Firstly, there are multiple physiotherapy clinics in Dubai that can assist you in your treatment. You can find the list of clinics on Doctify. This website provides a list of 174 physiotherapy clinics in Dubai, which can be sorted based on patient reviews, distance, and availability.
One of the most popular physiotherapy clinics in Dubai is Physiowell. They offer a comprehensive range of physiotherapy treatments, including soft tissue therapy, manual alternative medicine techniques, and the latest and most advanced physiotherapy techniques and exercises. They also combine manual techniques with osteopathy or chiropractic care. You can schedule an appointment with them by calling +971 (4) 269 2121 or email them at [email protected].
Valiant Clinic is another popular physiotherapy clinic in Dubai. They offer a wide range of physiotherapy treatments, including sports rehabilitation, post-operative conditions, and postural and anterior correction. They have a team of experienced physiotherapists who can help you achieve long-term relief from your condition. You can request an appointment with them by filling out a form on their website.
Dubai Physiotherapy & Family Medicine Clinic is another clinic that provides physiotherapy and family medicine services. They offer a range of services, including manual therapy, exercise therapy, electrotherapy, and dry needling. They also offer home visits for patients who cannot visit the clinic. You can book an appointment with them by calling +971 4 344 1142 or emailing them at [email protected].
Apart from these clinics, there are many other options available in Dubai. You can also check out the five best physiotherapy clinics in Dubai in 2022 as listed by Meds News. They have listed Adria Medical Center, Korehab, Physiocare Center, and JTS Medical Center as some of the best physiotherapy clinics in Dubai.
In conclusion, there are numerous physiotherapy clinics in Dubai that can assist you in your treatment. You can choose the one that best suits your needs and preferences. It is always recommended to consult with a physiotherapist before starting any treatment.

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Introduction: In a world heavily dependent on visual perception, eye health is of paramount importance. Whether it's routine check-ups, vision correction, or treating complex eye conditions, having a reliable and experienced ophthalmologist is crucial. In the bustling city of Delhi, one name stands out in the field of ophthalmology - Dr. Rajiv Bajaj. With his expertise, advanced techniques, and a patient-centric approach, Dr. Rajiv Bajaj has earned a reputation as one of the top ophthalmologists in Delhi.
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Hello lovely readers,
Welcome to the second and final discussion of Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands by Kate Beaton. This autobiographical comic was Canada Reads (an annual "battle of the books") winner for 2023. You can read the first discussion here.
Summary
The story picks up one month after that horrible party. Kate sleeps with Mike. She continues to get weird sexual comments from the men she works with, but she has started to laugh the comments off. Many of the men seem to have problems with her giving them orders, and her superiors get pissy with her for minor things or for wanting ‘special treatment’. Joe, a fellow Nova Scotian, overhears her swearing in frustration and tells her that everyone at the mine is just yelling at the guy next to them for work they’re not doing themselves, but that people tend to be friendlier to people from their own region of Canada. Kate wonders aloud to Doug whether the oil sands make people better or worse.
The men at the mine have heard that Kate’s ‘little friends’ (her sister Becky and friend Lindsay) are going to be joining them, and she warns them to leave them alone. When Becky and Lindsay arrive, they are wearing skirts and they quickly notice the staring and weird behaviour from the men on site. Kate apologises for it, and they wonder why she is saying sorry.
Kate tells Becky and Lindsay that the other men have been leaving her alone since most people know about her and Mike, and they tell her it’s because in their eyes she’s ‘claimed’.
They take a trip to Gregoire Beach, but Kate doesn’t wear a swimsuit or go swimming. Becky asks her what’s up with her, as she’s noticed something is wrong. Kate talks about how everything at the beach seems so normal, but that she isn’t. However, she doesn’t explain further.
Kate looks for other jobs online, and sees a post for a job at the Maritime Museum of British Columbia in Victoria, the capital of British Columbia.
Not long afterwards, she sees the man who forced himself on her at that party. He and the group of men he’s with see her and they start laughing.
Kate hears a man playing Peter’s Dream on his guitar, and joins in singing the song.
She goes to Becky’s room and tells her that she needs to leave the oil sands for a while, even though she and Lindsay have just arrived. She asks her to promise that she and Lindsay will look out for each other, and finally tells her about the assaults. Becky tells her that it wasn’t her fault, and wishes she had been there sooner to protect her as that’s her job as the big sister. She tells Kate that it happened to her too, at her university dorm. She tells Kate she should go.
We leave the oil sands, for a year in Victoria. Kate gets the museum job but it’s no more than 21 hours per week, so she gets a second job. In a coffee shop, she hears the song An Innis Aigh playing, and tells a woman who was wondering aloud about the language that it’s Gaelic.
Victoria seems like a nicer place than the oil sands, but it isn’t perfect – the city big problems with homelessness and mental health, but none of the old, rich people living there care [read runner note – according to Victoria’s Wikipedia page, the city is known for its disproportionately large retiree population. Some 23.4% of the population of Victoria and its surrounding area are over 65 years of age, which is higher than the overall Canadian distribution of over 65 year-olds in the population (19%). A historically popular cliché refers to Victoria as the home of "the newly wed and nearly dead"]. Kate is fired from her job for not taking American money and not wanting to sell the merchandise badly enough. One of her colleagues (I think?) sees her drawing a comic, and suggests that she should make a website.
Kate tells her parents that on her days off she works at a grocery store, and her father wonders what her degree was for. Shortly afterwards, she is fired from the grocery store for yawning and ‘being surly’. She goes on a date, but panics when the guy tries to kiss her at the end.
Kate can’t get a reprieve from her student loan payments, even though she paid half of it off the previous year with her oil sands earnings. She decides to go back to the oil sands to pay the rest off, and says goodbye to the museum.
After that brief reprieve, we’re back in the oil sands, this time at Shell Albian Sands. Kate has taken a job in the warehouse office, and her living quarters are a bit fancier than at the previous sites. The site also has a Tim Hortons, Wi-Fi and a gym, even yoga classes. Lindsay tells her that a lot of the warehouse crew from Long Lake have moved up there too. One of her new colleagues is Hatim, who is creepy in a new way, plaguing her with messages despite having a wife and children.
The team get a congratulations message with a gif for achieving three million man hours without a lost time incident (LTI). Kate’s boss, Ryan, tells her that they don’t have LTIs at the site because they look bad for the company, I guess implying that they cover them up.
She sees Doug again, who seems to feel that she’s all high and mighty now with her office job, and struggles with her ‘bossing him’ since she’s younger than him (and presumably because she’s female). When she has to cover a warehouse shift, Doug laughs about how she’s down from on high and has gone soft. He tells her that he sang with The Men of the Deeps and even sang for the queen, which she doubts because he has a terrible voice. She sings a bit of Coal Town Road (which I’m kind of disappointed doesn’t sound like Old Town Road) and asks if she could be in the choir too, but he seems annoyed about her singing a mining song when she’s not a miner.
Kate’s sister Becky is still working at Long Lake, but lives in Fort McMurray, and Kate goes to meet her there; she says it’s much better than living in the camp. She tells Kate, that one time a guy jumped out of the closet in her room, but she was able to kick him out. She always locked her door, but often heard the handle jiggling at night. She even had a stalker, who managed to get into her room with a bottle of alcohol and suggested doing body shots – she didn’t report it, but when he got fired everyone thought she had.
Kate struggles to read some of the order sheets because many of the workers are bad spellers or have unclear handwriting; many of the older men at the mine left school in grade six. Lindsay tells her about one of the lead hands from Newfoundland, who can’t read, and was humiliated by the other workers when they tried to make him read the safety memo aloud so they could laugh at him. Lindsay says she’s never seen a grown man ashamed like that, and they discuss how he’s one of the nicest guys there.
A group from the Calgary office visits the mine site, and Kate has to find the nice hard hats and safety vests for the visitors, the ones the actual workers can’t have because they’re too fancy. Basically, they have to put on a show for the head office people – everyone has to look sharp, make things tidier than normal etc. One of the visitors takes a photo of Kate. After they leave, Damian asks if he can have one of the fancy new vests, but they were taken back to Calgary even though they don’t need them at head office.
Kate continues doing her comics, and her colleagues occasionally read them. Ryan finds some of them in the scanner, which she had used to upload them to her website, and tells her not to leave her stuff lying around at work.
Becky and Kate discuss what it would have been like if their father had gone out to the oil sands to work when they were children, as many people did. They wonder if he would have been like the other men they work with, and how they must all be normal at home. Kate says she tries to remember that there are a lot of men who don’t bother her, but she doesn’t remember them because they’re not the ones in her face.
Their safety lectures tell them basic information about how ice is slippery and is all over the ground, which presumably every Canadian already knows. One of the men remarks that it’s not about safety, but an arse-covering exercise so that a worker can’t sue them if they fall. Kate doodles a pony in her notebook (thank you u/Amanda39 for linking to this comic in last week’s discussion!).
Many of the staff have families that they don’t see very often. One of the men gets a phonecall from his wife’s phone, which he answers thinking it’s an emergency as she never calls during the day; it turns out to be his young son, who is calling to see when he’s coming home next.
Brian asks Kate if she heard about the ducks (TITLE DROP!!); three hundred of them got stuck in a tailings pond at another oil sands site [read runner note – two years later, Syncrude was actually found guilty of the death of 1,600 ducks]. The site begins installing anti-waterfowl devices, and the staff are reminded that they have to wear PPE at all times. They’re also told about the death Gerald Snopes, another worker; some of the men talking amongst themselves, and Ryan tells them to have some respect. He had a heart attack while operating a crane, and threw himself out of the cab so that he wouldn’t land on the controls and cause an accident.
Kate hears about a road accident involving some men from Cape Breton. She asks Davy about it to see if she knows them, but neither of them do. Kate finds the news articles and feels annoyed that they were misidentified as Calgary men.
Kate notices some welts on her back; Lindsay has them too but doesn’t know what it is. Kate mentions all the dust they have to wipe off everything, and how there’s so much crap in the air. Lindsay wonders what kind of cancer they’ll have in 20 years.
Kate finds Doug building a scarecrow for the tailings pond, which is meant to scare off the ducks. Probably another arse-covering exercise.
Activists from Greenpeace try to block an oil sands pipeline, and 11 people are arrested. One of the workers gets angry about it, asking who will put their life on the line to unclog the pipe Greenpeace has blocked, and that it sure as hell won’t be the president of Shell. Kate hears about another death – a contractor was in his trucks, and one of the heavy haulers drove over it, crushing him.
Lindsay writes an article for a grassroots paper, giving the inside perspective on working at the oil sands. Kate considers doing a comic about it for them. Lindsay later wonders if she made a mistake writing her article, as many of the comments are critical, including many from women which Lindsay did not expect.
Kate sees a video on YouTube of Celina Harpe, an elder in the Cree community of Fort McKay, talking about the effect of the oil sands on the First Nation. Kate had not realised when she arrived there that Fort McKay was a First Nation, nor that it was so close to Syncrude. She thinks about how she’s not the president of Shell, but she’s still working there, and she can’t extract herself from having come.
At another safety meeting, the staff are down the safety pyramid, which has different levels: at the base it has at-risk behaviours, then near misses, then minor incidents, and it all leads to a major incident or a fatality.
Kate receives a phone call from a reporter at the Globe and Mail who had seen her comics about the oil sands. She asks several leading questions about her experience as a woman at the remote sites and the harassment, but Kate feels uncomfortable giving her examples. She later tells Lindsay that she couldn’t talk to the reporter as she felt like she just wanted gossip, and that the story was already written before she called.
The leering of one of the other workers bothers Kate in the lunchroom, and she tells Lindsay about her assaults. Lindsay is horrified that Mike and Brian laughed at her when she told them about it. Lindsay tells her that it happened to her in university as well.
Kate calls her parents to tell them that she’s finally paid off her student loan, but she needs to keep working at the site because now she has no money. She’s going to try making it as a cartoonist, and her parents are unimpressed.
Kate notices that Ryan is acting strangely, being absent a lot and not doing his work, and it can’t fully be explained by his recent divorce. She hears about other workers who are taking cocaine and behaving strangely too. She asks Ryan if he’s ok and he brushes it off. Kate contemplates the safety pyramid again. She finds a piece of paper on Ryan’s desk with an appointment for the employee assistance program. Emily later tells her that Ryan has left suddenly, and that they need to figure things out until a replacement is found.
Kate wonders why there are so many safety meetings but none have ever talked about drugs or alcohol. Her coworkers say that everyone knows why there is so much of both, and that the company can’t have safety meetings about illegal activities anyway.
Kate finally gets to leave the oil sands and go home. Her colleague Norman gives her prints of some of his photos of the northern lights as a leaving present, including one of a rainbow. Before she leaves, the company organises a staff photograph with all the workers on the site. Kate sees the man who assaulted her the second time, and he recognises her but can’t remember her name or who she is, and asks her how it’s going.
Kate trains her replacement, and finds out that she’s earning more than her despite not having any experience in tools. She complains to John about it, and finally rants about all her shitty treatment in the oil sands. She goes to see Gary in the head office, and demands her full bonus, which was going to be docked because she was leaving. Gary tells her it’s company policy. She tells him about the harassment, and he claims she could have come to them about it, but she fires back that he knows she couldn’t have. Gary agrees to give her the bonus. Her colleagues organise a going-away barbecue, and even Mike attends.
Back in Nova Scotia, Kate is reunited with her family. While out enjoying the seaside air, she chats to a farmer who tells her he’s keeping a field for his son who is working out west in case he ever comes back and wants to build a house. A man called Lauchie visits the house before moving west himself, and tells them there’s something for everyone out there and that the young people have everything they want. Out in Halifax with friends, she and Becky see a man from one of the camps, who tells Becky that they had a bet on who would sleep with her first. Their friends who haven’t worked in the oil sands can’t believe they’d let a man talk to them like that.
In the book’s afterword, Kate talks about how the book chronicles her specific experience at a specific time. She is wary of sensationalism of her story, especially because sexual assault is so common that it’s not actually sensational. She notes that neither of the men who raped her probably consider it to have been rape. She is also critical of the treatment of Indigenous people, and says the YouTube video of Celina Harpe was a “sword that cut through my ignorance”. We also find out that Becky died of cancer, and that her former coworkers pooled money together to send to her.
Bookclub Bingo 2023 categories: Non-Fiction, Graphic Novel (grey), Mod Pick (grey)
Other links:

• The first discussion
• Canada Reads page about Ducks [I hadn’t realised that Station Eleven, another recent bookclub read, was the runner up]
• Kate Beaton on Wikipedia
• Hark! A Vagrant, the archive of Kate Beaton’s comics website
• The original Hark! A Vagrant sketch comic about the oil sands (links to all five parts; I’ve posted the parts individually below this in case that’s easier)
• Original Ducks Part 1
• Original Ducks Part 2
• Original Ducks Part 3
• Original Ducks Part 4
• Original Ducks Part 5
• Lindsay Bird was one of the people in the book whose name wasn’t changed, and in 2019 she published a poetry collection about working in the oil sands called Boom Time. There’s a CBC article about the book here.

The questions are in the comments below. Thank you for joining me and u/fixtheblue in reading this book!

Hi there! 30F with no tobacco history (actually, I think I smoked like three cigarettes in high school), and only indulge in alcohol occasionally. Also pertinent, I’m 12 weeks pregnant with a so far normal pregnancy (baby number five - but that’s a different story). In early December 2022 I had some intense tongue pain accompanied by something that resembled mild glossitis. I lost a significant portion of my taste at that time. While my whole tongue was affected, the right lateral was more red and irritated than the left. At some point I also noticed an indention - a sort of line- on that side. I assumed I had bitten it there. I never had it looked at, but almost everything returned to normal by the beginning of January. Except my taste- I don’t feel I’ve ever fully gotten that back.
Towards the end of January, I had tongue pain again, this time exclusively on the right side. This side of my tongue also seemed a little weirdly shaped. The pain resolved itself fairly quickly this time.
At the beginning of March I attended an ENT appointment due to ear pain and pressure (left ear). I also mentioned that my taste had significantly diminished. After a hearing test, examination of my ears, nose, and mouth, the ENT suggested I had some gnarly allergies and blocked eustachian tubes. He recommended Claritin and/or Flonase. I’ve been taking either almost daily and haven’t noticed a change in my taste.
A few days after the appointment, the lateral right pain was back. This time it looked pretty gross- with lots of bumps and indentions. I dealt with this particular “break out” until late April. But it did resolve.
About two weeks later, in May, I had a single sore spot form on my tongue. After a few days, the same bumps and indentations were again apparent. But in two weeks, it was resolved. Less than a week later, I noticed pain on the lateral right- but closer to the tip of my tongue. It turned into an ulcer. Much like the last time, all kinds of weird marks then manifested elsewhere on the right lateral tongue within two or three days. One spot in particular I’ve never noticed (but not sure I’ve been looking at) is near the very back of my tongue. It’s an ulcelump thing. The indentions on the side of my tongue are even more pronounced than in the past as well. I’ve also noticed white around the ulceindentation borders (but it could have existed before and I just didn’t notice). With each tongue attack, I’m also seeing many of the same “spots,” like that initial linear indentation reappear or become prominent.
Today, June 2nd, the pain is almost gone. But I’m certain it will return.
First of all, I’m mortified of this being cancer. I recently had someone close pass away from sarcoma. I’m also presently watching someone else battle leukemia, and it’s not going well. Especially with a family and one on the way- I’ve reached hypochondriac panic mode.
My next issue is who do I even see? A dentist? I’m not sure my dentist has the ability to biopsy in-house. Should I try to re-book with the ENT? Or is there someone else? My other quandary is regarding insurance. While I’m mortified, I also recently switched jobs to a small nonprofit and lost pretty much everything but maternity care (I can elaborate if need be). My brain oscillates between HelpI’mDyingRightNow and the realization that I might be making a big deal out of nothing. How urgent is an appointment? Is it reasonable to expect for necessary diagnostics to be performed while pregnant?
A few other pertinent details: While my oral health is mostly good, I have wisdom teeth on the bottom of either side of my mouth that have cavities and really need to come out. The one on the right is the worst. I’ve also been admittedly awful at brushing my teeth since being pregnant (it’s a consistent morning sickness trigger). Finally, acid seems to trigger the pain, or at least aggravate it significantly if I’m already having a spell. While I’ve consumed stupid amounts of coffee for years, this also seems to exacerbate things.
Photos in comments. Thank you.

Just wanted to share the enlightenment and relief I have received in my life lately thanks to the help of natures golden nuggets.. the MAGIC psilocybin containing mushrooms.
So I am a 28y male who has suffered from mental illness and substance abuse from early high school on. I’m a certified alcoholic with 3 years of recovery and i love drugs in all forms. Anything that can distract the ole noggin from feeling what is real. I was diagnosed bipolar at the age of 18 after overdosing on Xanax and being admitted to the mental ward. Doctors put me some pretty heavy cocktails that exacerbated my mental illness and left me feeling more broken, misunderstood and suicidal. My heavy drinking quickly turned to full fledged alcoholism in the worst form. I was in a long term relationship from 19-23 and during that time I would find bits of sobriety and relief but could never piece together more than 3-6 months before falling back into the insane abyss.
Fast forward to 25, I finally gave up drinking for (GOD willing) the final time. I made the conscious decision to start altering the course of my life. I went to a 28 day treatment program and immediately began hitting 7-10 meetings a day in the AA and CR fellowships. Everything was going good for a while, I was blessed with self employment and began building a small auto-detailing company here in eastern NC. I had more business than I could handle and I was glued to the center of my recovery groups as if my life depended on it (IYKYK). Somewhere along the lines my meeting attendance slowly went from 7-10 a week to 5 then 2-3.. it went to once or twice every couple of weeks to now I haven’t been to a meeting in months.
As I’ve sat and reflected on the whole experience it’s painfully obvious where I went wrong this time. I allowed my ego to interfere (I’ve got this) and replaced my alcoholism with a gambling addiction. I started trading crypto and forex and began throwing every cent i was making at it thinking that I could become a millionaire overnight. When I started losing EVERYTHING I was so riddled with guilt and shame that I couldn’t bear so i tainted my complete abstinence from all mood and mind altering substances by smoking weed again. The sickness of my disease took over and I kept feeding the crypto casino for the last year and a half. There would be days where I’d make $5K and I would always over leverage and lose it just as quickly as it came. The cycle was so vicious and I was hiding it with everything I had until the repossession letters started coming and I couldn’t afford to pay my cellphone bill anymore. Thankfully I was living with my mother and didn’t have to pay rent or afford many groceries, but I was losing it all.
Fast forward again to this past December.. I came clean to my family and closest friends about my newest addiction and was genuinely trying to get ahead of it. I’d go a couple of days without looking at charts but inevitably I kept returning to the thrill of striking it rich.
Fast forward for the final time to three weeks ago… a high school friend of mine moved back into town and we started hanging out again. She is an extremely heavy pot smoker and she enjoys festivals and raves and all of the goodies that sometimes come with the culture. I opened up to her about my struggles and she was able to relate in her own way. She shared how micro-dosing with magic mushrooms has helped her on her own mental health journey and she offered me some.. the alcoholic part of my brain instantly said yes.. I couldn’t afford health insurance this year thanks to my gambling addiction but i have desperately been ready to accept help. The normal side of my brain however, reminded me of my first and only experience with mushrooms. It was completely traumatic. I ate way too many and was with a group of people that I thought were my friends but I didn’t much care for (I’ve always been the loner type). I don’t remember much of anything from that night but as I was coming to I just remember beating the piss out of like 5 or 6 of my “friends”. I ripped a ceiling fan out of the ceiling and threw it through a wall and I went clean through a solid wooden door as if it were Styrofoam. To this day, when I ask anyone what happened night, I’m always told “you don’t need to know”. It’s like it’s extremely taboo for me to know what I went through that night as if it would hurt me any more than the other traumatic things that happened in the 19 years of my miserable life.. that is still so hurtful and confusing to me.. but I genuinely wanted to give the mushrooms another chance. She gave me 2 grams and advised me to trip alone this time and it was nothing less than a spiritual awakening. It was like I could see myself and the world through Gods eyes. I realized power within myself that I had never realized before. I saw myself as worthy of change and a better life. The next few days I micro-dosed throughout the day and I genuinely began to feel real relief mentally. After I ran out of my supply, I began to feel dirty and convicted. Like I was somehow wrong for choosing to break my sobriety by smoking weed and eating these mushrooms.. I had another heavy trip last weekend and received another piece of enlightenment. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what form of mental health you may suffer from or what type of substance you may chose to use or abuse to deal with those issues, your recovery and your journey is your own. It’s between you and God and it’s not for anyone in any AA meeting or any church to judge. Do what works for you and don’t let anyone tell you that it’s wrong. It is all about intent.
Spreading good vibes to anyone who is suffering tonight. You are important. You matter. You are not alone. ☮️✌️

Just wanted to share the enlightenment and relief I have received in my life lately thanks to the help of natures golden nuggets.. the MAGIC mushrooms.
So I am a 28y male who has suffered from mental illness and substance abuse from early high school on. I’m a certified alcoholic with 3 years of recovery and i love drugs in all forms. Anything that can distract the ole noggin from feeling what is real. I was diagnosed bipolar at the age of 18 after overdosing on Xanax and being admitted to the mental ward. Doctors put me some pretty heavy cocktails that exacerbated my mental illness and left me feeling more broken, misunderstood and suicidal. My heavy drinking quickly turned to full fledged alcoholism in the worst form. I was in a long term relationship from 19-23 and during that time I would find bits of sobriety and relief but could never piece together more than 3-6 months before falling back into the insane abyss.
Fast forward to 25, I finally gave up drinking for (GOD willing) the final time. I made the conscious decision to start altering the course of my life. I went to a 28 day treatment program and immediately began hitting 7-10 meetings a day in the AA and CR fellowships. Everything was going good for a while, I was blessed with self employment and began building a small auto-detailing company here in eastern NC. I had more business than I could handle and I was glued to the center of my recovery groups as if my life depended on it (IYKYK). Somewhere along the lines my meeting attendance slowly went from 7-10 a week to 5 then 2-3.. it went to once or twice every couple of weeks to now I haven’t been to a meeting in months.
As I’ve sat and reflected on the whole experience it’s painfully obvious where I went wrong this time. I allowed my ego to interfere (I’ve got this) and replaced my alcoholism with a gambling addiction. I started trading crypto and forex and began throwing every cent i was making at it thinking that I could become a millionaire overnight. When I started losing EVERYTHING I was so riddled with guilt and shame that I couldn’t bear so i tainted my complete abstinence from all mood and mind altering substances by smoking weed again. The sickness of my disease took over and I kept feeding the crypto casino for the last year and a half. There would be days where I’d make $5K and I would always over leverage and lose it just as quickly as it came. The cycle was so vicious and I was hiding it with everything I had until the repossession letters started coming and I couldn’t afford to pay my cellphone bill anymore. Thankfully I was living with my mother and didn’t have to pay rent or afford many groceries, but I was losing it all.
Fast forward again to this past December.. I came clean to my family and closest friends about my newest addiction and was genuinely trying to get ahead of it. I’d go a couple of days without looking at charts but inevitably I kept returning to the thrill of striking it rich.
Fast forward for the final time to three weeks ago… a high school friend of mine moved back into town and we started hanging out again. She is an extremely heavy pot smoker and she enjoys festivals and raves and all of the goodies that sometimes come with the culture. I opened up to her about my struggles and she was able to relate in her own way. She shared how micro-dosing with magic mushrooms has helped her on her own mental health journey and she offered me some.. the alcoholic part of my brain instantly said yes.. I couldn’t afford health insurance this year thanks to my gambling addiction but i have desperately been ready to accept help. The normal side of my brain however, reminded me of my first and only experience with mushrooms. It was completely traumatic. I ate way too many and was with a group of people that I thought were my friends but I didn’t much care for (I’ve always been the loner type). I don’t remember much of anything from that night but as I was coming to I just remember beating the piss out of like 5 or 6 of my “friends”. I ripped a ceiling fan out of the ceiling and threw it through a wall and I went clean through a solid wooden door as if it were Styrofoam. To this day, when I ask anyone what happened night, I’m always told “you don’t need to know”. It’s like it’s extremely taboo for me to know what I went through that night as if it would hurt me any more than the other traumatic things that happened in the 19 years of my miserable life.. that is still so hurtful and confusing to me.. but I genuinely wanted to give the mushrooms another chance. She gave me 2 grams and advised me to trip alone this time and it was nothing less than a spiritual awakening. It was like I could see myself and the world through Gods eyes. I realized power within myself that I had never realized before. I saw myself as worthy of change and a better life. The next few days I micro-dosed throughout the day and I genuinely began to feel real relief mentally. After I ran out of my supply, I began to feel dirty and convicted. Like I was somehow wrong for choosing to break my sobriety by smoking weed and eating these mushrooms.. I had another heavy trip last weekend and received another piece of enlightenment. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what form of mental health you may suffer from or what type of substance you may chose to use or abuse to deal with those issues, your recovery and your journey is your own. It’s between you and God and it’s not for anyone in any AA meeting or any church to judge. Do what works for you and don’t let anyone tell you that it’s wrong. It is all about intent.
Spreading good vibes to anyone who is suffering tonight. You are important. You matter. You are not alone. ☮️✌️

We are Azure Infinitum
Visit us at: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/)
You may have seen us in the Aether data center's party finder during our weekly events, or may have seen our recruitment shouts around the realm in-game in Midgardsormr, but there just isn't enough space in those places to really explain everything wonderful about what our Free Company and community is.
Azure Infinitum is an LGBTQ+ friendly community, and welcomes players of all experience level, play style, and availability. We're a warm home with a balance of online players, weekly optional activities, and flexible ranks from our membership, to our support & leadership categories. We have a 24/7 Support Team, a Councilship that governs each tier, seasonal events of our own, and many resources between the games we support and online services.
Who We Are
We are an established 9-year old community who's home is in Midgardsormr Server of Final Fantasy XIV. We are a structured, well-rounded, welcoming, friendly, and organized community that hosts daily events (check out our calendar: https://azureinfinitum.com/events/ ) that provide opportunity for members to excel. We work to provide an arena and opportunities to establish strong bonds and camaraderie between our members. As a community we are driven, we carry each other forward, and we are proud.
Our Name & Philosophy
Learn more about our global community here: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/aboutus/)
Learn more about our FFXIV Free Company here: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/ourffxivfc/)
Azure Infinitum means "Azure/Blue Infinity or Infinite Blue/Azure" and there is some mythos behind the name that stems from our guild-wide philosophy of kindness, freedom, vigilance, diversity and activity. We promote positive fellowship among members in an organized guild, with our sights open to our unending endless skies, full of possibility and success together.
Our motto is "As Free As The Azure Sky!" which stuck well when our FC was restructured from an old guild in 2014 as Azure was founded, and it was first shouted as we looked out at a clear blue sky above. has continued to be our electric victory as we continue to snowball in success and activity, our members soaring high through the Azure Sky, flying together!
Ranks
Click here to learn more about our community ranks: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/ranks/)
Our community has an organized ranking structure beginning with Members who comprise the majority of the roster. Scouts are our support team of Members who've stepped up to more officially support the FC, some work on obtaining a future leadership rank. Lieutenants and Officers comprise the proud Azure Council, a diverse group of players of different specialties and services to the FC, making up lower and higher tier leadership, seeing over the Scouts and the FC weekly events, aside from being admins. The FC Infinitum Master oversees all and leads the Azure Council and the company forward while always keeping the heart and vision of the community alive and in sight. Currently we are re-assessing ranks in the free company, giving more support permissions and duties to our Scouts, while the current council operates as a small team of Lieutenants lead by the FC Master.
Everyone Welcome and Who Fits Best
We have an open door policy. Whether you're casual, a returning player, a veteran, or a newbie, we have a vast array of players in our member roster. Our weekly schedule is organized and provides an array of activity for players of most levels, however we like to ask players who're pretty new or under the level cap, to be extra vocal about their needs while they're still unable to attend some daily events or higher level content that most of our weekly lineup focuses on. We want everyone to have as much fun as possible and have the most success. We find that most players enjoy Azure Infinitum, many have stated that they subscribed to FFXIV much longer than they ever would have imagined after they have been around in our community, as they've gotten involved and experienced all that we offer.
Our FC keeps a daily schedule (see here: https://www.azureinfinitum.com/events/) of events that are hosted by permitted Scouts and Council ranks, these range from 8-man and 24-man raids and map parties, to WT journal groups and trial clear parties or farms, and more- and attending anything isn't mandatory at all here. We're happy to have you, and its up to our members how much they'd like to get involved. Attendance is optional! There's never any stress to attend FC functions.
Savage Raiding Statement
We find that some hardcore raiders looking for free companies just to join their statics who don't already have one, might not fit well if savage raiding is their only or greatest focus, because traditionally Azure does not have a Savage Static, but focuses more on allowing members to organize their own groups and also provides resources to do so. Despite not supporting an official static for the FC, we hope that hardcore raiders enjoy the wealth of our community's wealth of harmony and overall fun, and that everyone may take initiative to seek out or build a raiding static within our community if they are interested, as opposed to missing out on experiencing Azure. Depending on the content season, we may have an Unofficial static lead by a leader, and routinely offer limited time Savage-learning events that may run for a number of months.
Rules and No Drama Policy
Please take a moment to look over our Rules Page at (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/rules/), we find that rude individuals and people who create drama are the outsiders here that don't fit well. We know its a big page, so at least visit the General Rules section before joining.
Recruitment Care & Activity
People of Azure Infinitum are often if not always good natured players who found their way to our community looking for a place with structure, friendliness, organization, and great activity, or they've been scouted during recruitment drives and have been well screened. Its a place where one can be social and attend everything, or relax in the background and enjoy the services and facilities of being in an active, organized, and friendly FC. We actively recruit periodically to assist with upkeep of community activity levels, and to meet new comrades. A community that closes recruitment can be doomed to stagnation. Its normal for a community to have an inner core of die hards who log in daily regardless of content releases, and also have an outer core of individuals that range from those with less availability to those who check in during Patches. This is why we take extra care in keeping the fresh blood flowing into Azure, cautious recruitment, and support our active model by always staying welcoming and sometimes running recruitment campaigns and other services. Like this ad!
Handling Online Drama
Because we keep a no-drama policy and have a strong communication network, it is leadership's ultimate priority to handle any issues that may come up as soon as possible, and most people appreciate our problem solving which has inspired many other communities. Between our Support & Leadership ranks, we use a number of report and resource channels to handle situations, and perform problem solving protocols & tactics to fairly address issues as possible. Drama is inevitable at some point for any online community, so its important to have a large and strong list of moderators (currently around 60!) and a council of leaders (15+) to quickly handle any problems. Luckily, we don't have a lot of drama, but we're always very well equipped and very prepared. Our community has been commended by game staff in the past for our methods, and we have worked with the FFXIV Special Task Force to ensure as much safety to our community as achievable. It should be stressed that it is up to our membership to report to GM's in-game, and to Azure Leadership should any issues or concerns come up. Its also highly recommended that our members appropriately document evidence that can be used to help us assess situations and make proper decisions. Documenation such as screenshots of harassment is a great example! Our members online safety is greatly important to us and is a number one concern of our leadership team. Our Rules Page at: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/rules/) describes a bit more in Chapter 3, including other entries on avoiding/ignoring trolls, playing while intoxicated, depression, and more.
Our Philosophy
We believe in our community and its people, how far we can go, how much we can do for each other, being an experienced community who's core values are positive fellowship, formation of bonds, and indomitable unity.
Azure Infinitum tightly grasps success and masters a casual and lucrative weekly play schedule while inspiring motivation and providing avenues for further success, friendships, and camaraderie among all who freely fly together among our Azure skies.
Founding on the principles of intricately forging a generally drama-free experience with keen leadership and a zealous and mighty membership, Azure has striven to guide and support many hundreds of players through every era of Final Fantasy XIV.
With an illustrious history, company lore, impressive statistics, and a model that is adaptable and blessed with innovative ability, Azure Infinitum claims a dominant presence of excellence and player growth that is possible in our community and extended services.
Estate Organization
We have the entire set-up at our estate, from gardens for members and Krakka Root production (free for members' chocobos), to our stables, nicely uniform clean lawn with hangout spots that are popular, with crafting stations, all available NPCs for simple mats and repairs, cut-scene viewer, toybox, triple-triad board, a fully operational and geared fleet of airships and subs, and our Azure Infinitum Assembly Chamber on the top floor for our meetings where announcements are made at our Grand Assemblies. Check it out if you like at Mist Ward 7 Plot 1.
We also have an organized form of gathering for weekly events in the yard, places to relax, food that is always available on tables at our Cellar, and hold a lot of special events and social games at our Hall. We're also conveniently located next to a Market Board and a Retainer Bell outside of our estate.
Communication and Extended Azure Services
We have multiple services of which none are mandatory, but we provide being (azureinfinitum.com) where our Forums, Event Calendar, News, Company Meeting Summaries, Seasonal Merch Giveaways, Contests, Rules Page, and more take place and can be found. We also have a popular and active Discord Server.
We also have a Facebook Group, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Steam Group, (Look us up! Or visit: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/socialmedia/) and Linkshells like our Infinitum Alliance LS for contact and aid from our allies if needed, our Azure Hunters LS for Hunters, and our Azure Industry LS which connects our members to our inner crafting/gathering community for newbies to pros.
Also worthy of mention is our big Company Meetings in-game, known as Azure Infinitum Grand Assemblies. Even though we have several avenues that keep people connected, our live assemblies gather the FC in unity where announcements are made first, and all proposals, ideas, and more, can be decided together live with the Azure Council present.
This network ensures a lot of information and communication gets around and has been exceedingly useful to us.
More On Events
One part of our reputation that often precedes us is our event crafting and hosting.
First, let me make sure its clear that attendance is never mandatory, but those who can make use, when possible, of what we provide each day, benefit from our events each week.
Since our beginning, traditions like our Thursday Treasure Thursdays events have run each week. Our weekly line-up presently begins on Tuesdays post-weekly reset, and consists of Raid Tuesdays, Wondrous Wednesdays (WT Journal Parties, often doubles as Trial Clears and Pony Drops), Treasure Thursdays (Endwalker's timeworn maps with groups of 8 doing up to 3 rounds of maps allowing for up to 24 maps ran), 24-Man Tuesdays (full pre-formed Azure 24-member alliances are made and raids are cleared, will be returning upon the release of EW's 24-man), Super Azure Slayer Sunday (our weekly meetup to do all sorts of PVP content be it Rival Wings or Frontline), and Monstrous Mondays (helps clear the current and previous patch extreme trials).
Special, Seasonal, and Quarterly Events
More info here: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/azureday/)See the latest event news & more at: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/news/)
We also have what we call Special and Quarterly Events. These types of events are Weekend-Long-Events that usually consist of a theme or celebratory social events we craft. During these events we hold big Riddle Races, Costume/Glamour shows and contests, 3-Story Mansion Maze Races, Speedrun Dungeon Races, Hide and Seek games, Custom Quest Events, Discord events like Cards Against Humanity nights, Comedy events, PVP Tournament Circuits, and more.
Our Special and Quarterly events are Azure Day Weekend (Takes place 3 times a year across a weekend, celebrates the FC), Azure Summer Festival (3-days at the end of August in partnership with Child's Play, raises money for children in long-term care, anniversary of historic FC event called the Lunar Rebellion), Anniversary Azure Day (a big weekend event in November that celebrates our Founding), Azure Day Saint's Wake (celebrates Halloween/All Saint's Wake), Azure Starlight Day (celebrating Starlight Day/Christmas/December Holiday Season), Azure Grand Melee and Duel Tournaments (PVP Circuit series crowning our PVP Champions) and more.
Azure Day Weekends
If you've been around our server you may have heard of our Azure Day Weekends. Our Azure Days take place quarterly as mentioned just above, with four evolved editions called Azure Summer Festival, Azure Day Saint's Wake, Azure Starlight Day, and Anniversary Azure Day. With Azure Day Weekends and related events traditionally occuring quarterly our members are always excited to see the next big weekend of crazy and fun social games, and our showering of the free company in gil and prizes galore. We go all out when we celebrate the free company, and Azure Days are another way we find for leadership to give back to the community. 2023 and beyond is now host to additional seasonal Azure Day events!
We're always giving our members a chance to have fun, win big, and make some great memories in the in-game family we've become. Something fun is always on the horizon in Azure.
Community
I almost can't stress enough how friendly our community is. We have a vast variety of members from hardcore gatherers and crafters, social butterflies, chill veterans, experienced raiders, level grinders, support teams, PVP aficionados, mechanic specialists, and mentors. We're also very friendly to all casual players as well and we keep an open door so long as recruits are always aware that we have a no-drama tolerance here.
​Evolution into a Gaming Clan & Network
Plans are in the works and foundations are being laid that is slowly turning our community into a larger gaming network, with our first established Azure Wing with regular occurring activity being founded in Monster Hunter World, this has led to a successful Destiny 2 clan and more. Becoming a member of our Discord and/or Free Company now means access to things like our huge discord, Azure Wing membership in other games, and being able to join in on any of our other activities in the general community. Azure Network as its being called at the moment, is growing with an all-new website and community features for playing together across Final Fantasy XIV and to Azure Skies beyond!
Activity
We rank high as one of the top FC's in Worldwide Activity on lodestone, and have for a long time. Most of our players are divided between the US East and West Coasts, members in East and West Canada, and a few outside the US or in EU or Aus zones. Because we do have an activity policy (mentioned below) we keep a standard flow of people, and have crowds in the early morning, late morning, early afternoon, afternoon, evening, and late night crowds.
Elitism isn't our style. Our community boasts a broad range of characters, great personalities, the proud, and also some silly goofs. But elitism isn't welcome, no matter how successful we are or how large we grow. We're always welcoming towards fresh faces interested in joining our guild, and the in-game activity ranges between 30-60+ online at once during prime time hours, sometimes around 70+ on patch days, and usually always with half the roster logging in throughout a 24 hour period, and around 15-30+ during the night.
Activity Policy
We ask that our members do not go missing without logging in for more than 60 days straight. If we hear word from someone or have some kind of decent excuse, we place our members on our On Vacation rank, which lasts presently until 90 days have passed. Exceptions are made for military deployments, hospital stays, financial issues, disability/health related issues, moving, or other reasons that might fall on a case-by-case basis.
All members not heard from in 60 days (roughly 2 months) or currently 90 days (roughly 3 months) are discharged. We allow 3 joins to Azure Infinitum in total, but exceptions can be made due to reasons listed above. If removed for inactivity, or you've left our FC for another reason and haven't already joined 3 times, you're always welcome back, but please remember, we are not a revolving door.
Keeping our roster full of members who have been online and presently play the game actively ensures an active environment for our players who play often. It also keeps our credits and clerical processes balanced across our network, and allows space for new faces to join our big happy in-game family of comrades.
How to Join
Quick Instructions here for joinin us in FFXIV & more: (https://www.azureinfinitum.com/howtojoinazure/)
If you are interested in joining our Azure Infinitum free company, please register an application at our site and/or FC in-game. You can also seek any of our Scouts, Lieutenants, Officers, or the Master of Azure Infinitum in-game and ask for an invite. You can find their names on the roster page at our website.
If you read everything on this page, you are awesome, and you should let anyone you talk to who recruits you know that you read everything on this page which will greatly expedite your invitation to join.
If you have any questions whatsoever feel free to send a /tell in-game to me or any of our Scouts or Lieutenants listed on our official roster here: https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/freecompany/9232519973597911137/membe
You can also message us at our FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/AzureInfinitum
Discord here: https://discord.gg/azureinfinitum
Twitter: https://twitter.com/azureinfinitum
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/azure_infinitum/
Main Site: https://www.azureinfinitum.com/

This is my first ever post, forgive me for the long ass essay lmao
Early Childhood
Ok, how do I begin lol. This is going to be my entire life written down. I've never done this before so you're the first.
I don't know why, but for as long as I've remembered, I've never been truly happy. The only time i had some form of real happiness was kindergarten and earlier. When life was simple. Living life with no worries, just you and mom making snowmen in my grandparents backyards, having the time of my life. No matter how much time passes or where I'm or what I'm doing, I've always had this negative energy. It layed at the back of my mind up until middle school. Up until that point, it had slowly been creeping up from my subconscious to my conscious mind. I don't have many memories of that time and nothing notable happend.
Elementary School
I remember when i was young, I used to hit myself when i got stressed or upset. I stopped doing that a while ago though. Notable things that happend during elementary school is when I accidently killed my dog in second grade. I was walking around in the kitchen, when my teo week old puppy started chewing on my sock. We got him by my mom's coworkers dog having puppies. His name was Brody. We named him that because my mom almost named me Brody until my grandmother said it was a bad name. Anyways, I was walking with this dog chewing on my foot, and I didn't do anything about it. To this day, I still don't know why I didn't do anything, but I tripped backwards, stepped on him, broke his ribs and he bled to death infront of my eyes. I still have the vivid image in my mind, his beautiful little brown body in a pool of growing blood, shaking violently, desperately trying to move. I don't know how long I cried for, only looking at grandma through teary eyes. It affected me for a long time, gave me a fear of small animals because I was afraid that I would hurt another one. I'm over it now.
Another thing that happend was one time my mom left me by myself in Walmart. She came back after a few minutes but i was crying wondering where she was. Turns out she was in the bathroom lol.
I also remember going through a lot of babysitters when I was a kid. Most notably would be my uncle. He wasn't actually my uncle, just my dad's good friend. Anyways, he had bipolar, and did not take medication. Naturally, we would get into screaming matches with each other. It's funny, a ten year old screaming and cussing at a grown man lmao.
Mid way through third grade, I moved to another state when I was eight years old. Another thing that happend was when I was ten and learned that my dad isn't my biological father. I think that I started to very slowly drift away from my dad after that. I still love him and always will, it's just that it's getting harder to see him as my dad and not a regular person. That sounds fucking horrible doesn't it.
In fifth grade, my mom and dad decided to invite one of their Coworkers who was seventeen years younger than my dad ivy their relationship. That lasted for a few months, up until my dad divorced my mom, staying with the second girl. My mom was always skinny, but she lost a lot of weight during that time.
Now that I think of it, I can't remember a single memory of my mom smiling during that time. On top of that, but she had to singlehandedly raise three spoiled kids on her own. Whenever I think about that time, I remember how I never even asked how she was doing, how her day was, or anything really. It makes me feel like a total piece of shit. My mom did so much for us, even when she was struggling 1000x worse than us. I have always tried to be kind to people around me, neglecting my own needs to put others first, and yet I didn't do that to the people who loved me the most. I think I blocked most of my memories out because mom and dad fought a lot. I can't remember, but my little brother sure does. I only learned this recently, but when they would fight, my dad would call my mom names and insult her. I think my perception of dad changed after that.
Middle School
Anyways, I have a tough time in middle school. It was way harder than elementary, and the work load was too much for me. I think that's when I started procrastinating. All the work was stressing me out, so I just waited and waited, forgetting about the work. Then I would have a mountain of missing work, which only added onto my stress.
All this combined with the fact that I used to be incredibly sensitive, the stress and anxiety from school, and everything else going on was like the perfect gateway for all the negative energy I've been storing up to be let free on my conscious mind. It went as well as you could imagine. I would cry all the time. Multiple times a day. I felt every negative emotion you could possibly imagine. I had no one to really go to, so I went to my mother. Looking back on it, I know why she didn't do much. She was in a dark place herself, working her hardest to put food on the table. She just couldn't be there for me all the time. I also told my dad about how I'm feeling, but he said I was just stressed. He always had a hard time understanding mental health. The pandemic didn't affect my mental health. In fact, I think it made it better for a time. But good things must ask come to an end.
These awful feelings only got worse over time. They got better during the summer, most likely because of no school. Now we move onto 8th grade. Worst. Year. Ever. I'll skim over most of the details. But all my feelings were amplified ten fold. I was suicidal for a long time, almost went through it a few times. I had panick attacks daily. Every time I looked at an assignment, I started hyperventilating By the end of the year, I had 85 missing assignments, and awful depression. When it came time for new years, I resolved to stop crying. Over time, I've stopped feeling. I'm kind of emotionally numb.
Now
That's brings me to now. It's now hard to cry, I can only make myself misty eyed every once in a while. Things I would normally freak out, cry, and have a panick attack over, are now just meh. I've come to realize that I don't want to die, I just don't want to exist anymore. It's hard to describe, but I just desire not to exist anymore.
Throughout my life, I've tried to put others before myself. Recently though, it's been hard to do. I feel like I'm turning more into an asshole as time goes on. I wish I could be kinder, but it's so hard. Even talking to people for more than a few minutes can be exhausting. It's hard to be all optimistic, caring, and supporting to people. I wish I could be there for everybody all the time. I wish I could find the right words to say. I wish I had the energy to pick up the phone and talk. I just can't seem to find any of that anymore.
I've also come to one more realization. I always used to think that I lacked any romantic attraction to anybody, but I don't think that's the case. I just don't allow myself to love anybody romantically. When my brain starts thinking of somebody romantically or sexually, it thinks it's bad to see people, especially friends that way, so it just buries those feelings deep down so I won't ever feel them. Nothing else. I don't know how you're supposed to fix that, but I can live with it. I've lived with it for over fifteen years so far, I think I can live the rest of my life like this. That was until the one person I've ever liked confessed their feelings to me. I was so damn happy, but then a few days later they said they weren't ready for a relationship, which is completely understandable, but it broke me. I get so nervous everytime I see them, and I can't seem to suppress these feelings. It's awful.
As you can probably see by now, me and my emotions don't have the best relationship. I've always hated my emotions as they only bring me nothing but pain. It's always been hard to talk about them too, because I feel what people might think of me when I express them. I am very vulnerable to negative comments and criticism, which makes expressing myself very difficult. I make my own opinions based on others, my personality is made from others, and I conform to any and all standards. I also get really attached to people. I've lost friends in the past, they all kind of drifted away and we stopped talking. I always take that really hard, and I always doubt my self worth. It took me a year to stop feeling awful for friend in particular. We were one super close, I would talk to them everyday for hours, but over time we talked less and less until eventually we stopped interacting at all. Even if there is just a few days where I don't talk with a friend, I end up sad.
I might just be broken. I've lived a wonderful life, and have amazing people in my life, I just can't ever be happy. I just don't have the energy anymore. I barely have the energy to live. I'm just a lonely, lazy, miserable asshole. That's all I am. I'm afraid to tell anybody this, I couldn't say why. I've dug this hole so deep, that I can only see darkness ahead in any and all directions. The only way I can go is down, until I hot rock bottom. Until I have no reason to do anything anymore. Until everything becomes numb. Then fall off the face of the planet, to be forgotten like so many before me have. Like billions have throughout this world history. I fucking hate my life. I hate myself. I hate this awful, disgusting world we live in. And there's no way out. And most of all, I hate that I feel this way. I should be happy, willing to to people how I feel, not afraid to tell others and seek help if I must. I should be able to get good grades, to make my parents proud, to be an amazing big brother. But I can't and I don't know why. Or maybe I can, but there's part of me that is just so rotten that I can't even care for anything. People have had it far, far worse than me, worse than I could even imagine and they're fine. So why not me? Why am I like this? Why am I so fucking miserable? Maybe I've done this to myself, I honestly don't know.
Me Overthinking Shit
One of the only things that makes me have strong, negative emotions is the feeling that something is missing. It's incredibly hard to describe, but I'll do my best. Sometimes, on those cloudy days, sitting by the window, and have nothing to do, I get a feeling that something is missing, but I don't know what. Whatever it is, it's something not really physical, past any object. It feels like something greater, something so simple, so important, yet I cannot think of what it is, and it's always it of my grasp. When that feeling comes over me, that something is missing, all I want to do is die. All I want to know is what is missing, but the way things are going, I just know I'll never find it. I hate that. I hate that so much. I have that feeling for up to a day, and it's kind of a haze. It's like all the colors on the world are dull.
It's like I'm not really living, just existing, like the grains of sand on the beach, the snowy mountains across the horizon, like the moon that orbits the earth, as the millions of stars, planets, and other celestial bodies that orbit around the milky way galaxy, with a magnificent supermassive at its center, constantly devouring material, as all the galaxies move around endlessly in the vastness of space. I'm not there, in the moment, I'm just existing, along with the rest of everything that has, is, and ever will be. Just an insignificant organism, drifting along our tiny blue home that we call earth.
Everyone that I've ever known, that you've ever known, that anybody has ever known, every living thing, every hope, every dream, every fight, every birth, every death, every word ever spoken, every plea of desperation, every good act ever done, every sin ever committed, every feeling ever felt, every story ever told, every good person, every bad person, every king, every violent dictator, every oppressive ruler has all occurred right here, on this world, hurtling through space, with no destination, until the sun expends, engulfing the inner planets of our dollar system and shrinks again, until the earth falls out of orbit, left to freeze in the vacuum of space, left to have no home ever again, until the expansion of the universe reaches a critical level, and everything gets ripped apart down to the subatomic level, and only black holes remain, only to evaporate into the sheer nothingness. Now I'm here to ponder, does anything truly matter?
When you boil everything down, no, nothing really matters. So what do I do? What am I supposed to do? Live a nice comfortable life knowing everything is meaningless and that is the beauty of everything? Should I do whatever the hell I want, knowing that no matter what actions I take, it will never truly matter in the long run? That we all face the same destination no matter what? Should I give up on this miserable existence? I always thought that there was no objective meaning to life, that you made your own meaning to it, but I can't seem to find mine. I just wish I knew my purpose.
When I think about past me, the me when I was young, the me that was truly living, the me full of energy, the me who was curious about everything and wanted to absorb knowledge like it was my last meal on earth, I almost feel bad for him. How he turned out. The shitty person he is now. But I can't feel bad for him, because that means I would feel bad for me.
If you're reading this, then I'm sorry. That I sent this to you. The last thing you need is to hear other peoples problems. This is the story of my life so far, hopefully things get better, for me, and everybody reading this, and thank you for reading,
With all my love, LazyGuy :)

My (29F) rheum (60+ M) keeps scheduling me out one visit per month and talks to me maybe ten minutes. They repeatedly downplayed my pain and didn’t care to look at the photos of rashes and swelling, they barely glanced at a couple pages out of the 3 folders I brought to the appointment. I heard their NP arguing my case as he was genuinely concerned since I was almost put in a mental hospital recently due to stating the pain was so bad I wanted to die. The rheum has my labs but stated I just show possibilities of connective tissue disease. Can anyone help me with pinpointing if it is MCTD or SLE which I saw in the notes? I was diagnosed with asthma at 8 yrs old and started steroidal inhalers, by 12 I was started on Prevacid due to heartburn and GERD, 15 years old diagnosed with juvenile arthritis, hospitalized with jaundice at 17, fibroid cysts in both breasts at 18. Multiple other issues have of course shown up since then including deteriorating eyesight, bad dental health even with proper care, repeated infections and sepsis, allergic to many antibiotics, severe gastro issues and inability to feel anything but dull pressure when having bowel movements, in a year I ballooned from 132lbs to 184lbs even though I don’t eat much and ended up losing almost all the weight within 6 months however my thought and calves keep getting bigger. I have random Migraines,subluxations, multiple bulging discs and rotated hip and of course depression and anxiety. At the end of it all, again I’m just being dismissed as depressed, and honestly at this point I don’t see a reason to keep fighting. I can’t work anymore because I’m in pain so much and constantly having issues with pain or my stomach so it interferes with any type of adherence expectations. I tried starting my own business but failed miserably and now I just have a room full of crap and now I am overdue on everything at this point and can’t stand to be a burden I’m so frustrated and would appreciate any help with advice on how to fight for my diagnosis or what it could be. First 3 pics were labs from last year and second set is from May this year.

So, I'm 20F, I have two younger siblings who I love to death. My parents got divorced when I was in elementary school. I've had a rocky relationship with my dad and I'm trying to hard now to improve it and make my siblings lives better. I moved out when I was 18 and with my boyfriend, which was the hardest thing to do. For nine years, I took care of my siblings and myself. I still do whenever I visit. My dad told me and my brother some very personal things. My step-mom is literally the step mom from hell. She's the evil step mom in all of the cartoons and movies I watched growing up, like the one Polly Pocket movie. He's been with her for a long time. They got married about 4 years ago. Us kids didn't get to attend; she didn't want us there. There's always thai wedge between me and my dad, the same for my siblings. It's because of her. She is self-centered, selfish, an attention seeker, childish, and many other choice words. I'm mad at her for turning my dad into a man I don't know. He was there for a moment when we talked, when he told me the real reason why he's still with her. I was shocked that he thought having a family meeting would have been a good idea. I got to tell dad how I felt and how my brother feels. My youngest sibling is too little to understand, so they were doing their own thing when this happened. It didn't go anywhere that I thought it would. My dad turned against me at one point and blamed me for my attitude towards her. There's so much that has happened on the years, I could write a book. I just want my dad back. I miss him. I don't know what to do. Ive tried everything. I can't stop crying. It feels like I lost him, it feels like a part of me is dying. He's overweight, has the worst mental health, and is stressed over everything. He isn't happy in his marriage and I just want him to see that there is a way out. I want to help him, even if he doesn't want to help himself. I don't want him to just give up or accept his fate. I want him to get better physically, emotionally, and to have healthier relationships with us. That's all I've ever wanted. That's something that can only be acommplished if Marla isn't in the picture.
There is a family trip coming up and I feel forced to go. I want to spend time with dad but I don't know what I should do. She's going. I tried to convince my dad to just have her stay home and we all go since he wasn't happy with her, but he is still living in this world in his head where we can forget about our worries and act like we love each other and everything is fine.
I miss my dad.
I miss you dad.
I miss you so much. Please come back.

Hi all. I know the headline seems kind of harsh but I honestly don't know any other way to put it. Certain details have been adjusted privately to keep everyone anonymous. My brother, cam, 34, and his wife, jen 37, have been together for over a decade. They both had extremely rough up bringing for the most part. Ours was with an abusive Single narrcissit mom who had unresolved mental health and addiction problems, we grew up in severe poverty. Jen grew up for most of her life in an extremely abusive, loveless household until her mother escaped. She did have everything handed to her financially, however. Cam has always been the main provider, and has been the only one to work throughout their entire relationship. He's the only one with a licence aswell. I don't think jen has ever had a job, besides little side hobbies she's made profit off for a month or two, which has completely stopped over the years. Jen also has never gotten her liscence, because she had a car crash that caused her severe anxiety. She claims she wants to fix this, but has never seeked help or tried to remedy it. Jen was living in a housing situation when she met cam. She had a child who was in care, was struggling with mental health issues, and eating disorders. Her and cam raised her child together when she got them back, and 5 years later they welcomed another child. From that 5 year mark to now, they've had an addional 3 children. Jen has been in and out of hospitals in the past year due to recurring suicide and self harm attempts, and anorexia. Im just gonna list some of the evens that have happened since she's been hospitalised, mostly in chronological order. -Jen going to hospital after self harm. -jen is diagnosed and medicated for bpd and bipolar. -Jen threatening suicide to cam, walking in to the shed where her 18 month old was walking around, and cam was sitting, grabbing a Stanley knife. Cam grabbed her wrists,jen tries cutting herself and cuts him instead. He grabs the knife, pushes her out of the shed. she goes to the room, breaks a vase, and cuts a gash in her leg. She goes to hospital. -whilst jen is in hospital, she's taking photos,of her iv tube, making sad tiktoks about ed and self harm, while ignoring cam and her loved ones reaching out. -jen was also pretty aggressive toward the staff. She broke every single hospital bin in the ward, it took 4 nurses to hold her down (which she was proud of.) She called them names, claimed they told her things like, she's nothing more than her disorder, refused to feed her anything but sandwiches, that one nurse slapped her, etc. -jen ends up getting someone fired because some of the things she reported where proven true. -jen goes in and out of the same hospital but refuses to go back to that ward. Claims the nurses from that ward came up and did things like turned her iv drip off, etc. Posts it on social media to expose them - jen attempts suicide twice within 2 weeks, goes to same hospital once, then goes voluntarily to another hospital, where she is kept for less than 48 hours before being discharged. -jen claims she gets constant headaches, and needs her head checked. Throughout this all aswell , jen isnt talking to her loved ones. She blows up at cam and if they fight, she threatens suicide, or locks herself in her room. When she's gone to hospital, a lot of times, the police have just rocked up for a check up, and even broken in in moments. Cam has had no idea what was going on, as she acts perfectly fine infront of him (unless they're fighting, then she's extremely upset). But, the welfare checks are called because she either, -messages a friend, her case worker, or family member threatening suicide -posts threatens of suicide or videos of her with a noose, or pills, eluding to doing it. -calls healthline herself. Jen and cam both have problems, don't get me wrong. Cam drinks daily, but he isn't abusive when he does.. he smokes too, and he is super on edge without it -this is where he would be likely to snap. And he has underlying pressing health matters that he refuses to look after He has anger problems. Raises his voice at the children. Use to smack them, but stopped doing that 4-5 years ago. He hasn't yet begun the journey, but he is looking into professional help, counsellors, etc. I have also seen him actively work on correcting where he goes wrong- acknowledgement and apologies when he has done wrong, and a consistent effort to be calmer and kinder when he speaks to his children, and jen when they're fighting. I understand i may be biased. I hold a lot of compassion for both jen and my brother, but I can really relate to Cam as we grew up together and had to unlearn a lot of the same cycles. This is where it gets messy and murky. I have no doubt, that Jen went through a lot with cams anger issues as still does, but she seems to use him as an excuse for never getting herself help. Jen has had a habit of buying things secretly, presents for the children, clothes for herself. Recently, she spent $300 on new clothes for herself. She pays for some groceries, household bills, and children's presents. She paid for gas, but has stopped since it was too expensive. Jen receives income support. Cam pays for rent, bills, groceries, smokes, the car, etc. They aren't financially well off by any means. He also is out the house from 4am to 5pm, comes home, gets the children ready for bed, cooks dinner most nights, prepares their lunches. Cam has asked for jens support repeatedly over the years, from getting g a job, to her licence, to even just going out to get the groceries,having dinner organised, etc. Jen claimed recently that cam is abusing her financially and emotionally, and she keeps slipping back into her self harm because of this. Here are some things jen has claimed cam is abusive for; -hiding his weed, and not sharing it with her, even though she never pays for it,and continually smokes it throughout the day even though cam has asked her many times to wait until he's home. -getting frustrated with her smoking without paying or waiting for him -suggesting she stops smoking after coming out of hospital and being on medication -asking her to get a job and work, after she's been at home for so long, in her words, 'making her codependent and then expecting her to just jump straight in ' -asking her to get her liscence, when, to quote jen "I am so traumatised from my var crash I can't even get behind the wheel. Jen has never seeked help for this at all, and is perfectly fine in cars any other time. -"he doesn't understand how hard it is with the kids." All of them are in school besides her youngest. -this one is pretty valid, him being angry, raising his voice, slamming doors etc. -him never chipping in for children presents even though she buys them all without his knowledge.
Cam hasn't bought himself something in years, beside weed and alcohol, which is still pricey itself. Beside it tho, Everything he had goes toward the household finances. Jen makes almost weekly frivolous purchases without first checking in with cam, from watches , to toys, to clothes, to specialty coffee, And claims this is apart of what she contributes, even if it means they go without necessities like gas, or her contribution of groceries. Here are the things that don't sit right for me, and make me question what her intentions really are; - jen has blocked all loved ones on her social media accounts, and just denies it. -jen uses these accounts to post things about how she feels so alone, no one loves her, no one wants to help, or listen, contemplating what her next suicide attempt will be, on 2 accounts where she was hospitalised, once she tried to hang herself, and the other she tried to pop pills. On both of these accounts she took videos and made tiktoks, with the noose and the pills. - on the same nights that jen has made these posts, when cam has asked how she was feeling, she has been bubbly and happy. On one occasion, he quoted to her, her most recent post about wanting to die, and cam said her persona almost immediately shifted from bubbly, to sad and depressed. He described it like, for a moment she forgot to keep up her sad face. When I've been there for weeks sometimes to help out, she has non stop talked about herself, her trauma, her mental disorders, and how much she wants to get better and get help. Like im taking, if you had a radio non stop in the back ground. She never really listens, and if she does, she finds a way to relate the story to her life. She seems to be doing really good when im there, but when she's alone, it reverts straight back to the same thing. She has not responded, ever, to a single message ive sent her, and she blocked me on her private page where she posts all the above mentioned stuff. (I have a business profile, so I still see it.) She has over 5k follows on this account, She'll talk your ear off if you're there, but ghosts you when you're not in her presence, and complains on social media that no one loves her, wants to help, or cares for her. While literally blocking out everyone reaching out and actively hiding this account. She goes from screaming at cam for being abusive and controlling,to crying because loves him and she's so worried about him, and doesn't ever want to lose him, To talking about how he is the one who's keeping her unwell, Then it's her medication, then her head issues, to her trauma, to her Mil. She cutting everyone out who actually wants to help, but keeps screaming from the rooftops that she wants it so badly. She also says she loves her life, relationship, friends and family, But completely blocks them out and hadnt actually been a support system as a partner, She never listens, like ever. You could be in the middle of a sentence and shell cut you off to talk about her self. I've never seen cam have the space to even talk about his day, he can't even say his hard a hard day without jen comparing it to the difficulty of being with children for the 5ish hours she spent with them that day. She does not initiate help for herself besides talking to her case worker about her trauma. Shell go the shop to get herself coffee or smokes, but won't get groceries or dinner while there. She deletes all of her conversations. And has multiple accounts, emails, etc. It honestly feels like she's living a double life. In the past year cam has had to change jobs repeatedly due to having time off to look after the children and losing them. Hes had to drive back and forth to the hospital for jen, find emergency sitters for his children, take over all of the household care and still work. She is not affectionate, never let's him cuddle or hold her, and refuses sex, unless she initiates it. This has hurt cam greatly, and he feels constantly rejected and like he's doing something wrong. From the things I've seen it honestly seems like jen lives in a resentment mentality for cam, like she's better off, until she almost loses him. Then she will drop things like, that she wants to lay in bed and just cuddle him, she misses him, etc, but she refuses it every single time he opens up.
Cam, has said its like living with your babysitter. He is at his wits end in the relationship, but is afraid and unsure of how to actually move forward. He would have 4 children now to care for, and working etc, and even getting them in his custody . Jen doesn't seem to register the strain she is putting on her relationship, and everyone around her. She talks all the time about getting help for herself, but doesnt actually help herself nor her family.
Its a long story but I honestly feel like I needed to lay it all out so you could understand the whole thing here. I want to talk to jen and confront her about this, but I honestly have no idea how to handle it, and I don't ever want to accuse anyone of self harm for attention. I just have no idea what else this is, as she's got a whole network of support she actively ignores, yet continues posting sad stuff on tiktok, fb, and insta. advice for how my brother should handle this, would be greatly appreciated also. Thanks so much

I feel like I'm drowning. I'm currently sitting in bed with my girlfriend as I type this because I have no one to turn to on this, for context I'm 23M, I was in a relationship with someone about a year ago who I genuinely thought I was going to marry.
She was so smart and pretty and had a great sense of humor. I loved her for her. We only spent 7 months together, but she made me feel like I actually had a family or someone I can turn to. Around the 7-month mark, near the end of that month we broke up. I had just moved to her same state because we were long distance for a few months, and I decided to take the leap because I trusted her and thought she would be there to catch me.
She had messaged me this last year in February when we were dating after a few months. I think it was around 4.
"I wish you were here. I don’t even need you to be awake I just need you physically near me. I keep thinking about the joke crimson made and I’m not mad at her because she didn’t know and that’s totally okay but I haven’t been able to recover like I usually do. For the first time I was actually tempted. I wasn’t going to do it but. That was the first time after a joke that I was tempted. The last time that it actually crossed my mind was when suede broke up with me and I was convinced that there was no more life for me and I could never be loved again. I had built a life for us in my head because he basically forced me to and when that life was cut off I didn’t think there would be a way to live. I never thought there would be a way to recover. Lo and behold I did but that’s the last time it actually crossed my mind. And then today I kept wondering what it would feel like and thinking of how free I would feel if I just didn’t exist anymore. I don’t know why im sending this message honestly because I don’t want anything to happen because I sent the message ya know. I don’t want anything to change in the slightest but I just. Idk I guess communicate feelings? Just say something so im not holding it in anymore? Say that I love you so much and I can’t wait to be able to hug and cuddle and kiss and cry while you comfort me."
This message me fall more for her, it was the first time someone had been so honest and loving towards me. I come from a broken household where I was abused emotionally and didn't allow me to express my feelings safely. This caused me to be unable to process really well what I was feeling, and it really damaged my ability to communicate my emotions. We had both just gotten out of bad relationships and when we first started talking, one of the questions I asked her was "what are you looking for in a relationship?" And she wanted something long term and so was I. I made sure to say that communication was something I really love and wanted, something that really made me feel safe. I didn't get that in my childhood. I got it in the form of screaming and fights so I'm not really scared of confrontation or disagreements, but I can handle them calmly because of it now.
She's neurodivergent and has some ticks and ADHD and other things that would make her a difficult partner, but I comforted her best I could. After she sent me that message, I flew out (against my controlling parents' wishes) to see her and spent 3 weeks with her. She was in college at the time and was finishing her degree and I had just changed career paths from nursing to computer science because I loved coding more. The thought of creating something in code really makes me happy. We both had similar goals and ideas and saw a future together.
Once she finished her degree she moved back home and about a month later we talked seriously and she had mentioned how if the relationship was to move forward, we need to find a way to close the distance. I had enough money saved to move and my family situation had gotten really abusive the more independent and defiant I got towards the abuse.
I decided to take the leap of faith. I moved to a state near hers, about 30- or 40-minute drive because we had talked, and she wanted to move there since it was close-ish to home. During my stay with her the first time, she had a break down and opened up to me about how she might be using me to cope, those were her words. I comforted her and said I wasn't going anywhere but if she ever felt like she didn't love me anymore or that the relationship wasn't good for her, she could leave, I explained that it would be okay because then she wouldn't be with someone she didn't love and how that would not be fair for her or me in that scenario. A few months later, I was very vulnerable with her and told her how my greatest fear was someone not loving me anymore and leaving me for someone better, months had passed by this point, I think 2 and I opened up about my abuse and even how a teacher took advantage me sexually when I was in first grade and another time in college when a roommate placed their genitals on my face while I slept and took a video and photos (as a prank).
I had never told anyone that. She comforted me and I loved her for it. I had spent a month in the new state before she decided to break up with me. I was honestly having trouble adjusting, it was truly the first time I was alone and supposed to adult with no guidance, no one taught me anything or how people can take advantage of you. I found a job that paid 200 a week (it was 9 to 5) and had a job at GameStop that paid decently well but I didn't know how to manage money, and this was a big stressor for both of us. When I first moved there, she wasn't there to pick me up from the airport because she was busy having just moved in with her parents and there were 3 other occasions she would be "too tired" to drive up to see me, I didn't have a car or license because my parents weren't keen on teaching me or letting me try to drive so I never learned. Anyway, we started having more disagreements, small things like how she spent more time with her friends and we didn't get to see each other as often even though we were closer. I saw her maybe once a week or every two weeks. She stopped wanting to fall asleep on call because she felt weird and I explained that it was fine, I just liked it because it was nice seeing at least her name on screen when I woke up. It gave me comfort during a difficult time.
I remember when she was still studying and she had gotten really depressed and suicidal, I was worried and stayed with her on call until she fell asleep, I guess I gotten used to it. Fastforward and its been a month with me in this new state and I had used my money on her because she had driven so long to see me and I wanted to spoil her and show her how much I appreciated it. We got groceries and we had a talk in the car about what was happening and if I was lying about my money troubles. I explained that I wasn't lying but she then asked me if I had ever lied about anything and I said yes, small things like saying I'm okay when she asked because I knew she would be worried or some poems and things I sent her that quite frankly I passed off as my own. I wanted to impress her, and I couldn't communicate very well what I felt before but the poems and things I found online did and felt that it would be more special to her if it was something "I made". I see how dishonest it was now and how it was one of the many things I did that tipped over my relationship.
Eventually, on one of the few days I had off from work. I asked if we could meet and hang out, we hadn't done it in a week or two and I really wanted to. I asked to meet at a McDonald's that was nearby, and she tells me she doesn't love me anymore and my heart sank. She had already packed my things in a bag, they weren't a lot and after sitting in silence for a moment, we went to the car to get it. I hugged her and I still remember the details. It was 2 weeks before my birthday and she broke up with me at 1:30pm. I remember glancing at my phone and looking around, like I was in a bad dream.
I know I had done some stuff to push her away, I was too clingy and probably asked for too much. I remember asking her if she could send me a check in text once and while because I always checked in to see how she was doing around 12:00 midday and then later at 7 to remind her to take her meds because she had some problems remembering it.
Looking back, it was a lot to ask and shouldn't have. I simply wanted to feel like she cared, and she was getting more and more distant. She did it for two days and I never got them again. I also remember telling her about my past and my abuse and acting like it really didn't bother me because I didn't want her to think of me as a victim or feel bad. I feel so lost. After she broke up with me, I got into a really bad headspace and the landlord kicked me out so I was homeless and spent that way for months, struggling to cope with losing her and the things I had done wrong. I know I wasn't perfect but I tried, her birthday was 4 days after mine and I sent her happy birthday and she never responded but saw it. I found out that 3 days after we broke up she was telling everyone that she had moved on. She's been one of those people who don't stay single for long and I was scared, I was working on getting better and doing better. To work on my mental health, my trauma and communication, my toxic behaviors and clinginess but she found someone, and I was alone. I eventually got back on my feet, got an apartment and decided to jump back on the horse about 7 months later after that. I met this wonderful, amazing girl. She treats me like I begged her to and communicates with me like I wished her would because my ex would shut down and not talk to me about how she was feeling, I gave her the spaced she asked for but I'm sure I let my anxiety get the better of me and invaded that space which probably didn't help her.
But the girl I'm with is amazing. She is what I begged for, and I'm lost and drowning because my ex is still on my mind. When I started dating again, I thought I was over her but today I got curious and looked her up and she had posted. She has a Twitch and watching her smile and play games really brought back memories of how we used to be and how much I miss her and love her still.
I feel like shit because here is this amazing, wonderful person, we just moved in together and I feel like I could never love her like I did my ex. She doesn't know a lot about my past or my fears or my insecurities because I feel like those negative things about me were that tipped over my previous relationship, and I want to do better. I feel horrible because I feel like I don't truly love her, with my ex I felt it and knew it, but I don't see that kind of love or future with my current girlfriend.
I wish I was over her, I wish I didn't feel anything towards her so I could move on truly and build a life with this woman because she really makes me feel safe and loved and I try really hard to do the same and it seems like I have because she's told me everything and has opened up to me about things she hasn't told anyone and trust me entirely. I'm just... lost. I don't know what to feel but I feel so horrible, and she deserves better but now I'm again in a position where I've moved for someone, and they truly love me, but I feel scared to give myself fully again like that.
I feel scared to hurt her like my ex did. That pain she doesn't need to feel because I can't get my emotional shit together and move on from someone who didn't bother checking in or wishing me happy birthday or even bother to call me.
I don't know what to do.

As the title goes…. I never thought I’d see the day, but the day has come. I may need to rehome my beloved boy Winston.
He is almost 4 years old and i’ve had him since he was 8 weeks old. He is the most amazing boy. He’s super quirky. He spins and spins and spins when he’s excited and wants to go outside to play. He listens well enough. My fiancée and I both agree that I could have trained him better when he was a pup. But he listens for the most part and will sit for just about anybody. He lovesssss cuddles. He’s such a people pleaser and just loves anybody that will give him attention! If he’s feeling lonely (which is ALWAYS) he will walk over from his kennel and plop his head on your leg and just stare at you, waiting for a pet or two. If you pick up a tennis ball and throw it once, game over, you’re hit. He won’t leave you alone. I just love playing and twirling his soft ears in my fingers. Easily one of my favorite things about him. I actually just got done doing it a moment ago… anywho.
So this decision is beyond difficult, but i’ve exhausted every option. My fiancée is pregnant and super worried about his jumping up on people and his spinning. Especially after last week, he had jumped up on her stomach and we did have a scare. She was in a lot of pain for a while so we had to monitor things. He didn’t mean any harm, of course, he was just simply super excited. We have fought about him a lot in the past, and I was able to fix, train or simply mend the issues at hand. We were able to get him to quit jumping up on us regularly, to the point everyday we come home from the gym or dinner, whatever, he will just greet us and we are able to walk past him to set our things down and then make him sit and then say hi. He’s a really good dog there’s no denying it, i’ve never met a person that doesn’t like Winston. I bring him to work with me 2 out of 4 days of the week. The other 2 days he gets to spend at daycare when he’s not hanging out with dad. Awesome! It wasn’t always this way. He used to stay home everyday with the fiancée. She’d take care of him, play with him, hangout with him. You name it. But we discovered she was pregnant in November and things slowly have started to change. I started bringing him to work with me because he would whine on and off when I was gone, and of course the lady works from home… Being pregnant that has got to be really annoying to listen to. No, this isn’t your typical “he had a kid and rehomed his dog. Get him!!”
Work is also starting to play a huge role. I’m a truck driver. I deliver beer. My work has been so kind enough to even let him come to work with me. Most other truckers or vendors are surprised. So they’ve been really cool. Well, this summer is getting busy and they’re hiring help for me. Kid starts this month I believe. It’s always worked out where it’s just the dog and I (Tuesdays/Fridays) in the truck and I have somebody follow me in the van. Well soon enough somebody is going to start riding with me, and that’s a huge inconvenience with two people in a day cab and a highly energetic dog between the two. It would just never work. Ever. So that plays an even bigger role at rehoming him. No, I can’t leave him home. I’ve agreed to bring him with me everywhere I go to keep him out of my fiancées hair. No, I can’t afford doggy daycare 4 times a week every week. As i’ve stated earlier, i’ve exhausted all options and this is what i’ve been left with. I’m super sad but I understand this will be better for everybody in the long run. My pregnant fiancée mental health, my dog himself (pair him up with a retired couple who hunts and has a huge plot of land), and my work. I can’t say it’ll be good for me anytime soon, but in due time, when I get that photo message of him happier than can be with his new home, then i’ll realize it was for the better.
Please, no rude comments. I’m very stressed out and sad enough as is. I don’t need people telling me “dogs are a lifetime commitment, you can’t get rid of him!” Well I also can’t just quit my job or find a new job because of a dog. I just wanted to vent and maybe get reassurance from others that have had to make the same hard decision. Thanks all.

– Hector is still drinking at Castillo Escondido when the "dangerous man", the one Miguel first thought was his father, enters the place. The man tells Hector about Miguel and that he didn't think he would take the news so well that he was a father. Hector doesn't understand what the man is talking about and says that Miguel is not his son then he hears that Miguel was looking for his father Hector and said he was the son of a certain Carmen Díaz from Guayaquil. Hector is upset and goes to his house to see if Miguel was still there. He enters the room where the boy stayed and sees his backpack on top of the bed. Hector opens it and finds the road ticket that shows Miguel came from the San Fernando Valley and some clothes. He searches Miguel Díaz from the San Fernando Valley on Facebook to see photos of him with Carmen, Rosa and Johnny. His anger turns to euphoria when he learns that Miguel is a karate champion and that he has overcome a paralysis and starts planning to reunite with his son motivated by the desire to make him famous and be his successor in the fighting business.
– Hector pays bribes so that corrupt cops won't interfere with his shady dealings. The police ask for more money and the moment comes when payment becomes impossible and he starts to be threatened. Hector decides to run away. He gives money to Maria so that she can go away with her son. Hector flees to Los Angeles. Arriving in the city, he comes into contact with people linked to the underworld of fights to have somewhere to hide. He already knows some details of the Díaz's life, such as Carmen's pregnancy and that Miguel is dating the daughter of a successful businessman. He also knows that the Cobra Kai dojo that Miguel was champion for was closed after a scandal of corruption and violence. Hector intends will approach Miguel without revealing that he already knows the whole truth.
– Silver is sued for the attack on Stingray and for corrupting the refereeing and his own students. To mitigate the penalty, he reveals that he has leukemia and shows tests that are legitimate.
– Johnny accuses Silver of ordering him to be beaten to death. The complaint is not accepted and the blame lies entirely with Kim Da-Eun's senseis who are arrested. Silver hires lawyers to defend them and lies that Johnny knew about from him illness because they saw each other at the hospital and Carmen works in the radiotherapy space and that Johnny wanted to take advantage of the moment when he was weakened to attack him. Johnny is furious and attacks Silver in front of the authorities, which makes his situation worse with the justice system.
– Johnny and Chozen are sued by Sllver for trespassing and damaging his private property. He still accuses Daniel of inciting teenagers to invade his dojo, but the complaint is not accepted.
– Silver doesn't sue Mike Barnes and the senseis will question Mike about it. Barnes confesses that the mansion break-in was a trap by Silver that he was forced into in order to get his furniture store back. Mike says he regretted it when he saw that Johnny was about to be killed. Everyone gets mad but forgives Mike understanding he was under pressure.
– Silver is tried and his sentence is converted to house arrest due to his health. He secludes himself on his private island. Apparently with no intention of continuing to run a karate dojo.
– Johnny and Chozen are ordered to pay a fine. Chozen is able to pay but Johnny is not and he is detained. Daniel and Chozen later post Johnny's bail.
– Kim Da-Eun once again criticizes Silver for putting their rivalries above their goals and Silver gets angry and leaves her. She also cannot leave the country and tries to survive as a personal trainer even without authorization to practice the profession.
– As Silver's plan was thwarted, Miyagi-Do's popularity increased and the Crane Kick began to be imitated again. Ecstatic, Daniel lays out a marketing plan for his dojo and is indifferent to the idea of a joint dojo with Eagle Fang. For him that was the right moment to make the lessons and name of Mr. Miyagi known to everyone.
– Carmen takes a exam clinical that ends up detecting another baby. She is expecting twins, a boy and a girl. The names chosen for the children are Santiago, in honor of Santiago de Guayaquil, Díaz family's hometown, and Laura, the name of Johnny's mother.
– Eagle Fang is far from having the same credibility as Miyagi-Do and Johnny thinks about improving the structure of the place. But he needs the money to pay for the arrival of his babies. So he goes back to work in construction and tries to adjust the schedules as sensei and uber.
– Miguel plans to save for college and gets a temporary job selling ice cream at a kiosk. He also takes a job in construction as Johnny's helper.
– Robby and Shannon travel to Bainbridge Island to spend the rest of the summer at her parents' house.
– Samantha spends more time at LaRusso Auto as an internship for her future as a dealership manager.
– An attack on a US Army military convoy kills soldiers. Mr. Payne is hit.
– Shawn finally leaves juvie and struggles to get a job. He goes back to being the man of the house.
– The All Valley commission assesses Tory's title status and concludes that she was not at fault in Silver's corruption and therefore her title should be retained. Daniel and Samantha protest, the claim that the court found Silver guilty. Tory hands Sam the trophy and leaves the room. Samantha is declared champion.
– Tory is looking for a job but her face is famous as a troublemaker and even a crook and she is not hired.
– To make matters worse, your aunt Kandace shows up to say she's going to live with her.
– The LaRusso family and Chozen are going to relax and have fun at the Orlando parks.
– The rules of Sekai Taikai become known. There is a limited number of representatives from each dojo per category. Competitors with similar profiles must fight each other to decide who should be the titular dojo representative.
– Eli was excited to be Miyagi-Do's representative but Robby's presence and Daniel's predilection for his oldest student annoy him. Eli has yet to decide between karate and college.
– Kreese has been hiding the whole time in the space where his original Cobra Kai functioned. Patiently, he waits for his name to stop appearing in the news to come out of the woodwork.
– Sid dies of natural causes at his Encino mansion. All of his estate goes towards payment of debts he left.
– Aware of Miyagi-Do's fame and interested in learning more about Johnny and his dojo, the leader of the most influential dojo in Sekai Taikai opens a betting shop in the Valley where mixed martial arts are practiced. The identity of the owner and his relationship with Sekai Taikai are kept confidential. Korea's envoy to take care of business in the Valley is their young champion from senior Sekai Taikai, who is also your son.
– It is in this environment of clandestine fights that Hector will be able to reconnect with Miguel.

3rd round for applying because I am an absolute buffoon of a human being. Last cycle I got 4 interviews, currently on 2 waitlists (definitely not getting in at this point). Anyone have some recs what schools to apply to for an extremely mid application? I have nothing besides the most generic ECs and I have no clue how to make myself unique besides the generic emergency surgery essay in my primary.
Yes, I have worked on my writing. Apparently advisors and the writing center were not the place to go, Reddit said I should just trust Reddit's criticisms for my essays only. I have to work on interviews too but it obviously isn't the only reason I am not getting in.
ORM, city slicker
MCAT: 514 (one time) sGPA: 3.91 GPA: 3.91
Clinical (paid) - Patient Care Tech: 400 hours 2 EMT jobs: 450 hours total
Shadowing - Cardiologist: 80 hours cardiology Anesthesiology: 12 hours
Research - 1000+ hours + Poster presentation + 1 paper submitted, 1 in the works
Pre-pharmacy secretary 0 (did some volunteering in here too): 150 hours
Clinical lab (useless for med-school besides being a leadership experience): 1650 hours
Triage Clinic Volunteer: 15 hours + 120 hours anticipated
Peer Leader (tutor): 100 hours
Phi Beta Kappa (useless!), sales associate (kinda whatever)
If I don't get in round 3 I'd have to retake the MCAT which is absolutely not happening so I'm planning on doing a masters in health informatics as a plan B.
Bolded are places I got interviews from
2021-2022 List
Albany Medical College, Chicago Medical School at Rosalind Franklin University of Medicine & Science, Florida State University College of Medicine, Howard University College of Medicine, Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine, Medical College of Wisconsin, Michigan State University College of Human Medicine, New York Medical College, New York University Long Island School of Medicine, Northeast Ohio Medical University, Northwestern University The Feinberg School of Medicine, Oakland University William Beaumont School of Medicine, Rush Medical College of Rush University Medical Center, Southern Illinois University School of Medicine, TCU and UNTHSC SOM, The University of Toledo College of Medicine and Life Sciences, University of Illinois College of Medicine, University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, Wright State University Boonshoft School of Medicine, and Saint Louis University School of Medicine
2022-2023 List
Albany Medical College, Chicago Medical School at Rosalind Franklin University, Emory University School of Medicine, Geisel School of Medicine at Dartmouth, George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences, Georgetown University School of Medicine, Lewis Katz School of Medicine at Temple University, Loyola University Chicago, Medical College of Wisconsin, New York Medical College, New York University Long Island School of Medicine, Oakland University William Beaumont School of Medicine, Robert Larner, M.D., College of Medicine at the University of Vermont, Rush Medical College of Rush, Saint Louis University School of Medicine, Sidney Kimmel Medical College at Thomas Jefferson University, The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University, Tufts University School of Medicine, Tulane University School of Medicine, University of Illinois College of Medicine, Virginia Commonwealth University School of Medicine, Wake Forest University School of Medicine, West Virginia University School of Medicine, Western Michigan University Homer Stryker M.D. School of Medicine, University of Iowa Roy J. and Lucille A. Carver College of Medicine, University of Michigan Medical School