my clothes, picking out pieces of glass. My pocket contains an odd bulge—a potato? Suddenly, everything clicks: an aged Billy, wearing a major's rank insignia. How could he have achieved that rank so fast?
“Son, what are you doing on this tree ring?”
Billy peers at me from across the way, accompanied by a mysterious female figure. “We came to check on how you're doing,” Billy says. “Do you remember what happened?”
I raise my head and look around. There's nobody in the driver's seat of the car.
“Where is Jack?” I manage.
Billy furrows his brows like a detective would when weighing evidence. An image of the classic TV show Columbo flashes through my mind—he could lull suspects into a false sense of security before dropping the hammer of his sharp intellect on their inconsistencies. But I'm not hiding anything here. Though why are modern shows so bad? That's another mystery entirely.
“Mom, what were you doing out here? The road is an absolute disaster zone, with the car smashed up in the ditch.”
My thoughts swim haphazardly as Billy reads something from my expression, then casts his eyes towards his new girlfriend for assistance.
I try to get up but it hurts too much. Instead, I reach into my pocket and feel a sandy-sharp potato there. Maybe I can still wash it off.
“I’m fine,” I reply. “I need to get back to plowing the field... baking buns for Jack... buying a chainsaw...”
The darkness returns and I feel my body shiver. I'm in the car, traveling down bumps I've known for quite some time. Soon, I’m settled inside the cabin's living room on the couch. The coffee maker is gurgling in the corner of the room. Billy is on a call with a doctor about how to deal with grief and coping alone; it seems someone had died while cutting down a tree last year. He gets furious and threatens to take away the keys from the person he's talking to. It might be a good idea; many people have too many keys that they don't use anyway.
My head is spinning with thoughts about Jack's absence. Where did he go?Someone runs water over potatoes while a pot clatters on the stovetop. My temper rises as I wait for Jack's return. I won't stay here by myself without an explanation from him. I call out for Jack until there's no sound left but my coughing voice.
I crave sausage soup, and I know I must go to the store. As I try to move forward, I am wading through tar. They guide me to the coffee table. According to Jack, time runs faster the more hunched your back becomes. Let it be and let us sit here, motionless, gazing at the tips of our shoes. Surely, time has slowed down in this moment.
Billy reaches out and takes my hand. A handsome, greying gentleman. His girlfriend also places her hand on top of the pile. Her name is Ewa. A beautiful name, something familiar about her.
But did I hear her calling me mother?
In the yard, a squirrel hops with a cone in its mouth. It freezes and stares at me. I avert my gaze. My hands suddenly look wrinkled. I summon the inner strength that I've been striving to find for an eternity:
“Do we have to leave now?”
Billy exchanges glances with Ewa and then looks outside.
“You don't have to walk this path alone, Mother.”
We finish our coffee without saying another word. The wind sweeps across the lake. A pair of swans take flight, and a duet of gentle honks echo across the water. A shivering cold envelops me. Billy and Ewa take me to the car. The potatoes can wait.
The sun blazes brightly above us as we travel the cabin road; shapeless clouds dot the horizon and suddenly I sense a presence—as if someone is waving to me.
I surrender.
I believe I will be warmly welcomed.

For the past year I've been spending a huge amount of time on learning how to learn starting with Barbara Oakley's famous coursera course of the same name, to ultralearning from Scott Young, to Make It Stick by Peter C Brown, and from there I looked at papers on how to learn as well as sites and articles for anything else. This post is only a smidgen of what I've found, but I hope it is enough information for you to get started and hopefully find research yourself that you can look up to! I will link some recommended sources in the comments of this post so you can start with if you want to start digging deeper. Introduction
Firstly, let's talk about why learning how to learn is so important. Many people approach learning as a chore, something they have to do to get good grades or advance in their career. But what if I told you that by mastering the science of learning, you can actually make learning more enjoyable and efficient?
To understand how to make learning easier and more effective, we need to dive into the science behind it. The brain is an incredibly complex device, with a million billion synapses where memories are stored. But how exactly do these memories get stored and retrieved? How the Brain Works
To gain a better understanding of how memories are formed and retrieved, it is essential to delve into the intricacies of neurons and synapses. Neurons, as the fundamental building blocks of the brain, play a crucial role in the process of memory formation and retention. Synapses, on the other hand, are the interconnecting bridges that allow neurons to communicate with each other. When we learn something new, electrical signals are transmitted through these synapses, which in turn produce neurotransmitters responsible for the storage of memories
However, the process of memory formation is not just about having more synapses. It is also about the manner in which they are connected to one another. Different areas of the brain are responsible for various aspects of learning and memory. The hippocampus and frontal cortex, for instance, are involved in analyzing perceptions and deciding what information to store, while the amygdala plays a vital role in integrating emotions and memory. It is through the complex interplay of these different neural regions that memories are formed, stored, and retrieved. How Memory Works
Memory is an intricate process that involves multiple stages. These stages are sensory, short-term, and long-term memory. Sensory memory is the first stage of memory that receives and processes fleeting impressions of your perceptions. It is responsible for holding raw information for a very short time, no more than a few seconds.
Short-term memory is the second stage of memory and is like a storage unit that holds about four chunks of information and lasts for 20-30 seconds. During this stage, the brain processes and stores the information currently in use, such as a phone number, an address, or a short message.
It is long-term memory that we tend to think of when we talk about memory. This stage is responsible for storing and retrieving information for an extended period. The long-term memory capacity is vast, and it is where the most important and meaningful memories are stored.
To move information from short-term to long-term memory, you need to use a technique called spaced repetition. This involves repeating what you're trying to retain over several days to strengthen the synaptic connections between neurons. However, it's not just about repetition - it's about encoding, storage, and retrieval processes. Encoding is the process of transforming information into a meaningful code that can be stored in memory, while storage is the process of retaining that information over time. Lastly, retrieval is the process of accessing stored information when needed. Common Misconceptions about Learning and Memory
There are a number of myths and misconceptions surrounding the processes of learning and memory that can unfortunately hinder one's progress. One common misconception is that intelligence is a fixed trait and that one's memory or learning abilities cannot be improved. However, the reality is that anyone can improve their memory and learning skills through deliberate and consistent practice.
Another popular myth is the belief that taking breaks during learning or studying is a waste of time. However, in truth, taking breaks is an essential component of effective learning. When you take a break, your brain's diffuse mode works in the background, creating new neural connections and allowing you to see things from different perspectives, leading to better and more comprehensive learning.
By understanding the science behind learning and memory, one can approach the process of learning with a more positive mindset and focus on utilizing effective strategies. With the right techniques, anyone can learn new information deeply and quickly, making the process of learning a more enjoyable and rewarding experience. In addition, there are many tools and resources available to help one improve their learning and memory abilities, including mind mapping, mnemonic devices, spaced repetition, and more. Techniques for Effective Learning
Now that we've busted some myths, it's time to explore some tried-and-true techniques for effective learning. These techniques involve taking advantage of the way our brains naturally process and store information. Let's dive in! Recall
Recall is an effective strategy for improving memory retention because it strengthens the synaptic connections between neurons. Essentially, when you actively retrieve information from memory, you are exercising your brain and making it easier to retrieve the information in the future. This technique can be thought of as lifting weights for your brain, and just like with physical exercise, consistent practice is key.
To effectively use recall in your study routine, start by actively testing yourself on the material you are trying to learn. For example, if you are studying for a history exam, try to recall important dates and events without looking at your notes. This will help to exercise the neural pathways associated with that information and make it easier to remember in the future. Another effective technique is to use flashcards, which allow you to actively retrieve information from memory and test yourself on specific concepts or terms.
The reason why recall is so effective for improving memory retention is because it strengthens the synaptic connections between neurons. When you repeatedly retrieve information from memory, you are essentially reinforcing the neural pathways associated with that information. This makes it easier to retrieve the information in the future, because the pathways have been strengthened and the information is easier to access.
In addition to recall, there are other strategies that can improve memory retention. Spaced repetition is one such strategy, which involves repeating what you're trying to retain over several days to strengthen synaptic connections. Chunking is another strategy, which involves piecing together bits of information through meaning and usage. This allows you to tie meaning to a concept or idea and make it more memorable. By incorporating these techniques into your study routine, you can optimize your learning and retain information more effectively. Spaced Repetition
Spaced repetition is a powerful technique that can be used to improve your ability to retain information. It involves repeating what you are trying to remember over several days to strengthen synaptic connections in your brain. The technique, much like watering a plant, requires the right amount of repetition at the right intervals to achieve optimal growth.
To effectively use spaced repetition, it is important to first create a schedule of when and how often to repeat the material. For example, if you are trying to memorize a list of vocabulary words in a foreign language, you might start by studying the words for a few minutes each day for a week. Then, you might repeat the list of words every other day for the next two weeks, and then once a week for the following month. This spaced repetition schedule allows for optimal growth of synaptic connections in your brain, improving your ability to retain the information.
Another example of spaced repetition in action is when learning to play a musical instrument. Instead of practicing for hours on end, it is often more effective to practice for shorter periods of time, with breaks in between to allow your brain to consolidate the new information. By spacing out your practice sessions and repeating the material over several days, you can improve your ability to retain the information and improve your overall skill level.
Spaced repetition works because it takes advantage of the brain's natural learning processes. When you learn something new, your brain creates new synapses between neurons to store the information. However, these synapses are relatively weak at first and can easily be forgotten. By repeating the material over several days, the synapses become stronger and more permanent, making it easier to recall the information later on. This technique also helps to prevent forgetting by refreshing the memory at regular intervals, further strengthening the synaptic connections in your brain. Interleaving
Interleaving is a highly effective technique for learning and practicing skills or concepts. It involves mixing up different types of problems or materials, which can help you to better retain and apply the information. The key to effective interleaving is to ensure that you are constantly switching between different types of problems or materials in a way that allows your brain to make new connections between ideas and to think in a more flexible and adaptable way. This can lead to deeper understanding and more efficient learning.
For example, if you are trying to learn a new language, you might start by practicing basic vocabulary and grammar rules. However, instead of simply repeating the same exercises over and over again, you could try interleaving different types of exercises, such as practicing vocabulary, grammar, and reading comprehension in quick succession. This would force your brain to constantly switch between different types of problems, which would help you to better retain and apply the information.
Another example of interleaving is in sports training. Instead of performing the same drills over and over again, athletes can benefit from mixing up their training routine. For instance, a basketball player might practice shooting, dribbling, and passing in quick succession, rather than focusing on a single skill for an extended period of time. This would force the player to adjust to different types of challenges and think in a more flexible and adaptable way, which would ultimately improve their overall performance.
The reason why interleaving is so effective is that it forces your brain to constantly switch between different types of problems, which helps to build new neural connections and reinforce existing ones. By constantly challenging your brain to adapt to new situations, you are training it to be more flexible and adaptable, which can lead to deeper understanding and more efficient learning. Additionally, interleaving can help to prevent boredom and keep you engaged in the learning process, which can ultimately lead to better overall outcomes. Mnemonics
Mnemonics are an effective memory aid that can help you remember information by creating associations between the information you want to remember and other things that you already know. This technique works because the brain is naturally wired to remember things that are meaningful and connected to other information.
One way to use mnemonics is to create a memorable sentence or acronym that represents a list of items. For example, to remember the colors of the rainbow in order, you can use the acronym ROYGBIV (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet). Another way to use mnemonics is to create a memorable image that represents a concept. For example, to remember the difference between weather and climate, you can imagine a man holding an umbrella (weather) while standing next to a tree (climate).
To use mnemonics effectively, it's important to create associations that are vivid, meaningful, and easy to remember. You should also try to use mnemonics in a way that makes sense to you personally. For example, if you have a strong association between a particular food and a memory, you can use that food in your mnemonic to help you remember the information.
Overall, mnemonics are a powerful tool that can help you remember information more effectively. By creating associations between new information and things you already know, you can improve your memory and recall more easily. Memory Palace
The Memory Palace technique is an excellent mnemonic strategy that can be utilized to improve memory. This technique involves creating a mental map of a familiar location, such as your home or workplace, and associating each item that you want to remember with a specific location in that place. By doing so, you can significantly improve your ability to remember things.
To effectively use this technique, start by selecting a location that you are familiar with and that has a specific structure, such as a house or a building. Next, imagine yourself walking through the location and identify specific objects or landmarks that stand out to you. For example, if you choose your apartment, you could associate the couch with the color red, the dining table with a vase of flowers, and the kitchen with the smell of coffee.
Once you have identified these landmarks, you can associate each item that you want to remember with a specific location in your mental map. For instance, if you want to remember a list of grocery items, you can associate each item with a specific location in your home. For example, you can associate apples with the fruit bowl on your kitchen counter, bread with the bread box on your kitchen shelf, and milk with the refrigerator in your kitchen. By doing so, when you need to recall the items, you can simply visualize your mental map of your home and recall the location of each item.
This technique is effective because it leverages the power of visualization and association. By associating each item with a specific location in your mental map, you create a visual and spatial representation of the information in your mind. This makes it easier for you to recall the information later because your brain has formed strong connections between the items and the locations. With practice, you can use this technique to remember even long lists of items, and impress your friends and colleagues with your newfound memory skills. Chunking
Chunking is a technique for memorizing information by grouping it into smaller chunks, making it easier to remember. For example, if you need to memorize a phone number, you might chunk it into three groups of numbers, like 555-123-4567. This makes it easier to remember because it's easier to remember three smaller chunks than one long string of digits.
Another example of chunking is breaking down a larger concept into smaller, more manageable pieces. For instance, if you're trying to learn a new programming language, you might start by breaking it down into smaller components, such as syntax, data types, and control structures. Once you've mastered these smaller chunks, you can start piecing them together to gain a better understanding of the language as a whole.
Chunking is effective because it makes it easier for the brain to process and store information. When information is presented in smaller, more manageable chunks, it's easier for the brain to process and remember. Additionally, chunking helps to create meaningful connections between pieces of information, making it easier to recall them later.
To effectively use chunking, it's important to give the task your undivided attention and then find the overall big picture and key ideas. You can perform a quick picture walk-through of your material, and anything that stands out is usually important. You should then provide context for your ideas and concepts to know when to use them. Finally, you want to tie auditory hooks to your memory by speaking about it out loud with self-explanation.
Overall, chunking is a powerful technique for learning and memorization because it makes information more manageable and easier to process. By breaking down larger concepts into smaller, more manageable chunks, you can make it easier for your brain to process and store information, making it easier to recall later on. Self-Explanation
Self-explanation is a powerful learning technique that can be used in a variety of contexts. One way to effectively use self-explanation is to ask "why" questions when encountering a new concept. For example, if you are learning about the concept of photosynthesis, you might ask yourself, "Why do plants need sunlight in order to produce energy?" By asking and answering these types of questions, you are actively engaging with the material and promoting the formation of new connections between ideas.
Another way to use self-explanation is to relate new concepts to what you already know. For example, if you are learning a new language and come across a new word, you might try to relate it to a word in your native language that has a similar meaning. This can help you remember the new word and also reinforce your understanding of the concept it represents.
Finally, self-explanation can be used to identify gaps in your understanding. For example, if you are reading a complex scientific article and come across a term or concept that you don't fully understand, you might try to explain it to yourself in your own words. If you can't explain it, that might be an indication that you need to go back and review the material or seek additional resources.
The reason why self-explanation is such an effective learning technique is that it encourages individuals to actively engage with the material and construct new knowledge by relating it to what they already know. By creating a dialogue with oneself, one is able to identify gaps in their understanding and clarify their thinking, leading to a more thorough and integrated understanding of the material. Essentially, self-explanation is like having a conversation with your own brain, which can be a powerful tool in the learning process. Elaborative Interrogation
Elaborative interrogation is a powerful technique that can help you improve your learning process by asking yourself "why" questions and trying to come up with a detailed explanation. This process can be thought of as trying to be a detective in your own mind, where you are constantly trying to uncover new clues and piece together the information you already have. Here are a few examples of how to effectively use this technique:

When studying history, ask yourself why certain events occurred and what factors led to them. Try to come up with a detailed explanation that takes into account all the relevant factors. When learning a new concept in science, ask yourself why it works the way it does, and try to come up with a detailed explanation that includes all the relevant principles and laws. When reading a novel, ask yourself why certain characters behave the way they do, and try to come up with a detailed explanation that considers their motivations and past experiences. 

This technique works because it forces you to engage with the material on a deeper level and make connections with other ideas. By asking yourself why something is true, you are actively processing the information and creating new neural connections. This process helps you to remember the information better and understand it more deeply. Furthermore, the process of elaborative interrogation helps to overcome illusions of understanding by exposing gaps in knowledge and highlighting areas that need further clarification.
Moreover, these techniques can make learning more effective and enjoyable. Whether you are trying to learn a new language, improve your math skills, or expand your knowledge, these techniques can help you achieve your goals. Not only do they allow you to think more critically and creatively, but they also stimulate your brain in new ways and encourage you to explore different perspectives and ideas.
So, if you haven't tried these techniques yet, give them a try! You might be surprised at how much they can improve your learning experience. Your brain will certainly thank you for it! Beating Procrastination
Procrastination is a fascinating phenomenon that affects all of us in some way or another. It's like a monster that lurks inside our brains, always ready to pounce when we need to get something done. When we're faced with a task that we don't want to do, our brain associates it with pain, discomfort and stress. It's like our brain is telling us that this task is going to be hard and that we're going to have to work really hard to get it done. This is because the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and cognitive control, is in charge of regulating behavior associated with goals. When faced with a difficult task, the prefrontal cortex sends signals to the amygdala, the part of the brain associated with emotion, to initiate a stress response. This stress response activates the release of cortisol, a hormone that is associated with the body's response to stress, and creates physical discomfort in our body. This discomfort is what we perceive as pain, and it's what makes procrastination so difficult to overcome.
To make matters worse, our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. When we procrastinate, we turn to activities that give us immediate pleasure, like scrolling through social media or watching TV. These activities release dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. Our brains then begin to associate procrastination with pleasure, making it even harder to overcome.
So, how can we beat procrastination?
To beat procrastination, it's important to understand the habit loop consisting of a cue, routine, reward, and belief. Once you have identified the cues and rewards that drive your procrastination habits, you can develop strategies to override them. For example, if the cue for procrastination is checking social media, you can remove the social media app from your phone or block it during certain times of the day. If the reward for procrastination is watching TV, you can reward yourself with an episode of your favorite show after completing a task.
This technique works because it helps to rewire the neural pathways associated with procrastination. By changing the cues and rewards, you can change the behavior associated with the habit. Additionally, by developing new habits and routines, you can strengthen the neural pathways associated with those behaviors, making them more automatic and easier to perform over time. With practice, you can learn to override the procrastination habit and develop more productive habits that help you achieve your goals.
The Pomodoro technique is a time management method that involves breaking work into 25-minute intervals, called "pomodoros," followed by a 5-minute break. After four pomodoros, take a longer break of around 15-30 minutes. However, it is important to note that you do not have to follow this exact timing and can adjust the intervals to fit your needs.
The Pomodoro technique works because it helps you stay focused and avoid distractions. By breaking work into manageable intervals, you are less likely to become overwhelmed or lose focus. Additionally, the breaks allow your brain to rest and recharge, making it easier to stay productive throughout the day.
To effectively use the Pomodoro technique, start by identifying the task you want to complete. Set a timer for 25 minutes and work on the task until the timer goes off. Take a 5-minute break, then repeat the process. After four pomodoros, take a longer break to recharge. It can also be helpful to track your progress and make adjustments as needed. If you find that 25-minute intervals are too long or too short, adjust the intervals to fit your needs.
Here are a few concrete examples of how to use the Pomodoro technique:

When studying for a test, break the material into manageable chunks and work on each chunk for 25 minutes at a time. When writing a paper, work on one section for 25 minutes, then take a break before moving on to the next section. When working on a project, break it down into smaller tasks and work on each task for 25 minutes at a time. 

Overall, the Pomodoro technique is a simple but effective way to manage your time and stay focused on your work. Of course, you don’t have to follow 25/5 pomodoro. You can do 50/10, 45/15, etc. I wouldn’t recommend letting yourself study for more than one hour at a time however.
Journaling about your procrastination habits can help you identify triggers and develop strategies to overcome them. For example, if you find yourself procrastinating when faced with a difficult task, you could break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. By doing this, you can build momentum and gain a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step, which can help motivate you to continue working.
Time blocking is another effective technique for combating procrastination. To use this technique, you can break up your day into specific time slots and dedicate each slot to a specific task. For instance, you could block out two hours for writing a report, followed by a 30-minute break, then another two-hour block for responding to emails. This can help you stay focused and prevent distractions from derailing your progress. By scheduling specific tasks at specific times, you can create a sense of urgency and hold yourself accountable for completing them.
Both journaling and time blocking work by helping you stay organized and focused on your goals. By identifying the triggers that lead to procrastination and breaking your day into manageable tasks, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed and build the momentum you need to achieve your goals. Additionally, these techniques can help you develop a sense of control over your time and reduce the anxiety and stress that often accompany procrastination.
"Eat your frogs first" is a technique that involves tackling your most difficult or unpleasant task first thing in the morning when your willpower is at its strongest. This technique is effective because it helps to build momentum and make the rest of your day feel more manageable.
For example, if you have a project that you've been dreading, start your day by working on it for an hour or two. By doing so, you'll be able to make significant progress and feel a sense of accomplishment that will carry you through the rest of your day. Alternatively, if you have a difficult conversation that you've been putting off, schedule it for the beginning of your day when you're most alert and focused.
Another example of this technique in action is a writer who starts their day by writing their most challenging section first, such as the introduction or conclusion. By doing so, they build momentum and gain confidence that they can complete the rest of their work.
Overall, eating your frogs first is an effective technique because it helps you to break through procrastination and build momentum towards your goals. By tackling your most difficult or unpleasant task first, you'll be able to make progress and build confidence that will carry you through the rest of your day.
To effectively remove environmental triggers that lead to procrastination, you can take a few concrete steps. For example, if you find yourself constantly checking your phone when you should be studying, you can put your phone in another room or turn off notifications during your study sessions. Another example is to create a designated study space that is free from distractions, such as a library or a quiet room in your house. This can help you stay focused and avoid interruptions. Additionally, you can make your environment clean and organized by removing clutter and creating a clear workspace. This can help you feel more motivated and focused on your goals.
The reason this technique works is that it helps reduce the distractions that can lead to procrastination. By removing environmental triggers, you are creating an environment that is conducive to studying and learning. This can help you stay focused on your tasks and avoid the temptations that can derail your progress. Additionally, by creating a clean and organized workspace, you are signaling to your brain that it is time to focus and be productive. This can help you get into the right mindset for learning and studying.
In summary, beating procrastination is all about understanding the habit loop, pomodoro, identifying your triggers, and developing strategies to override them. By using techniques like journaling, time blocking, and eating your frogs first, you can stay focused and make progress towards your learning goals. So the next time you find yourself procrastinating, remember that you have the power to take control of your habits and achieve your dreams. Your brain will thank you for it! Lifestyle Choices That Improve Memory
Now that we've covered some techniques for learning more deeply and efficiently, let's talk about some lifestyle choices that can help improve your memory even further. These tips are designed to help you take care of your brain and optimize its performance, so that you can learn and remember more effectively. Exercise
Exercise has been shown to have numerous benefits for brain health and cognitive function, including improved memory. But how exactly does exercise help improve memory? One theory is that exercise increases blood flow and oxygen to the brain, which helps to nourish brain cells and promote the growth of new neurons. Additionally, exercise has been shown to increase the production of certain chemicals in the brain, such as brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which is important for the growth and survival of neurons.
To effectively use exercise to improve memory, it's important to engage in cardiovascular exercise that gets your heart rate up and increases blood flow to the brain. This can include activities such as running, cycling, swimming, or brisk walking. It's also important to make exercise a regular part of your routine. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise most days of the week.
Finally, it's important to stay motivated and make exercise a fun and enjoyable part of your routine. Find activities that you enjoy and that you look forward to, and try to make exercise a social activity by finding a workout buddy or joining a group fitness class. By making exercise a regular and enjoyable part of your routine, you can reap the many benefits it has to offer for both your body and your brain. Meditation
Meditation is a powerful tool for improving memory and cognitive function. This ancient practice has been used for centuries to help people calm their minds and improve their focus. Recent research has shown that meditation can actually change the structure of the brain, improving memory and attention span. To effectively use this technique, start by finding a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor, with your back straight and your eyes closed. Focus on your breath and try to clear your mind of all other thoughts. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. Start with just a few minutes each day and gradually increase the time as you become more comfortable with the practice.
One reason why meditation can improve memory is that it helps reduce stress and anxiety, which are known to impair memory function. Additionally, meditation can increase the size of the hippocampus, the part of the brain that is critical for memory and learning. This can lead to better memory consolidation and recall.
To illustrate the effectiveness of meditation for memory improvement, a study conducted by researchers at the University of California, Santa Barbara found that participants who meditated for just 10 minutes a day for two weeks showed significant improvements in working memory and executive function compared to a control group. Another study published in the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease found that a mindfulness meditation program improved memory, attention, and cognitive flexibility in older adults with mild cognitive impairment.
In conclusion, meditation is a simple yet powerful technique for improving memory and cognitive function. By reducing stress and anxiety, increasing the size of the hippocampus, and improving memory consolidation and recall, meditation can help you reach your learning goals and achieve success. Brain-Boosting Foods
Eating certain foods can promote brain health and improve memory. For example, blueberries are high in antioxidants that protect brain cells from damage and inflammation, while salmon is rich in omega-3 fatty acids that support brain function and improve memory. Nuts, such as almonds and walnuts, contain vitamin E that helps prevent cognitive decline and enhance memory recall. Additionally, dark chocolate contains flavonoids that improve blood flow to the brain, which can boost cognitive function.
These brain-boosting foods work by providing essential nutrients that nourish the brain and promote the growth of new neurons. Antioxidants, for example, protect the brain from damage and inflammation caused by free radicals, which are unstable molecules that can damage cells. Omega-3 fatty acids, on the other hand, are important for brain function and can improve memory by supporting the growth of new neurons and enhancing communication between brain cells. Vitamin E acts as an antioxidant and can help prevent cognitive decline by protecting the brain from damage. Finally, flavonoids in dark chocolate can improve blood flow to the brain, which can boost cognitive function.
To effectively use this technique, it is important to incorporate brain-boosting foods into your diet regularly. Snack on a handful of almonds or blueberries, include salmon in your meals, and indulge in a square of dark chocolate every now and then. It is also important to maintain a balanced and healthy diet overall and to exercise regularly, as physical activity has been linked to improved brain function and memory. Sleep
Getting enough sleep is crucial for memory consolidation and cognitive function. To effectively use this technique, it's important to establish a regular sleep schedule and aim for 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Avoiding caffeine and screens before bedtime and creating a relaxing sleep environment can also help you fall asleep more easily.
One concrete example of how to incorporate this technique into your routine is to set a specific bedtime and wake-up time, and stick to it every day. This will help regulate your body's internal clock and make it easier to fall asleep and wake up at the same time each day. Another example is to avoid stimulating activities before bedtime, such as watching TV or using electronic devices, which can interfere with your ability to fall asleep.
The reason why sleep is so important for memory consolidation is that during sleep, the brain processes and consolidates memories, making it easier to remember what you've learned and make connections between different pieces of information. Additionally, getting enough sleep can improve cognitive function, including attention, problem-solving, and decision-making abilities. In contrast, not getting enough sleep can lead to fatigue, poor memory retention, and decreased cognitive function. Other Lifestyle Changes
Adding new activities to your routine can be a great way to improve your memory and cognitive function. In fact, there are numerous activities that can be beneficial for your brain health and cognitive abilities.
For example, playing chess is a popular activity that can help to improve your problem-solving skills and strategic thinking abilities. It is a game that requires you to think ahead and anticipate your opponent's moves, which can help to challenge your brain in new ways. Similarly, learning a new instrument can be a great way to challenge your brain and promote the growth of new neurons. It requires you to learn new skills, such as reading music, playing different chords, and developing your sense of rhythm. All of these skills can help to stimulate your brain and improve cognitive function.
In summary, by making some simple lifestyle changes, you can improve your memory and cognitive function. Exercise, meditation, brain-boosting foods, sleep, and other activities can all help to promote brain health and improve memory. So, take care of your brain, and it will take care of you!

So for the past year I've been spending a huge amount of time on learning how to learn starting with Barbara Oakley's famous coursera course of the same name, to ultralearning from Scott Young, to Make It Stick by Peter C Brown, and from there I looked at papers on how to learn as well as sites and articles for anything else. This post is only a smidgen of what I've found, but I hope it is enough information for you to get started and hopefully find research yourself that you can look up to! I will link some recommended sources in the comments of this post so you can start with if you want to start digging deeper.

Introduction

Are you struggling to learn new things effectively? Do you feel like you're not making progress despite putting in a lot of effort? Learning how to learn is a crucial skill that can help you overcome these challenges and achieve your goals. In this post, we'll discuss the science behind effective learning and memory, and explore various techniques and insights from books and sources to help you learn things deeply and quickly. Whether you're a student, professional, or anyone who wants to improve their learning skills, this post is for you. So let's dive in and learn how to learn!
First, let's talk about why learning how to learn is so important. Many people approach learning as a chore, something they have to do to get good grades or advance in their career. But what if I told you that by mastering the science of learning, you can actually make learning more enjoyable and efficient?
To understand how to make learning easier and more effective, we need to dive into the science behind it. The brain is an incredibly complex device, with a million billion synapses where memories are stored. But how exactly do these memories get stored and retrieved?

How the Brain Works

To gain a better understanding of how memories are formed and retrieved, it is essential to delve into the intricacies of neurons and synapses. Neurons, as the fundamental building blocks of the brain, play a crucial role in the process of memory formation and retention. Synapses, on the other hand, are the interconnecting bridges that allow neurons to communicate with each other. When we learn something new, electrical signals are transmitted through these synapses, which in turn produce neurotransmitters responsible for the storage of memories
However, the process of memory formation is not just about having more synapses. It is also about the manner in which they are connected to one another. Different areas of the brain are responsible for various aspects of learning and memory. The hippocampus and frontal cortex, for instance, are involved in analyzing perceptions and deciding what information to store, while the amygdala plays a vital role in integrating emotions and memory. It is through the complex interplay of these different neural regions that memories are formed, stored, and retrieved.

How Memory Works

Memory is an intricate process that involves multiple stages. These stages are sensory, short-term, and long-term memory. Sensory memory is the first stage of memory that receives and processes fleeting impressions of your perceptions. It is responsible for holding raw information for a very short time, no more than a few seconds.
Short-term memory is the second stage of memory and is like a storage unit that holds about four chunks of information and lasts for 20-30 seconds. During this stage, the brain processes and stores the information currently in use, such as a phone number, an address, or a short message.
It is long-term memory that we tend to think of when we talk about memory. This stage is responsible for storing and retrieving information for an extended period. The long-term memory capacity is vast, and it is where the most important and meaningful memories are stored.
To move information from short-term to long-term memory, you need to use a technique called spaced repetition. This involves repeating what you're trying to retain over several days to strengthen the synaptic connections between neurons. However, it's not just about repetition - it's about encoding, storage, and retrieval processes. Encoding is the process of transforming information into a meaningful code that can be stored in memory, while storage is the process of retaining that information over time. Lastly, retrieval is the process of accessing stored information when needed.

Common Misconceptions about Learning and Memory

There are a number of myths and misconceptions surrounding the processes of learning and memory that can unfortunately hinder one's progress. One common misconception is that intelligence is a fixed trait and that one's memory or learning abilities cannot be improved. However, the reality is that anyone can improve their memory and learning skills through deliberate and consistent practice.
Another popular myth is the belief that taking breaks during learning or studying is a waste of time. However, in truth, taking breaks is an essential component of effective learning. When you take a break, your brain's diffuse mode works in the background, creating new neural connections and allowing you to see things from different perspectives, leading to better and more comprehensive learning.
By understanding the science behind learning and memory, one can approach the process of learning with a more positive mindset and focus on utilizing effective strategies. With the right techniques, anyone can learn new information deeply and quickly, making the process of learning a more enjoyable and rewarding experience. In addition, there are many tools and resources available to help one improve their learning and memory abilities, including mind mapping, mnemonic devices, spaced repetition, and more.

Techniques for Effective Learning

Now that we've busted some myths, it's time to explore some tried-and-true techniques for effective learning. These techniques involve taking advantage of the way our brains naturally process and store information. Let's dive in!

Recall

Recall is an effective strategy for improving memory retention because it strengthens the synaptic connections between neurons. Essentially, when you actively retrieve information from memory, you are exercising your brain and making it easier to retrieve the information in the future. This technique can be thought of as lifting weights for your brain, and just like with physical exercise, consistent practice is key.
To effectively use recall in your study routine, start by actively testing yourself on the material you are trying to learn. For example, if you are studying for a history exam, try to recall important dates and events without looking at your notes. This will help to exercise the neural pathways associated with that information and make it easier to remember in the future. Another effective technique is to use flashcards, which allow you to actively retrieve information from memory and test yourself on specific concepts or terms.
The reason why recall is so effective for improving memory retention is because it strengthens the synaptic connections between neurons. When you repeatedly retrieve information from memory, you are essentially reinforcing the neural pathways associated with that information. This makes it easier to retrieve the information in the future, because the pathways have been strengthened and the information is easier to access.
In addition to recall, there are other strategies that can improve memory retention. Spaced repetition is one such strategy, which involves repeating what you're trying to retain over several days to strengthen synaptic connections. Chunking is another strategy, which involves piecing together bits of information through meaning and usage. This allows you to tie meaning to a concept or idea and make it more memorable. By incorporating these techniques into your study routine, you can optimize your learning and retain information more effectively.

Spaced Repetition

Spaced repetition is a powerful technique that can be used to improve your ability to retain information. It involves repeating what you are trying to remember over several days to strengthen synaptic connections in your brain. The technique, much like watering a plant, requires the right amount of repetition at the right intervals to achieve optimal growth.
To effectively use spaced repetition, it is important to first create a schedule of when and how often to repeat the material. For example, if you are trying to memorize a list of vocabulary words in a foreign language, you might start by studying the words for a few minutes each day for a week. Then, you might repeat the list of words every other day for the next two weeks, and then once a week for the following month. This spaced repetition schedule allows for optimal growth of synaptic connections in your brain, improving your ability to retain the information.
Another example of spaced repetition in action is when learning to play a musical instrument. Instead of practicing for hours on end, it is often more effective to practice for shorter periods of time, with breaks in between to allow your brain to consolidate the new information. By spacing out your practice sessions and repeating the material over several days, you can improve your ability to retain the information and improve your overall skill level.
Spaced repetition works because it takes advantage of the brain's natural learning processes. When you learn something new, your brain creates new synapses between neurons to store the information. However, these synapses are relatively weak at first and can easily be forgotten. By repeating the material over several days, the synapses become stronger and more permanent, making it easier to recall the information later on. This technique also helps to prevent forgetting by refreshing the memory at regular intervals, further strengthening the synaptic connections in your brain.

Interleaving

Interleaving is a highly effective technique for learning and practicing skills or concepts. It involves mixing up different types of problems or materials, which can help you to better retain and apply the information. The key to effective interleaving is to ensure that you are constantly switching between different types of problems or materials in a way that allows your brain to make new connections between ideas and to think in a more flexible and adaptable way. This can lead to deeper understanding and more efficient learning.
For example, if you are trying to learn a new language, you might start by practicing basic vocabulary and grammar rules. However, instead of simply repeating the same exercises over and over again, you could try interleaving different types of exercises, such as practicing vocabulary, grammar, and reading comprehension in quick succession. This would force your brain to constantly switch between different types of problems, which would help you to better retain and apply the information.
Another example of interleaving is in sports training. Instead of performing the same drills over and over again, athletes can benefit from mixing up their training routine. For instance, a basketball player might practice shooting, dribbling, and passing in quick succession, rather than focusing on a single skill for an extended period of time. This would force the player to adjust to different types of challenges and think in a more flexible and adaptable way, which would ultimately improve their overall performance.
The reason why interleaving is so effective is that it forces your brain to constantly switch between different types of problems, which helps to build new neural connections and reinforce existing ones. By constantly challenging your brain to adapt to new situations, you are training it to be more flexible and adaptable, which can lead to deeper understanding and more efficient learning. Additionally, interleaving can help to prevent boredom and keep you engaged in the learning process, which can ultimately lead to better overall outcomes.

Mnemonics

Mnemonics are an effective memory aid that can help you remember information by creating associations between the information you want to remember and other things that you already know. This technique works because the brain is naturally wired to remember things that are meaningful and connected to other information.
One way to use mnemonics is to create a memorable sentence or acronym that represents a list of items. For example, to remember the colors of the rainbow in order, you can use the acronym ROYGBIV (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet). Another way to use mnemonics is to create a memorable image that represents a concept. For example, to remember the difference between weather and climate, you can imagine a man holding an umbrella (weather) while standing next to a tree (climate).
To use mnemonics effectively, it's important to create associations that are vivid, meaningful, and easy to remember. You should also try to use mnemonics in a way that makes sense to you personally. For example, if you have a strong association between a particular food and a memory, you can use that food in your mnemonic to help you remember the information.
Overall, mnemonics are a powerful tool that can help you remember information more effectively. By creating associations between new information and things you already know, you can improve your memory and recall more easily.

Memory Palace

The Memory Palace technique is an excellent mnemonic strategy that can be utilized to improve memory. This technique involves creating a mental map of a familiar location, such as your home or workplace, and associating each item that you want to remember with a specific location in that place. By doing so, you can significantly improve your ability to remember things.
To effectively use this technique, start by selecting a location that you are familiar with and that has a specific structure, such as a house or a building. Next, imagine yourself walking through the location and identify specific objects or landmarks that stand out to you. For example, if you choose your apartment, you could associate the couch with the color red, the dining table with a vase of flowers, and the kitchen with the smell of coffee.
Once you have identified these landmarks, you can associate each item that you want to remember with a specific location in your mental map. For instance, if you want to remember a list of grocery items, you can associate each item with a specific location in your home. For example, you can associate apples with the fruit bowl on your kitchen counter, bread with the bread box on your kitchen shelf, and milk with the refrigerator in your kitchen. By doing so, when you need to recall the items, you can simply visualize your mental map of your home and recall the location of each item.
This technique is effective because it leverages the power of visualization and association. By associating each item with a specific location in your mental map, you create a visual and spatial representation of the information in your mind. This makes it easier for you to recall the information later because your brain has formed strong connections between the items and the locations. With practice, you can use this technique to remember even long lists of items, and impress your friends and colleagues with your newfound memory skills.

Chunking

Chunking is a technique for memorizing information by grouping it into smaller chunks, making it easier to remember. For example, if you need to memorize a phone number, you might chunk it into three groups of numbers, like 555-123-4567. This makes it easier to remember because it's easier to remember three smaller chunks than one long string of digits.
Another example of chunking is breaking down a larger concept into smaller, more manageable pieces. For instance, if you're trying to learn a new programming language, you might start by breaking it down into smaller components, such as syntax, data types, and control structures. Once you've mastered these smaller chunks, you can start piecing them together to gain a better understanding of the language as a whole.
Chunking is effective because it makes it easier for the brain to process and store information. When information is presented in smaller, more manageable chunks, it's easier for the brain to process and remember. Additionally, chunking helps to create meaningful connections between pieces of information, making it easier to recall them later.
To effectively use chunking, it's important to give the task your undivided attention and then find the overall big picture and key ideas. You can perform a quick picture walk-through of your material, and anything that stands out is usually important. You should then provide context for your ideas and concepts to know when to use them. Finally, you want to tie auditory hooks to your memory by speaking about it out loud with self-explanation.
Overall, chunking is a powerful technique for learning and memorization because it makes information more manageable and easier to process. By breaking down larger concepts into smaller, more manageable chunks, you can make it easier for your brain to process and store information, making it easier to recall later on.

Self-Explanation

Self-explanation is a powerful learning technique that can be used in a variety of contexts. One way to effectively use self-explanation is to ask "why" questions when encountering a new concept. For example, if you are learning about the concept of photosynthesis, you might ask yourself, "Why do plants need sunlight in order to produce energy?" By asking and answering these types of questions, you are actively engaging with the material and promoting the formation of new connections between ideas.
Another way to use self-explanation is to relate new concepts to what you already know. For example, if you are learning a new language and come across a new word, you might try to relate it to a word in your native language that has a similar meaning. This can help you remember the new word and also reinforce your understanding of the concept it represents.
Finally, self-explanation can be used to identify gaps in your understanding. For example, if you are reading a complex scientific article and come across a term or concept that you don't fully understand, you might try to explain it to yourself in your own words. If you can't explain it, that might be an indication that you need to go back and review the material or seek additional resources.
The reason why self-explanation is such an effective learning technique is that it encourages individuals to actively engage with the material and construct new knowledge by relating it to what they already know. By creating a dialogue with oneself, one is able to identify gaps in their understanding and clarify their thinking, leading to a more thorough and integrated understanding of the material. Essentially, self-explanation is like having a conversation with your own brain, which can be a powerful tool in the learning process.

Elaborative Interrogation

Elaborative interrogation is a powerful technique that can help you improve your learning process by asking yourself "why" questions and trying to come up with a detailed explanation. This process can be thought of as trying to be a detective in your own mind, where you are constantly trying to uncover new clues and piece together the information you already have. Here are a few examples of how to effectively use this technique:
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• When studying history, ask yourself why certain events occurred and what factors led to them. Try to come up with a detailed explanation that takes into account all the relevant factors.
• When learning a new concept in science, ask yourself why it works the way it does, and try to come up with a detailed explanation that includes all the relevant principles and laws.
• When reading a novel, ask yourself why certain characters behave the way they do, and try to come up with a detailed explanation that considers their motivations and past experiences.

This technique works because it forces you to engage with the material on a deeper level and make connections with other ideas. By asking yourself why something is true, you are actively processing the information and creating new neural connections. This process helps you to remember the information better and understand it more deeply. Furthermore, the process of elaborative interrogation helps to overcome illusions of understanding by exposing gaps in knowledge and highlighting areas that need further clarification.
Moreover, these techniques can make learning more effective and enjoyable. Whether you are trying to learn a new language, improve your math skills, or expand your knowledge, these techniques can help you achieve your goals. Not only do they allow you to think more critically and creatively, but they also stimulate your brain in new ways and encourage you to explore different perspectives and ideas.
So, if you haven't tried these techniques yet, give them a try! You might be surprised at how much they can improve your learning experience. Your brain will certainly thank you for it!

Beating Procrastination

Procrastination is a fascinating phenomenon that affects all of us in some way or another. It's like a monster that lurks inside our brains, always ready to pounce when we need to get something done. When we're faced with a task that we don't want to do, our brain associates it with pain, discomfort and stress. It's like our brain is telling us that this task is going to be hard and that we're going to have to work really hard to get it done. This is because the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and cognitive control, is in charge of regulating behavior associated with goals. When faced with a difficult task, the prefrontal cortex sends signals to the amygdala, the part of the brain associated with emotion, to initiate a stress response. This stress response activates the release of cortisol, a hormone that is associated with the body's response to stress, and creates physical discomfort in our body. This discomfort is what we perceive as pain, and it's what makes procrastination so difficult to overcome.
To make matters worse, our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. When we procrastinate, we turn to activities that give us immediate pleasure, like scrolling through social media or watching TV. These activities release dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. Our brains then begin to associate procrastination with pleasure, making it even harder to overcome.
So, how can we beat procrastination?
To beat procrastination, it's important to understand the habit loop consisting of a cue, routine, reward, and belief. Once you have identified the cues and rewards that drive your procrastination habits, you can develop strategies to override them. For example, if the cue for procrastination is checking social media, you can remove the social media app from your phone or block it during certain times of the day. If the reward for procrastination is watching TV, you can reward yourself with an episode of your favorite show after completing a task.
This technique works because it helps to rewire the neural pathways associated with procrastination. By changing the cues and rewards, you can change the behavior associated with the habit. Additionally, by developing new habits and routines, you can strengthen the neural pathways associated with those behaviors, making them more automatic and easier to perform over time. With practice, you can learn to override the procrastination habit and develop more productive habits that help you achieve your goals.
The Pomodoro technique is a time management method that involves breaking work into 25-minute intervals, called "pomodoros," followed by a 5-minute break. After four pomodoros, take a longer break of around 15-30 minutes. However, it is important to note that you do not have to follow this exact timing and can adjust the intervals to fit your needs.
The Pomodoro technique works because it helps you stay focused and avoid distractions. By breaking work into manageable intervals, you are less likely to become overwhelmed or lose focus. Additionally, the breaks allow your brain to rest and recharge, making it easier to stay productive throughout the day.
To effectively use the Pomodoro technique, start by identifying the task you want to complete. Set a timer for 25 minutes and work on the task until the timer goes off. Take a 5-minute break, then repeat the process. After four pomodoros, take a longer break to recharge. It can also be helpful to track your progress and make adjustments as needed. If you find that 25-minute intervals are too long or too short, adjust the intervals to fit your needs.
Here are a few concrete examples of how to use the Pomodoro technique:
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• When studying for a test, break the material into manageable chunks and work on each chunk for 25 minutes at a time.
• When writing a paper, work on one section for 25 minutes, then take a break before moving on to the next section.
• When working on a project, break it down into smaller tasks and work on each task for 25 minutes at a time.

Overall, the Pomodoro technique is a simple but effective way to manage your time and stay focused on your work. Of course, you don’t have to follow 25/5 pomodoro. You can do 50/10, 45/15, etc. I wouldn’t recommend letting yourself study for more than one hour at a time however.
Journaling about your procrastination habits can help you identify triggers and develop strategies to overcome them. For example, if you find yourself procrastinating when faced with a difficult task, you could break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. By doing this, you can build momentum and gain a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step, which can help motivate you to continue working.
Time blocking is another effective technique for combating procrastination. To use this technique, you can break up your day into specific time slots and dedicate each slot to a specific task. For instance, you could block out two hours for writing a report, followed by a 30-minute break, then another two-hour block for responding to emails. This can help you stay focused and prevent distractions from derailing your progress. By scheduling specific tasks at specific times, you can create a sense of urgency and hold yourself accountable for completing them.
Both journaling and time blocking work by helping you stay organized and focused on your goals. By identifying the triggers that lead to procrastination and breaking your day into manageable tasks, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed and build the momentum you need to achieve your goals. Additionally, these techniques can help you develop a sense of control over your time and reduce the anxiety and stress that often accompany procrastination.
"Eat your frogs first" is a technique that involves tackling your most difficult or unpleasant task first thing in the morning when your willpower is at its strongest. This technique is effective because it helps to build momentum and make the rest of your day feel more manageable.
For example, if you have a project that you've been dreading, start your day by working on it for an hour or two. By doing so, you'll be able to make significant progress and feel a sense of accomplishment that will carry you through the rest of your day. Alternatively, if you have a difficult conversation that you've been putting off, schedule it for the beginning of your day when you're most alert and focused.
Another example of this technique in action is a writer who starts their day by writing their most challenging section first, such as the introduction or conclusion. By doing so, they build momentum and gain confidence that they can complete the rest of their work.
Overall, eating your frogs first is an effective technique because it helps you to break through procrastination and build momentum towards your goals. By tackling your most difficult or unpleasant task first, you'll be able to make progress and build confidence that will carry you through the rest of your day.
To effectively remove environmental triggers that lead to procrastination, you can take a few concrete steps. For example, if you find yourself constantly checking your phone when you should be studying, you can put your phone in another room or turn off notifications during your study sessions. Another example is to create a designated study space that is free from distractions, such as a library or a quiet room in your house. This can help you stay focused and avoid interruptions. Additionally, you can make your environment clean and organized by removing clutter and creating a clear workspace. This can help you feel more motivated and focused on your goals.
The reason this technique works is that it helps reduce the distractions that can lead to procrastination. By removing environmental triggers, you are creating an environment that is conducive to studying and learning. This can help you stay focused on your tasks and avoid the temptations that can derail your progress. Additionally, by creating a clean and organized workspace, you are signaling to your brain that it is time to focus and be productive. This can help you get into the right mindset for learning and studying.
In summary, beating procrastination is all about understanding the habit loop, pomodoro, identifying your triggers, and developing strategies to override them. By using techniques like journaling, time blocking, and eating your frogs first, you can stay focused and make progress towards your learning goals. So the next time you find yourself procrastinating, remember that you have the power to take control of your habits and achieve your dreams. Your brain will thank you for it!

Lifestyle Choices That Improve Memory

Now that we've covered some techniques for learning more deeply and efficiently, let's talk about some lifestyle choices that can help improve your memory even further. These tips are designed to help you take care of your brain and optimize its performance, so that you can learn and remember more effectively.

Exercise

Exercise has been shown to have numerous benefits for brain health and cognitive function, including improved memory. But how exactly does exercise help improve memory? One theory is that exercise increases blood flow and oxygen to the brain, which helps to nourish brain cells and promote the growth of new neurons. Additionally, exercise has been shown to increase the production of certain chemicals in the brain, such as brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which is important for the growth and survival of neurons.
To effectively use exercise to improve memory, it's important to engage in cardiovascular exercise that gets your heart rate up and increases blood flow to the brain. This can include activities such as running, cycling, swimming, or brisk walking. It's also important to make exercise a regular part of your routine. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise most days of the week.
Finally, it's important to stay motivated and make exercise a fun and enjoyable part of your routine. Find activities that you enjoy and that you look forward to, and try to make exercise a social activity by finding a workout buddy or joining a group fitness class. By making exercise a regular and enjoyable part of your routine, you can reap the many benefits it has to offer for both your body and your brain.

Meditation

Meditation is a powerful tool for improving memory and cognitive function. This ancient practice has been used for centuries to help people calm their minds and improve their focus. Recent research has shown that meditation can actually change the structure of the brain, improving memory and attention span. To effectively use this technique, start by finding a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor, with your back straight and your eyes closed. Focus on your breath and try to clear your mind of all other thoughts. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. Start with just a few minutes each day and gradually increase the time as you become more comfortable with the practice.
One reason why meditation can improve memory is that it helps reduce stress and anxiety, which are known to impair memory function. Additionally, meditation can increase the size of the hippocampus, the part of the brain that is critical for memory and learning. This can lead to better memory consolidation and recall.
To illustrate the effectiveness of meditation for memory improvement, a study conducted by researchers at the University of California, Santa Barbara found that participants who meditated for just 10 minutes a day for two weeks showed significant improvements in working memory and executive function compared to a control group. Another study published in the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease found that a mindfulness meditation program improved memory, attention, and cognitive flexibility in older adults with mild cognitive impairment.
In conclusion, meditation is a simple yet powerful technique for improving memory and cognitive function. By reducing stress and anxiety, increasing the size of the hippocampus, and improving memory consolidation and recall, meditation can help you reach your learning goals and achieve success.

Brain-Boosting Foods

Eating certain foods can promote brain health and improve memory. For example, blueberries are high in antioxidants that protect brain cells from damage and inflammation, while salmon is rich in omega-3 fatty acids that support brain function and improve memory. Nuts, such as almonds and walnuts, contain vitamin E that helps prevent cognitive decline and enhance memory recall. Additionally, dark chocolate contains flavonoids that improve blood flow to the brain, which can boost cognitive function.
These brain-boosting foods work by providing essential nutrients that nourish the brain and promote the growth of new neurons. Antioxidants, for example, protect the brain from damage and inflammation caused by free radicals, which are unstable molecules that can damage cells. Omega-3 fatty acids, on the other hand, are important for brain function and can improve memory by supporting the growth of new neurons and enhancing communication between brain cells. Vitamin E acts as an antioxidant and can help prevent cognitive decline by protecting the brain from damage. Finally, flavonoids in dark chocolate can improve blood flow to the brain, which can boost cognitive function.
To effectively use this technique, it is important to incorporate brain-boosting foods into your diet regularly. Snack on a handful of almonds or blueberries, include salmon in your meals, and indulge in a square of dark chocolate every now and then. It is also important to maintain a balanced and healthy diet overall and to exercise regularly, as physical activity has been linked to improved brain function and memory.

Sleep

Getting enough sleep is crucial for memory consolidation and cognitive function. To effectively use this technique, it's important to establish a regular sleep schedule and aim for 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Avoiding caffeine and screens before bedtime and creating a relaxing sleep environment can also help you fall asleep more easily.
One concrete example of how to incorporate this technique into your routine is to set a specific bedtime and wake-up time, and stick to it every day. This will help regulate your body's internal clock and make it easier to fall asleep and wake up at the same time each day. Another example is to avoid stimulating activities before bedtime, such as watching TV or using electronic devices, which can interfere with your ability to fall asleep.
The reason why sleep is so important for memory consolidation is that during sleep, the brain processes and consolidates memories, making it easier to remember what you've learned and make connections between different pieces of information. Additionally, getting enough sleep can improve cognitive function, including attention, problem-solving, and decision-making abilities. In contrast, not getting enough sleep can lead to fatigue, poor memory retention, and decreased cognitive function.

Other Lifestyle Changes

Adding new activities to your routine can be a great way to improve your memory and cognitive function. In fact, there are numerous activities that can be beneficial for your brain health and cognitive abilities.
For example, playing chess is a popular activity that can help to improve your problem-solving skills and strategic thinking abilities. It is a game that requires you to think ahead and anticipate your opponent's moves, which can help to challenge your brain in new ways. Similarly, learning a new instrument can be a great way to challenge your brain and promote the growth of new neurons. It requires you to learn new skills, such as reading music, playing different chords, and developing your sense of rhythm. All of these skills can help to stimulate your brain and improve cognitive function.
In summary, by making some simple lifestyle changes, you can improve your memory and cognitive function. Exercise, meditation, brain-boosting foods, sleep, and other activities can all help to promote brain health and improve memory. So, take care of your brain, and it will take care of you!

Where memories fade, love's essence ignites.
A car crash into a pine tree shatters the facade of a once seemingly blissful marriage. Jack's desperate attempts to bring down the tree with a chainsaw leave his wife, Hazel, wondering what has become of their bond. Is he still the same man she fell in love with three decades ago? As Hazel battles her fears, "Journey to the Treetop" invites readers on an emotional ride through the tumultuous landscape of a mind affected by memory loss.
CABIN ROAD is the gateway to paradise.
But why does this feel like a path to hell?
I smash into a tall pine tree that stands in the middle of the otherwise straight gravel road. I've gone around it hundreds of times before. But now, my fingers are firmly gripped on the steering wheel, disregarding all my commands. Have I become paralyzed?
A potato is wobbling on the dashboard, having obviously leaped out of the potato crates in the back seat. Jack gets out and strides to the front bumper. His lips press into a thin line as he appraises the destruction and cost of fixing it. Nothing should hold him back from swearing. But he maintains his composure, anger simmering just beneath the surface.
The memory of thirty years of marriage fills my mind. I question whether this man has drugged me. A fleeting thought that he might have crashed the car surfaces, but it seems too much of a stretch. I take a deep breath and try to clear my head.
In the rear-view mirror, Jack gets an axe from the trunk. He comes and gazes at me from my window, his eyes looking heavy and weary—like two precious pearls inside their oyster-like shells. I straighten and open the window:
“Thank goodness it wasn't worse.”
“I'll chop it down.”
“That’s a pretty big tree, Jack.”
Jack blinks several times.
“I do have a chainsaw...”
“Yes.” I wonder what stories this tree has witnessed during its lifetime. Will we see the marks of our journey on its rings? There’s always something that gets squeezed in tighter, begging to be unraveled.
“I'll drive you to the cabin and grab the chainsaw,” Jack says. “Prepare some coffee while I'm gone.”
Our short passage to the cabin around the bend is like shifting through the fog of memory. I'm in the kitchen. My fingers clench around the coffee tin can and spoon. Bewilderment engulfs my brain. I spot Jack with his saw. He slips around the corner, the curve of his bottom visible through his tight work trousers. I feel anxious about the crash. Did I deliberately hit the tree?
The measuring spoon slips from my hand. It drops onto the floor along with the tin can. I clean up the mess. Could someone drive into a tree on purpose? Accidents do happen after all. It's fascinating to see him take on this role of being so chivalrous. Far away from his academic duties.
As the chainsaw outside whines, I scroll through social media on my phone. People arguing about something or other makes me tired. I pick up a copy of Science magazine from the coffee table and scan through an article titled “Quantum Communication Across Interstellar Space,” authored by Jack. As usual, the details go right over my head. I like to amuse myself with the idea that it speaks about communicating with individuals who have passed away.
Billy's message pops up. He asks for money for a fishing trip with his buddies somewhere in Lapland. I am more than happy to support him since he’s enlisting in the army soon in July. My big boy.
I tell him about the car crash, and he gives me advice about a car repair store. Jack comes back earlier than expected. He plops into his seat, sweat beading on his forehead and the smell of resin emanating from him. He seems disappointed.
I pour coffee to the brim.
“Did the saw get stuck?”
Jack shakes his head and adds sugar to his mug.
“It got shattered under the tree. I stumbled...”
Silence descends slowly, like dust.
“My helmet cracked.”
“Do you want me to buy new parts when I go to the store?”
“No need.”
“But there's pruning and cutting to do first.”
Jack takes a bite out of a cinnamon bun.
“I can sharpen the axe.”
“Ask the neighbors for help, that's what they're for. You can also mow the lawn while I'm away.”
“The grass is already short— it'll die off.”
“You don't want ticks taking over! Think about your mother's joint pain. She would roll in her grave if—”
“Cremated?’
“Yes!” My answer is like a flyswatter, leaving no room for further discussion or quantum physics.
Jack is busy chewing on the bun. His regular coffee breaks, which have become part of his daily routine in his sixties, have honed impressive jowls.
We enjoy our coffee and stare at the lake. Calm as a mirror. I have a feeling Jack will soon suggest fishing. As I gather my things to leave, I call to him:
“Don't hurt yourself. Should I bring more buns?”
“I was thinking of skipping the sugar and wheat...”
I simply smile in reply.
“Can you refuel the car?” Jack asks.
I'm already off. The door slams shut in the middle of his sentence, but Jack knows better than to expect a response.
I jump into the driver's seat and immediately notice forgotten potato baskets in the back seat, but my mind drifts away before I can do anything about it. As I pass by our old well, I remember that we need to discuss connecting the cabin to a new water source. No matter what it costs, it needs to be done. Why should I agree to be responsible for our running water anymore?
I collide with something hard. Airbags abruptly inflate around me, disorienting me as my vision blurs. Struggling to escape from the tangled mess of seatbelts and inflatable bags, it feels like I'm an old person trying to climb out of a bouncy castle.
My gaze rests on the scene before me, but my thoughts can't understand it. I have plowed into a tree stump. The tree stretches over the ditch. Nearby the chainsaw lies crushed. The cutting chain is nowhere to be found.
I get back in the car. Should I phone Jack for an urgent call? Inhaling slowly helps me stay calm. Why didn’t he mention the tree stump?
Someone taps on my window
I jump and my neck stiffens up. I reach for the window switch.
“I should have told you about...” Jack says.
“The stump?”
“Didn't you see the tree on the ground?”
“I'm sorry. I was daydreaming.”
“Great galaxy, Hazel! You're burning through our last savings as if money grew on trees!”
Jack is being truly authentic with me. I stare back at him like some big-eyed exotic species from Madagascar that I can't identify in all this chaos.
Jack opens the door and starts to put the cushion back in its place. We turn on the engine, giving the accelerator a test ride.
“Let's go to a repair shop. I'm sure our insurance will cover this,” Jack suggests. “We can say that we had an accident with a reindeer.”
“You're supposed to report it to the police or game warden if you hit an animal,” I reply.
Jack pauses for a moment. He then reverses and drives forward again, but when he looks into the rear-view mirror, he slams on the brakes.
“I have a better plan.”
He retrieves an orange towing strap from the trunk, a burst of determination on his face. He connects the stump and the tow hook.
“Get ready. We’re going to take a quantum leap here.”
We buckle our seat belts with a single click as we prepare for the inevitable disaster. We had already made so many mistakes together, starting with raising our children—though sometimes failing was just part of parenting.
Jack revs up the engine. A sudden lurch forward, then Jack howls in pain as the stump smashes through the rear window, clambering through the seats and lodging itself onto the gearbox, trapping Jack's hand. He veers off toward the ditch.
The Milky Way spins around us, potatoes fly in the air and suddenly, all is quiet. We find ourselves upside down—surrounded by earthy potatoes and broken glass.
I try to break the silence:
“I just remembered: Billy's friend can repair cars at the vocational school much cheaper.”
Jack looks so pale, his face almost white. I guess he’s contemplating the next step.
Through the cracked windshield, I see the chainsaw chain lying in the ditch. How did it come to be rusting away? Maybe everything will go back to normal if we sit here and wait.
It feels almost as if we are flying in outer space, my nerves slowly calming down. But then a sudden stillness strikes that is anything but soothing.
“Jack, I’m feeling a bit dizzy…”
No answer.
“Jack...”
I snap open my eyes and the scene in front of me has changed drastically. It’s like I’ve been sucked into some kind of surreal void.
I hear a tapping noise on the window. An apology and then a loud thud; a huge rock has been hurled through the glass. A stench of strong aftershave ferments around me. A burly arm reaches across to release the seatbelt. An elderly man growls something crude, nothing like Jack's usual scout-like words.
My eyes close as I'm being cradled away, and visions of Jack's mathematics and symbols flicker around in my mind. Is the soul truly free when there is no force of gravity to pull us down?
I don't know who my savior is, but I can sense his worry as his face reddens. He is in military garb.
I come to as I feel my head thudding against the rubble. Instantly, I yearn to run away, contemplating that perhaps this experience is only a dream, and I'm back in the cabin chamber, tucked securely underneath a cosy blanket. A blanket that grants me the power to perform heroic acts like disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“Are you okay?” he speaks in a familiar voice.
Fingers brush over my clothes, picking out pieces of glass. My pocket contains an odd bulge—a potato? Suddenly, everything clicks: an aged Billy, wearing a major's rank insignia. How could he have achieved that rank so fast?
“Son, what are you doing on this tree ring?”
Billy peers at me from across the way, accompanied by a mysterious female figure.
“We came to check on how you're doing,” Billy says. “Do you remember what happened?”
I raise my head and look around. There's nobody in the driver's seat of the car.
“Where is Jack?” I manage.
Billy furrows his brows like a detective would when weighing evidence. An image of the classic TV show Columbo flashes through my mind—he could lull suspects into a false sense of security before dropping the hammer of his sharp intellect on their inconsistencies. But I'm not hiding anything here. Though why are modern shows so bad? That's another mystery entirely.
“Mom, what were you doing out here? The road is an absolute disaster zone, with the car smashed up in the ditch.”
My thoughts swim haphazardly as Billy reads something from my expression, then casts his eyes towards his new girlfriend for assistance.
I try to get up but it hurts too much. Instead, I reach into my pocket and feel a sandy-sharp potato there. Maybe I can still wash it off.
“I’m fine,” I reply. “I need to get back to plowing the field... baking buns for Jack... buying a chainsaw...”
The darkness returns and I feel my body shiver. I'm in the car, traveling down bumps I've known for quite some time. Soon, I’m settled inside the cabin's living room on the couch. The coffee maker is gurgling in the corner of the room. Billy is on a call with a doctor about how to deal with grief and coping alone; it seems someone had died while cutting down a tree last year. He gets furious and threatens to take away the keys from the person he's talking to. It might be a good idea; many people have too many keys that they don't use anyway.
My head is spinning with thoughts about Jack's absence. Where did he go?
Someone runs water over potatoes while a pot clatters on the stovetop. My temper rises as I wait for Jack's return. I won't stay here by myself without an explanation from him. I call out for Jack until there's no sound left but my coughing voice.
I crave sausage soup, and I know I must go to the store. As I try to move forward, I am wading through tar. They guide me to the coffee table. According to Jack, time runs faster the more hunched your back becomes. Let it be and let us sit here, motionless, gazing at the tips of our shoes. Surely, time has slowed down in this moment.
Billy reaches out and takes my hand. A handsome, greying gentleman. His girlfriend also places her hand on top of the pile. Her name is Ewa. A beautiful name, something familiar about her.
But did I hear her calling me mother?
In the yard, a squirrel hops with a cone in its mouth. It freezes and stares at me. I avert my gaze. My hands suddenly look wrinkled. I summon the inner strength that I've been striving to find for an eternity:
“Do we have to leave now?”
Billy exchanges glances with Ewa and then looks outside.
“You don't have to walk this path alone, Mother.”
We finish our coffee without saying another word. The wind sweeps across the lake. A pair of swans take flight, and a duet of gentle honks echo across the water.
A shivering cold envelops me. Billy and Ewa take me to the car. The potatoes can wait.
The sun blazes brightly above us as we travel the cabin road; shapeless clouds dot the horizon and suddenly I sense a presence—as if someone is waving to me.
I surrender.
I believe I will be warmly welcomed.

I just had my honeymoon (originally scheduled for Jun 2020). My wife and I are in our early thirties. It’s my wife’s first time in japan while it’s my fourth. I’ve benefitted immensely from stalking Tokyo travel reddit and would like to return the favour. I’ll provide some of my tips and observations to the end (skip to the end if the itinerary doesn’t interest you), some of which I think haven’t been mentioned before.
Thank God pretty much everything went to plan, and my wife thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We spent 12 days in Japan, most of it in Tokyo and 2 nights in Kawaguchiko. Many people were surprised to know that we’d be spending most of our trip in Tokyo, but I thought it was just fine because Tokyo had a lot to offer. My wife and I aren’t big on visiting shrines or ticking tourist hotspots off a checklist. We don’t shop much, but we did a lot of it simply because it’s Japan and we bought lots of quality-of-life items (not fashion) for ourselves and others. Given how much my wife really enjoyed the trip, I think others with similar interests could find something helpful too.
Pre-trip planning

• It was out first leisure trip in years, and my wife's first trip to Japan. I wanted to show her my favourite parts of Japan, and took months trawling through reddit posts and trip reports, watching youtube videos, and just soaking in all the things before deciding on an itinerary that I thought my wife would enjoy. It was almost exclusively planned by me, and I would consult my wife along the way.
• Other than the hotel & flights, I booked the highway express bus to Kawaguchiko one week prior.
• Decided on the airport limousine bus to bring us from the airport to the city a few days prior.
• Studio Ghibli tickets booked one month in advance. There's a good guide available on reddit already. International tickets were quickly sold out, so we used a free VPN to get onto the Japanese site which had more tickets & timings available. Simply Google translate the entire page.
• Booked a cooking class on cookly months prior.
• Did Visit Japan QR two days prior. It takes some time, so do it earlier rather than later.
• Added all places of interests in a Google list, and all food places in another Google list. I tried the custom Google maps at first but didn’t feel the UI was easy to navigate.
• Planned itinerary based on location proximity, and also highlighted parts that were interchangeable in case we wanted to switch it up (which we did).

Planning during the trip

• The Google maps foods list was always just for consideration: if we had time or were craving something. We didn't hard-code food places into our daily plans. But when food was the primary activity (e.g. visiting Tsukiji market), we'd determine to visit particular food stalls. Otherwise, just needed to do a cursory Google review check on whether a random food place is worth eating it. As a principle, we didn't want to spend time queuing >20m for food.
• I'd plan the next day's itinerary the night before, considering fatigue, interest, and proximity. I would create a brand new Google maps list for the next day, including potential food places.

Day 0 (Wed) 17 May - Arrival at Haneda Airport to hotel in Shinjuku
Arrived in Haneda late, about 11pm. Clearance was quick but baggage took 30mins. As I wouldn't make my stipulated airport limousine timing, I had no choice but to cancel my airport limousine and take the metro to our hotel in Shinjuku. I tried Apple wallet’s Suica at first. It worked seamlessly but I felt that a physical metro card was just faster so I eventually switched over. We reached after midnight, so do let your hotel know in advance if you anticipate arriving at odd hours.
Day 1 (Thurs) - Shinjuku exploration
Originally planned to visit Tsukiji on day 1, but given that we arrived late the previous night, agreed with my wife to change the plan and spend the first day doing the Shinjuku itinerary.

• Walked to a popular Tsukumen place at 11. Queued for 20mins and it was an interesting experience as there were lines of people standing right behind watching you eat. Wife said it was her best Tsukumen ever!
• Sekaido for art & stationary supplies: My wife does art so it was a haven for her. We spent a few hours there!
• Tokyu Hands Shinjuku: Wanted to look at more stationary/home/fashion stuff but two floors were under renovation.
• Omoide Yokocho: A quick walkthrough of this famous street for salarymen which comes alive at night. Many tourists.

Day 2 (Fri) - Kappabashi St., Fabric Town, Akihabara

• Kappabashi Dougu Street: looked at kitchen supplies aimed to find a nice nakiri knife! (If you want to buy a knife, do research on what knife you need beforehand).
• Fabric Town: My wife just passed a seamstress exam so she eagerly anticipated visiting fabric town, we spent a few hours in Tomato.
• Akihabara (Animate, Bic Camera, Gyukatsu Don): It was drizzling the entire day so it was not the most comfortable lugging that many bags around a wet Akihabara in the evening. Wife wasn’t interested but I wanted to let her experience this unique culture. Had dinner at a popular gyukatsu don (beef cutlet that you’d have to cook yourself). It was our first time eating gyukatsu. It was so tender and juicy and mmm. But it was a long one hour wait. It was after this episode that we decided we were not going to queue this long for food again.

Day 3 (Sat) - Cooking class in Shinjuku, Shibuya

• Private cooking class in Shinjuku: Our host was great! We were invited into his cosy house and he taught us how to make Okonomiyaki, Yakisoba, and a Japanese salad. I paid careful attention to the menu beforehand as I wanted to learn dishes I could easily recreate back home (i.e. not choose dishes that depended on seasonal Japanese ingredients). My wife absolutely loved the experience of getting to know a local and understanding his life story, Japanese culture, and hearing some of his horror stories of foreign guests. We got more food recs from him to understand where the locals really ate at.
• Shibuya 109: Paid $5 for a drink to have a bird’s eye view of the Shibuya crossing. It was Saturday so the crossing was at its full force. Even if you think this is touristy, it’s amazing to see that many people like little ants crossing a street. There are several nice locations here to take some artsy shots.
• Ishibashi Music Shibuya: absolutely loved the vibe in this music store. Back home, I’d been thinking about getting a particular keyboard but never got a chance to try it. I was able to play this particular one undisturbed and feel like I could go on for hours without any pressure from staff. Bought a few Japan exclusive guitar picks as gifts.
• Shibuya Tokyu Hands: This was amazing. I thought Shinjuku Tokyu Hands was the flagship store. So I only stumbled into this because I urgently needed to pee and someone said Tokyu hands had toilets. We were confused as its name was rebranded to simply "Hands" with a new logo. If you only have time to visit one Tokyu Hands, visit the Shibuya one. Each floor had 2 sub-floors so that’s a ton of floors! Lots of quality-of-life improvements one could get from this store. My wife got a buckwheat pillow.
• Shibuya Loft: After Sekaido and Tokyu Hands, I didn't think there was much daily life products/art/stationary to look at. But Loft was very different. Similar to Tokyu hands but seems more modern and fashionable. Worth visiting together with Tokyu hands! It also had packaged food available! It was late and my wife and I concluded that we didn’t have to to explore all the floors and that we’d return to Shibuya again.

Day 4 (Sun) - Komazawa Church, Harajuku, Shibuya

• Church in Komazawa: not a tourist activity, but we linked up with some partners from our home church and attended service at a little church held in a nursery. It was an amazing and encouraging experience to hear the gospel preached in a foreign language.
• Harajuku: Way too crowded. I had anticipated this as it was a Sunday, but thought to just try. Takeshita street was so packed my wife feared there would be a stampede risk (it wasn’t that bad). We did queue 20mins for pretty tasty crepe. After checking out all the recommended streets (e.g. cat street, uru-harajuku), my wife simply felt that she couldn’t stand the Harajuku crowd and the vibes. So we decided to go back to Shibuya again!
• Shibuya JINS: I didn’t mention this but previously in Shinjuku and Shibuya, I had been checking out recommended optical shops in the vicinity for a particular style of glasses. Japanese-made glasses are highly-rated, but I couldn’t find something at the right price-point. At JINS, I found a design I liked. Though not made in Japan, it cost me less than 5000 yen. Took them 1 hour to make it. For some reason I loved the vibes at Shibuya, and I earmarked it to return again later.

Day 5 (Mon) - Tsukiji Market, Ginza Muji/Uniqlo, Tokyo station

• Tsukiji market: wanted to arrive before 8 but arrived at 8.30am. Thankfully the crowds weren't that bad yet. Everything we tried was lovely. Potato/corn fishcakes, strawberry mochi, tamago, wagyu beef, uni inarisushi (my first time trying uni - wife loved it but I didn't like it), unagi. But the star was Masa burger (thanks to Paolo from Tokyo), which we waited till 11am to try. By then, the tourist buses had come and the streets were packed. But Masa burger was in a corner and we were their first customers. We tried fried codfish burger + homemade ginger ale. Both were was so well done and the fried cod was so crispy yet fresh and tender. It was also nicely completed with very refreshing salads! It was soo good we had it twice.
• Ginza Uniqlo/Muji: we wanted to take a look at some of Uniqlo’s exclusive items. Apparently they do have exclusive t-shirts for each region (e.g. Harajuku, Shibuya, Ginza), which tend to be collaborations with well-known food places in the area. However, they were always white in colour (cheap to produce) and not made-in-Japan-quality. Muji @ Ginza was a disappointment, not a lot more than the usual.
• Tokyo Station Ghibli store & Tenugui hunting: Went to Tokyo station to check out the Ghibli store and to look for a particular traditional tenugui (Japanese towels) store as my wife were hunting these down to give as gifts.
• Shinjuku Ichiran & Mister Donut: We returned to Shinjuku for Ichiran ramen, specifically at 5+pm. No crowds at all. Yummy! We then saw a Mister Donut, and recalled news in our home country that when it had its first opening in my country, people queued 5 hours for it. We thought to try it to see what the fuss was all about. Cash only, but the donuts were wonderfully textured and not too sweet. My wife doesn’t like sweet stuff, but mister donut really hit the sweet spot (no pun intended).

Day 6 (Tue) - Tokyo National Museum, Fabric town revisit, Akihabara revisit, Ochanomizu

• Tokyo National Museum: We had a good time learning about Japan’s early history, and discovered that so much that we know of Japan resulted from Chinese/korean influence.
• Fabric town & Akihabara revisit, Ochonomizu: We decided that this was likely the right time to go back for items we missed out on or didn’t have time to see. My wife went to fabric town again while I went to Akihabara’s Yodaibashi camera, which I felt to be better and with more varied things than Bic Camera. I then went to nearby Ochanomizu to look at more music and sport shops. We met up again at Shinjuku for another Gyukatsu Don before heading to mister donuts again.

Day 7 (Wed) - Shinjuku Gyoen Garden, Mori Museum, Ginza Wakamatsu, Shinjuku

• Shinjuku Gyoen Garden: lovely large garden grounds. We spent almost an hour just lying under a tree and watching clouds float by. Wife was doing some rough sketches of the garden. We had mister donuts from last night for breakfast.
• Mori Museum: Saw the exhibition of Heatherwick studios, which was inspiring and educational. Paid for the rooftop access to have a quick view of Tokyo from 50-ish floors up.
• Ginza Wakamatsu: Because of one of the Uniqlo-ginza-exclusive t-shirts, my wife was curious about this traditional Japanese dessert. So we gave it a check and realised it’s been around for more than a century. There was a short line (mainly Japanese elderly). The shop interior transported us back decades. It felt surreal eating a dessert that the Japanese ate centuries ago. Unlike modern desserts, this Japanese dessert certainly doesn’t excite and overwhelm one’s taste buds immediately. But there’s an old charm to it.
• Shinjuku Okadaya fabric: Returned to Shinjuku as my wife wanted to check out another of their famous fabric stores. Prices were more expensive than fabric town, but had somewhat different items.

Day 8 (Thurs) - Kawaguchiko

• Bus to Kawaguchiko: Packed light to Kawaguchiko, and forwarded our remaining luggage to our final hotel in Tamachi. The Shinjuku hotel staff were very helpful. I was merely inquiring on how luggage forwarding was done, but the staff picked up the phone, called my Tamachi hotel to confirm the booking, and prepared the documents for me. All I had to do was roll my luggage the next night to them and make payment. Took our 7:45am bus to Kawaguchiko and managed to catch a glimpse of Mount Fuji when we were on our way there!
• Cycling In Kawaguchiko: We lugged our bags to our ryokan and headed out again. My wife was quite hesitant about cycling overseas and I was also worried it’d tire her out too much. I debated between cycling or simply taking the sight-seeing bus. Eventually felt that it was worth trying to cycle. We unexpectedly walked by an e-bike place and decided, why not? Neither of us had tried an e-bike before and that could reduce the effort required for my wife. So we did and boy was it fun! It took a while to get used to the e-bike but it really reduced a lot of effort up the hills! I barely perspired at all thanks to the e-assist. Kawaguchiko had pretty narrow roads so it wasn’t the easiest to cycle. But I had plenty of road-cycling experience back at home so I was not daunted. We borrowed helmets from the e-bike place but saw that we were the only tourists that wore them. Yes, I'd recommend wearing helmets when cycling.
• Kubota Itchiku Art Museum: Cycled here knowing that this museum would interest my wife. It had a garden free for entry and it was really quaint, quiet, and charming! The pond had a singular vibrant-coloured Koi swimming in it. Museum entry requires tickets. On this trip, I realised that visiting museums tired me easily. It could be because I spent time reading each description. I told my wife to go ahead as I waited outside. She eventually took 45m in the museum and was so enthralled by it. She even bought a heavy hard-cover book of Itchiku Kubota’s kimono art :/
• Momiji Corridor: was just 50 meters away from the museum. Still beautiful with only green leaves, but I’d imagine it would be majestic in Autumn/Spring.
• Oishi Park: Many colourful flowers! It’s a pity that it had been cloudy the entire day, and Mt Fuji was not visible. That would have made the cycle perfect. Had a peach/plum ice-cream. Park was crowded with tourists.

Day 9 (Fri) - Fuji Q Highland, Shimoyoshida Honcho St, Batting Cage
Planning for Fuji Q & Morning Jog: I didn’t plan to go to Fuji-Q highland before the trip. Always felt it a bit of a waste to visit amusement parks overseas. That’s until I realised that Fuji Q had some of the most exciting (I mean world-record-holding) rollercoasters in the world. Maybe they don't hold the records anymore, but that intrigued me enough, because most amusement parks only had 1-2 coasters. Problem was that wife is terrified, and she said cycling on the streets of Kawaguchiko was already like a coaster ride for her. Still, I'm really thankful she encouraged me to go and said she was happy waiting and taking pictures for me. So I decided I would reach at opening time, and buy time by paying for the fast passes and try their top three coasters. The night before, we felt that we had to make decisions on our itinerary as it was our last day at Kawaguchiko. If Mt Fuji still wasn’t visible the next day, we'd go to Oshino Hakkai, if it was, we could try going to Shimoyoshida to get a nice picture.

• I went for a morning jog and as the path brought me along the river's perimeter, my jaw dropped when I saw Mount Fuji towering into view. I raced back to tell my wife (about 6am) and we both trekked up to a viewing spot to enjoy the view. This made it more urgent to not spend too much time at Fuji Q as we didn’t know how long Mt. Fuji would be visible for.
• Fuji-Q Highland: Was absolutely amazing. Yes, I blew a lot of cash here buying fast passes for the three available coasters. But they were some of the craziest coasters. Took Eejanaika, Fujiyama and Takabisha. Total time it took probably a little more than 1 hour with the express passes. It was so good, but so fast that I have little memory of it, except that there was a 90 degree climb to the top for Takabisha and I had a beautiful view of Mt. Fuji while climbing to the supposed world record of 79m for Fujiyama (this was 2 days before the news reported that Fujiyama got stuck in the middle of a ride and the people in the carts had to climb down :o). Had more time to take a few other rides, and enjoyed all the Naruto statues around for fun photo-taking. What I really enjoyed about the park was that it was mostly filled with Japanese tourists; in fact, there was a Japanese school having an outing there. It was nice to see excited students running about. If I could spend the day here, I'd take the three coasters multiple times to imprint the sensations in my head. But I'm still thankful I got to try some of the world's most thrilling coasters!
• Shomoyoshida Honcho St: This destination was simply to take the famous street view of Mount Fuji with Japanese shops lined in the foreground. It’s not easy to get to, and there was quite a walk. We noticed there weren’t much people around, and most shops were closed. But when we reached the destination, there were many tourists right at the particular traffic light. So much so there was a grumpy Japanese traffic police person managing the crowd. We saw the worst of tourists that day. People were disobeying traffic laws and just running in the middle of the road just to get a shot. We then chanced upon a hidden udon shop and it felt like we were transported back to the 50’s! It was super old school, people sat on raised platforms, and several elderly customers were watching the tele while eating. There was only one udon option available, with free cabbage top-ups. We learnt that the shop had been around for 73 years. We actually headed back to Fuji-Q Highlands to take a 4D 'plane ride' with Joe Hisashi music in the background. Since my wife actually wanted to ride something, I was happy to agree to her request. Ride was very ordinary but wife actually felt terrified at times lol. Rushed back to the hotel for a private onsen booking.
• Batting Cage: I had never played baseball/softball and my home country doesn’t have a baseball culture. Yet I had seen batting cages in Japanese drama and always wanted to try. Loved it! My technique was probably pretty bad! I did well at first but as I tried faster balls, I tired out and failed to hit any haha. Some teens beside me were knocking out 120km/h balls out of the park! We ended the day eating ramen outdoors with a view of Mount Fuji.

Day 10 (Sat) - Kichijoji, Ghibli Museum, Kichijoji Jazz bar
Woke up before sunrise for a run and to attempt to catch a sunrise picture of Mount Fuji. Streets were completely empty. Even ran to the famous Kawaguchiko Lawson for a picture. Headed back for an onsen bathe (note: we never used the room's shower, and always went for an onsen bath throughout our stay in Kawaguchiko as it was just too convenient). Took a 7am bus to return to Shinjuku.

• Kichijoji: Arrived at Kichijoji at about 10am. Wife really loved the vibes there. We tried the Tsukuba suisan fish cakes which were really tasty, and my wife was intrigued that a line had formed at the adjacent store named Ozasa. Apparently they sell traditional Japanese desserts and locals would go there as early as 5am to get a ticket. So we queued 15m and managed to get three boxes worth of the snacks! Tried the Amane Taiyaki fish-shaped bean paste snacks, another traditional dessert. It was a small lovely old shop.
• Ghibli Museum: Requires a long walk through Inokashira park. Ghibli was fantastic. Many people have been saying recently that it’s over-rated, and that it doesn’t cater to foreign crowds and most things are in Japanese. We similarly struggled with that at first. But we found out that if you asked the staff, they actually had English language exhibition booklets ready for every exhibition! That was a revelation. And we managed to understand almost all the exhibitions by asking the uniformed staff (except the short film, which had minimal dialogue anyway). I mentioned this to one foreign group and they were really grateful for that. But I saw that many other foreigners that probably came earlier were just bored or simply going crazy at the Ghibli shop. My wife bought the museum book (which also has English explanations of each exhibit), and we understood Miyazaki’s vision for the museum - to make it suitable for kids and adults, with no pre-determined route, allowing for play, exploration, to help people be inspired by the artists’ process. Through that, we saw that every thing in the museum was intentionally designed, all of the exhibitions, cafe, shop, and garden. Reading that helped me appreciate and enjoy the museum much more.
• Roaming Kichijoji and Some Time Jazz bar: My wife and I split up to roam kichijoji. I checked out some sports shops and saw that their prices were lower than Ochanomizu. We reconvened for dinner at Sometime Jazz bar. I’m picking up Jazz piano but had never been to a jazz bar. Booked it one day before, but was sad that our table position only allowed us to see some of the drummer and the pianist’s expression. Still, it was a very hip place for jazz cats and we had a wonderful time. We only sat through the first half of the performance that night. Note that there are seating charges, so that + dinner added up to quite a lot. But we rationalised that this was akin to paying for a performance. Checked into our hotel in Tamachi.

Day 11 (Sun) - Tokyo Sky Tree, Shinjuku, Back to Kichijoji, Shibuya
It was a crazy day where we simply hit the places we wanted to revisit regardless of proximity. Headed to Tokyo Skytree in the morning to check out another Ghibli store in hopes of getting another Ghibli shirt; reason was because I ended up buying one at the museum I really loved (made in Japan, beautiful colour, perfect fit. I hesitated at first because I couldn't try it). If you’re not going to the Ghibli museum, this is probably the best store available for Ghibli goods. Alas, the museum's items were really quite exclusive. Headed to Shinjuku to try curry udon, then to Kichijoji to try satou beef balls and dangos and to make some purchasing decisions on some sports equipment. Then we ended up at Shibuya (my favourite place!) to the mega Don Quijote and Tokyu Hands to shop for gifts for others. It was a lovely end to our trip!
Day 12 (Mon) - Back home
Best trip ever, says my wife.
Tips for travellers

• Spread out your itinerary: I originally planned to front-load all the must-see tourist stuff and leave the remaining days for shopping. But in May, Ghibli Museum was closed for two weeks so we had no choice but to schedule it at the end of the trip. That was a better arrangement. It felt that each day was distinctly different, and we could remember the highlight of each day. Also, be specific about where you want to go. Don’t simply put locations, e.g., Visit Harajuku, or visit Shibuya crossing.
• Plan your itinerary in consideration of weekend crowds: Places like Tsujiki market, Ghibli Museum, Fuji-Q Highlands and other stuff are likely going to be very crowded on weekends. If you want to shop in Harajuku or Shibuya, try to avoid weekends. I opted to put the cooking class and ‘less-exciting’ Museums on weekends.
• Carry more cash than you think you need: In my experience, the cash-to-card ratio was about 40:60. Considering that all metro card top-ups require cash, you'll need quite a bit of cash! Sometimes even bigger restaurants are cash only.
• Bring foldable tote bags, and use lockers where necessary: If you’re buying stuff, packing them in tote bags makes it easier to lug around. Bigger shops will charge you for bags. If you just arrived from one area with bags and are going to explore another, use the lockers. Most metro stations likely have lockers and they are really affordable and convenient.
• Travel light by planning to do laundry: I only brought four sets of clothing, and we did laundry every 3-4 days or so. It’s really convenient, about 200 yen per 30m wash, and another 200 yen for a 1h dry. It’s worthwhile to check if your hotel has coin laundry available.
• Buy discriminately: Many people say the kind of things available at places like Don Quijote or Uniqlo are mind-blowing. Fact is, most of them are made in China or elsewhere. About 95% of the items we saw in Daiso were made in China. In fact, many items in Kappabashi street were made in China. You’re more likely to get value for money by buying a made in Japan item. Sometimes the shop will highlight if a product is Japan made. But other times, you have to scrutinise the fine print. Learn to look out for these three words in Kanji: 日本製. This is where the camera function of Google translate is immensely helpful. This was not available or widely publicised when I last visited Japan years back in 2016, so use this tech to your advantage and scrutinise the fine print!
• Plan your toilet trips if possible: If you know you’re headed to low-rise areas like Tsujiki, Fabric town where it’s just shop after shop, it’s going to be hard to find a toilet. Make sure you relieve yourself beforehand at the train station. But if you still need to go, try to find a multi-storey building and chances are, there’ll be toilets available there.
• Avoid queuing for food by timing right: In general, I found that most popular food places that required queuing had queues mainly consisting of foreigners. I wonder if this is because of the reddit/youtube/google maps review effect (not a lot of Japanese review on Google I think). So if you have to queue, there's a good chance you're competing with other foreigners. Simply put, almost all food places open at 11am, so be there at 11, or have early dinner at 5pm and perhaps you may avoid the queuing.
• Scrutinise Google maps to figure out the different train types: for daily travel, there could be local, rapid, and express trains. Local trains stop at every station. Rapid skips a few, and express trains likely only stops at key location. They make a big difference to travel time, and to your comfort. When Google maps recommends a route, scrutinise the detail to ensure what kind of train they are recommending. It gets confusing at the station as the platforms on your left and right may end up at the same location, but one could be a local train and the other an express train.
• Learn just 2 essential phrases: It always felt weird for me to speak Japanese because I felt like a try-hard. But this time I did - just learn to say thank you in Japanese (arigato gozaimasu). The other essential word is - summimasen - excuse me/sorry. Useful for if you need to exit a crowded train, or if you need to get someone’s attention. We survived with just these two phrases. As our cooking teacher told us - it’s better to say something in Japanese than say nothing at all. For the rest, you can use Google translate app’s picture function.
• Other misc tips: as mentioned, bring trash bags. Some shops explicitly tell you not to walk around and eat their food. So the solution is to finish the snack in front of the shop, and say, “summimasen, can you help me to throw this trash?” That helped us avoid carrying trash around a lot. As a traveller, you’re gonna get a lot of carbs (my curry udon meal included a bowl of udon + a bowl of rice...) and fried food. To get more fiber, try the basements of shopping centres and get yourself some fruits. Also, if you exercise regularly like me, you'd be concerned about getting some exercise. I did pre-trip research on pools/gyms/parks to visit. But visited none of them. With what little hotel room space I had, I settled with a daily morning routine of 100 squats and 100 pushups. That and walking an average of 18k steps daily helped. I actually lost some weight somehow.

Observations

• Drinking culture in Japan: we saw quite a few drunk people in the streets. Some of them at the parks. I had never really seen drunkards much in my home country (it could be because I don’t stay out late). When we walked by a bar area with our cooking instructor at 10am, he told us some of the people in them had been there overnight. At Inokashira park, we saw a lady dressed in office wear face planted on the ground. Her friends tried to help carry here elsewhere but her entire body was limp and almost lifeless.
• The Japanese sleep late: when we arrived, we were still on the train to our hotel at 11:50pm. But the train was still packed with salarymen in suits and many others. In fact, it seemed the later it was, the more crowded the trains.
• Foreigner influx and how we stick out: there were way more foreigners this time than the last I visited Japan. I commented to my wife that I felt more immersed in Japan on the metro or at places like Tokyu hands as I could hear Japanese being spoken around me. But at tourist spots and some museums, I felt like I could have been in any other country. I tended to feel very uncomfortable when large groups of foreigners were around. I had to tell myself not to be hypocritical as I was a foreigner myself. But I suppose one reason is that there were many inconsiderate foreigners. Speaking loudly, making brash comments, and just not behaving like visitors. We saw a foreign couple locked in a head-to-toe embrace on a picnic mat in a park full of families. And they chose a spot right next to the footpath. Many foreigners also leave unkind Google reviews for places just because it’s not up to their expectations. I get it, we worked for our holiday and are paying customers, and there is often an innate tendency to feel entitled or complain when something isn’t up to our expectations. But I think it helps to remember that we are like visitors in someone’s home. Be self-aware, don’t speak loudly, note the traffic customs, where to stand on the escalators, how to behave etc.
• Japanese men have great hair: the Japanese men’s hairstyle feels frozen in time. I didn’t see the typical Korean-inspired center-parted hairstyles in Asian guys nowadays. And balding men were a small minority somehow. As someone whose hairline is slowly receding, I was envious to see many Japanese men have wavy long hair deep into their 60-70s! My wife commented that the women's hairstyles were more or less the same - dyed, curled etc. But the men were rocking so many styles!
• In-person shopping still matters: as the days went by and as my wife and I began to covet the "made-in-Japan" label, we realised that we hadn't done such shopping in years since online shopping became prevalent. I also recall people commenting that you could get these goods online anyway, so why bother shopping in Japan. Well, physical shopping makes comparison easy, it allows you to ask for recommendations, and enables you to know the items's size, feel, and look on you (if buying fashion items). It also makes discovery of new items possible. I'm not a huge shopper or a foodie, but in Japan, it's worth it to be one simply because the Japanese are thoughtful about their craft and tend to produce quality that's quite unmatched. I suppose it's a blessing in disguise that our honeymoon got delayed 3 years, as we are now well-aware of our post-wedding lifestyles and the items we'd need in the kitchen/around the house.
• Reading culture is strong: in a week when I read reports that leisure reading had declined in my home country, I was pleasantly surprised to see many people reading hard-copy books on the train, many of them even had personalised leather book covers. Kinokuniya was also teeming with life. As a bookworm, this is a great encouragement. And I wish English language books came in such compact sizes too, although I think that's due to the limitations of the language. As Japanese characters can be read vertically, that allows for more play on possible book sizes.
• No one culture is worth idealising: Japan remains my favourite country to visit as a tourist, but I've come to see that Japanese culture - like any other culture - has its flaws. That's simply because people are flawed. Yes, their service culture is impeccable, especially when you're served by middle-aged super helpful and super kind ladies. But on every Japanese trip so far, I've always had at least one unkind or impatient service encounter. On a day-to-day basis, people don't really apologise if they bump into you, and may not give up their seats for the elderly too. My cooking teacher says the Japanese are extremely polite in person but would rant and give very bad reviews anonymously at home. I've come to just enjoy their products, service, and their views of certain ways-of-life as a tourist, but stop short of idealising their culture. There are kind and unkind people in every culture. That said, I would still say on average, the Japanese may be more civic-minded than most. That doesn't mean they are innately kinder or warmer people, but simply that they are more self-aware of how their actions are perceived by others.

I've decided not to mention the specific food places as far as possible because I think there's more than enough recommendations available elsewhere. I also think sometimes that we get a bit fomo if we build up too many must-go spots. Enjoy the process of discovering new places! But feel free to ask me more if you like.

Disclaimer: This post is long, so you may want to save it and read it later. Also, I put a lot of time into both researching this and writing it up. So if all you have is negative feedback, kindly keep it to yourself. Finally, there’s a lot more that I’ve been looking into beyond the scope of this write-up. If you’d like to join my exp-LORE-ation efforts, please let me know.
Recap: Part 1 establishes that Colonel is the same kid who was playing with his “baer frends” at the Palace of the Winding Path. Part 2 establishes that Darius Angler was the author of the 4 Untitled Poems.
Edit: Hyperlinks don't seem to be working so I'm manually pasting my references to parts 1 and 2.
https://www.reddit.com/fo76/comments/1327e9a/lore_discovery_responder_colonel_flatwoods_was/
https://www.reddit.com/fo76/comments/135xf3y/lore_discovery_part_2_responder_colonels_postwa
TLDR (mad spoilers up in here): Fishbones led the raid that killed Colonel and all the Responders in Flatwoods, and he could very well be Darius Angler’s brother. Colonel may have been up to something nefarious with the children of Flatwoods (but not in that way). Ra Ra might be Ward’s granddaughter. And it looks like mole rat teeth are used to craft Day Tripper.
​
We Begin at the End: November 2096. 13 Bridge Street, Flatwoods, WV. Responder Colonel died in the raider attack on Flatwoods, along with just about every other Responder that resided there. The raiders attacked because a Chem Addict stole all their food and chems and fled to Flatwoods. You can find her body and holotape just West of the river. But before we get to that, we need to look at what Colonel was up to before he died. Most people probably overlooked this detail because they haven’t explored Flatwoods since they were level 3, and at that point they didn’t have a jetpack or the Marsupial mutation. But Colonel’s front AND back porches are completely railed off. If you make it over the front railing, you’ll find the corpses of Colonel and (likely) the raider that killed him, Colonel’s second “Survivor Story,” and a stroller with an intact doll in it. Colonel was the “caregiver for children” in Flatwoods, so the stroller may have once been for an actual baby.
But on the back porch, Colonel was burning books, files, documents, and the contents of a mysterious duffel back on his grill. Colonel definitely had a secret and he was literally trying to burn the evidence. And that secret was his past with the Diehards and Darius Angler. If you follow the road West out of Flatwoods, you’ll eventually arrive at Hillfolk Hotdogs, which is the site of Untitled Poem #3 and the former home of Colonel when he lived with Angler as a child (you can find one of his “baer frends” on the kid-sized bunk bed). But inside the bus(?) at Hillfolk’s, you’ll also find similar documents and a duffel bag, just like the kind Colonel was burning in Flatwoods when he died. As a matter of fact, there are other similarly suspicious duffel bags and file caches along the Ohio River. And this takes us to Ohio River Adventures.
Fishbones is a Dirty Rat Bastard: In the exact same way that the Diehards returned to Crater, a former territory of theirs (and site of Untitled Poem #2), the Diehards also returned to Ohio River Adventures. Now, O.R.A. gets overlooked because there is no main quest line that keeps you returning to this area (maybe the grind for Raider Rep), but this place is former Diehard territory too. Now, it is critically important to know that both Fishbones (Bones) and Blackeye are O.G. Diehards. Blackeye was almost certainly Colonel’s 1st grade teacher back at the Palace of the Winding Path. But what about Bones? Well, my friends, I bet I’m about to tell you something you didn’t already know:
When Margie McClintock died in 2096 (as inferred what Rose tells us during the main quest), Meg Groberg took over and soon thereafter led the Diehards out of Appalachia before returning years later (that, you already knew). You probably also already knew that before Margie died, Meg and the other Diehards went against protocol and “shot first” when robbing people. Meg was a true raider in all the ways that Margie was not. But what you probably didn’t put together is that Margie died around the time that Flatwoods was attacked. According to the Chem Addict from Flatwoods:
“Chems Addict: Well, this is it I guess. Rock bottom I think they call it. I still miss him. Billy. I knew he was too young for me, but he made me feel good. Though it's the old Billy I really miss. The one who used to do nothing all day with me but listen to the radio and drink. I shoulda got out sooner when Billy and his buddies started torturing little cats and dogs. His friends... were no good. But that didn't stop me anyway. I can't believe my wake up call was watching people's heads... get stuck on spikes. So... what is an old gal like me to do? Steal all the food. Steal all the chems. And get the hell out of there. *laughs* I'd trade my last bite of food just to see the look on their faces. Oh, I know it's going to piss off Billy's friends, but I don't give a damn. I tell myself I should feel sorry for the little town across the river. But if I'm being honest, and that's what this tape is for, I don't really care. I call myself an addict, but it ain't the chems that finally got me. It was always Billy.”
I want to emphasize the “heads on spikes” part, because that’s something Margie would never tolerate. But Meg on the other hand let raiders be raiders. The other thing that I want to point out is “Billy.” I’m not saying for certain that this Billy is the same as Darius Angler’s brother, but I am saying that technically no body was ever recovered from the molten steel, and Angler didn’t see the accident happen because he didn’t work at Grafton Steel anymore. It’s possible that “Billy Angler,” who didn’t quit because “he needs the money,” could have taken out some kind of insurance policy, named his chem addict girlfriend as the beneficiary, faked his own death, and skipped town. Do I know for certain that this happened? Of course not. But what I do know is this: FISHBONES’S REAL NAME IS BILLY!!! The reason he’s obsessed with the letter B is because that’s his first initial. You see, at first I thought the raiders that wrecked Flatwoods were Cutthroats because of their whole feud with the Responders. But then I learned that the Flatwoods attack was caused by a bunch of chems that the Addict stole, and the Diehards were Appalachia’s great chems supplier (thanks to Angler). Furthermore, Fishbones’s current operation is spiking Mirelurk meat with an addictive substance (chems). And since Bones is an OG Diehard, it means he was the piece-of-shit raider that attacked Flatwoods and killed Colonel.
https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Fishbones
A Bit About Bruiser: I found a few interesting details about Bruiser at Ohio River Adventures, but nothing too profound. We know that he used to play football, his mascot was a “battle bear,” and that he spent some time in a vault. The likeliest conclusion from this information is that he’s from Grafton, given that’s the only high school in the region with a football field and it’s next to the makeshift vault that formerly housed a few raiders before the BOS took over. If you look up the IRL Grafton High School, you’ll find that it’s on Yates Ave (likely the namesake of Sofie Yates, a Responder turned Raider in Flatwoods) and their mascot is the “Bearcat.” Also, all the varsity jackets in FO76 have the letter B on them, but that’s more Fishbones’s thing. But none of this has anything to do with Colonel or Angler, so let’s move on.
The Charleston Cartel (2079-2082): From the Charleston Capitol Building terminal entries, we know there was a massive chem trade happening in Charleston at this time:
“Name: Matoukas, George
Date of Crime: 10.09.81
Description:
300 Block of Oak. Based on anonymous tip, Responder Atkins found subject peddling vast amounts of illegal chems out of his home. Over 300lbs of illegal chems found in the subject's basement.
Resolution:
Matoukas sentenced to 5 years hard labor under close supervision, with possibility of parole for good behavior. Chems were seized and destroyed.”
Since the Diehards’ operation at the Palace of the Winding Path effectively ended with the great rapture of ‘79, it only makes sense that the Diehards would have to adapt their drug trade elsewhere. If you actually look for raider activity in Charleston (outside of the courthouse), you won’t find a lot, but what you will find is very telling of their operations. You’ll find a dead raider at the chemistry workbench inside Hornwright Industrial Headquarters. You’ll find a few dead raiders in/above the pharmacy on the south side of town. And you’ll find a dead raider lurking outside the doctors’ offices (which is NOT the hospital) to the north. And this takes us to Dr. Joseph.
https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Joseph_(Fallout_76))
Dr. Joseph was a psychiatrist in Charleston who practiced both before AND after the Great War. He had the authority to refer patients to Allegheny Asylum and write prescriptions; Prescriptions that would be filled at the pharmacy on the south side of Charleston. To one patient, P. Davis, he prescribed Day Tripper. This insightful detail is why the Diehards were operating in Charleston in the first place. As many seasoned players have observed, Day Tripper is not craftable in this game; You can only find it out in the wild. Consider the following terminal entry from the Palace of the Winding Path:
“Log: 12.29.77 Since the war, incense ingredients have been hard to come by. We started rationing weeks ago, in anticipation of this, and doses are much lower. The sedative effects of the incense are a priority, to keep people from freaking out.
I've begun to improvise with some other ingredients and found some creative ways of stretching the supply, at least until things return to relative normal. Other chem supplies are plentiful.”
So here’s what I think happened. If the Diehards were in dire need of Day Tripper to make their custom chems (see: Making Incense), and the Responders had a healthy supply of Day Tripper locked inside a pharmacy in Charleston, and there was also a doctor who wrote prescriptions for Day Tripper, then all the Diehards needed to do was register a new patient with Dr. Joseph. Enter: Darius Angler.
Darius Angler was batshit crazy (if in doubt, refer to his manifesto). Angler, who now resided at Hillfolk Hotdogs, was also just a short trip up the New River from Charleston. He would periodically visit Dr. Joseph, get his prescription filled like a meth-head scoring Sudafed, and used the trip as a cover to smuggle the refined chems into the city. Essentially, I think he just made a loop around the southwest “island” of the Forest (area surrounded on all sides by 3 rivers, referred to as “Zone D”). The loop around Zone D functioned as a supply chain/assembly line for producing the chems that were being smuggled into Charleston. There’s a lot of suspicious stuff happening around here: Raider activity, duffel bags/files, bridge control, coffin conspiracies, etc. that I had to edit out for length, but I’ll try to summarize it here.
Hillfolk Hotdogs is where Angler and Colonel raised mole rats for reasons I’ll explain later. Follow the Ohio River south and you’ll soon come to a boat that’s not far away from a crashed truck loaded up with industrial chemical barrels (useful for producing industrial quantities of chems). South of that is a tent with a duffel bag. Further south you’ll find a 3-story house with suspicious files and a duffle bag hidden in the attic (just like at Hillfolk’s). South of that are some dry-docked boats with a chem box and a duffel bag. Even further south is Ohio River Adventure (a current Raider base of operation that served a similar purpose back then). Southeast of there, by Lewis & Sons, is a little “boat” with 2 stuffed bears, which I think was left behind by Colonel as he reenacted his river adventures with Angler using his bears. Southeast of there is a floating Nuka-Cola structure with a submerged safe guarded by 2 more bears, one of which has a liquor bottle. I think this is a dead drop and the bears are another work of Colonel’s. Heading East up the River you’ll find a raider-operated “store” at the end of a questionable bridge. Further east is Charleston, where George Matoukas was distributing the chems. And on the return trip down the New River is another dead drop directly beneath the Bridge on the west side. It’s a safe by a couch with a bear and Jangles (I think Jangles is supposed to represent George). Again, I think that this big loop is a supply chain/assembly line for moving chems and the components needed to make chems.
The smuggling operation also deviously involved Colonel and his “Baer Frends.” If you jetpack up to the very top of AVR Medical Center, you’ll find two people who OD’ed on chems, each with a stuffed bear next to them. So I think that either the Diehards were sewing chems inside Colonel’s stuffed bears and using them as drug mules to smuggle chems into Charleston, or that Colonel just climbed to the highest point on the hospital (as he did at the Palace and later in Flatwoods) and left two bears as a memorial. But I’m leaning toward the former because of an unmarked location in the Savage Divide that I found. It’s southeast of Bastion Park right at the bend of the monorail line. It’s essentially a fire pit with a bunch of stuffed bears thrown in it with a few dead party-goers around the area. I think this is the location where the Responders destroyed all of the Chems, bears and all, that they confiscated from George Matoukas. Speaking of George Matoukas….
Curious George and the Rocket: According to the above-mentioned terminal entry, George Matoukas was apparently the only criminal who the Responders sentenced to hard labor rather than exile. If you go to Rollins Labor Camp (formerly Rollins Work Camp), you won’t find a whole lot there other than Blood Eagles. But what you WILL find at the very top of the crane structure are two stuffed bears and a Jangles. Colonel, as a child, had a thing for playing with “baer frends in high places.” I can’t say with any certainty what happened here, but maybe Angler was the one who gave the responders that “anonymous tip” because Matoukas was starting to rub off on Colonel, and Angler didn’t want him growing up to be a Raider. Matoukas gets sentenced to hard labor rather than exile, with a change of parole pending “good behavior,” which means “snitching.” So maybe Angler took Colonel to visit his “friend” at the labor camp (visiting hours are a thing), Angler introduced George to a “rocket,” and Colonel used his toys to recreate the scene. Or not. Who knows? But what I do know is that the shitty poet (Angler) moved on from Hillfolk Hotdogs to go to the Cranberry Bog, and I think the Christmas Flood gave him the perfect reason to leave.
Untitled Poem #3: I’m intentionally skipping Untitled Poem #2, partly because I haven’t found much deeper meaning to it, but mostly because what I think it means is little more than conjecture. #3, on the other hand, I feel like I can make sense of it:
“white cedar leaning against the shadow of our river
peeling like asylum walls
hobbled together around dignity that died long ago
simple things to jumpstart fogged memories
holed as teeth hidden in tin
we leave our things pinned
winning only the stuck wings”
I think the phrase “white cedar leaning against the shadow of our river” is the title of the painting in Dr. Joseph’s office. Or at least that’s how Darius Angler would describe it as if it was some kind of Rorschach test. “Peeling like asylum walls, hobbled together around dignity that died long ago” is a reference to the office wallpaper, and perhaps another one of Dr. Joseph’s clients, Daniel Boone.
“Patient: "Boone, D"
Observations:
Interesting case.
Patient responds only to "Daniel Boone" and indeed seems to believe himself to be the historical figure by the same name. I'd heard that some of the hillfolk can end up a bit off after lack of socialization, but I'd not expected to see such a case.
Advised that he be sent to Allegheny rather than the Penitentiary for further observation.”
There’s only a VERY narrow window of plausibility to suggest that Angler is Daniel Boone, so I won’t. But this entry seems to refer back to Untitled Poem #3, with worlds like “hillfolk” (as in Hillfolk Hotdogs), “Allegheny” (as in asylum), and “the historical figure” (as in dignity that died long ago). I think the line “simple things to jumpstart fogged memories'' refers to the Souvenir Magnet on the fridge at Hillfolk Hotdogs, and I think it came from Lady Janet’s Soft Serve (not Cow Spot Creamery). “Holed as teeth hidden in tin” refers to the mole rats that he was raising with Colonel at Hillfolk’s (the cat bowl on the floor is for the mole rat that walks around the trailer like Fry’s dog from Futurama, just waiting for Colonel to come home). And “we leave our things pinned, winning only the stuck wings,” refers to Angler’s (and Colonel’s) escape from the Diehards. I’m assuming this event took place just after the Christmas flood, once the chem operation in Charleston was destroyed with the rest of the city. But if you remember those dead raiders I mentioned earlier, there are a few more. Outside of Dr. Joseph’s office is a dead raider next to an ammo box. Well, next to him is a makeshift bridge that goes over the highway. And if you keep going in the same direction once you step off the bridge you’ll hit the southwest corner of Wade Airport. Immediately in that corner past the fence is a locked truck-trailer (watch out for the mine) with 2 more dead raiders and a power armor chassis (sometimes). I think the last line of the poem refers to this exact event, leaving his power armor (and compatriots) pinned in the back of the trailer so he can steal yet another Vertibird. Angler flew the automated aircraft to Watoga. Why? I don’t know. But it explains how he got to the Cranberry Bog and why his body can be found just a short distance south of the city.
Untitled Poem #4: Just like #2, I don’t have any deep insight into the specifics so all I can do is speculate. I’ll spare you the details. But what I think it’s about is the very end of his relationship with Colonel. I think the time Angler and Colonel spent together in the unmarked cabin southeast of Sunrise Field was just Angler teaching Colonel to be self-sufficient (hunting, trapping, maintaining weapons and whatnot). I think that when the scorched attacked Harper’s Ferry in 2086 that there was also generally increased scorched activity in the eastern half of Appalachia. The poem describes Angler providing cover fire to, or perhaps just drawing fire away from Colonel as escaped through Big Bend Tunnel, later to be found by the Responders. But again, like with #2, all I can do with this poem is speculate.
The Mysterious Mole Rats: This is a question I’ve had for almost 2 years now, and I think I finally figured it out. Back at the Palace of the Winding Path, there’s a lonely mole rat that lives in the computer room by the garden. There’s also a dead mole rat next to a dead raider pilot by a downed plane that was headed to the Palace from the north. I didn’t know what the Diehards needed mole rats for because I was only looking at the Palace itself. But the answer to this question is found at Lady Janet’s. Everyone thinks that the two bears in gas masks by the chemistry is just a Breaking Bad easter egg. But I think it’s yet another “baer frend” reenactment left behind by Colonel. Do you remember how the cultists at the Palace ran out of ingredients to make the “spiritual incense” and had to improvise? Well, one of the substitute ingredients they used, and the reason they were importing mole rats, and the reason the Diehards took care of the children like they did, is found in the baby carriage at Lady Janet’s.
A basket full of human jaw bones? Yeah…. Teeth. Or more precisely, “baby teeth.” I suppose mole rat teeth would do in a pinch, but as messed up as it sounds human baby teeth were preferred. This is why the Diehards at the Palace were taking care of those first-graders; because six-year-olds shed baby teeth like it’s raining molars! This also answers a question you didn’t even know you had, and it takes us back to Flatwoods. Here’s a note written by Jeremiah Ward who lived in trailer in the town (and the Ransacked Bunker before that):
“I, Jeremiah Ward, resident in the town of Flatwoods, county of... not sure.
Being of sound mind, and not acting under... duress. Mostly.
Hereby declare this letter to be my last will and testament.
Mia gets the house, and everything in it.
It ain't much but that's all I got to give and... she's all I got.
I know she's still alive.
The Responders say the dogs got her, but I know it ain't true.
They been real good to us. Teaching an old geezer like me how to really cook is something. I'll give em that.
But I know they lyin about those dogs. I seen em in the hills. There's some bad folks scoping us out. They took my granddaughter, I just know it.
I'll get you back, Mia. I promise.”
Mia, a baby who slept in the crib in that trailer, was abducted by raiders. And the only raider gang that ever had any interest in kids was the Diehards. And when you remember that the Responders had a foster care program that would later be run by Colonel once he was older, you’ll remember that a shit load of children went “missing” when Billy (Fishbones) attacked Flatwoods. And if teeth (baby, mole rat, or otherwise) was the secret ingredient in Angler’s chem recipe… and Colonel was Angler’s apprentice for a number of years before he joined the Responders… and Colonel was the caretaker of all of the children of Flatwoods… then exactly what was in those documents that Colonel was burning on his back porch?
Full Circle: So after everything, the Diehards lost their crop of children at the Palace of the Winding Path in 2079, but took the children of Flatwoods and left Appalachia. When they came back, they put Fishbones (Billy) in charge of the Ohio River Adventures operation, who is now spiking the mirelurk meat with a potent chem. It’s totally possible that Ra Ra is actually Mia Ward (Jeremiah Ward’s granddaughter). Hell, it’s even possible that Jeremiah Ward is somehow Ward from Foundation. Since Colonel was obviously keeping, and subsequently burning, secrets, I’d say he was also inclined to keep his raider past a secret as well as the truth about his adoptive father. Like he said in his Survivor’s Story, “he was bad.” Perhaps the reason he kept his Diehard history a secret from the Dassa and the other Responders was because he knew that the Responders were the ones punishing and exiling people back in Charleston. But this whole story began the day Darius Angler decided to get revenge on Grafton Steel. And if his brother hadn’t actually died after all, then it would explain why Angler stayed with the Diehards for as long as he did rather than returning to the Free states. Regardless, this entire story began and ended with Billy. “It was always Billy.”

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

♫ I love being a Turtle ♫

Mutated in the sewers of New York many years ago, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the sons and students of Hamato Splinter, and act as a force of good in New York City, where they battle many evils, chief among them the threat of the evil Foot Clan and it's master, the Shredder.

Leonardo

Leonardo's always in control. The field leader of the turtles, Leo is the most responsible and focused of the team. Wielding twin katana and wearing blue, Leo's skill is unparalleled on the battlefield.
Full RT

Strength

• Cuts off a mech suit's arm
• Sends Dark Leonardo flying through metal doors, warping them
• Lifts a car off of Raphael
• Pushes over a large statue with his legs

Durability

• Takes a hit from Razorfist, who dented and sent a thick metal door flying
• Not cut by Stockman's cyborg blades, which cut a semi in half
• Blades break on his shell
• Caught in the explosion of a bomb that brought down a warehouse

Speed/Agility

• Cuts a bullet out of the air
• Deflects, dodges, and catches crossbow bolts
• Leaps between missiles in mid-flight
• Slices a gun and armor to pieces before they begin to fall apart

Skill

• Disarms the other turtles in a training exercise
• Defeats invisible Foot Tech ninja by blindfighting
• Cuts the string off of a bundle of newspapers, then cuts the newspapers into stars as they fall
• Manages to complete Splinter's stealth lesson where the other turtles failed

Michelangelo

The wise guy is Michelangelo. The goofball of the group, Mikey is happy-go-lucky and a jokester, bringing a sense of levity to the fight. Wielding twin nunchucks and wearing orange, Mikey's attitude belies his adaptable fighting style, which he has made use of to win many important battles.
Full RT

Strength

• Hits a Mouser into a concrete pillar hard enough to break it with his nunchuck
• Kicks Mephos through a thick wall
• Breaks shackles holding his feet
• Rips off a robot's arm

Durability

• Thrown through large metal doors hard enough to warp them
• Kluh's blade, which sliced through a log, breaks on his shell
• Blasted by the Foot Mystics hard enough to break a stone pillar
• Hit with a laser from Nano, which sliced through a large statue

Speed/Agility

• Dodges some gunfire
• Dodges a missile launcher
• Dodges strikes form Leonardo and Raphel in a training match
• Acrobatically avoids police capture

Skill

• Trained in every weapon form
• Takes down Kluh while standing on one hand
• Beats a stronger foe by using stealth and fog from a fire extinguisher to wear him down
• Hits off a man's belt with his nunchuck

Donatello

Donatello, he's the brains of the bunch. The resident genius of the team, Don's intellect and skill in all things machine is a boon for his team in their battle against evil. Wielding a bo staff and wearing purple, Don's wide berth of expertise and ability make him an integral part of all battle planning.
Full RT

Strength

• Smacks mutant Hun through a concrete pillar
• Shatters several robots with a staff swing
• Throws his staff through a large bone structure
• Flings a large armored alien on the end of his staff

Durability

• Gets sent flying by Jammerhead through a metal door hard enough to warp it
• Takes blows from a Foot Mech disguised as Splinter that warped thick metal with strikes
• Ok after a missile destroys the warehouse he's in^S3E18
• Hit by Stockman's missiles, which blew a hole in the floor^S1E23

Speed/Agility

• Dodges shots from gatling guns
• Swats and dodges missiles fired by Stockman's mech
• Dodges attacks from a large robot with water arms
• Pole vaults onto a ship

Skill

• Defeats a group of Foot ninja
• Creates a portal that allows the turtles to enter cyberspace as well as gear for them to use in there
• Rigs an EMP using his laptop and a roller coaster
• Fixes a busted alien hovercraft in seconds

Raphael

Count on Raphael to throw the first punch. The turtles' hothead, Raph is an angry and driven fighter in his family's battle against evil. Wielding twin sai and wearing red, Raph is a ferocious force on the battlefield.
Full RT

Strength

• Smashes a large stone monster's head using its arm as a club
• Carves through rock with a sai
• Breaks Foot robots
• Holds open the jaws of a mechanical dragon

Durability

• Punched through a building wall by giant Cyber Shredder
• Charged by a monster that smashes through trees
• Hit by a blast from the Sword of Tengu which destroyed a dock and heavily fractured the concrete ground
• Powers through an electric whip

Speed/Agility

• Catches a crossbow bolt
• Dodges an RPG
• Dodges strikes from 3 Foot ninja at once
• Leaps through a laser trap

Skill

• Manhandles some mobsters
• Beats a robot that can predict his moves by using Leonardo's swords
• Ricochets his sai off of trucks to take out Street Phantoms
• Sneaks up on two Foot ninja

Shared Feats

• Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo hold back a large robot^S2E1
• All four Turtles hold up a large piece of debris^S2E15
• All four Turtles lift Cody's Turtle X armor from the ledge of a chasm^S6E5

Turtle Gear

Shared Gear

• Climbing claws that dig into concrete^S1E2
• Shell phones^S4E3
• Gear designed to deal with a mutant outbreak^S4E19
• Dart guns that return cyber beings that got loose in the real world to cyberspace^S7E8
• Gear for fighting another mutant outbreak^S7E14
• Mech suits for fighting mutant dinosaurs^S7E14

Battle Shell I

Physicals

• Knocks over giant robot^S1E5
• Crushes a dumpster^S1E1
• Smashes through some gates^S1E1
• Smashes through a security shutter^S1E8
• Takes several hits from Nano^S1E5
  • In a weaker body, Nano punched through several prison walls^S2E11
• Unharmed by energy turrets that leave holes in the concrete floor^S1E21
• Unaffected by a flamethrower^S1E9

Gadgets/Weapons

• Shoots missiles^S1E9
  • Blows up a turret and a metal door^S1E21
• Shoots a single missile that blows up a thick metal wall^S1E21
  • Blows up a control booth^S1E21
  • Makes a crater in concrete^S4E15
• Tracks the unique energy signature of nanobots^S1E5
• Can be remotely called to a location^S1E8
• Activates boosters to ram a truck^S1E9
  • Uses boosters to tilt on its side to pass through a closing door^S1E21
• Uses a grappling hook to stop itself from driving off of a dock^S1E9

Misc Vehicles

• The Battle Shell II, allegedly an improved version of the Battle Shell that doesn't really get used^S4E19
• The Shell Cycle, a motorcycle stored within the Battle Shell^S1E4
• The Sewer Slider, a hoverboat^S1E2
  • Has a stealth mode^S1E13
  • Extendable bed^S2E19
• The Sewer Sled, a rocket powered watercraft^S5E6
• The Turtle Tunneler, a drilling vehicle^S2E13
  • Designed to withstand lava^S2E13
• The Shell Sub, a submarine^S2E18
  • Has depth charges and torpedos^S2E18
    • The torpedoes make a crater in the sea floor^S4E15
  • Takes fire from Shrednauts, which blasts through concrete^S4E15
• The Turtle Copter, an overhauled military helicopter^S4E24
  • Has energy weapons that smash concrete^S7E5
  • The weapons destroy mutant dinosaurs^S7E14
  • The weapons blow up Foot robots^F
• The Turtle Taxi, an armored taxi^S5E6
  • Knocks aside wrecked cars^S5E7
  • Rotates its wheels to drive sideways^S5E7
  • Has a grappling line it uses to tow away a car^S5E7
  • Has a fire extinguisher^S5E7
  • Has a jet engine in the trunk^S5E7
  • Rights itself after being flipped over^S5E7
• The Hover Shell, a futuristic hovercraft used while the turtles were stuck in the future^S6E2
  • The cockpit can separate and become a ground vehicle^S6E2
    • Also functions in water^S6E20
  • Crushes a car with its weight^S6E7
• The Turtle Hauler, an overhauled garbage truck with hover capabilities^S7E2
  • Gets hit with fire hydrant caps^S7E11
  • Has an energy cannon that breaks a support pillar^S7E14
  • Fires missiles^S7E14
    • Blows up a dog mutant^F
  • Engages a device that it uses to break support beams^S7E14
  • Drives straight through some mutant dinosaurs^S7E14
  • Flies through a concrete floor^S7E14
• Flight packs^S4E7