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Hi everyone,
Quick who I am and what im doing for any new readers.
I am a 44m, who was 320lbs with type 2 diabetes, apnea, bad knees, bad back, smoker. I also suffer from chemically Induced anxiety disorder, bipolar 2 and a wicked case of depression.
I was raised a ward of the court in my home province of BC and they recently passed Into law funding for school for former wards regardless of age.
A month ago I decided to quit my job and bike from Moncton NB to Vancouver Island BC to take advantage of this law change. The thought being, the goal/hope is to end up in BC a better man, both physically and mentally. A week later I left.
The message, the conversation I'm trying to share is that former Wards of the Court require continued support well past their age out dates. Mental health support, addiction support, education and general health support should be provided to all wards after the age of 18. We are broken and forgotten. We need help.
My socials which have almost daily updates are in my profile.
WARNING My social updates are both high energy with enthusiasm and also dark sometimes emotional updates. These are raw, real and the thougts and feelings of someone who struggles with mental health.
Update 2.
I'm just outside of Montreal, typing this in my tent which is set up on the lawn of some random person whom I asked if I could borrow a corner of their lawn. He didn't speak a word of English, or I a word of French. Pointing to my tent and miming myself sleeping then pointing to his lawn he understood lol.
It feels like I'm making progress, Edmunston to Montreal in 8 days of riding feels like a tremendous success. There have been a couple of proper rest days and ive learned how important they are. However I have a hard time taking them, emotionally. I find it easier to just go each day. Even if it's a short day, that progress makes me feel good.
The body continues to go through changes. It feels like the fat in my belly isn't going away anymore, but my bitch tits are smaller, which is amazing. I've also noticed that I've lost a lot of the roundness to my face. It's starting to thin out and my third chin is going away.
When I started this my back would get spasms just setting up my tent. That's how bad my core/back was. Now? Nothing. Zero spasms. As I type this I'm sitting up on my ass in my tent, which I couldn't do before without pain in my back and core. So major progress here.
My knees still feel weak, however I do notice some additional flexibility in my hips and knees.
I continue to walk taller. I notice it every time I walk past someone in a store. I'd usually be hunched over, that could have been a physical thing or a mental (hiding) thing, or both. But god damn I feel tall. Holding my head higher, shoulders are back, chest is out. In a natural "strong" way not a forced "are my lats big?" Kinda way.
Mentally, it's still really tough. I'm honestly not seeing any real change in the ups or downs. The crashes still come, they still effect me the same way, I still obsessively think about the same dark dangerous things on an almost daily basis. If anything, the last week has been worse and it doesn't feel like Cycling is healing anything mentally. I'm still hopeful and to be fair I am doing a tremendous amount of self evaluation daily, which is the first step in healing. Confronting my fears and failures each day is still some amount of success. I'm big on accountability and the last few years I've put so much into other people and my work I've neglected the self evaluation and self accountability that is so important. The world is dark and dangerous and hard. But the only way out of that darkness is being accountable for myself. So in some ways no progress but in others progress.
Progress is a slow process.
I've dramatically under estimated the costs of doing this. As someone who is diabetic and has had a very unhealthy diet for years I'm struggling to find the right balance of feeling full and also having the foods that give me the energy required. Stopping at every gas station and or eating as much as I can once I get to a town has to stop, I cannot afford it. I also cannot continue with canned spam and crackers.
The Diabetes however, what a dramatic change. The first week or so I was still getting dizzy spells and have not have any until today. So this is a huge change and I'm really happy about this.
I could really use some advice on cheap meals that I can have packed in my bags that can give the full feeling while also giving me the energy I need for a full day of riding.
Ooooh shoes. Omg shoes. Okay, so I bought some cheap ass Walmart shoes the day I left. In two weeks I had worn through the bottoms. My feet were sliding off the pedals and was thinking I needed bigger pedals.
I went and bought a good $200 pair of shoes and sized down from a 13 to a 12. What a fucking difference. First and foremost my feet stay on the pedals, they stick to them, it's amazing. I feel like I can pedal harder and longer. This was a great investment.
My chain is slipping, gears are jumping, chain falling off and rear brakes I have to squeeze all the way down to get anything anymore. So hopefully these aren't expensive fixes. But I gotta get them fixed before I start Ont.
Finally, and most importantly I have to give special attention and appreciation to everyone who continues to message, cheer me on, support my videos, donated, ect. Truly, from my deepest core I appreciate you.
The hardest part of this for me is being alone with nothing but my thoughts. And each time I stop and see that you've liked, messaged, supported me in anyway it honestly and truly stops the darkness for a moment. It gives me hope and trust in the process.
So thank you.
I have written a sponsor letter and am going to start reaching out to people/companies in the hopes of getting some sponsorship and additional eyes on what im doing. BC Mental Health is working through some internal stuff but will become my first sponsor which is amazing.
If anyone has any suggestions for other people/places that would be worth speaking with id appreciate some suggestions. Those that are supporters of mental health recovery, addiction recovery, aged out, foster homes, wards. Also any biking companies or health food/drinks/gels that may have even a passing interest in a fat man biking across Canada.
Thanks again.

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