Okay, this is a new one. My rating is pretty high for the time being which is bringing out the worst of them. This story is about my experience with a 68 year old woman who booked the latest No Intro/Free Conversation with me.
She's way too clever for conventional lessons. Reading, repeating, etc... That stuff doesn't work. She's been taking two Engoo lessons a day for three years and her English hasn't improved one bit and who is to blame for that? The lesson designers and tutors of Engoo have failed her. ESL, nay, pedagogy itself has failed her! She had no choice but to take it upon herself to invent the most efficient way possible to learn a new language.
VR? AI? Bah. This is the future of learning.
It all starts with one of these. That's right. It's a 1970's era device they called a "tape recorder" which I'm guessing some of the younger folks in this sub have never seen in real life. It's a simple device with a built in microphone that allows you to record things onto a cassette tape.
First, our forward thinking tech wizard records a news program from CNN. There's no direct input for this mind you - she simply holds the 40 years of dust encrusted microphone up to the the tv and presses record. One thing she's got going for her is that they really new how to build stuff back then - it plays back surprisingly loud and clear when the cat stays quiet. Anyway, she then proceeds to transcribe the whole recording. All of this happens on her own time, pre-lesson.
What she wants to spend her 25 minute lesson doing is playing the recording, reading her transcript along with the recording (I want to be very clear here: the recording is playing as she's speaking), and have the tutor type out any discrepancies they hear between the recording and her reading.
So the process for each and every correction goes like this:

1. The tutor interrupts to tell her there's a correction.
   
2. She stops the tape. CLACK! (these old fashioned buttons make a loud CLACK! sound when pressed)
   
3. The tutor types out the correction and explains - although she doesn't even bother to repeat the correction and has zero interest in the explanation. At best she says "okay" and proceeds to step 4. With every correction she mostly just seems annoyed that her process has been interrupted.
   
4. She tries to rewind to get back to where she left off. CLACK! (a few words) CLACK! (a few words) CLACK! (a few words) CLACK! (a few words) as she rewinds and fast forwards to find the right spot.
   
5. Repeat.
   

I've had students before who say they want corrections but really don't. They get annoyed every time you correct them and really just like to hear themselves ramble on uncorrected. I thought she might be one of these so I stayed silent and let her do her thing for a while. Well, that was a no-go. After a couple of minutes (CLACK!) she stopped the tape and asked incredulously: "No correcting?!"
So I went back to interrupting/correcting her.
It didn't take long to figure out that she was making exactly the same mistake over and over. Missing the articles. She says "the president made speech" and I stop her and she stops the tape so I can type "the president made A speech" she doesn't repeat the correction, continues with her tape and about a minute later says "he went to beach" I stop her and type "he went to THE beach" and on and on. Over and over and over.
After about the tenth time I stopped her and tried to explain that she keeps doing the same thing, leaving out the articles. I told her Engoo has grammar lessons that cover the use of articles and these might be very helpful.
Silence. Blank stare.
I told her it might even be helpful to do some reading and repeating to get used to speaking articles properly.
Silence. Blank stare.
I suggested that if she doesn't want to do any of that, it might be a good idea to at least repeat the corrections she has the tutors type out.
Silence. Blank stare.
Everything I said went in one ear and out the other. After my little soliloquy she calmly returned to playing her tape and reading her no articles transcript. I calmly returned to stopping her and typing new sentences with articles.
I only went through the whole 25 minute lesson with her once. She caught me at the end of the month at 3.99% and unable to cancel no matter what. I got a random 4* later that day but I'm not sure it came from her. Luckily, she stopped coming back after I canceled on her a few times.
Well, that's all. I just wanted to warn everyone. If you sign into a lesson and see this lady, run! Imma go figure out how to connect ChatGPT to my tape recorder so I can make my first billion and put you all out of work. Cheers!

When somebody suggests you commit arson together, your reaction is most likely to differ based on the identity of that person. If anyone else had asked me to come along to burn down a building, I would have assumed it was a joke. However, being aware of Frankie Preston’s barely suppressed murderous tendencies made me take his request quite seriously. Of course, three main questions presented themselves upon first consideration.
“What building?”
“A small developmental factory owned by FunFlair.”
“Do you plan on burning it while there are still people inside?”
“Only one, and that one deserves to burn alive.”
Shelving my thoughts on that answer for the moment, I inquired as to when he was hoping to go about this endeavor.
“The sooner the better. My sister—you haven’t met her—found out that they’re going to move sites in the near future, so if I want to take revenge on my old boss easily, I need to do it now. It won’t be too difficult. I know the layout of the place really well, they can’t have changed much these last three years. It’s small, hidden but unprotected. A bunch of containers in some woods a couple hours from here. The human I hate most in the entire world is there, every night, working all alone.” His shoulders twitched. “I drove by the place a couple times, and I kept thinking about doing it, but I was too scared. Having you there would make all the difference.”
“It would?” I echoed.
“Yes! Sunshine, you’re strong. Amazingly so. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you, but the thing is, I can’t do this on my own. If you tell me to go away and never mention this again, I will. That I swear to God. Or whatever sadistic omnipotent being has put me on this world to suffer.” He briefly glanced heavenward, or rather at the ceiling, then back at me. “I can’t hurt anybody, remember?”
I nodded along slowly. “This person, your old boss… what did they do to you?”
“Simply put, she’s why I hate everything.” He spoke with an uncanny intensity, staring past me like he was miles away.
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Philomena Wallis. She’s the one who keeps sending people after me. She wants me back to do fuck knows what to me because she's still pissed I screwed her over." He paused. "She did—does horrible things. You'd want her dead, too."
"Why isn't she in prison?"
"Nobody gets taken to prison if they're rich enough. Either way, what she does isn't technically illegal… and no one knows about it either. It's a tricky situation."
I took a deep breath. “Do you have a plan?”
“I do. We’ll go there at night, I’ll slip in and make sure the door to Phil’s workspace is locked, and then we’ll douse the whole thing in gasoline.”
“Are you sure you’ll need me for that? It doesn’t sound like you’d be inflicting hurt directly. I mean, you wouldn’t have to actually raise a hand to your boss, not physically. Or can you not do that either?”
“The risk lies rather within what could happen if she finds me.” He rubbed his arm, a look of uncertainty crossing his features. “I’m different when I’m around her. I can’t help it, she… she can just walk all over me. She made me be this way. There’s nothing to be done about it, except to get rid of her once and for all.”
“I’m not following. She made you be this way? What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said!” he snapped, only to shrink back and raise his hands. “Sorry! I’m so sorry!”
I stared at him in silence for a beat. “You’re terrified,” I said.
He glanced at his chucks, then back at me, looking like he wanted to say something but didn’t know what.
“Sad, too,” I added. “Sometimes, I can’t tell what you think, so I apologize if I’m reading this wrong…”
“You shouldn’t have to guess what’s going on inside my head anyways,” he muttered. “I can’t believe what I’m trying to rope you into again. It’s like I didn’t hear myself talk for a minute there.”
“I’ll help you.”
He raised a skeptical brow. “I don’t want to force you. I swear I don’t. I will do this, and I’d feel so much better if you came with, but if this is something you’re gonna resent me for in the long run…”
“The long run?”
“I mean—” He started playing with his gum again. “Are we not doing this? You really like me, I think?”
“I think we shouldn’t be talking about this in the same breath as committing lethal arson.” I rubbed my nose before letting go of a long breath. “If I can’t stop you from doing this, I’ll at least make sure you come back out in one piece.” I wonder if this is how Nettie Peterson usually feels.
Frankie beamed. “You will? You’re absolutely sure?”
“Yes. Here’s the plan, I drop off what I bought for my savior human and then we can prepare; do what’s needed. I don’t want to put this off. The sooner it’s over, the better.”
“Definitely,” he agreed with an eager nod. “I’ll drive you right over.”
“Good. And Frankie… you know precisely how I feel about you.”
We got on our way the following morning. The car ride lasted several hours, most of which I spent fast asleep stretched out on the backseat. It was a wonderful nap; I hardly felt any of the vehicle’s movements, admittedly a credit to the server’s abilities as a driver. Eventually, the road was getting too bumpy to ignore, and I drowsily lifted my head to find us pulling onto heavily wooded terrain. Upon noticing I was awake, Fran gave me a fleeting, quite obviously forced smile. After a few more minutes, we came to a halt on a clearing. I got out and produced a canister of gasoline from the trunk, handing it to Fran after opening the door for him. He looked strangely absent, gazing off into the distance with a vacant look in his eyes. He grabbed the offered canister and clutched it to his chest, almost like he was hugging it.
“We’ll be going the rest of the way on foot, then?” I inquired.
He nodded wordlessly.
I couldn’t hide my frown. The air around us was warm and fragrant, the moonlight shining through between the branches that seemed to reach out for us as we began walking. There was not even a hint of a breeze, and yet, a chill ran down my spine. My companion’s demeanor was nothing short of uncomfortable; he seemed to suck the warmth out of the atmosphere around us, together with my initial confidence and the sweet scent of pine needles. His silence instilled in me a clammy sense of dread, and I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried. Normally, I would have probably appreciated the perfect calm and serenity of the lush forest around us, but seeing him in such obvious, unspoken distress drove away all my idyllic thoughts.
“This seems like an odd place to hide a factory,” I remarked, trying to open a conversation once more.
“That’s the point. You wouldn’t go looking for a doll manufacturer in bum-fuck nowhere,” he replied.
“It’s strange to think about. What kind of shady stuff can a toy manufacturer even get up to? Don’t get me wrong, I trust you when you say they’re bad people, I just wish you’d give me a little more information. I feel like I’m not getting something here.”
He let out a low hum. “You… are really innocent.”
“No, I’m not,” I argued, affronted.
“Not in a bad way. I said innocent, not naive. I’ve been cagey again, I know that, but the thing is, you’ll see exactly what I was talking about when we get there. You’ll understand everything, and to be honest, I’m very afraid of what you’ll think once you do.”
We finally reached the building Fran had told me about. If it could indeed be called a building. It looked more like something that had been thrown together by a larva using Lego bricks. It was, as predicted, a bunch of containers lined up and stacked atop one another, small corridors and open metal staircases connecting them. It seemed to be almost entirely empty—all the lights were out, except for a single one. From behind a window on the upper floor, filtered through gray blinds, a cool, bright glow shone down upon us. It bathed Frankie in its surreal luminescence that seemed completely out of place given our raw, natural surroundings.
“You were right,” I stated, tearing him from his rigor. “Seems like there’s only one person in there.”
“That’s Phil,” he mumbled. “I’m certain.”
“Then let’s do this.”
Frankie detached himself from the canister, peeling it off his body like a piece of clothing. I took it from his hands while he walked over to the nearest door, reaching into his pocket to produce a set of shiny, slim tools. Despite the darkness, he set his fingers to work on the lock. It didn’t take long at all for him to let out a satisfied sound, straightening up as he held the now open door for me. “I’m very skilled at lockpicking,” he said lightly, by way of conversation.
I couldn’t hide the admiration in my gaze, and I gave him a proud smile that briefly caused his features to soften. I had not yet crossed the threshold when he grabbed me by the wrist, holding me back. “One more thing,” he whispered, his voice suddenly ringing desperate again, “you won’t like what we might see in there.”
“I know,” I answered. “It was implied.”
Stepping forth into the dark room, the smell of plastic and coffee instantly hit my nose. Fran fumbled for a lightswitch before thinking better of it and turning on the flashlight he’d brought. We were clearly in a breakroom; there was a table in the middle surrounded by chairs, an espresso machine in the corner and several calendars and posters taped to the walls. Unsuspecting. Frankie didn’t comment, immediately moving across the cube and towards the door on the other side. It led out into a small corridor, improvised using more corrugated iron elements, and into another larger container. There was a desk with a computer in one corner and an empty operating table in the center.
A large shelving unit occupied the entire left side of the room. A closer inspection revealed that it held all sorts of small parts, though what they were parts of was beyond me. Opening the plastic drawers at random, I glimpsed all sorts of metallic and silicone pieces, forming strange little… thingies.
“What is all this?” I asked Frankie.
He had been standing by the operating table, staring at it with unblinking eyes. His expression was once more perfectly vacant. Not even his jaw was moving around his bubble gum. He didn’t look up, and for a minute, I wondered if he’d heard me at all. “Doll parts,” he suddenly answered, his voice lacking any inflection.
I frowned, picking up one of the tiny metallic objects and inspecting it closely. I could see what he meant now—it appeared to be a very small joint, perhaps for a finger. “When you said FunFlair made dolls, I thought you meant these stiff little baby dolls. I didn’t know they made them this detailed.”
“Oh, they can be detailed alright.”
“Is this, like, a robotics thing? Can they move on their own, too?”
Frankie let out a sharp, mirthless laugh that was much too short. He fell completely silent again, and it felt as though the room had gotten colder. I bit my lip, placing the finger joint back in its box. I tentatively reached out to Fran and rested a hand on his upper arm, only for him to flinch, drawing away as if burned. “D-don’t touch me right now,” he pleaded.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed.
“No, I am. Don’t mind me, okay? Let’s—let’s just go on.”
So we did. Another makeshift corridor led us over into the next container. The beam of our flashlight cut through the darkness, revealing a sight that made me stop in my tracks. There were several bodies propped up in the corners of the room, bodies that I only realized on second glance were artificial. They were of roughly the same size as the average person, with fully formed arms, legs and everything. Their faces however were different. Most of them weren’t even fully complete, the skin-like material not fully covering their heads and leaving the mechanical structures underneath uncovered. Their eyeballs—sitting in hard plastic sockets and unframed by lids—stared out at us blankly, utterly void and expressionless.
Cold dread began to seep into my bones, paralyzing me for a second before I managed to break from my stillness. Taking a step towards one of the lifeless figures, I bent down to get a closer look. Keeping my distance, I reached out a single finger to trace along one of the countless delicate wires peeking out from the soft patches of facial material. It was cool to the touch, making my skin crawl. I pulled back, turning to Frankie in bewilderment. “Wh-what is all this?” I asked hesitantly.
“That’s them. That’s the dolls.”
“Well, yes, I can see that but this… this is really, really unnerving.”
He let out a strangled, mournful sound. “I guess it is,” he said eventually, his voice low and flat. He knelt down beside me, a little closer to the doll, and started fumbling around with the back of its neck, clearly looking for something. Finally, I heard a little click, followed by a whirring noise as the doll jerked up its arm. I squeaked, scrambling back on my hands and rear, only to find my back suddenly pressed up against the chest of another mannequin. I hadn’t done a thing, but it instantly sprang to life; robotic fingers clamping down around both sides of my nape. The painfully fierce touch wiped away every last bit of my composure, and I let out a shriek that seemed to tear apart the relative silence. Frankie spun around to fix me with the beam of his flashlight, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, seemingly exploding when the hands started pulling me closer against the lifeless, yet animate body.
The next thing I knew was that Fran had leapt forward and removed me from the doll’s clutches with one swift, powerful yank. My chest was heaving and I couldn’t suppress a low whimper when I pressed myself to his side, frantically glancing about my surroundings. My fangs were bared, but my racing pulse was admittedly overtaxing me. I couldn’t seem to form any coherent thoughts. My flight-instinct was kicking in, further setting off my panicked response when I realized I might end up involuntarily jumping dimensions again.
Suddenly, I felt Frankie’s hand on my cheek, the gentle pressure tilting my head up to make me meet his gaze. “It’s alright,” he said, his voice equal parts firm and understanding. The fog in my head lifted just a little.
“They’re not going to hurt you,” he went on, his thumb stroking the curve of my outer ear. However he managed to convey such certainty when he himself had been so uneasy mere moments ago was beyond me, and yet, I found myself believing him. My breathing slowed and I hazarded a second glance at the doll I had bumped into.
It had stopped moving, its body having locked into an unnatural, almost feral-looking position. It was cowering on all fours, its torso lowered and its head up. Its neck was bent at such an extreme angle that it was approaching the comical.
“What the fuck was that?” I whispered, the curse word escaping me before I could stop myself.
“Some of them have to be activated manually, others can be turned on just by touch. I remember that,” Frankie replied. “There’s no need to be afraid of them, though. Even if it’s hard to believe considering… well.” He gestured at the oddly crouching doll at our feet.
“Something’s very wrong here,” I muttered, unable to tear my eyes off the lifeless, incomplete face. “I didn’t even know they made toys like that.”
“They’re not for children,” Frankie said, his eyes glazing over once more.
“Are they, like, robots? Do they know what they’re doing?”
“Not if they’re lucky, they don’t.” He paused. “They’re not made to think. Any awareness they might have would be unplanned for.”
“And you really used to work here? Did you help build them?”
“We can talk about that once we’re out of here.”
I swallowed. “Look, I’m freaking out. This can’t be a normal production site.”
“It’s not. I wish you didn’t have to see this. It… it only gets worse. And your instincts aren’t failing you, none of this is right. If you want to back out, I don’t blame you. This place shouldn’t exist.”
I took a deep breath. I wished I had insisted on knowing the full truth before coming here, but it couldn’t be helped now. Instead of prying further, I pointed at the canister of gasoline. “Then let’s remedy that.”
Despite himself, Frankie smiled.
Instead of mirroring the expression, I felt my own features suddenly derail. “Oh crap.”
“What is it?”
“Do you think she heard me scream?”
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
19: shopping cart
20: olms and Jewels
21: long hair
22: recruitment
23: waitresses

1. Well, that’s a crazy number to have hit. To Cel’s knowledge, a lot of demigods didn’t make it much further than this, some didn’t even make it to that age. Still, there was so much that he hadn’t been able to do like regular, mortal teenagers. Cel didn’t learn how to drive, he hadn’t attended a homecoming football game, and he hadn’t gotten a date to prom (that last one was his boyfriend’s fault, though).

But, dwelling on the things that may not have happened was a great way for one to lose sight of all the things there was to appreciate about their life. Cel has been at Camp Half-Blood for nearly four years now. Those last four years, well, they’ve been some of the best in his life. He’s made so many new friends, met someone who he thinks could be the love of his life, and even had the chance to meet dear-old-dad himself.
If he’s lived the regular mortal experience, none of that would’ve happened.
So, today was a day of celebration! Get it, Celebration. An all day birthday party for Cel, planned by Cel, in honor of Cel. It was rare that he was this conceited, but it was deserved for today. It was his day, after all. As for festivities, Cel had planned quite a bit.
There was sand volleyball set up on the beach by the lake. The lake water was calm and clear as well, perfect for swimming (a certain someone had charmed the naiads into making the water extra nice today). A few other games, like a bean-bag toss and spikeball (the mortal kind, not the deadly half-blood version) we’re scattered about. There were plenty of things to keep these ADHD-addled kids occupied. At the many tables that had been pulled out of storage sat magical plates along with magical cups so people could choose what they wanted to have for meals. Hey, Cel planned his own party (which is sad as it is), he doesn’t need to plan the meals too!
As for the theme? Well, the son of Eros was born in June which happens to be a very special month (aside from his birth month, of course). If the rainbow pride swim trunks didn’t give it away, or the rainbow painted on his chest, then the banner that read ”Happy Pride/Birthday Cel!” definitely did. Even with those egregious colors plastered on his person, somehow the son of Eros looked like he was ready for a vogue photoshoot. Since nobody (surprisingly) had planned a pride month party, Cel had decided to theme his birthday after the month. It gave everybody a chance to have something to celebrate other than him (even though it technically was a celebration of Cel, seeing as his dad is love itself). Pride flags for every letter of the alphabet, or at least the ones that Cel could find were stuck into the ground all around the lake. There was certainly something for everybody at this party. All that’s left was for people to show up.
Happy Pride, Camp Half-Blood! And an even happier 17th birthday, Cel!

With its serene beaches, lush green forests and a vibrant culture, Goa is undoubtedly one of the most popular tourist destinations in India. And what better way to unwind from all the sightseeing and beach hopping than indulging in a relaxing spa session? Goa boasts of an array of world-class spas that offer a range of treatments to soothe your mind, body and soul.
Whether you are looking for traditional Ayurvedic massages or modern holistic therapies, there is something for everyone at the spas in Goa. From luxurious five-star resorts to quaint boutique hotels, every establishment offers a unique spa experience that will leave you feeling rejuvenated and refreshed. Soothing aromas, soft lighting, calming music and expert therapists will transport you into a state of pure bliss as you let go of all your worries.
>https://tattvaspa.com/locations/day-spa-in-goa/

Hey, fellow sea lovers! Can we take a moment to appreciate the vastness and beauty of the sea? There's something so captivating about the rhythmic crashing of waves, the salty breeze, and the endless horizon. The sea has a way of calming our souls and reminding us of the incredible power and mystery of nature. Whether you enjoy swimming, surfing, or simply lounging on the beach, there's no denying the rejuvenating effects of spending time by the sea. So, let's share our favorite beach destinations, water activities, and unforgettable sea experiences. The sea is calling, and I'm ready to dive in!

Most people associate the Andaman Islands with prominent sites such as Havelock Island and Neil Island. However, beyond these well-known islands is a trove of hidden treasures just waiting to be uncovered. The Andaman archipelago contains a variety of lesser-known islands, each with its own distinct charm and attraction. In this post, we urge you to find these hidden jewels and embark on an adventure of exploration and discovery in the Andaman Islands' less-explored regions.
Cinque Island
Cinque Island, located in the Bay of Bengal, is a haven for nature lovers and adventure seekers. This isolated island is a snorkeler and diver's dream, with crystal-clear seas, vivid coral reefs, and quiet beaches. Swim with tropical fish and look for rays. Swim alongside tropical fish, spot rays gliding gracefully through the water, and marvel at the stunning coral formations that dot the seabed.
Island of the Red Skin
Red Skin Island is the ideal refuge for people looking for peace and quiet. This little island near Jolly Buoy Island is recognised for its gorgeous beaches, green seas, and tranquil atmosphere. Red Skin Island has remained undisturbed due to little human presence and strong conservation measures, enabling visitors to absorb in its natural beauty and experience nature's peace.
Island of Interviews
Interview Island, as the name implies, is a spot where nature talks loudly. This secluded island, located in the northernmost portion of the Andaman archipelago, is a paradise for animal aficionados and adventure seekers. Explore deep woods, hike across mountainous terrains, and look for unique bird, reptile, and animal species that call this island home. Interview Island provides a one-of-a-kind opportunity to immerse yourself in nature's untamed wonders.
Guitar Island
This lesser-known island in the Andaman archipelago, shaped like a guitar, is a hidden gem waiting to be discovered. Guitar Island, accessible by boat, provides stunning vistas, clean beaches, and a tranquil ambiance. Spend your days soaking up the rays, wandering down the beach, and enjoying the peace that this quiet island offers.
Long Island
Long Island, while more well-known than the others on our list, remains a hidden treasure when compared to its more well-known peers. You'll discover a serene haven here that gives you a taste of the laid-back island life. Walk along the gorgeous beaches, discover the thick mangrove woods, and meet the welcoming inhabitants.
Baratang Island
Baratang Island, located in the northern section of the Andaman archipelago, is a hidden gem that provides a unique combination of natural beauty. Take a boat ride through thick mangrove creeks to see the amazing occurrence of bioluminescent plankton at night. Explore the limestone caverns, which are home to magnificent stalactite and stalagmite formations, and marvel at the raw and unadulterated beauty of the island.
Conclusion: The Andaman Islands are more than just the well-known tourist spots that adorn travel brochures. A world of undiscovered beauties awaits those who go beyond the main islands. From the unspoilt sands of Cinque Island to the calm beauty of Guitar Island, these lesser-known Andaman islands provide a chance to see nature at its most pristine.
If you want to have a memorable Andaman holiday, exotic Andaman packages are the way to go.
Quick Info:
Route: Port Blair - Havelock Island - Baratang Island - Ross Island and North Bay - Port Blair
Duration: 7 Days / 6 Nights
Start Point/End Point: Port Blair
Check out their website to learn more. exoticandaman.in
Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
📷

Christian Dior's fragrance for women called 'Dune' takes you on a sensory voyage to a beautiful sandy coastline, and its launch in 1991 brought about an expression of adventure and independence.Bergamot essence paired with zesty notes of Mandarin and fragrant Peonies helps kick off the captivating fragrance that is Dune, while the fragrance's subtle blend unleashes a floral bouquet with hints of woodiness such as rose or sandalwood that bring warmth to mind like a soft summer breeze in a desert oasis.The fragrance progresses into a delightful amalgamation comprising notes of amber with traces of musk and vanilla that radiate a restrained seductiveness, and if you're looking for a scent that reflects both calmness and allure reminiscent of sandy beaches, Dune is the perfect choice.

so, around 10 years ago, I read a fiction novel series of about 3-4 books and now I want to reread them. problem is, I've forgotten and I've been trying to find out the name for at least 5 years. I'm hoping someone will recognize the book from the scene I renember most clearly. in book 2 or 3, the MC encounters some kind of demon who traps him in his realm. its a worn down village whose occupants have been trapped there for a long time. all of the occupants are given an impossible task that, if completed, would mean being released from the realm. all the previous occupants have given up at the time the MC arrives. two of the occupants I can renember was a lady whose job was to kill all the rats and a guy who was supposed to sweep all the sand off a beach. Rat lady got good at catching rats and now uses them as meat for the village. The MC was gifted the role of cleaning up endless manure from lots of animals. He convinces all of the village to work together to free everyone. first, everyone swept the beach and beach boy goes free. then they help others who go free. rat lady is freed by a hoard of cats (I don't remember how or why) and when the MC is the last one, he somehow summons a huge flood, freeing him too. to his surprise, the exit of the realm was in a frozen tundra because the demon was mad and did that out of spite. thankfully, the MC's friends were there somehow and saved all of them. some other things I renember was a glowing ball of light going to the MC during a trial and becoming a talking cat. at one time, the cat was kidnapped and calmly cut a hole in the bag with her claws and escaped. a later trial had to do with attachable gills or something which he later used to swim through pipes, probably sewage.
if anyone recognizes this please say

so, around 10 years ago, I read a fiction novel series of about 3-4 books and now I want to reread them. problem is, I've forgotten and I've been trying to find out the name for at least 5 years. I'm hoping someone will recognize the book from the scene I renember most clearly. in book 2 or 3, the MC encounters some kind of demon who traps him in his realm. its a worn down village whose occupants have been trapped there for a long time. all of the occupants are given an impossible task that, if completed, would mean being released from the realm. all the previous occupants have given up at the time the MC arrives. two of the occupants I can renember was a lady whose job was to kill all the rats and a guy who was supposed to sweep all the sand off a beach. Rat lady got good at catching rats and now uses them as meat for the village. The MC was gifted the role of cleaning up endless manure from lots of animals. He convinces all of the village to work together to free everyone. first, everyone swept the beach and beach boy goes free. then they help others who go free. rat lady is freed by a hoard of cats (I don't remember how or why) and when the MC is the last one, he somehow summons a huge flood, freeing him too. to his surprise, the exit of the realm was in a frozen tundra because the demon was mad and did that out of spite. thankfully, the MC's friends were there somehow and saved all of them. some other things I renember was a glowing ball of light going to the MC during a trial and becoming a talking cat. at one time, the cat was kidnapped and calmly cut a hole in the bag with her claws and escaped. a later trial had to do with attachable gills or something which he later used to swim through pipes, probably sewage.
if anyone recognizes this please say

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I've had a crazy life on and off but it's been mostly bad even though I lived with my father most of the time. I lived with him because I have a probable rare genetic disorder that caused a bent sternum, high myopia and mental health problems. I also have PTSD from a handful of severely toxic people. These days I know I have end stage cancer and yes, I tried to get help but I'm in my 40s and done getting help.
I'm into astrology but I admit I'm a layman. Even though my life has been half to mostly bad, I've had good to even great experiences with it. It's a shame my birth chart is sh!t but one of the few things that keep me hanging on besides fear of suicide, is astrology. When we use legitimate astrology, it can be a godsend. I'm not joking. I do really believe in it based on personal experiences.
When using it correctly, we can find the best places to live etc. with it. For me, living in the city I'm in, in Virginia is extremely bad astrologically speaking and I read that this area would "really test me." It was completely right. Apparently a couple of the places that would be easier for me as far as people go would be Nashville, Knoxville, VA beach, Fresno, Copenhagen etc. Not to say my problems would magically disappear but I do believe these places would have people who would act calmly around me. I don't have much but my father is elderly with serious health problems these days and my mother is also getting on in years... plus she has her own disorders.
Recently, I used a special transit that involved a full moon going into my 11th house around a couple of nights ago or whatever it was... and I attracted someone online like ten minutes after I posted my interests and was honest about having "serious health problems." This person at least how he came off was exactly what I asked for from the universe. I know it seems like "magical thinking" but I do believe in astrology so it amazes me when I get what I want as far as people go when I use it but when I use the right ones, it seems I get what I want superficially speaking like we'll like the same music, movies, topics and this person will be the right age and have the right style and appearance... but like I said it's superficial attraction that I'll get.
I'm sure there are transits that attract stable relationships BUT my birthchart is messed up and I can only attract people who can relate to simple things like movies or music like I said. The last guy who I spoke to online was what I was into but we could not relate on a deep level and he was also narcissistic when I was more detailed about my health problems. He just simply wrote... "Wow, that's too deep for me. Good luck" I do think about ending my own suffering every day or so but dont have the nerve so I do whatever helps me distract myself from my physical or mental pain. I do have some positive transits coming up but I'll make sure, I'll mention my circumstances more clearly way at the beginning and maybe at least I'll find someone knew to talk to. I know I'm rambling but I really do appreciate anyone who read this. I do truly wish peace to you

Race Information

• Name: Rock 'n' Roll San Diego Half Marathon
• Date: June 4, 2023
• Distance: 13.1 miles
• Location: San Diego, California
• Time: 1:42:16

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 1:45	Yes
B	Negative split	Yes

Splits

Mile	Time
1	7:58
2	7:54
3	7:46
4	7:40
5	7:38
6	7:34
7	7:32
8	7:33
9	7:37
10	7:37
11	7:58
12	7:46
13	7:59
0.1 (was 0.2 on my watch, typical)	1:40

Training

This race coincided with my training cycle for the San Francisco Marathon (in late July) and was the last of three half marathons I had planned before zeroing in on building the miles. While I'm still a fairly new runner (running consistently only since the Santa Monica Classic 10K last September), I took on quite a fair amount of distances (and races) and finishing the LA Marathon back in March. I spent a lot of time figuring out what to do, how to train, and it wasn't until late January (about seven weeks prior to the marathon) that I adopted easy running and long runs and I started seeing some breakthroughs: sub-25:00 in the 5K, sub-55:00 in the 10K, and sub-2:00:00 in the half marathon, all in that month. I got the racing bug and signed up for what was definitely too many races after the marathon was done.
Fast forward to after the marathon, I met and spoke with a running coach and got a training plan from her for the San Francisco Marathon, which I jumped into 2 weeks after the LA Marathon. Training started well, setting a PR at the Carlsbad 5000 with a new 5K PR of 22:53 and base building looked good: the long runs went from 8 miles the first week up to 14 by Week 4. My first major test was at the OC 5K followed by the OC Half Marathon the very next day: I had pushed a bit too hard in the 5K (ran 22:54) and it showed in the half - I had set a goal of 1:45 and a combination of weaving, hills, and fatigue kept me from achieving that, finishing in 1:46:18.
In the weeks that followed, I kept up with at least one run over 10 miles: 6 days later, I ran the Santa Barbara Wine Country Half Marathon going at my usual long run pace with a fast finish, and followed that up with an 11 mile long run and then a 15 mile long run. I also snagged a 10K PR on Memorial Day (with a 44:55) on the back of a 45-mile week. I also decided it would be fun to go on a trail run the day before the Rock n' Roll Half, but that was a quick 5K with a big uphill. In hindsight, I definitely should have rested the Saturday before the race as well, but these are the things we learn on the road to improvement.

Pre-Race

I took the Friday before the race off from running and physical activity altogether, so I was feeling rather good; I drove down to San Diego the day before the race to pick up my bib and shirt. The legs felt fine despite the rather high mileage and lack of a taper for this race. I had a good lunch at a nice taco place near Petco Park and a pizza dinner, checked into my hotel and was asleep around 9:30pm to be up a bit before 4am to get ready for the race. Race morning was more or less as planned: got up early, made myself a coffee in the room, drove out to park by the finish line about an hour before the start, and walked about 20 minutes to the start line to drop off my gear. When I approached the start line, I got into my race shoes, dropped off my gear, had my caffeine gummies, and warmed up for 10-15 minutes.

Race

Miles 1-3: I looked for the 3:30 marathon pacer and just tried to stick with him, running just quicker than 8:00/mile. This section was also mostly uphill so I used that as a reminder to hold off on the pace and to trust the pacing. I started with the 2nd corral so I did question if I was going too slow when a few people started passing me and zooming by, but I shrugged them off as late starters. At that point, the pace felt easy, calm, and collected, and I crossed the 5K timing mat in just under 24:30.
Miles 4-6: By this point, I knew the hills would turn into flat, and this was a good opportunity for me to settle into a rhythm and keep good form. I also reminded myself that my first gel would come at mile 5, and it was a little awkward getting it out of my back pocket - but luckily I had practiced that in training. Still, I sped up the pace a little bit to see how I would fare, and I crossed the 10K timing mat in just under 49 minutes.
Miles 7-10: This was where I felt I could use the downhills in my favor. I sped up to 7:35ish pace and it felt comfortable - the half marathoners also split from the full marathoners just after mile 8, and this was where I wondered if I'd be able to push any further. Before hitting 15K, there was quite a steep downhill and my quads definitely felt it: it was a precursor to what I'd feel in the coming miles.
Miles 11-13: There was a steep uphill right after crossing the mile 10 marker and after a few miles of downhill, it was a total shock to the system and my legs really started to feel heavy and I was on the struggle bus to the finish. The course also turned into slight rolling hills (with more downhill than uphill) and the race really turned into a mental battle, but surprisingly, the pace did not significantly slip. The mental battle turned even more difficult as I saw more and more runners peeling off to the side and slowing down to a walk. As I reached Mile 12, however, I really felt my breathing going heavy and being really thirsty so I took some water and Gatorade at the last aid station before the finish. I told myself to just go at the pace of my previous splits and I knew I would PR by a wide margin and not obsess over the sprint finish or lack thereof, so that was what I did. To my surprise, I still managed to keep the pace quicker than 8:00 miles even when I was hurting after Mile 10.

Post-race

It felt like a massive milestone to go below 1:45, after missing out by just over a minute 4 weeks ago and it came to show how far I've come in just 9 months of my running journey. But more than that, I was surprised by how much the race more or less went to plan, despite slowing down a little in miles 11-13. I met a first-timer when I was getting back my gear and lining up for pictures and we shared about our races and running experiences. My next race is the San Francisco Marathon, so I'll be de-loading this week and then building the mileage up to a peak of around 60 miles and doing a two-week taper before the marathon. My next half marathon is in October, where I'll be running the Long Beach Half Marathon: I've learned my lesson to not schedule more than 2 races in a calendar month. Maybe someday, I'll learn my lesson to properly taper for a week before a half marathon.

So apologies this is my first post probably not exciting but I'd thought I'd share the experience. Obviously names have been changed to protect identities but we are all Old millennials with a gen X'er and two boomers so I don't think they will be visiting reddit any time soon.
So I'm gay and I just found out that I have a 1 year old son which has been not the most welcome of surprises. Now before you'll start getting ideas nope never had sex with a woman not even handsy stuff. So lets go back to February 2023 I'm with my boyfriend we will call him Josh, so me and Josh are relaxing at my place and its about 1 in the afternoon on Saturday and the post arrives "late". Josh grabs its and makes me a tea and we chill back out on the couch to watch some dribble which was on TV. So there is a letter addressed to me, from a woman called " Caroline" now I don't know who Caroline is but long story short she tells me that her son is my biological child and that she needs help raising him like we discussed.
Well right then and there I immediately thought this was a joke, someone had sent me a prank letter. So I threw it away and text all my friends about the letter with a big hahaha whichever one of you dicks sent me the letter hahaha right laugh.
Enter the message from Sarah. Sarah contacts me and says that her cousin is Caroline and she has been telling everyone how me and her had a thing and that Baby Timmy is yours ( baby isn't called Timmy just keeping names safe) So I'm no I'm still very gay and have been in a committed relationship to Josh this whole time and if that was the case why am hearing about this a year later??
So Sarah me and Josh hop in the car and travel down to where Caroline is living, some backwards estate in the middle of god knows where. Seriously it looked like the town from Silent Hill the English version. So we arrive at the estate and she lives like on the 12 floor. Now I had no idea what I was going to be walking into so I asked more of my friends to come with so if I get murdered or am put into a Saw situation, I'll have some chance at a rescue. So fast forward we buzz the womans door she buzzes us in and we have to walk up to the 12th floor because of course the freaking tower of terror doesn't have a working lift.
We finally made it to her floor, The door looked awful like it had been kicked in a few times and I swear it look like something out of cant pay take it away. So I give the door a knock then squirt some antibacterial gel in my hands. Just came out of Covid I aint get nothing and I took a step back from the door in case the crazy lady has some home alone set up going on ( aint no paint can hitting me on the noggin)
Well she opens the door and listen I know people can get heavy but lord oh my god it was like looking a the human version of Jabba the Hut, 1st thought was " well we all know why the lift aint working" So her parents are in the flat and are delighted that I have arrived and asked me how was my tour. Tour? what tour? Caroline " he just messing I told them how you where on tour with your army buddies on that secret mission" she winks. At least I thought she was winking either that she was having a stroke.
I don't know why she thought I would go along with this. Luckily Sarah spoke for me and introduced me and my boyfriend Josh. The Dad was angry called me a Queer licker ( he isn't wrong :) ) Caroline starts screaming she lying, this isn't true he loves me. I'm like hunny I don't even know you and that's hard because there so much of you. Josh slaps me around the head " stop joking she obviously of her rocker"
So the mother comes over and hands me letters ( letters like 1940 something style ) All these letters addressed to Caroline about my imaginary trip with the army and how much I love her and can't wait to be with her and our son . Luckily I have my socials ( insta, tiktok, twitter) and could prove every date wrong. Well the Mother starts questioning her daughter ( fyi mother is slender she had like a Jane Fonda thing going on and the Father well he kinda had a Tom Sellek style to him, I mean I wouldn't mind calling him daddy)
So Caroline breaks down and starts screaming I'm having a heart attack whilst grabbing the right side of her chest ( right side not left right side) Safe to say Caroline isn't a super genius. Her parents ignore her because shocker she does this a lot. They invite me Sarah and Josh in to go over everything whilst the GCSE drama student continues her attempt at playing possum.
So its me Jane Fonda, Tom Sellek, Sarah Josh and myself in a small lounge area and on the couch asleep was a little angel. I could see myself in him straight away the likeness was uncanny he was my son. He look just like I did when I was younger. Josh was getting worried and looking at me for answers but I had none. At this time. tears are streaming down my face I honestly don't know what is going on.
Enter Drama the Hut. So Caroline waddles in like a penguin that's had reverse lipo suction. I get up and demand to know what the Fuck is going on how on earth did this happen. Well she kept screaming we had sex, I asked when and the date was and she said last year I took her too a party end of January ( HOLD UP) Erm nope I didn't take you, I took Josh and then showed all the pictures and texts to everyone in the room. Apparently Caroline lost her phone so she can't show the messages I sent her. So I asked how about pictures and nope, no one at the party took any photos of the Handsome devilishly good looking man with the LAND WHALE on his arm. Well I'm trying not to shout, Josh and Sarah are calming down. The Parents Fonda and Sellek pressure her for answers and make a threat about money and wanting the truth.
This is where its goes beyond a joke, I mean this had to be some sort of Sexual Assault. So at the party me and Josh went upstairs we where plastered and Josh was getting frisky and I don't have to spell it out for you but we got it on like to horny meerkats trying to sell car insurance "simples" . Now flash forward to the end of the hanky panky, my used johnny I threw into the bin in the en suite. Little did I know is how drunk I actually was did I not notice the a Wailord in the tub lying in wait, well she grabbed my used condom and made a deposit.
Enter Jane Fonda, Smack across her daughter large arse face not just that but hair pulling and screaming and just tears, Sellek trying to hold his wife in place whilst Caroline is getting the shit beaten out of her. Apparently she tried this before and made up a boyfriend who was a musician from what I could tell. But this is the 1st child which she has had out of imaginary relationship. Dad starts apologising like crazy to me and the Mum well she's now shoved Moby Dick to the floor which took a lot power and has stormed out of the flat and screamed in the stairwell like a banshee.
The Dad informs us that Caroline has a rare condition called maladaptive daydreaming. Well that explains everything NOT. Turns out she lives in a fucking fantasy world constantly and she is supposed to be meds which counter act her delusions.
Listen it's late here and I need to get some beauty sleep - Will type up the rest tomorrow.
Part 2
so there I was in a flat surrounded by utter insanity. The mother was now sobbing in the stair well with the father shouting at the beached whale " how could you do this again, how could you put your poor mother through this, your family, a child" I'm liking cough cough ahem how about me!
So I turn around and the kid is still asleep ( kids can quite literally sleep through anything) Well there is a buzz from the doorbell, someone has called the police which is expected because it did sound like a murder scene. In come the thin blue line asking what is going on and oh yep she has history with the police. So little history. she has a habit of stalking and creating imaginary scenarios with men she has little if no connection with, so they are aware of her and her mental state and she has a kid? Where the hell have child services been in this whole situation of utter fuck ups.
So its now me the Police and the father going through all the details again. Officer actually had the audacity to keep questioning my sexuality not once not twice but 6 different times and also suggested maybe I was curious even though the sobering sexual assaulter kept confirming the story over and over again.( Took his details, that's a report heading his way). So we are all now in this small flat waiting for a rep from child services, some rando from the council to come because a child is involved. ( Kid is fine by the way still asleep)
Rep finally turns up and gets updated to the situation. Now here is where Caroline's delusional state actually works in my favour so I am adamant that the child is not staying here with this insane person, I've now mentioned it a few times and the police and the council rep where making threats to me saying until a test is done we can't take yours or her word that is your child. But out comes the birth certificate she named me on the certificate and if you don't know " When named on the birth certificate, the father acquires rights in respect of the child. These rights are known as parental responsibility" if she hadn't written my name down I would have had to gone through a longer lengthier process.
So this has changed the whole situation and rubbed that smug smirk of the reps face. I showed her my I.D and said I will be taking him and gettimg a solicitor involved for custody. ( I've seen enough legal shows to know what to say, granted mostly American but I thought I had the lingo down)
So flash forward to today
Caroline is now being detained under the mental health act and has been detained since February. I've have filed for full custody and have also filed from a criminal charge against Caroline along with a restraining order.
No I didn't just stop there, I have also asked for a report to be made into the local council and police on how a woman with clear mental issues off delusions and a history of stalking was allowed to have a child with relatively no one questioning the situation or asking simple questions about the father which could have been cleared up instantly.
I also made a report against the officer who was also hinting that I the victim was actually the villain in this mess. I have yet to receive an apology but the response I have received is, they are looking into the report as this goes against their rules of conduct.
Now Josh, I thought the moment he found out about Timmy he was going to do a runner and I couldn't blame him if he did, But no he didn't he stayed and he along with our friends and parents have been helping me through this unusual situation. He has been my rock in this mess and I don't know how I would manage without him.
So my local council sent a rep around my flat to inspect the property and check Timmys welfare, as they should have done in the 1st place. Timmy is fine it's taken a while for him to get used to this new normal but everyone has been so helpful. I live in a two bedroom maisonette with a garden, I moved my computer into my main room and made my study, Tims new bed room, currently it's just a light grey room with children's furniture but I am looking at getting wallpaper put up of Animals so it's a little less dull. My work have also been amazing through out the process, my doctor wrote me off for a few months so I could manage the situation and Josh is also moving in ( I will be honest I am getting teary eyed whilst typing this)
there is still a long road ahead of us but for now it's working and that child is my main priority. I never knew what parental instincts meant before all of this but I would die for this kid he has become my world in these last few months and I am going to fight so he has a bright future ahead of him.
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Unpacking the Light Police. Light Pollution News.
Show Link: https://lightpollutionnews.com/podcast/unpacking-the-light-police/
Subscribe: Apple Podcast Spotify Google Podcast
Social: Instagram LinkedIn
Guests:
John Barentine of Dark Sky Consulting, LLC.
Kaitlyn Evans, Conservationist.
Show:
I was busted by the light police. They had a point, Dana Milbank of the Washington Post.
Dana Milbank purchased a home in, soon to be not, rural Virginia. At night he kept the formerly vacant property lit to the degree that spurned one commentator to call it “spaceship lighting.”
Milbank recaps being visited by the “light police,” a group of concerned citizens who help educate neighbors and instill a sense of pride in the brilliance of their starry night skies.
At first, he was taken aback, but later, not only did he appreciate their efforts, but he also converted his blinding always on, white light flood lights to warm 2700 Kelvin motion sensing lights.
Per Ruskin Hartley, executive director of the International Dark Sky Association, “for 4.5 billion years there was no artificial light at night. It’s really only in the last five human generations that we transformed that. It’s one of the most profound transformations of our environment.”
Many of you may recall an earlier story, way back in our Hormone of Darkness episode, showcasing concerns by local residents prior to a 760 house (now 761) plus town center development moving into the Culpepper County, VA area. Per the Rappahannock News, this development features “a resort style swimming pool, clubhouse, tot lot, and multiple sports fields and sports courts, all connected by a network of biking and walking trails.”
The forgotten medieval habit of ‘two sleeps’ by Zaria Gorvett of the BBC.
Gorvett opened my eyes to something I never knew about, the medieval custom of two sleeps. For those of you unaware, two sleeps are exactly what it sounds like.
Folks would partake in a communal nap, complete with rigid sleeping arrangement conventions, between 9 – 11pm, then awaken for a few hours to do everything from hang out to brew beer! In fact, the idea of multiple sleeps crossed cultures and was found in places as far from Europe as indigenous South America.
How can one’s circadian rhythm make sense of all of this?!
Well, for starters, until the invention of the alarm clock, which humorously was invented by a clocks salesman so he could wake up and sell more clocks, people had no firm way to wake up at a consistent time. The industrial revolution enforced a new circadian standard.
And there’s some science behind this! In the 1992 study, In Short Photoperiods, human sleep is biphasic, researcher Thomas Wehr found that after four weeks of 10 hour days, his subjects began to engage in this two sleep cycle, involving a one to three hour period for which they became awake and engaged in between.
Want to Learn About Light Pollution? There’s a mini-course for that!, Jennifer Sensiba of Clean Technica.
Quoting Sensiba, “As I got older, I traveled a lot more and saw the problem more for what it is. Not only did I see that in many places there is no refuge from it, but I also saw that it was slowly growing worse. Places that had been dark 30 years ago had more and more light creeping upon the horizon.”
If you’re interested in learning more, or more importantly, know someone who might benefit from learning more, Sensiba links up to an International Dark Sky Mini-Course on light pollution, call it Light Pollution 101!
There’s a Play Date at the National Museum of Natural History: Lights Out exhibit!
But unfortunately, by the time you listen to this, and hell, by the time we talk about this, it has passed.
Ann Arbor named best place for sunrises, sunsets in Michigan. Sarah Parlette for Click on Detroit.
Evidently gambling websites have decided to honor April’s International Dark Sky week in a strange new content marketing campaign, which was to rank the best places in each state to see sunrises and sunsets. My favorite one, “Ann Arbor named best place for sunrises, sunsets in Michigan,” comes from Click on Detroit, whereby a quote “study” examined Michigan’s most populated cities.”
According to Click on Detroit, “to celebrate International Astrology Day on Saturday, staff at Great Lake Stakes, a Michigan online gambling news site, looked at light pollution in the five most populated cities around the Mitten state to determine which offers the best views every morning and evening.”
Star bathing is the new outdoor travel trend we should all be trying for Summer 2023, according to Amy Beecham at Stylist.
Evidently, as an attempt to destress and promote mindfulness, romanticism about sleeping under the stars has birthed a 70% increase in searches for the term ‘star bathing’ on Hipcamp. And to be sure, “Hipcamp recommends checking a stargazing calendar which outlines major astrological events – like supermoons, pink moons, and star showers.”
“Industry Must Face an Inconvenient Truth — Most LED Lights at Night are Unhealthy”
Dr. Martin Moore-Ede, a circadian clock expert, recently published an article in LEDs Magazine chastising the lighting industry for not recognizing and reigning in the negative externalities of its products. Per the piece, such effects are, obesity, diabetes, depression, cancer, and more.
He cites three categories of industry responses, making the correlation that long term Denial or outright Ignorance of the Facts, may result in “asbestos-scale liabilities or draconian regulations.”
Per the piece, a recent survey by the Circadian Light Research Center of 2,697 peer reviewed scientific articles confirmed that human circadian clocks are highly sensitive to blue wavelengths, and that exposure to such wavelengths leads to major health disorders.
Moore-Ede calls for the industry to harvest the “commercial opportunity” to greatly limit future liability by creating and managing its own standards for circadian modulated lighting.
Unpacking the Wallpack, by Dan Weissman in LD+A Magazine.
Weissman, who recently purchased a telescope for his family in Cambridge, MA, discovered that the scope could only afford him views of some solar system objects and a few brightly burning stars.
The ire of Weissman’s pen takes the shape of a rectangular fixtures, be it box like or simply a panel these days, that typically hang off the side of an exterior wall or above an exterior door. “Devoid of aesthetic value” this light is often put up under the “pretense of security and safety” by “recommended practices and adopted municipal codes.”
Weissman recognizes labels that often accompany, what he calls, “Glare bombs,” including “contractor-select,” “energy efficient,” or “light pollution friendly.”
Further, per an earlier LD+A article, such lighting driven by its extreme contrasts is exceedingly common in minority communities where light is weaponized as a tool of power. It becomes a “device of alienation, creating a zone of control and separation.”
Weissman recognizes that the true reason such fixtures are selected often comes down to cost. He recognizes that it may take equally as much cost to persuade building and homeowners away from such lighting into the realm of more responsible, lower lumen, shielded lighting.
Weissman calls for producers of these glare bombs to be labeled as polluters, putting them in line with fossil fuel manufacturers and PFAS makers.
Songbirds, dusk and clear skies: Scientists explore migratory flights, by Erin Blakemore.
Bird migration season is ending here in the Mid-Atlantic. I was lucky enough to catch several Baltimore Orioles and Indigo Buntings last week. Researchers looked at 400 songbirds from 9 major species, “including the yellow-rump warbler, American redstart and Bicknell’s thrush.”
The question they hoped to answer was how are these birds so darn precise in identifying the best time to take off for their nightly migration? Scientists found that 90% of the migrating birds in the study took off within 69 minutes of dusk. A “much narrower takeoff window,” that even shocked the research team!
Per the study, taking off at night is all about maximum flight time. In addition to being able to precisely schedule their take offs, a feat that every airline I’ve flown with over the past few years has proven inept at, birds also are apparently good meteorologists! They often depart when the atmospheric pressure rises over a day’s span. Other factors also trigger migration, including sex, age, and celestial cues.
‘Lights Out’ initiative appears to be saving birds from crashing into Philly buildings by Sophia Schmidt.
Preliminary results indicate that bird death counts are down 70% at one Market Street tower, since it began its participation in Lights Out. As we spoke about on a previous show, birds utilize the stars to navigate, but city lights can disorient the birds. Combine the lights with reflective or transparent glass, and that spells fatal trouble for our migrating warblers!
Per Keith Russell, a program manager for urban conservation with Audubon Mid-Atlantic, “We’ve lost almost a third of our birds – and [collisions] contributing to that. If we’re going to want to preserve the bird populations here in North America, we have to look at these types of problems. And this is a preventable one.”
The Knoxville, TN Zoo is offering up what they call “Twilight Tours” per WVLT 8. Each event will feature a guide to showcase nocturnal critters.
I did something similar in Singapore years ago. The zoo had very dim lights in the exhibits – and they kept those lights dim as you walked so that you didn’t lose your night vision. It was a very different and, might I say, peaceful experience than the typically chaotic daytime zoo.
Flashlights posing major threat to nesting sea turtles. Fox35 Orlando
Apparently, a single flashlight can deter female sea turtles from coming onto a beach and nesting. Florida, as I did not know, is home to 90% of the sea turtle nests across the world, so losing sea turtles can affect the global ecosystem.
One visitor to Cocoa Beach stated, “Just leave them alone. Stand back and look. You don’t need a flashlight.”
Another, “It’s not super surprising because more buildings go up, more technology. As it increases, nature and stuff like that decreases,” said Zoe Jovaag, whose grandfather used to take her on walks to see sea turtles.
Capture the Dark 2023 officially is under way!
The International Dark Sky Association opens up its annual photo contest complete with prizes across eight categories and an additional People’s Choice category. Voting begins on July 3rd, entries must be received by June 30th.
City Tests Traffic Light That Only Turns Green for Drivers Who Obey the Speed Limit. Erin Marquis for Jalopnik.
And hey, you better not speed in Brossard, Quebec….otherwise you may be waiting around for a while. Brossard is testing out a new traffic light that will stay red until it senses oncoming traffic. However, it will only change to green if the car is going the speed limit. Per the Jalopnik article, “FRED [the French acronym for “educational traffic calming light] forces fast drivers to stop and gives them a chance to reconsider their life choices.” Such lights are already used in Europe, but this will be the first for the Great White North.
Why the Greatest Threat to Star-Gazing Isn’t Light Pollution, and this comes to us from Dorin Elin Urrutia at Inverse.
Elin Urrutia writes, in her compelling piece, that the greatest threat to star-gazing is actually the weather. Citing notable examples of the Mount Stromlo Observatory in Australia (which burnt down due to bushfires) and the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico (which sustained structural damage following the winds of Hurricane Maria).
While the threat of human-caused climate change has presented new challenges, Elin Urrutia references proactive burns that saved Los Angeles’ Mount Wilson Observatory from flames in 2020.
On a similar note, ABC News (the Australian Broadcasting Company, not to be confused with the American Broadcasting Company), brings us “A World Without Darkness Could Be a Reality within a Few Years.”
Per Carol Redford of Astrotourism Western Australia, “There are some people in the world now who don’t actually experience darkness anymore. They’re in a city like Beijing, Toyoko, or London. In all those big cities, it’s never dark, it’s always light. During the day of course with the sun, but then during the night with all of the artificial light. They’re not experiencing darkness, and definitely not seeing those beautiful stars…”
In the 66 years since the implementation of the UN Convention on the Peaceful Use of Outerspace, around 11,000 satellites orbit the Earth. But it’s about to get wayyy busier. Driven by innovations that have led to dramatic reductions in costs, over the next ten years, Per attorney Steven Freeland, it’s anticipated that somewhere between 100,000 to 500,000 objects will be sent up. Let me pause on that for a second.
On the travel front, we stay in the land down under, “Aussie region determined to keep its darkness is a stargazer’s dream” by Chantelle Francis of News.com.AU.
The town of Swam Reach, population 270, resides in a 3200sq km region of Southern Australia that received its International Dark Sky Reserve status over three years ago. On a scale of darkness between 0 – 22, the River Murray Dark Sky Reserve at Swam Reach, measures in at a whopping 21.9!
Tourism has become a growing business. The reserve hosts numerous telescope pads and offers tours of the night sky. There’s hope that an observatory and/or planetarium may also arrive in due course.
Best smart lights for outdoors in 2023, Brittney Vincent of CBS Essentials.
Oh there’s a lot not to love here, but it does fall in line with last month’s ‘Lumens are Coming’ article.
For those of you who feel the need to light your trees, because for some reason they need light at night I guess…I’ll try and pretend it’s not solely for ostentatious and narcissistic reasons. By the way, does anyone remember when those were negative characteristics?
The article features spotlights that can be programmed to over 16 MILLION colors including…lucky for us, ALL shades of white….which you can also do for a 500 lumen flood light set.
And hey, Ring now has solar path lighting. Don’t worry though, the fixtures themselves put out up to 80 lumens of sideways light.
You know, it’s astounding when you look at some of these pictures. The amount of redundant lighting. It honestly makes no sense to me. You have a porch light, which lights up the path. Path lighting, which lights up the path. And, in the one picture, god awful frontward facing flood lights, which also light up the path. How bright do you need these paths!? I digress. But the lumens are indeed coming.
LDS Church will get to light up its Heber Valley Temple after all, but the faith didn’t get everything it wanted, Blake Apgar of the Salt Lake Tribune.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints fought hard to rid itself of any nighttime lighting responsibility by pressuring Wasatch County, Utah officials to approve new lighting rules that would enable the church to light a proposed new temple the same way it does for every other temple.
The Church received permission to uplight the temple, enabling an exception to be made in Wasatch’s rather stringent nighttime lighting rulebook. However, the temple will be restricted by the level of lumens it can use, and it must have exterior lighting turned off an hour after sunset or an hour after normal business hours.
Smart Street Lights Market is Expected to Hit USD 14,751.1 million at a 23.4% CAGR by 2030, Market Research Future Press Release
The pandemic is officially over, smart street lighting is about to boom. Combine the rush to LED fixtures with the Internet of Things, and expect to see street lights moonlighting as traffic and parking monitors, air quality meters, and more. Not to mention, “it is anticipated that camera-connected smart street lighting will increase road safety by lowering the likelihood of accidents and criminality.”
Texas now has 7 dark sky communities for spectacular star gazing, Sana Ameer, MRT.
Let’s cheer on the city of Bee Cave, everyone! Bee Cave joins a growing list of dark sky places already in the Lone Star State, including 2 Dark Sky Sanctuaries, 5 Dark Sky Parks, and 1 Dark Sky Reserve. Nighttime is alive and well in some parts of Texas!
Our Afraid of the Dark article is a bit scary! Hilton Head’s dark roads and pedestrians are deadly combo. What the town is doing about it, Blake Douglas at The Island Packet.
Per the article, 9 pedestrian and cyclist fatalities occurred since 2018, with five occurring after dark. Prior to that period, there were 28 recorded deaths from 2000 – 2016, with 20 of them taking place after dark.
In 2018, an 11 year old resident was struck and killed while walking her dog across an intersection one night. Lighting advocates began taking shape in what otherwise is a very conservation focused island. Hilton Head, SC has a limited number of street lights, priding itself on “avoiding light pollution and blending nature with construction.”
Lighting advocates appear to be, at the very least, asking for flashing crosswalk lights on the island to indicate when an individual is crossing.
It should be noted that the article shows a chart of 9 after-dark-deaths since 2014, only two of them occurred at crosswalks. In fact, during the same time frame, 6 additional deaths occurred at crosswalks during the daytime.
As a whole, the National Safety Council reports that 74.5% of pedestrian deaths occurred at night, whereby 39.1% took place in lit areas and 35.38% took place in unlit areas.
Bryan Bloch, an auto safety expert, surmises that car companies bear some of the blame – producing cheap or ineffectual headlight fixtures, and drivers themselves, who don’t realize that they need to regularly clean their headlight lenses.
Despite opposition from residents, it appears that Hilton Head will be receiving lights at two new intersections and possibly more depending on engineering studies currently in progress.
Is lighting the key variable here? Is more light going to solve pedestrian deaths?
Our featured research article of the month comes to us from Animal Conservation, “Manipulating spectra of artificial light affects movement patterns of bats along ecological corridors.”
Bats are already known to have a wide range of responses to artificial light at night (also known as ALAN). Fast flying species tend to be more opportunistic in the presence of ALAN while slower ones tend to be more light averse. We know that “long wavelengths and reduced intensity” can minimize their environmental effects on bats. It’s not unheard of for bats to travel upwards of “tens of km per night.” Furthermore, bats are very dependent on the landscape and the structures within those landscapes.
Despite the nuances between species, the consensus is that ALAN, especially high intensity ALAN, negatively affects bats. This study attempted to answer what exactly bats do when they encounter ALAN – how do they react depending on different types of ALAN.
The study used three different light fixtures – one green, one red, and one white. The control was devoid of light fixtures. The researchers attempted to ascertain the behavior of bats as they encountered lights adjacent to woody areas. The researchers looked at three different bat groupings based on their foraging-echo location behavior, that being one of open field foraging, forest edge foraging, and narrow space – or more aptly forest foragers.
Researchers found that open and edge foraging bats increased their activity close to white and green lights, and to a lesser extent red lights. However, narrow space bats were more likely to veer away from all colors of lighting. Edge foragers were also less likely to cross a white light.
The positive effects of white and green light on open and edge foraging bats appear to be attributed to the accumulation of insects around light sources containing more blue light.
The nighttime sky over Oahu will be lit up with green lasers in the coming days. Here’s why. Hawaii News Now
Before we close up today, do you live in Hawaii? I know I wish I did!
If so, do you recall seeing green lasers streak across the night sky? Well, the Army Corps of Engineers was using lidar at night to complete a coastal mapping survey.
Why did they survey at night? Specifically, why did they do this between midnight to 5am? Simply b/c the airspace is so busy, that time was the only chance they had to complete the survey. The remaining survey was completed during daytime hours.

Original prompt: [WP] in a world where every night when you fall asleep your dreams are the memories of your souldmate, a boy is plagued by nightmares. He has to find her before it's too late. (link)
It had been a long day, and I settled into the bed uneasily. It was softer than I had expected, to the point that it almost felt like floating directly in a sea of cotton. Contrasted against the rough edges of the hammock I'd been sleeping on for the last few weeks, it was almost impossible to fade into what passed for sleep these days. The Soul Dream had begun, and I wouldn't be able to rest easily again until I found my soulmate. After a few more minutes of tossing and turning, I managed to get into an angle that didn't offend my subconscious, and my thoughts eased into dreams.
I'd seen the beach many times. Littered with bodies and wooden shrapnel, I had deduced that the site was one of a shipwreck, and not a particularly pleasant one. I wandered the site, rain pouring from the heavens as though the gods themselves were bailing out their own sinking ship. The clap of thunder rang out, and despite knowing in the back of my mind that the sound wasn't actually real, my ears still ached. Though the thunder only struck on occasion, the howling shriek of the wind and the pounding of the rain was constant.
I wandered the beach, noting boxes and chests that could potentially hold treasure, but they were for another day. Right now I was looking for a person, among the dozens of bodies scattered in the surf and on the beach. There she was, I'd recognize that frock of blonde hair anywhere. The young woman was hunched over a piece of wreckage, coughing as I approached. I heard that loud shriek tear through the wind, and saw the massive tentacled creature rise from the inky black water in the distance, directly under the shimmering full moon that shone through a part in the clouds.
Then I woke up. As was the case with the Soul Dream, you never got to see your soulmate's face, nor to exchange any word with them. That was for the actual meeting, the dream just gave you the directions to get there, and these directions didn't exactly make me excited for that meeting. Still, I was awake, and needed to face the day. The full moon was tonight, and I was damn sure that whatever came after I made eye contact with my soulmate was something I'd need to prepare for.
The meeting was going to be tricky enough on its own, so I needed to be in top shape. I checked my face in the mirror. Nope, that cut on my face was still there, and it was definitely going to leave a scar. One of my legs was still stiff from the sprain I'd gotten, though the injury itself was dealt with. I dearly hoped that I'd still be able to run away in time, fleeing a massive monster with another person in tow would be enough of a feat without a twisted ankle.
Still, I donned my doublet and trousers, affixed the scabbard with my sword, and checked my pistol. Six rounds, same as ever, fully loaded. As I headed down to the tavern, the innkeeper greeted me.
"Captain! Lovely to see you, up and about!" she said. "Awful late, ain't it? I thought you were heading out to meet your bride-to-be, not a lady of the night!"
"Perhaps, but romance doesn't set just because the sun has," I said. "Speaking of, where is my no good crew?"
I stomped along the hall, pounding on the doors of the rooms my crewmen had occupied.
"Up, you scurvy dogs! We've got a schedule to keep!" I shouted.
"Oh come now, lad! You seem like the rowdy sort, but I doubt you'll need a whole crew to win over your destined lover!" the inkeeper said.
I kept pounding on doors, until my first mate and several of my crewmen exited their quarters.
"We're up, Captain..." First Mate Leslie said.
"Good, grab your gear, the rain's bound to start any second," I said.
"Well, since you're up, make sure to grab some dinner before you go. My wife worked hard on it, so be sure to be appreciative!" the innkeeper said.
Almost the moment she stopped speaking, the pitter-patter of rain started battering the roof of the inn.
"No time, Ma'am. If we're still alive in an hour, we'll join you then!" I said.
Leslie and the crewmen followed me outside, and we ran to the hill outside of town. We'd hauled our ship onto the shore to keep it out of danger during the storm, and moved the cannons and mortars here to prepare for the fight we were confident would be coming. I hoped we wouldn't have to fight, but I wasn't dumb enough to count on that.
The rain poured down like hailstones, drenching and battering my crewmen. After half an hour, Leslie turned to me.
"Captain, are you sure this is the right place? And the right time? I'm not seeing any blonde women out here," she said.
"Definitely the right place. Right time... I can't be too sure, but if it's coming soon it would be tonight," I said. "Well, speak of the devil..."
A massive chunk of a lavishly large sailing vessel came flying through the sky, shattering to timbers in the rocky bay. Bodies, containers, and wreckage quickly began to wash up on the shore.
"Stay back and wait for my signal," I said, cocking back the hammer on my pistol. I ran down to the shore, and began checking the bodies. No, no... Ah, there she was. A crack of thunder broke my concentration momentarily, but I quickly identified her again.
I ran over to the blonde woman as the shrieking wind howled overhead, and noticed the large creature rising from the sea. Then I saw something else, a humanoid form drifting across the surface of the water. While that was not remarkable in itself given the circumstances, it was rather unusual that they appeared to be walking atop the water, as opposed to floating facedown like a piece of flotsam. Their eyes glowed like the lightning that traced across the sky, and I began to notice that the shrieking wasn't actually the wind, it seemed to be coming from them.
Still, I couldn't get distracted. I dragged the blonde woman out of the water, and very quickly realized that I had been running on some very inaccurate assumptions. Firstly, despite the soft, wavy hair and thin frame, this person was not a woman, but a man with a well manicured mustache and beard who I had only seen lying face down before. While that wasn't necessarily a deal breaker in itself, soulmates came in many forms, there was also the matter of the jagged pieces of wood sticking out of his throat and chest. This man didn't need a lover, he needed a mortician, and the apparent coughing I'd thought I'd seen was just movement from the waves.
I balked in confusion for a moment, before realizing that there was one face I'd never been allowed to see in the dreams, and it was now sprinting toward me across the surface of the water. The woman who emerged from the rain was... beautiful was the wrong word. Seawater had worn down her clothes to little more than rags, and the harsh salty air made her hair and face look somewhat more haggard than it probably should have. Still, there was an elegance to her, the way she glided across sea and sand, and a definite strength to her despite her willowy frame.
"You there, fancy man. The destined day of my arrival has come! Let all know that these are the waters of Agatha the sea witch, and I shall share them with nobody, be they merchant, cleric, or king!" she said.
"I think you're mistaken, miss. You stand before Captain Potter, and this is my sea," I said.
While I had been expecting a sneer, instead she responded with a smirk and raised her hand to the sky.
"You and what army?" she asked, snapping her fingers. There was another clap of thunder, so loud it left my ears ringing, and the great leviathan in the distance began approaching the shore with worrying speed.
I drew my sword and pistol, and Agatha snapped her wrist at the ground, causing a glass blade to emerge from the sand and float to her hand. I fired my pistol into the sky, and the artillery began to sing.
Agatha was visibly exhausted, though anyone would be after fighting for nearly an hour. The monster she'd brought to bear had several terrible grievous wounds from the cannon shot, and had fled. My crew were also scattered, no doubt hiding in the nearby forest and hills for the battle to be over.
"You are bold, Captain, I'll give you that," she said, panting as she spoke. "But I have dozen more Krakens, and hundreds more younglings to fill the ranks when the great ones fall. Not to mention the hundreds of thousands of merfolk at my beck and call. Do you truly think your realm can stand up to my power?"
"Stand up to you? Ma'am, I think there may have been a misunderstanding," I said, dropping to one knee. It wasn't difficult, as my leg had nearly given out on me several times during the fight.
"Surrendering? A wise choice," Agatha said, stepping toward me.
However, before she got any closer, I pulled out the gold ring I'd saved from our last plunder and held it out toward her. The woman slowed down in front of me, staring in confusion.
Finally, I said, "Agatha, I have a fleet of ships myself with hundreds of guns, but that was never the point of coming here. You've seen me fight, you know of my goals, and you seem like a fine woman. Would you take my hand in marriage, so we can rule this sea together?"
And that, in short, is the story of how I met your mother.

Trip Report First Time 5-MeO
Background:
It might help you to understand what type of person I am. I’m 33 years old, I’ve worked in corporate for 11 years, 9 of them being an engineer. I am very skeptical, formerly christian, and would consider myself a “who really knows what is out there” agnostic. You won’t find me talking in woo woo or in spiritual terms, and I often poke fun at those who do (I guess until this experience).
I did zero drugs until I was 28 years old (except alcohol). I don’t particularly enjoy being in trip states, so you won’t find me doing psychedelics day after day unless I’m on some sort of beach trip or camping trip dedicated to doing so. I find accomplishment in life in both work, personal goals, and hobbies to be satisfying. I am also a fitness person. So for any corporate professionals out there, you may be similar to me and can relate.
Psychedelic History:
No drug use until 2017. Started with weed a few times a week but over months that quickly reduced down to once a week. Mushrooms started at once a year, then in 2021, I started using mushrooms 1x per month sometimes twice. Mostly 2g, a few times were 3g, and a few times 5g.
In 2022, I started trying out DMT, but avoided it for a while because I thought it had lead to some worsening tinnitus (than I already had). That subsided mostly. In 2023 I started doing 1 tab of LSD every few months, I think they are ~100ug. Overall I prefer LSD, but dabble in mushrooms whenever I feel called.
I’ve also done MDMA, but in very carefully measured doses and 5-6 months apart. I mixed it with nothing and am careful to not overdo it there.
DMT History
I started DMT with MintyLove’s videos on Emesh. I put lots of effort into tuning the device, but ultimately didn’t know some of the nuance, so I usually burned or didn’t vaporize the DMT fully. One time I got in 20mg+ and it was wild as you’d expect. I did it 4-5 times early 2022 and a few times later in early 2023 when I worked with my friend to optimize the technique and settings. So again, I share this to let you know I’m not a daily user or even weekly, not even close. I may do it more after this whole experience.
5-MeO
I had not really thought about doing 5-MeO but was super curious about it after having tried DMT. I had listened to accounts from Joe Rogan and such of how much more intense it was. I also would read other accounts of 5-MeO which peaked my curiosity. In early 2023, it started ‘calling out’ to me (I know it sounds weird). I told this to a friend that I had made (over Emesh tinkering) and he mentioned he could come out and administer it so that I could have the experience. I thought about it for a few months and agreed mostly because he seemed to know what he was doing, had tons of safety precautions, and seemed like he wanted to make sure the set and setting I enter into this with would be well thought out and calm. He had experience administering this before, so it’s not as if we were just bros doing this in our basement.
Method for 5-MeO:
Emesh. Dose fully vaporized and inhaled. Held in for 10s or more.
We did a handshake method, starting with a intro super low dose 1.25mg, then a low dose 2.5mg, medium dose 5mg, and then the full breakthrough attempt at 10mg. I also thought that I had broken through on the 10mg until I did the 11mg (detailed below) which was a very different and full experience, which suggested I hadn’t fully broken through on the 10mg!
My Loose Intention:
Again, I’m not all woo woo. I don’t subscribe fully to deep childhood trauma causing issues in adulthood, but I’m open to its possibilities. Also, throughout my 20’s, I noticed how hateful I am as a person. My loose intention was to understand and let go of that hate, or at least understand it better or where it came from. As you’ll read below I think some of that occurred before my breakthrough dose.
Here are my best notes on my experience:
1.25mg - Super Low Intro Dose
Upon onset, I had a very very mild and vague ‘feel good’ feeling in the body. I was expecting something more powerful. Other people in the room were wow’d by the dosage but I found it more to be a super chill and easy way to get into a meditative state. It calmed me down. I left the experience going “ok that was nice, I like this stuff.” I also felt that it was possible that I overhyped the molecule in the weeks leading up to the trip (I was wrong).
2.5mg - Low Dose
This experience was much like some of my sub 10mg DMT trips but there was a lot more black space in the visuals. It was powerful, I felt energy in my body and the body started to fade which gave me a sneak preview into the disembodiment. I saw lots of color, which I was told isn’t common. The color was more isolated like the visuals were self contained with lots of black space in between. I was wearing an eye mask so I imagine that had something to do with the blackness. Overall it was, again, very powerful! I was definitely surprised and had realized this molecule is no joke. I left this dose feeling “oh. my. god. How is this the low dose!!”
5mg - medium dose
I don’t remember much from this dosage because it was overpowered by the large dosages. I felt this immense energy but I was definitely mostly intact in terms of my ego because I distinctly remember thinking at the peak ‘holy cow this is too much’. Being able to think that and understand what was happening to my consciousness leads me to believe my memories were fully there and able to evaluate the experience.
I saw white, with what seems to be color bleeding through in a grid form. The energy was very intense and borderline unsettling to me, almost like it was too much and this is where 5-MeO really set itself apart from the DMT that I had done infrequently in the past. There was not much sense of my body at this dosage, but the entire time I could talk if I wanted to and think up words. When it came on, I remember being so shocked, awed, and astonished by all of the pure energy that was surging through my consciousness and any faint sensation of having a body - as my body came close to melting away, I did let out some sadness in the form of whimper, as I am sure my ego felt what could be coming as I approached more of this disembodiment.
On the way back, I remember being so touched by the intense energy in the form of intense love that I felt. I felt very sorry and remorseful, but for nothing in particular. I remember thinking “how could I?” and I think this is my true mind being allowed to be open without being shadowed by the strong ego. I also spoke out and remember feeling and commenting on “how much love I had” because I think I was approaching becoming the intense love energy that I was feeling and I naturally identified with that. I reflected on things as they popped up in my mind on the way down from the peak, mostly thinking about others and how thankful, happy, and sorry I was towards all of them. I also clearly understood how concerned with others I always am and have been, so I was able to self reflect on those types of thoughts that came up. There was definitely some strong euphoria. But the dose also brought me to tears and left me in a deep appreciative and open state. I gave hugs to everyone in the room upon returning from this journey.
I left this dose feeling “how in the world does it get more intense or different than that? This is the medium dose?!”
10mg - full breakthrough dose attempt
This trip was done with my gf next to me as I was very nervous. It’s common, for me, in trips on DMT that when I lose sense of my body in space or my body in time, that I call out to see if “anyone is there.” During these episodes, I can fully remember my gf is around, as she is usually there sitting with me and says “I’m here.” This lets me know that I’m still connected with my actual body (I can hear) and allows my mind to relax and enjoy the experience more because I get a sense of not going too deep. The feeling of going to deep gives me the feeling of getting lost in the DMT realm or whatever you call it.
So I took the dose and for the first few minutes, it didn’t matter if I was calling out, because I had little memory of how to do so. The energy was so immense and powerful, I couldn’t believe it. I viscerally spoke out “oh my god” in a humbled tone as I could not believe what I was experiencing. However, Within minutes of…earth time, I asked out where I was and if anyone was there. My gf responded and this comfort allowed me to sink further into the experience. At the peak, for the first few minutes, there was nothing but a very light pastel colors, mostly oranges, reds, and peaches, at some points swirling together in a very slow moving liquid. There was no edge to my visual field that I could tell. There was no up and down, right and left, and the verbal ‘oh my god’ was coming from the fact that I was experiencing this place as myself but with a mix of my memory of why I was there.
My gf continually let me know that I was ok and to relax, etc, which allowed me to be more in the experience, but in a tethered way. My body seemed completely gone (days later I’d find out in my breakthrough dose that it wasn’t), and I could only really feel the expressions on my face as I moved through intense waves of sadness, astonishment, and the edge of disintegration. On the way down the visuals changed from swirling, water-like colors to a new scene which was this weird crystal place.
The crystal place was not a room of crystals that I could observe. It was a crystal existence. My entire vision was covered in shades of black, green, red, blue, purple, just like the colors that would reflect when looking at a diamond. The crystals were clear and the vision of them was 90% vivid. I stayed in this place for a few minutes, and while my gf spoke a few times, and I responded, still not feeling my body - I did feel something very weird. I was ‘facing’ directly at a long crystal about the size of a doorway in my visual field. However, I wasn’t observing this crystal, I embodied it. My only body sensation was to feel like the size and shape of this crystal in front of me. The crystal, that was me, was not floating in empty space, it was embedded in tons of other crystal material. It was very odd how much I enjoyed this place and it seemed to last a very long time. It was calm and peaceful, coming with some moderate euphoria.
As I left the crystal place and state, I then descended lower and lower to my body. It had been close to 20 minutes at this point with lots of visuals like the medium doses filling up my visual field. I felt tons of love and very little of the ego that made up my life on earth. I also felt tons of awe that brought me to tears on what I had just experienced as well as some remorse for things I had done, but not anything specific. The remorse was paired with a feeling of “how could I?” Again, I can’t pinpoint what it was. If I stayed still at like 18-20 minutes, I would be able to ‘keep’ this body-free state where I was just a mind descending back to my body. It felt very pleasant and it is the relaxation that I can tap into in the days after. Eventually I became very aware of sounds in the room, would inquire about them to my gf while keeping my eyes closed, but I was also taking my time up to 25-30 minutes before I started moving in place of laying down. I took my time which I think was key for the experience.
Later on my friend wished he would have given me a bit more because it appeared that while I slightly broke through, I was still able to talk and reference back to the real world. At the time I didn’t think much of it and felt like I had the ‘full’ experience. 36 hours later, I didn’t know how much I’d get the full experience, below.
11mg - full breakthrough dose
The previous doses were on Saturday evening, this dose was on Memorial Day around 12pm. My gf redid her high dose as she didn’t inhale all of it, while I agreed at first that I’d do a medium dose. She had such a great breakthrough with her high dose, that I figured I’d do between a medium and a high dose. So 8mg. Then I upped it to 9mg. I thought on it while my friend measured out everything and said “no let’s do the full dose.” So 10mg. So while I meditated to get ready and calm down for my high dose, my friend came over and said “now I wanted to make a suggestion if you’re open to it, to up the dose to 11mg, some people need a little more to really get there.” I was very lucky my friend had experience administering this before and could sense the sub-breakthrough I had with 10mg on Saturday based off my feedback. I decided to go through with it, especially since the night before, this friend and I discussed how maybe I should have done 1mg more on my breakthrough attempt (at 10mg) because it seemed like my breakthrough either wasn’t that long or didn’t fully happen because I could talk.
So after doing some meditation and him guiding me on how to do nothing and let go during the experience, he loads up the emesh, and I’m very nervous and lots of surprising memories came to the surface. Essentially, every single time I had been treated like I was nothing, what accomplishments I had that people showed me didn’t matter, and lots of traumatic scenes from my childhood and teenage years all bubbled up right to the surface of my awareness. They felt like they were on the surface of my torso almost. I started to get nauseous, something I didn’t feel at all with the lower doses.
The Emesh was loaded, I did a ~16 second toke nice and steady, and I did not cough any out or try to choke it down. It was perfect. As I started to lay back on the yoga mat/stretch pad, I could feel myself going in before my head hit the pillow.
It started as a metallic haze that I started to approach with my field of vision. There were some lightly colored swoops, almost like moving fish scales moving in a sweeping pattern within each other. My awareness approached and dived into these patterns and soon after I was in a state that felt like an eternity, it’s as if I had no memory - not in the traditional sense at least. I was aware, but there was no ‘I’ to be aware of in the place I was. When I refer to “I” I am referring to the memories that make up my life on earth.
This dosage was so much more different than the 10mg experience because I was back in the astonished / awe state, but I had been there for so long that I couldn’t even think to speak out and ask how long I’d been there.
At the suggestion of my friend, we talked about how my gf should not be next to me this time to talk me through it, but she sat on the couch and left me to do this journey by myself. I think this was very important for me to have the experience I had because my friend mentioned sometimes that people do this with their partnespouse and end up keeping a tether as they reach out or stay connected with their loved one. The idea of doing it alone sounded good, and I decided it was what I wanted, and it turned out I needed it as I ended up having no tether to the real world.
I was in a place that again, had light liquid swirls, but I could not remember what ‘I’ was, why my awareness was this, that there even was an ‘I’, it was just pure love and emotion, so overwhelming and full of energy that I could almost not handle it. As I felt like there was some part of me that was holding on, I let go in this place and became more of the place. I was my awareness, I was what I was looking at.
I did not call out during the first part as I couldn’t even think, but soon I was verbally, after 4-5 minutes in this state, saying the same ‘oh my god’ almost in a desperate (emotionally) state. Desperate to comprehend existence without time or space. I mustered to say “there is so much love” and “I have so much love,” because I felt a love so powerful that it couldn’t be human. There was so much energy. There was no memory of anything that had to do with ‘me.’ I didn’t remember work, my hobbies, anyone in my life, I didn’t even know who said ‘you’re ok’ when my gf and friend said that in the room as they monitored me for safety. I think I remember someone said ‘let go’ or 'relax’, and when I did, I still cannot comprehend how completely I melted. I could not comprehend this state and there wasn’t a fear of going there, but this overwhelming calmness that I can only liken to death (but not in a bad way). The calmness almost drew me in, at the same time I borderline fought it, all while I was this place, all at the same moment.
The place, full of color with light pastel swirls everywhere, like two liquids mixing together at various places. I also vaguely remember rounded hexagons of different pastels that merged together, like very large pixels. It was similar to the start of my 10mg dose, there was nothing there, no left/right, up down, there wasn’t anything behind me, I was everywhere. As far as sounds, there was no particular sound that I could make out or recognize. Any music that made it through was right there and I could not sense the distance or direction from where it came. The same with the voices in the room from my friend and gf. I couldn’t feel my body at all. I could only feel the faint sensation of me swallowing, but I could not feel myself breathing in the slightest. I didn’t even know if I was breathing or what breathing was. I didn’t think “am I breathing?” This place was me and I was this place. The place was filled with so much love and energy, I cannot describe it in any terms from where I’m writing now.
During the peak, there was music playing and at times I did not hear the music at all, I would hear parts of it, but it was very odd, I tried to hear what the music was that was playing but I couldn’t. I couldn't make the progression of the time in the song at all to establish sequence in the parts of the song or even that it was a song playing, just that there was a pleasant sound that later I came to realize was the music playing the entire time. The songs that played were almost chopped up, with large pieces missing as I was so overwhelmed with my attention to other parts of the place I was in. This was no crystal place and as I started to slowly come back to my body, I could notice how slow the process was. At this time I was clocking in about 20 minutes and I said out loud that I needed more time to relax into my body. It was like a feather was floating down from space at 1mm per second and the true me floated down without anything from my past. It was so gentle. No hurt, no sorry, no regrets, just pure me was ‘installed’ into ‘a body.’ It was a wild sensation. I took my time, didn’t move, and was laying completely flat on the floor not moving the whole time.
From the color I saw in the peak of the state, as I descended it was like a sunset, where the colors would change into different mixes, but these colors were also mixed with emotions that were free of the constraints of the ego. I was so relaxed, and every time I let go more during the descent, I became more relaxed. It was a pureness and bliss I can only describe as a sunset that I embodied, filled with love, hope, and the overwhelming feeling that ‘it’s ok.’
As I descended, I couldn’t feel my body unless I moved a bit. I could not discern this process of coming back down to my body from what I would describe birth to be like, if you asked me to describe such a thing. Yes, I became aware of the drug, and that I had taken it, and that it was wearing off, but all the parts of my mind that would start chattering, the ego part, was silenced during this decent. It was beautiful. My eyes were streaming out water at how much relief and beauty I felt. The music at certain times had melancholy tones to it, which moved me to tears. At those moments I remembered how much capacity my body and I guess ego has for this deep sadness and allowed myself to feel that. These waves would pass and when I finally got back to my body, I felt like I had died and been reborn. My gf, at this time came over from the couch she was sitting on 10ft away and sat next to me. I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling fan and ceiling, in an indescribable peaceful state. I hugged her, moved with emotion while my friend stepped out of the room. When he came back I gave him a big hug in gratitude for helping me experience this insane and beautiful state of consciousness. I sat and expressed what I typed now to the best of my ability.
For 10-15 min after getting up, I was laughing for no reason whatsoever, I think it may have been at how incredible the entire experience was. I was saying things like “if that isn’t a breakthrough I don’t know what is!” I reminisced on how much love, beauty, and power I felt in the place I was. I tried to comprehend existence without time and space. I also felt pride that I had accomplished this journey with the courage to inhale the right amount of this molecule. I had done it, it did its work on me, I felt it. I was excited to see where it’d take me in my day to day life.
Days after the breakthrough:
The night after my 11mg breakthrough I woke up many times in the same ‘place’ that I was in at the peak. I didn’t feel time, or where I was. My body was completely gone in my sleep and that sensation returned as I became aware and woke up multiple times in the night. I was told by my friend that there could be ‘reactivations’ in the nights after the trip. This happened 4-5 times throughout the first night. It was slightly unsettling, but overall extremely peaceful and relaxing. I was happy to be there, especially in my sleep. I had never felt such a thing in my sleep. I viewed it as positive because I could relax so well and sleep so deep. However, I woke up groggy the next morning, possibly for other reasons like hydration and food.
The next day I felt incapable of getting upset by anything. I did my morning walk and when I walked by a bird, I could hear it chirping from the ‘top of my head.’ Very odd! It was like I was meditating while walking and echolocating. I felt I was missing some low level anxiety that I had always felt but didn’t know that was there. It was like a pit in my stomach was sealed shut with goodness. Time will tell how this manifests in my life.
48 hours the night after my trip, I still had many reactivations but they were less pronounced. A few were in that ‘place’ but mostly they were the body sensation that I felt. Extreme relaxation, and almost like I didn’t have a body while I was coming up from my sleep.
2 Days during the day after my trip, I again had lots of patience. I felt like nothing could upset me, and I didn’t worry about anything that I’d usually give undue care to. I felt open to people. I felt a renewed hope. Everything was as it is.
72 hours the night after my trip, I had nice dreams, some were vivid, but not overly so.
I write this 5 days after my trip and I still feel a lack of anxiety that I had before. I didn’t have high anxiety but I guess it was subtle. My ego recovers every day but I am seeing its reactions so clearly it’s like I can’t ignore it. I catch myself building irritation, angst, and judgment towards things and others and I can choose to let it be separate from myself. I don’t claim to be awakened, but I certainly feel different. I hope to continue to be aware of my ego the best I can without being unified with it.
Recommendations:
As I said before, I’m not a very spiritual person, but my friend knew what he was doing and burnt incense, used a scented water, and had us meditate with relaxing music. Every dose took very long to measure with a high quality scale. Safety was top priority, but so was going in with the right mindset. I cannot imagine doing this molecule any other way. The mindset I tried to achieve during these meditations was to just let go, to let it happen, and to be ok with whatever the experience ended up being.

Trip Report First Time 5-MeO
Background:
It might help you to understand what type of person I am. I’m 33 years old, I’ve worked in corporate for 11 years, 9 of them being an engineer. I am very skeptical, formerly christian, and would consider myself a “who really knows what is out there” agnostic. You won’t find me talking in woo woo or in spiritual terms, and I often poke fun at those who do (I guess until this experience).
I did zero drugs until I was 28 years old (except alcohol). I don’t particularly enjoy being in trip states, so you won’t find me doing psychedelics day after day unless I’m on some sort of beach trip or camping trip dedicated to doing so. I find accomplishment in life in both work, personal goals, and hobbies to be satisfying. I am also a fitness person. So for any corporate professionals out there, you may be similar to me and can relate.
Psychedelic History:
No drug use until 2017. Started with weed a few times a week but over months that quickly reduced down to once a week. Mushrooms started at once a year, then in 2021, I started using mushrooms 1x per month sometimes twice. Mostly 2g, a few times were 3g, and a few times 5g.
In 2022, I started trying out DMT, but avoided it for a while because I thought it had lead to some worsening tinnitus (than I already had). That subsided mostly. In 2023 I started doing 1 tab of LSD every few months, I think they are ~100ug. Overall I prefer LSD, but dabble in mushrooms whenever I feel called.
I’ve also done MDMA, but in very carefully measured doses and 5-6 months apart. I mixed it with nothing and am careful to not overdo it there.
DMT History
I started DMT with MintyLove’s videos on Emesh. I put lots of effort into tuning the device, but ultimately didn’t know some of the nuance, so I usually burned or didn’t vaporize the DMT fully. One time I got in 20mg+ and it was wild as you’d expect. I did it 4-5 times early 2022 and a few times later in early 2023 when I worked with my friend to optimize the technique and settings. So again, I share this to let you know I’m not a daily user or even weekly, not even close. I may do it more after this whole experience.
5-MeO
I had not really thought about doing 5-MeO but was super curious about it after having tried DMT. I had listened to accounts from Joe Rogan and such of how much more intense it was. I also would read other accounts of 5-MeO which peaked my curiosity. In early 2023, it started ‘calling out’ to me (I know it sounds weird). I told this to a friend that I had made (over Emesh tinkering) and he mentioned he could come out and administer it so that I could have the experience. I thought about it for a few months and agreed mostly because he seemed to know what he was doing, had tons of safety precautions, and seemed like he wanted to make sure the set and setting I enter into this with would be well thought out and calm. He had experience administering this before, so it’s not as if we were just bros doing this in our basement.
Method for 5-MeO:
Emesh. Dose fully vaporized and inhaled. Held in for 10s or more.
We did a handshake method, starting with a intro super low dose 1.25mg, then a low dose 2.5mg, medium dose 5mg, and then the full breakthrough attempt at 10mg. I also thought that I had broken through on the 10mg until I did the 11mg (detailed below) which was a very different and full experience, which suggested I hadn’t fully broken through on the 10mg!
My Loose Intention:
Again, I’m not all woo woo. I don’t subscribe fully to deep childhood trauma causing issues in adulthood, but I’m open to its possibilities. Also, throughout my 20’s, I noticed how hateful I am as a person. My loose intention was to understand and let go of that hate, or at least understand it better or where it came from. As you’ll read below I think some of that occurred before my breakthrough dose.
Here are my best notes on my experience:
1.25mg - Super Low Intro Dose
Upon onset, I had a very very mild and vague ‘feel good’ feeling in the body. I was expecting something more powerful. Other people in the room were wow’d by the dosage but I found it more to be a super chill and easy way to get into a meditative state. It calmed me down. I left the experience going “ok that was nice, I like this stuff.” I also felt that it was possible that I overhyped the molecule in the weeks leading up to the trip (I was wrong).
2.5mg - Low Dose
This experience was much like some of my sub 10mg DMT trips but there was a lot more black space in the visuals. It was powerful, I felt energy in my body and the body started to fade which gave me a sneak preview into the disembodiment. I saw lots of color, which I was told isn’t common. The color was more isolated like the visuals were self contained with lots of black space in between. I was wearing an eye mask so I imagine that had something to do with the blackness. Overall it was, again, very powerful! I was definitely surprised and had realized this molecule is no joke. I left this dose feeling “oh. my. god. How is this the low dose!!”
5mg - medium dose
I don’t remember much from this dosage because it was overpowered by the large dosages. I felt this immense energy but I was definitely mostly intact in terms of my ego because I distinctly remember thinking at the peak ‘holy cow this is too much’. Being able to think that and understand what was happening to my consciousness leads me to believe my memories were fully there and able to evaluate the experience.
I saw white, with what seems to be color bleeding through in a grid form. The energy was very intense and borderline unsettling to me, almost like it was too much and this is where 5-MeO really set itself apart from the DMT that I had done infrequently in the past. There was not much sense of my body at this dosage, but the entire time I could talk if I wanted to and think up words. When it came on, I remember being so shocked, awed, and astonished by all of the pure energy that was surging through my consciousness and any faint sensation of having a body - as my body came close to melting away, I did let out some sadness in the form of whimper, as I am sure my ego felt what could be coming as I approached more of this disembodiment.
On the way back, I remember being so touched by the intense energy in the form of intense love that I felt. I felt very sorry and remorseful, but for nothing in particular. I remember thinking “how could I?” and I think this is my true mind being allowed to be open without being shadowed by the strong ego. I also spoke out and remember feeling and commenting on “how much love I had” because I think I was approaching becoming the intense love energy that I was feeling and I naturally identified with that. I reflected on things as they popped up in my mind on the way down from the peak, mostly thinking about others and how thankful, happy, and sorry I was towards all of them. I also clearly understood how concerned with others I always am and have been, so I was able to self reflect on those types of thoughts that came up. There was definitely some strong euphoria. But the dose also brought me to tears and left me in a deep appreciative and open state. I gave hugs to everyone in the room upon returning from this journey.
I left this dose feeling “how in the world does it get more intense or different than that? This is the medium dose?!”
10mg - full breakthrough dose attempt
This trip was done with my gf next to me as I was very nervous. It’s common, for me, in trips on DMT that when I lose sense of my body in space or my body in time, that I call out to see if “anyone is there.” During these episodes, I can fully remember my gf is around, as she is usually there sitting with me and says “I’m here.” This lets me know that I’m still connected with my actual body (I can hear) and allows my mind to relax and enjoy the experience more because I get a sense of not going too deep. The feeling of going to deep gives me the feeling of getting lost in the DMT realm or whatever you call it.
So I took the dose and for the first few minutes, it didn’t matter if I was calling out, because I had little memory of how to do so. The energy was so immense and powerful, I couldn’t believe it. I viscerally spoke out “oh my god” in a humbled tone as I could not believe what I was experiencing. However, Within minutes of…earth time, I asked out where I was and if anyone was there. My gf responded and this comfort allowed me to sink further into the experience. At the peak, for the first few minutes, there was nothing but a very light pastel colors, mostly oranges, reds, and peaches, at some points swirling together in a very slow moving liquid. There was no edge to my visual field that I could tell. There was no up and down, right and left, and the verbal ‘oh my god’ was coming from the fact that I was experiencing this place as myself but with a mix of my memory of why I was there.
My gf continually let me know that I was ok and to relax, etc, which allowed me to be more in the experience, but in a tethered way. My body seemed completely gone (days later I’d find out in my breakthrough dose that it wasn’t), and I could only really feel the expressions on my face as I moved through intense waves of sadness, astonishment, and the edge of disintegration. On the way down the visuals changed from swirling, water-like colors to a new scene which was this weird crystal place.
The crystal place was not a room of crystals that I could observe. It was a crystal existence. My entire vision was covered in shades of black, green, red, blue, purple, just like the colors that would reflect when looking at a diamond. The crystals were clear and the vision of them was 90% vivid. I stayed in this place for a few minutes, and while my gf spoke a few times, and I responded, still not feeling my body - I did feel something very weird. I was ‘facing’ directly at a long crystal about the size of a doorway in my visual field. However, I wasn’t observing this crystal, I embodied it. My only body sensation was to feel like the size and shape of this crystal in front of me. The crystal, that was me, was not floating in empty space, it was embedded in tons of other crystal material. It was very odd how much I enjoyed this place and it seemed to last a very long time. It was calm and peaceful, coming with some moderate euphoria.
As I left the crystal place and state, I then descended lower and lower to my body. It had been close to 20 minutes at this point with lots of visuals like the medium doses filling up my visual field. I felt tons of love and very little of the ego that made up my life on earth. I also felt tons of awe that brought me to tears on what I had just experienced as well as some remorse for things I had done, but not anything specific. The remorse was paired with a feeling of “how could I?” Again, I can’t pinpoint what it was. If I stayed still at like 18-20 minutes, I would be able to ‘keep’ this body-free state where I was just a mind descending back to my body. It felt very pleasant and it is the relaxation that I can tap into in the days after. Eventually I became very aware of sounds in the room, would inquire about them to my gf while keeping my eyes closed, but I was also taking my time up to 25-30 minutes before I started moving in place of laying down. I took my time which I think was key for the experience.
Later on my friend wished he would have given me a bit more because it appeared that while I slightly broke through, I was still able to talk and reference back to the real world. At the time I didn’t think much of it and felt like I had the ‘full’ experience. 36 hours later, I didn’t know how much I’d get the full experience, below.
11mg - full breakthrough dose
The previous doses were on Saturday evening, this dose was on Memorial Day around 12pm. My gf redid her high dose as she didn’t inhale all of it, while I agreed at first that I’d do a medium dose. She had such a great breakthrough with her high dose, that I figured I’d do between a medium and a high dose. So 8mg. Then I upped it to 9mg. I thought on it while my friend measured out everything and said “no let’s do the full dose.” So 10mg. So while I meditated to get ready and calm down for my high dose, my friend came over and said “now I wanted to make a suggestion if you’re open to it, to up the dose to 11mg, some people need a little more to really get there.” I was very lucky my friend had experience administering this before and could sense the sub-breakthrough I had with 10mg on Saturday based off my feedback. I decided to go through with it, especially since the night before, this friend and I discussed how maybe I should have done 1mg more on my breakthrough attempt (at 10mg) because it seemed like my breakthrough either wasn’t that long or didn’t fully happen because I could talk.
So after doing some meditation and him guiding me on how to do nothing and let go during the experience, he loads up the emesh, and I’m very nervous and lots of surprising memories came to the surface. Essentially, every single time I had been treated like I was nothing, what accomplishments I had that people showed me didn’t matter, and lots of traumatic scenes from my childhood and teenage years all bubbled up right to the surface of my awareness. They felt like they were on the surface of my torso almost. I started to get nauseous, something I didn’t feel at all with the lower doses.
The Emesh was loaded, I did a ~16 second toke nice and steady, and I did not cough any out or try to choke it down. It was perfect. As I started to lay back on the yoga mat/stretch pad, I could feel myself going in before my head hit the pillow.
It started as a metallic haze that I started to approach with my field of vision. There were some lightly colored swoops, almost like moving fish scales moving in a sweeping pattern within each other. My awareness approached and dived into these patterns and soon after I was in a state that felt like an eternity, it’s as if I had no memory - not in the traditional sense at least. I was aware, but there was no ‘I’ to be aware of in the place I was. When I refer to “I” I am referring to the memories that make up my life on earth.
This dosage was so much more different than the 10mg experience because I was back in the astonished / awe state, but I had been there for so long that I couldn’t even think to speak out and ask how long I’d been there.
At the suggestion of my friend, we talked about how my gf should not be next to me this time to talk me through it, but she sat on the couch and left me to do this journey by myself. I think this was very important for me to have the experience I had because my friend mentioned sometimes that people do this with their partnespouse and end up keeping a tether as they reach out or stay connected with their loved one. The idea of doing it alone sounded good, and I decided it was what I wanted, and it turned out I needed it as I ended up having no tether to the real world.
I was in a place that again, had light liquid swirls, but I could not remember what ‘I’ was, why my awareness was this, that there even was an ‘I’, it was just pure love and emotion, so overwhelming and full of energy that I could almost not handle it. As I felt like there was some part of me that was holding on, I let go in this place and became more of the place. I was my awareness, I was what I was looking at.
I did not call out during the first part as I couldn’t even think, but soon I was verbally, after 4-5 minutes in this state, saying the same ‘oh my god’ almost in a desperate (emotionally) state. Desperate to comprehend existence without time or space. I mustered to say “there is so much love” and “I have so much love,” because I felt a love so powerful that it couldn’t be human. There was so much energy. There was no memory of anything that had to do with ‘me.’ I didn’t remember work, my hobbies, anyone in my life, I didn’t even know who said ‘you’re ok’ when my gf and friend said that in the room as they monitored me for safety. I think I remember someone said ‘let go’ or 'relax’, and when I did, I still cannot comprehend how completely I melted. I could not comprehend this state and there wasn’t a fear of going there, but this overwhelming calmness that I can only liken to death (but not in a bad way). The calmness almost drew me in, at the same time I borderline fought it, all while I was this place, all at the same moment.
The place, full of color with light pastel swirls everywhere, like two liquids mixing together at various places. I also vaguely remember rounded hexagons of different pastels that merged together, like very large pixels. It was similar to the start of my 10mg dose, there was nothing there, no left/right, up down, there wasn’t anything behind me, I was everywhere. As far as sounds, there was no particular sound that I could make out or recognize. Any music that made it through was right there and I could not sense the distance or direction from where it came. The same with the voices in the room from my friend and gf. I couldn’t feel my body at all. I could only feel the faint sensation of me swallowing, but I could not feel myself breathing in the slightest. I didn’t even know if I was breathing or what breathing was. I didn’t think “am I breathing?” This place was me and I was this place. The place was filled with so much love and energy, I cannot describe it in any terms from where I’m writing now.
During the peak, there was music playing and at times I did not hear the music at all, I would hear parts of it, but it was very odd, I tried to hear what the music was that was playing but I couldn’t. I couldn't make the progression of the time in the song at all to establish sequence in the parts of the song or even that it was a song playing, just that there was a pleasant sound that later I came to realize was the music playing the entire time. The songs that played were almost chopped up, with large pieces missing as I was so overwhelmed with my attention to other parts of the place I was in. This was no crystal place and as I started to slowly come back to my body, I could notice how slow the process was. At this time I was clocking in about 20 minutes and I said out loud that I needed more time to relax into my body. It was like a feather was floating down from space at 1mm per second and the true me floated down without anything from my past. It was so gentle. No hurt, no sorry, no regrets, just pure me was ‘installed’ into ‘a body.’ It was a wild sensation. I took my time, didn’t move, and was laying completely flat on the floor not moving the whole time.
From the color I saw in the peak of the state, as I descended it was like a sunset, where the colors would change into different mixes, but these colors were also mixed with emotions that were free of the constraints of the ego. I was so relaxed, and every time I let go more during the descent, I became more relaxed. It was a pureness and bliss I can only describe as a sunset that I embodied, filled with love, hope, and the overwhelming feeling that ‘it’s ok.’
As I descended, I couldn’t feel my body unless I moved a bit. I could not discern this process of coming back down to my body from what I would describe birth to be like, if you asked me to describe such a thing. Yes, I became aware of the drug, and that I had taken it, and that it was wearing off, but all the parts of my mind that would start chattering, the ego part, was silenced during this decent. It was beautiful. My eyes were streaming out water at how much relief and beauty I felt. The music at certain times had melancholy tones to it, which moved me to tears. At those moments I remembered how much capacity my body and I guess ego has for this deep sadness and allowed myself to feel that. These waves would pass and when I finally got back to my body, I felt like I had died and been reborn. My gf, at this time came over from the couch she was sitting on 10ft away and sat next to me. I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling fan and ceiling, in an indescribable peaceful state. I hugged her, moved with emotion while my friend stepped out of the room. When he came back I gave him a big hug in gratitude for helping me experience this insane and beautiful state of consciousness. I sat and expressed what I typed now to the best of my ability.
For 10-15 min after getting up, I was laughing for no reason whatsoever, I think it may have been at how incredible the entire experience was. I was saying things like “if that isn’t a breakthrough I don’t know what is!” I reminisced on how much love, beauty, and power I felt in the place I was. I tried to comprehend existence without time and space. I also felt pride that I had accomplished this journey with the courage to inhale the right amount of this molecule. I had done it, it did its work on me, I felt it. I was excited to see where it’d take me in my day to day life.
Days after the breakthrough:
The night after my 11mg breakthrough I woke up many times in the same ‘place’ that I was in at the peak. I didn’t feel time, or where I was. My body was completely gone in my sleep and that sensation returned as I became aware and woke up multiple times in the night. I was told by my friend that there could be ‘reactivations’ in the nights after the trip. This happened 4-5 times throughout the first night. It was slightly unsettling, but overall extremely peaceful and relaxing. I was happy to be there, especially in my sleep. I had never felt such a thing in my sleep. I viewed it as positive because I could relax so well and sleep so deep. However, I woke up groggy the next morning, possibly for other reasons like hydration and food.
The next day I felt incapable of getting upset by anything. I did my morning walk and when I walked by a bird, I could hear it chirping from the ‘top of my head.’ Very odd! It was like I was meditating while walking and echolocating. I felt I was missing some low level anxiety that I had always felt but didn’t know that was there. It was like a pit in my stomach was sealed shut with goodness. Time will tell how this manifests in my life.
48 hours the night after my trip, I still had many reactivations but they were less pronounced. A few were in that ‘place’ but mostly they were the body sensation that I felt. Extreme relaxation, and almost like I didn’t have a body while I was coming up from my sleep.
2 Days during the day after my trip, I again had lots of patience. I felt like nothing could upset me, and I didn’t worry about anything that I’d usually give undue care to. I felt open to people. I felt a renewed hope. Everything was as it is.
72 hours the night after my trip, I had nice dreams, some were vivid, but not overly so.
I write this 5 days after my trip and I still feel a lack of anxiety that I had before. I didn’t have high anxiety but I guess it was subtle. My ego recovers every day but I am seeing its reactions so clearly it’s like I can’t ignore it. I catch myself building irritation, angst, and judgment towards things and others and I can choose to let it be separate from myself. I don’t claim to be awakened, but I certainly feel different. I hope to continue to be aware of my ego the best I can without being unified with it.
Recommendations:
As I said before, I’m not a very spiritual person, but my friend knew what he was doing and burnt incense, used a scented water, and had us meditate with relaxing music. Every dose took very long to measure with a high quality scale. Safety was top priority, but so was going in with the right mindset. I cannot imagine doing this molecule any other way. The mindset I tried to achieve during these meditations was to just let go, to let it happen, and to be ok with whatever the experience ended up being.