Hi all, sorry but would only like responses from within the UK, I can't manage a relationship further than that :)
Age: 20
Orientation: Heteroromantic, sex-repulsed asexual
Gender: Female
Location: UK, specifically South-central England
Physical description: 5'4, blonde, slim, blue eyes & glasses (willing to exchange photos)
Interests: Escape rooms, Video editing, Horror movies, Video games
Occupation: Just started up as a junior software engineer :D
Looking for: Relationship, any distance in the uk is fine but no further than that and age range 20-28
Dealbreakers: I definitely do not want kids, and someone allergic to cats (I own 2 cats)
I am friendly towards social smokers and drinkers but don't want to join in myself
feel free to DM me if you think we'd get along :)

I’m 33F and my new bf is a PA (when we met he told me he was on Chaturbate any time he was smoking, about 15-20 times a day).
At that time I had weak boundaries from coming out of my first ever relationship, which was 16 years. Without getting into too much detail, that relationship finally blew up because my ex was an asshole and also because I have avoidant attachment issues from childhood (a parentified child) who didn’t want to figure out how to move to the next stage in our relationship (didn’t help that he is legitimately an asshole).
So when I met my new bf (neighbor, was looking for my cat whom my asshole ex let out at night and was never seen again) I could see he was raging drunk at 11 am on a Saturday, but we clicked and hit it off really well. I was extremely horny and had never experienced not having regular sex. I was ready to get into anything, experience anything, in order to learn about myself and if it all blew up in my face, that was a price I was willing to pay.
So I didn’t really care that he sexted his exes or had video sex with one of them, and the porn didn’t bother me until this relationship started meaning more to me. And now it’s all hitting me like a ton of bricks. He’s 100% stopped the sexting since December…we had multiple conversations about the porn because at first I had no idea why I felt so bad about it.
In doing research I realize now that my ex was a PA (he would say that he was into beastiality and if there’s grass on the field, play ball…triple penetration, classic escalation of addiction). And I also realized that I was addicted to porn from 9-16. Luckily, being a girl we are expected and socialized to be much more emotionally available than men, so it naturally fell by the wayside when I became busier in life.
Recently my feelings all came to a head and since then I have had a series of hard conversations with my bf. I had watched a YouTube channel recently called “Put the Shovel Down” and one of the insightful things mentioned was about boundaries: you can only enforce a boundary based on your own behaviour, not theirs. So if they do x you have to be prepared to do y and make sure you are really prepared to do y and follow through.
For me this means it’s all well and good to say “one more time and I’m gone”, but in reality, not having a relapse is very unrealistic. So what am I prepared to do to make myself comfortable enough that I can endure relapses while the bf sorts himself out (this is all only because he wants to sort himself out, if at any point I felt he was not supportive of me finding that comfortable place, then I would be gone).
I installed a DNS filter on his phone and tech lockdown on our home internet. I found this to not be enough to alleviate my insecurity and mistrust. I am not demanding he give up social media, but I will be installing mspy on his phone. At this point I do still believe our relationship is worth it. However this will take consistent effort…I will keep monitoring, confronting him and grilling him should there ever be something that makes me uncomfortable and should I ever feel that this isn’t worth it after all, no matter how our relationship has progressed otherwise, I will end it.

We’ve been together for over a year now, so his idea wasn’t a complete shocker. He has textbook voyeuristic tendencies. Once, he offered to do a private sex tape, but I wouldn’t go for it. He’d bring it up a few more times, but never in an aggressive way, which is why I never made a deal about it. Everyone has their kicks, and so on. Who knows, maybe I would agree to it when and if I felt the time was right.
​
After a while, though, his requests grew more… I wouldn’t say “bizarre”. More like an extremer version of his voyeuristic side. The private tape idea turned into hosting online streams with paid requests. He’s using the financial aspect to rationalize his ideas, as in “it’s an easy way to make decent money, and it’s not like your parents/employer’s gonna be watching this.” His compromise was asking me to join OnlyFans, since you can go for a more softcore format there.
​
I do believe him when says he wants to do it for the money. He’s been let go recently and has to deal with a lesser-paying job. But there’s definitely more to it. He’s always had this need to show off in front of others: his car, his phone, and now me?? I don’t even feel objectified, I just.. can’t concede to these kinds of gigs, yet it doesn’t look like he’s willing to back down. And there’s unquestionably a kink aspect to this, it’s not like OF is the only way to make quick cash.
​
“You have a gorgeous body, and you deserve to get something out of it. I’m saying this because I’m proud to have someone as beautiful as you as my GF.” I can see with his buttering-up attempts that he’s trying to be sweet and non-abusive, but it’s as if he doesn’t see a future for us unless I agree to go ""public"". I try to talk back and steer him in a different direction: “Look, if you want us to join the online scene, we can look at more conventional options: tiktok videos, Youtube channel, instagrams likes, blogging. We’re both good with our hands, we can do something about hand-made items.” His reply is along the lines of “Do you know how long it takes for channels/blogs to take off, if ever?”
​
Would it be reasonable to assume that if I agreed to the private tape, he’d forget the more explicit stuff as a quid-pro-quo deal? Or will it just make him feel like he can push on further?

Hello there! Welcome to my post. Im Wink and am Looking to make long term friends who i can harass with cute photos when we are bored, kill time and potentially game, have each others backs to lean on/help out. So if your also seeking that and wana be numb little bugs together (bonus points if you get the reference) just dm looking forward to talking.
Interest's Love animals and rowing which i want to get back into. HUGE marvel and star wars nerd. My special interest is ww1/ww2 history and tanks (can talk for hours about that). Studying cyber security so if you know about it that would be amazing!
🐈 Pets I have 2 cats and 1 tripod kitten now . Also 1 dog who i can spam you photos of. Once i get to know you i WILL be your wholesome pet supplier.
🎮 Games Primely games on pc tho down to try games if you give me suggestions. All top time game is Minecraft duh but closely followed by battlefield 1. Lastly the most important game is staring at my screen zoning out while harassing my pets. 10/10 would play again
🎬 Film & Media Favorite movie would be hacksaw ridge, Andor and Rouge One. For shows the bad batch and clone wars never gets old. Need a show to binge in the mean time so fire away suggestions please.
Anime Love girls und panzer aka Tanks doing unrealistic things. My top other favorite would be One piece and Fairy tail.
🎵 Music Now for music. My top Spotify genre was rock, video game and aussie rock again (strong bias towards Australians sorry not sorry). If you get this far dm the song you listened to last and ill rate it.
General info and ending Tend to be a positive person and want to brighten up peoples day. Bonus points if your aussie or aspie/tism. Discord is my go to so ill happily move there Lastly please tell me abit about your self and what made you smile today?!
Hopefully everyone is doing okay and best of luck with everything. Your amazing and you've got this!!🤍

I vividly remember a video of The Rock having Pacific Islander “slaves” at his resort. It came out last year but I can’t find it and people are saying he has scrubbed it from the internet. Does anyone remember it or have a clue we’re the video is and could send me a link?

My best friend (Brent) was my fwb for 2 years, we ended things 3-4 months before I (24F) met my boyfriend (Ryan) (29M). Even though the sexual aspect of my friendship with my best friend is gone, he still means a lot to me but i absolutely LOVE and adore my boyfriend. He everything ive wanted in a partner, hes kind, loving caring and someone I didnt know i could love so deeply and could love me the same. Weve been together for a year. But my boyfriend does not like my past with my best friend and feels very uncomfortable if i sleep over at my friends house. (he and my other friends live together in a house so if i sleep over ill be with my other friends as well to hang out.) Ive since stopped sleeping over at my friends house and I only am alone with him if im with other friends bc i dont want my boyfriend feeling uncomfortable with me being alone with him in his house alone. Honestly a lot of my friends noticed i havent been around and we havent talked much lately. Maybe once or twice a week ill talk with them but its honestly just because ive been working a lot and lately i noticed theyve just been distant with me since I havent been involved with them sexually or emotionally and ive been focusing on my boyfriend. My boyfriend doesnt mind if i hang out with my friends just doesnt want me alone with my ex FWB/Best friend (Brent). A year ago, Things got a little awkward when Ryan and i were showing each other memes and pictures and videos on our phones and i swipped and an old sex vide of me and brent popped up that i honestly FORGOT about. It was pretty graphic. But now (9 months later) we are good and even though hes not a fan of my friendship with Brent hes tolerant of it and thats okay. My boyfriend has gotten a lot better...the issue is I dont have many friends and i miss social quese a lot...for the first few months of us dating ALL I would do was talk about Brent and how amazing he is and how much he means to me and how good in bed he was. My life revolved heavily around Brent and i was in love with him for a time...so for a while i would constatly talk about how great he is. It doesnt help i struggle socially and always miss if somone is annoyed by what im talking about
​
I still keep my distance with Brent and since Brent is the focal point of all my friendships since hes the super social friend who everyone is around, if im not around Brent im not really around my other friends. By choice but still sucks Weve worked past a lot of his apprehension about my past but a few days ago. We were having sex and he went to pick up a towel from the clean laundry bin for me...and immediately his mood shifted, i saw he was holding a pair of purple panties of mine. He got distant and suggested we just cuddle and chill instead. My boyfriend is a VERY sexual man so him stopping midway is NOT normal. I asked him whats wrong and he didnt answer, I pressed harder and he politely and softly told that the panties he accidentally picked up were the same panties in the sex video i made with my best friend and thinking about him having aggressive with me in the video killed the mood for him and he just wanted to take a shower and chill...i feel AWFUL because ive worn that pair a small handful of times and he politely would ask me to take them off and explained why he hated that paid but i would always just forget about it and forget to throw them away. My boyfriend hasnt touched me sexually in a few days after that, he says that he fine but him seeing those panties was a heavy reminder of how not okay he is of my friendship with Brent and even though hes an ex FWB, it killed the mood for him and he hasnt been in the mood. He explained when we have sex its JUST me and him in his mind ...but since then its ME, HIM and Brent that keeps popping in his mind...what do i do?

I’ve been working on my singing with various singing teachers for about five years. I feel I have made good progress, and now I want to focus on my stamina. This is especially important since I want to get better at singing in the style of Bruce Dickinson, Meat Loaf and other powerful hard rock/metal singers.
Any recommendations for daily exercises (for instance a Youtube video) to improve my stamina would be greatly appreciated!

Only ten chapters to go. If their intel is correct a trap is going to be laid. But is it accurate? Does it work? I hope you enjoy!
The next chapter will be out on Saturday.
Terran Space Story: The Lieutenant Saga
Academy Days First Previous Next

Chapter 119: Contact with the Enemy

3 Days later. March 18th, 2267. 02:44 Slip Space – CNS Waukesha Executive Conference Room
John walked into the conference room with a minute to spare. He looked rushed and harried to his senior staff and those that could view him through the video link. That wasn’t entirely untrue, he had just received a wealth of information in a debrief from the command team of this operation.
“Apologies for running it entirely too close. I just got off a call with Admiral Gallo of Second Fleet,” John said as he took his seat, “Our attack on the Paximus system drove the pirates into a frenzy. Mission accomplished at that end. Thirty-six attacks have occurred through our own and Mercantilist space. Overtures to the Alliance have not yielded much in the way of intelligence yet but our diplomats are still trying.”
Vanessa Davis, the captain of the CNS Pasto, jumped in as John took a drink, “Can you summarize the results of those attacks?”
“The pirates targeted lightly guarded facilities. In our space. We lost two stations on the frontier. Each pirate fleet lost between ten and forty percent of its attack fleet. We gave far better than we took,” John paused and looked at the room, “The pirates are badly bloodied. They are regrouping for a new push. It seems their divide-and-conquer plan won’t work for much longer. Especially now that our forces have dug into position more.”
“What’s the loss of life so far?” Oscar asked from on screen, “About four hundred Naval personnel and roughly four times that for civilian losses in our territories. Losses in Alliance and Mercantilist territories are rumored to be much higher.”
“Caught with their pants down?” Tessa said sarcastically.
“And flat-footed. Again, that is if our intelligence is accurate. Even Naval Intelligence isn’t confident of the reports that are coming out of Alliance territory. The disruptions in the channels used to funnel information to us are being felt now as many of those channels seem like they’ve been shut down violently,” John said.
“What’s the good news? You seem almost giddy,” Brady Cohen, the captain of the CNS Lagos asked.
“The Icarus was part of an attack that was repulsed in the Luyten system. Their attack only resulted in the loss of four smaller pirate vessels,” John paused for dramatic effect, “That fleet is heading here to the Tau Ceti system to get some revenge.”
Walter grinned, “Funny how that is our destination. What of additional reinforcements from the Navy?”
John grinned, “Weird, right? Twenty to thirty hours behind us. This means we are going to have to play a delaying fight to make time for those reinforcements. Also, the Tau Ceti’s solar militia will be temporarily conscripted by the Navy. They will be following my orders, not their planetary governor’s.”
“What’s the target there?” Vanessa asked.
“The shipyards in orbit around Tau Ceti Prime’s moon,” John said.
“How do you see things playing out?” Brady asked.
“Their fleet is made up of the Icarus and about twenty other ‘capital’ ships. I use the term loosely since their capital ships are old-ass cruisers. They have a single carrier in play too. The vast majority of their ships are corvettes and shuttles.”
John pressed a few buttons on the screen which displayed the contents of both the presumed pirate fleet along with the system’s militia. A moment later the militia’s ships were reorganized. Each was headed by one of the frigate captains in the task force.
“I’m creating four squadrons of ships as you can see here. Commanded by each of our four-frigate captains,” John paused, “Oscar, I haven’t ignored you but your role in this is to observe, utilize electronic warfare, and provide target priority for us.”
“Understood,” Oscar said as he nodded his head.
“Our cruisers are going to push into their capital ships at point-blank range and eliminate them,” John said, “The smaller ships will eliminate their chaff and provide an additional layer of missile defenses for the cruisers.”
“Woah, that’s a ballsy strategy. That gets us dangerously close to their guns,” Tessa said.
“It is, but if those larger ships are destroyed or put out of commission that will crush their morale,” John said as he leaned back in his chair, “If their morale is crushed then this alliance of theirs won’t last long. And the Icarus isn’t likely to be shooting at you if you’re dogfighting with their cruisers.”
“What happens if they have reinforcements that we aren’t aware of?” Brady asked, “Or if they have a reserve fleet that’s been unidentified or kept hidden?”
“Fighting retreat to the asteroid belt,” John said, “Then we commence gorilla-like warfare to delay the pirates and keep them focused on us in the system.”
The senior leaders of all ships spent the next hour and a half discussing the battle plan. The major addition was the fleshing out of any fighting retreat. John was guilty of a great many things, but losing battles wasn’t something he spent a ton of time thinking about. Cheating his way into winning a battle, on the other hand, was something he spent a lot of time thinking about.
The updated plan came together quite nicely. The small fleet would arrive in the Tau Ceti system within the next day and a half. About twelve hours ahead of the pirate fleet. If things went to plan then John felt comfortable, if not entirely confident, about decimating the fleet.
The question of them ultimately was could they kill the Icarus? That was unknown as of yet. He feared he still didn’t have enough firepower to put that ship down. But he was confident that he had enraged that crew once more.
​
2 Days later. March 20th, 2267. 04:12 Tau Ceti Prime – L2 Lagrange Point
Four squadrons of ships, each with a Confederate Frigate leading the charge, were converging on the shipyards above the moon. The Tau Ceti militia was very well equipped, all things considered. Multiple frigates were included in their fleets that were one or two generations old. Modern corvettes were a staple ship found in the fleets.
John and the other cruisers, including five from the militia fleet, had just fired their engines. Like the frigate squadrons, they were burning toward the shipyards. Their prey just arrived in the system.
“They have more ships than expected,” Willy said.
“Order all ships to launch drones. Hold about ten percent back for added point defenses,” John said, “Walter, your recommendation?”
“I’d recommend all ships launch two to three waves of homing-multi-missiles. Get them on their back foot using up their defensive weapons,” Walter said.
“Barbara, all ahead flank. Tessa, contact the fleet. Each ship is to fire three waves of two multi-missiles. Coordinate targets within each squadron. Big ships are to open fire with long-range weapons the moment they have range. The focus is on the Icarus’ escort ships.”
“Letting them know, sir,” Tessa said from the communications terminal.
“Got any ideas on how to get rid of that carrier?” Ingrid asked, “That’s the ship that’s got me worried.”
“Tessa, contact the Basilone, I want them to focus all their electronic attacks on the Icarus. With any luck, we’re going to stunt her ability to participate in the initial part of the battle.”
“Understood.”
“The fleet has responded in the affirmative. They stand ready for your order to fire,” Tessa said.
“Fire the first wave. Forty-five-second delay for the second and third waves,” John said, “Barbara, adjust course to two-two-five, down ten degrees.”
“Aye aye.”
“Ahh, that ol’ nugget,” Walter said from the rear of the bridge, “Training the forward railguns on the carrier.”
“Fire at will my man,” John said calmly, “If you have a firing solution for the Icarus with the other guns fire them at her. But make sure you have two torpedoes loaded for that fat sonofabitch.”
The first wave of missiles screamed through the void at the pirates. The third wave was fired roughly at the time the first wave reached the appropriate distance from the pirate ships to launch their payloads. Three hundred smaller missiles were fired out in all directions from each missile.
The mother missile had programmed targets into each one. It, like its offspring, continued to scream through the void at its targets. A hellacious, and impressive, amount of anti-missile fire was given off by the pirate fleet. Their defensive weapon systems eliminated an impressive number of missiles.
But they didn’t eliminate all of them, even with the Icarus’ upgrades dozens of missiles impacted against the kinetic shielding. The smaller ships held their own, but those diminutive missiles were successful in impacting numerous pirate ships. Thankfully, from the pirate’s perspective, those small missiles could only kill smaller ships if a fair amount of luck were involved with where it struck its target. It was a rare occurrence for only one of these missiles to not only strike their target but kill it.
Five pirate vessels succumbed to the first wave of missiles, with each requiring multiple impacts to end them. None were larger than a shuttle that suffered battle-ending damage. That changed after the second wave of missiles found their targets. Nothing larger than a corvette was destroyed, but more and more ships had given up their ghost. The third wave ripped through the fleet, virtually every ship was now bearing recent scars. Two dozen more ships died in the cold expanse of space.
Railgun rounds and lance fire were now being unleashed upon the pirates. Their fleet had been slapped and was being pushed back. That it was happening as quickly as it did surprise John. Something didn’t feel right.
“Taking evasive actions,” Barbara said, “That is a hell of a lot of return fire.”
“Thirty-two enemy ships are now dead,” Willy said, “That first wave of rail fire was punishing. But they outnumber us four-to-one still.”
John pressed a button on his seat’s armrest, “Commander Buckley, launch the first wave of fighter bombers. Have them burn to the station for rearmament.”
The speakers then turned on briefly, “Launcher first wave, we’ll have the second wave queue up for you.”
“Targeting the Icarus so soon?” Ingrid asked.
“Distance to that carrier?” John asked.
“Twenty-five thousand kilometers and closing fast,” Willy said.
“Railgun fire is wearing down their forward defenses,” Walter said, “Suggest we have load four multi-missiles with scatter rockets.”
John instantly knew what Walter wanted to do and nodded, “Do it.”
“Dare I ask what they are going to do?” Ingrid asked quietly.
“With any luck, they will confuse the carrier’s anti-missile systems, or make them preoccupied and they ignore the pair of torpedoes we are going to deliver to them at danger close range.”
“Ahh, yes, that would make great tactical sense,” Ingrid said.
“Ugley reports a glancing blow from the Icarus’s main guns,” Tessa said, “They can still fight though.”
John nodded. He couldn’t know for sure how many friendly ships were going to be lost. The Icarus was no slouch of an opponent. They were going to lose friends that day. But who would it be?
The Waukesha continued to close the distance to the enemy carrier. As Walter said, the forward defensive systems were failing due to the withering amount of railgun fire. Their rounds were already impacting their armor plates. Though none had been compromised yet since the kinetic shields were still holding on enough to arrest the momentum from incoming rounds.
The next volley changed all of that. Dozens of kinetic and electromagnetic shielding arrays blew out at the same time. The four forward rail turrets continued to volley fire and punish the enemy carrier. Armor plates were being brutalized across the front face of the enemy ship. Some rail rounds found their way into the hangar that partially faced them.
“Frigate squadrons are annihilating the enemy,” Willy said, “Forty percent of their support ships are out of commission.”
“Have we suffered any losses?” John inquired.
“The militia has, but none of the…”
The Waukesha was then rocked by a pair of heavy and loud impacts. Time stood still for the briefest of moments. John stared intently at the screen ahead of them. Their primary drive cone was struck, which was very worrying. The other round was a cruise missile that detonated right at the corner of the starboard hangar.
“Everything’s a-ok captain,” Marty said from engineering, “Just some scoring. The drive cone damage is going to affect our maneuverability a bit. If we take any more damage to it then I’m jettisoning it though.”
John’s brow raised as questioned his engineer, “Not to be that guy chief, but…”
“Secondary drive cones become our main output. It’s the six smaller cones around the big one. They aren’t as good, but as long as you don’t bleed off too much momentum, we should be good.”
“Easier said than done,” Barbara said as she looked back and John.
“Enhance our evasive maneuvers,” John said to his chief helmsmen, “I’d prefer to avoid being killed today. ETA to fun time on the carrier?”
“Thirty seconds.”
The Waukesha continued to scream toward her target. Railguns continued to volley fire. More and more armor plates across the bow of the old, yet very large, carrier were compromised. Dozens of volleys were also fired at the Icarus. Walter, and his targeting VI, had done an excellent job of multitasking.
While no overt damage had been dealt to the Icarus. Her kinetic shields were already degraded. Pot shots were being taken at her from every angle by dozens of Confederate ships. Her shields held, but they weren’t infallible. Those shields would yield some time, though it was a fair question to ask when precisely that would happen. None knew.
Moments before the Waukesha reached point-blank torpedo range, two cruisers that flanked the Icarus exploded suddenly. Ironically, the two ships were named Hammer and Anvil. They had been close allies to the Icarus and flew with the large pirate battleship on numerous sorties over the years. Both were atomized in bright blue balls of plasma.
“In range now,” Willy said from the rear of the bridge.
“Fire, Barbara, pull up as hard as you can. All weapons on the Icarus, blast her ass with everything we’ve got!” John shouted excitedly.
Two torpedoes were launched from their forward launchers. A dozen cruise missiles and multi-missiles were also fired from her other launchers. The ship’s maneuvering thrusters were fired and pushed well beyond their safety limits. This radical course adjustment was thought to be necessary if the torpedoes caused a fusion explosion in their target.
Unfortunately, the radical evasive maneuver was unneeded. Both torpedoes struck and penetrated deep within the mammoth ship. But neither struck the core or set off a lucky, or crazy, secondary explosion that led to a massive fusion reaction. Instead, the power simply shut off after two large explosions were registered internally to the carrier.
Two giant bulges in the exterior armor plates could be seen. Ironic in a way that this old ship resisted such a large internal explosion. Unfortunately, for such rare craftsmanship, the blast had to go somewhere, and as the hull plating prevented the explosion from radiating out into the void, the explosion tore through the interior of the ship.
What safety measures that were engaged, such as closing bulkheads, were insufficient for the magnitude of the blast? The hull survived, as a matter of speaking, but nothing internally did. Everything inside the ship was pulverized and beaten to a pulp. The emergency shutdown procedures successfully shut off the core before bad things could happen to it. If the raging fires didn’t consume the crew or the blast’s shockwaves didn’t get the crew, the complete destruction of all breathable atmospheres would end what remained of the crew.
“SHIP KILL!” Walter shouted.
“Focus on our target,” John shouted over his excited weapons officer, “All guns on their turrets, we need to take that ring out!”
One more pirate cruiser took a brutal rail round that sheared off every armor plate on her port side. She was leaking atmosphere and it looked like her spine had been bent towards the port side. While the round fired from the Ugley would get credit for the kill, the pirate's attempt at firing their railgun ultimately caused a cascade of explosions that ended its life.
“Tessa, contact all of the cruisers, we need a full salvo of micro missiles at the Icarus,” John said.
Just then the Waukesha once again shuddered mightily. Thanks to a combination of angle and speed her kinetic shields were able to deflect the rail round fired by the Icarus. Their port side’s shielding arrays were noticeably weaker. The next shot would likely penetrate them.”
“Barb, we need…”
“I see it and already adjusted our course. Giving her our starboard side once I roll over.”
The Waukesha deftly rolled over gently in space and adjusted course to circle its current most hated enemy. Laser batteries, lances, and railguns all fired at the Icarus. Some rounds were impacted on its heavy armor, doing nothing but superficial damage at this point.
But given enough time, the papercuts they were giving their large adversary would add up. While not as impressive as a knockout punch, bleeding to death an opponent also resulted in a win. Though that would come at a cost as the fight would last considerably longer.
Barbara adjusted course once again causing the Waukesha to fly farther away from the Icarus. The timing was impeccable. Just as the Waukesha began to grow distance between the two ships the missiles came in. Thousands of rockets and guided mini munitions slammed across the starboard side. Electromagnet and Kinetic shields flared out of life. It would be hours before they could be restored to full use.
“Walter, all rails on that ring.”
The old veteran of the weapons console was a step ahead of John. As Barbara rolled the Waukesha back into position to close the gap, Walter was able to get six turrets firing. All lances were firing at the enemy turrets.
One was slowly rotating to point at the Waukesha. One lance shot scored a hole-in-one of sorts and impacted several meters above the breach. In doing so it mangled the magnetic coils in the large barrel. A moment later the Icarus fired. Thanks to their shot being guided by the hand of God the round struck the obstruction and caused an enormous explosion within the barrel.
The whole turret sheared off from its mount. A small amount of atmosphere leaked before being sealed off. The Waukesha was the first to draw blood. But that wasn’t all.
Multiple cruise missiles were fired by not only the Waukesha but the other cruisers too. One massive explosion after another ripped across the Icarus’ hull. Deep crater marks could be seen in a dozen armor plates. Her armor was compromised. The fleet had turned the impossible into a possibility.
Better yet, the Waukesha’s lightning focus on her enemy’s turret ring worked. They had shattered it in three locations. The enemy’s primary guns powered down. The biggest threat from the big ship was no more. But that didn’t stop John and his allies from targeting the turrets and destroying each and every last one.
The battle had turned to favor the Confederates. But it was not over, not yet. The Icarus still drew breath. So long as she did, she was a threat. It was a threat that they were desperate to end, once and for all.
“Open a line to all ships,” John said, “Press the attack, all ships fire their heaviest ordinance at the Icarus!”

Hello there! Welcome to my post. Im Wink and am Looking to make long term friends who i can harass with cute photos when we are bored, kill time and potentially game, have each others backs to lean on/help out. So if your also seeking that and wana be numb little bugs together (bonus points if you get the reference) just dm looking forward to talking.
Interest's Love animals and rowing which i want to get back into. HUGE marvel and star wars nerd. My special interest is ww1/ww2 history and tanks (can talk for hours about that). Studying cyber security so if you know about it that would be amazing!
🐈 Pets I have 2 cats and 1 tripod kitten now . Also 1 dog who i can spam you photos of. Once i get to know you i WILL be your wholesome pet supplier.
🎮 Games Primely games on pc tho down to try games if you give me suggestions. All top time game is Minecraft duh but closely followed by battlefield 1. Lastly the most important game is staring at my screen zoning out while harassing my pets. 10/10 would play again
🎬 Film & Media Favorite movie would be hacksaw ridge, Andor and Rouge One. For shows the bad batch and clone wars never gets old. Need a show to binge in the mean time so fire away suggestions please.
Anime Love girls und panzer aka Tanks doing unrealistic things. My top other favorite would be One piece and Fairy tail.
🎵 Music Now for music. My top Spotify genre was rock, video game and aussie rock again (strong bias towards Australians sorry not sorry). If you get this far dm the song you listened to last and ill rate it.
General info and ending Tend to be a positive person and want to brighten up peoples day. Bonus points if your aussie or aspie/tism. Discord is my go to so ill happily move there Lastly please tell me abit about your self and what made you smile today?!
Hopefully everyone is doing okay and best of luck with everything. Your amazing and you've got this!!🤍

"Would you like to have a near-death experience? By crossing the boundary between life and death."

Yukari Yakumo

Themes:

• Necrofantasia:
  
• Night Falls ~ Evening Star: 7.5, 10.5, 15.5
  
• Yorimashi Between Dreams and Reality ~ Necro-Fantasia
  

Yukari Yakumo is a legendary youkai with the ability to manipulate boundaries. She is one of the sages who created Gensokyo in the first place, and a good contender for its most powerful resident. Despite this she is also exceptionally lazy, spending most of her time sleeping and foisting most of the problems off on Reimu or Ran. Still, her incredible intelligence and completely inhuman nature means one can never tell quite what she's thinking, and making her angry is a very bad idea.

Notes

• Source Index
  
• Perfect Memento in Strict Sense and Symposium of Post Mysticism is an in universe book written by Hidea no Akyuu. She has a tendency to exaggerate and speculate, so her claims should be taken with a grain of salt.
  
• Yukari herself is noted to lie quite a lot, so her own claims should also be taken with a grain of salt.
  
• In 15.5 Yukari makes use of the urban legend Teke Teke, but her attacks while using this urban legend are fairly in line with her normal capabilities. As it's unclear what effect the Urban legend is having, these feats will be included in this section but marked with Occult
  
• Yukari scales to a large number of characters, so here is every Touhou respect thread for the games
  

Defining Some Terms

Spell Card System: The Spell Card Rules were put in place by Reimu Hakurei in order to make duels between everyone fair, formalized, and safe. It is also the method nearly all Touhou characters will use in-character. Spell card battles have very clearly defined rules and attacks that are agreed upon before a duel with the purpose being that the most beautiful attacks win. In general Spell Cards are characters going easy on the foe, with ZUN outright stating they're not something the characters would ever use if they were serious.

• Given the original rules of spell card battles and a characters being introduced to the spell card system stating it would prevent useless bloodshed, there is at least a decent amount of implication that Spell Card battles are inherently non-lethal.

Danmaku: Danmaku are the "bullets" fired in a bullet hell, take many different forms, and are able to be fired by most Gensokyo citizens. They're an essential part of duels in Gensokyo, being used to control an opponent's movement and overwhelm them. They can either be fired in intricate patterns, or just fired rapidly from a single point.

• Danmaku is intentionally not efficient or effective for serious combat
  
• Danmaku in general can be lethal to normal humans
  
• Danmaku from major characters is very consistently able to break rock
  
  • Seija is considered notably weak
  • Sanae is considered nothing special as far as humans in Gensokyo are concerned

Youkai: Supernatural beings typically born from humanity's fear of the unknown, and the primary residents of Gensokyo. Youkai can be highly varied, but tend to be highly resistant to physical attacks while far more weak to spiritual attacks, such as names and traditions.
Gensokyo: Genoskyo is the region Touhou takes place in, and is a small landlocked region of Japan. It is fully enclosed by the Great Hakurei Barrier (more information bellow). The clearest picture of it shows it containing a few mountains, with it also being noted Gensokyo is small enough to see almost all of it from the Hakurei shrine

• The Sages of Genoskyo (of which Yukari is a member) are the beings responsible for the creation and maintenance of Gensokyo

Urban Legend Incident: Due to the occult balls various Urban Legends begin to manifest in Gensokyo, and some characters are capable of controlling an urban legend in battle that matches their tempermant. It's worth noting that the effects are present even after the occult balls are removed from Gensokyo though Reisen notes it will soon settle down.

Boundary Manipulation

General Description: Summarized, Yukari's power allows her to manipulate the boundary between any two things.This can apply both to physical boundaries (such as between Gensokyo and the outside world), or even the boundary of concepts (such as human and youkai or night and day).

• Both her profile and she herself state that she can manipulate the boundary between any and all things
  
• An official magazine says her power can affect anything, and that for narrative purposes she has to limit herself to the spell card rule or it wouldn't even be a game
  
• The manual states the danger and potency of her power is beyond imagination
  
• Akyuu states that her power fundamentally undermines reality. She states that it can create new existence and reject existence, is the most powerful ability held by any youkai. Additionally she states it can be applied to pictures, peoples dreams, and even stories
  

Direct Combat Usage

• Feats/Statements
  
  • Being able to draw boundary lines along surfaces means there is nothing she can not split in two
    • Sumreiko comments on her seemingly cutting space, with opening gaps in space also being her main method of transportation (see below)
  • Her barriers can destroy large amounts of enemy danmaku and damage her foes
  • Creates a large boundary around the entirety of Suika's mist form, and then suddenly makes it much smaller to force her back into her physical form.
    • Suika's mist form covered all of Gensokyo
• General
  
  • Uses a barrier to block enemy danmaku and strikes
  • Creates a boundary line with her strikes to hit her foe
  • A fan granting her powers is able to crash through all obligations, directly hitting a foe while they're guarding
• Skills
  
  • Boundary of Intellect and Feet: Runs a straight boundary to split her foe
  • Universe of Matter and Antimatter: Creates two gaps that do nothing on their own, but when they collide they create a huge distortion attack
• Spell Cards
  
  • Border Sign "Quadruple Barrier": Creates several overlapping boundaries to produce a barrier that can strike foes
  • Sign I "Quadruple Barrier": Another version of the above spell card
  • Barrier "Charming Quadruple Barrier": A larger version of quadruple barrier that sucks the foe in
  • Boundary "Quadruple Barrier of the Imperishable Night": Creates a larger quadruple barrier to protect herself and attack her enemy
  • Border Sign "Boundary of 2D and 3D": Creates a boundary that travels along the screen edge and changes directions to follow the movements of the screen
  • Barrier "Objective Barrier": Fires off four linked borders that travel along the edges of the screen
• Last Word
  
  • [Occult] Lend Me Those Beautiful Legs!: Locks her foe in place with boundary lines and then uses a gap to split them in two before putting them back together

Gaps and Warping

• Feats/Statements
  
  • General
    • Able to travel to entirely different locations by opening up gaps in space, with (according to Akyuu) it being said that this can also access pictures, dreams, and even stories
    • Can open gaps in thin air
    • Opens up a large gap, and is gone when it clears away
    • Repositions a gap to use as a seat
    • Spiriting away Kosuzu doesn't leave a single trail any other youkai can follow to locate her, not even leaving a trace of her soul behind
  • Travel/Range
    
    • Uses gaps in space as her main means of transportation, with her warping around Gensokyo, up youkai mountain, and even to and from heaven (though how direct these trips are isn't clear given how the time of day changes)
    • Reimu states Yukari can travel anywhere she wants to in a flash
    • Is able to freely travel past the Great Hakurei Barrier into the outside world, and pulls Rinnosuke back into Gensokyo after he's accidentally pulled into the outside world
      • Casually travels out of Gensokyo to see cherry blossoms
      • Comments to Mamizou about what's currently going on in Sado
      • Sends Sumireko and dream Sumireko from Gensokyo to the outside world
    • Off screen travels overseas and brings back a Hobgoblin, which she states are a Western creature
    • Instantly sends Marisa from the Hakurei shrine to the forest of magic
    • Easily travels to the netherworld (though in Gensokyo the netherworld is a location you can physically travel to
      • Summons Ran and Chen to her while within the netherworld
    • Suddenly goes from behind Luna to in front of her
    • Disappears to somewhere... literally
    • Placed a gap in a doorway so that Flandre traveled from the Scarlet Devil mansion to deep underground without even realizing she had done so
    • Pulls Sumireko out of the dream world (though Doremy implies this isn't something she's supposed to do normally)
      • Reimu refers to the dream world as another reality that is two sides of the same coin with the real world
      • Is often lurking in the dream world
  • Utility
    
    • Claims to have an undending supply of electricity, kerosene, and nitroglycerin, and fills up Rinnosuke's heater with fuel while having a conversation with him, without him even realizing she had done anything
    • Covertly drops money into the shrine's donation box while having a conversation with Reimu
    • Puts a hand through a gap to block a hammer and grab a gameboy
    • Makes food disappear from right out from under Reimu's nose
    • Summons other characters like Reimu or Chen
    • Reimu implies Yukari can send just some body parts through the Great Hakurei Barrier
    • Left her arm dangling through a gap while asleep, and then puts her hand through another gap to douse a candle
    • Hid some of her own energy inside of a gap to revive herself after having all of her magical energy drained by Mizuchi's possession. Though she states it will soon run out and she needs to rest after. Also sticks her hands through gaps to grab cookies and wave at Reimu independently of her body
• General
  
  • Warps from one side of the screen to the other and grants Reimu the ability to do the same
  • Vanishes to dodge a spell card
  • Leans back into a gap while firing projectiles
  • Sticks her arm into a gap to strike her foe with an umbrella from another location
  • Drops into a gap and then appears in midair
  • After being knocked to the ground, creates a gap below and above her to redirect back to standing up
  • Opens a gap through which several pieces of wood fly out at her foe
  • Spawns street signs to attack her foe
  • Opens gaps through which rapid fire danmaku and lasers fire out
  • Summons a monstrous arm out of her gap to grab or strike her foe
• Skills
  
  • Rest on Stone, Rinse in Rivers: Opens up a hole that swallows up projectiles and stores them
  • Rinse with Stone, Rest in Rivers: Fires off stored projectiles
  • Chimera's Wings: Places a gap that she can then warp back to.
  • Fantasy Maniacal Rift: Disappears into a gap and keeps moving, before coming out to strike her foe
  • Flesh Dismantler: Drops down into a gap before leaping out while spinning her umbrella
  • Urashima's Box, Filled With Lament: Opens a gap in the sky to drop debris on her foe
  • Home is Where One Lays to Rest: Hits her foe with several pieces of wood
  • [Occult] World's Most Agile Torso: Uses a gap to send her upper body forward to attack her foe while her lower body remains in place
• Spell Cards
  
  • Evil Spirits "Yukari Yakumo's Spiriting Away": Repeatedly teleports around while firing off danmaku
  • "Boundary of Humans and Youkai": Vanishes entirely and attacks the foe with danmaku patterns while not physically present
  • Splitter "Thing That Splits All Into Two": Repeatedly jumps in and out of and moves through gaps while spinning her umbrella
  • Fantasy Nest "Flying Noctilucae's Nest": Opens up several gaps that fire danmaku forwards, always in the direction of the foe
  • Boundary "Overflowing Flotsam": Sends several pieces of wood flying at her foe
  • Abandoned Line "Aimless Journey to the Abandoned Station": Opens a gap through which an abandoned train comes from, though (in gameplay at least) it takes time to open the gap
  • "Unmanned Abandoned Railroad Car Bomb": Summons three train cars that fly into her foe before exploding

Great Hakurei Barrier

• The Barrier Itself
  
  • Feats/Statements
    • The Great Hakurei Barrier is a barrier of sense that surrounds all of Gensokyo, and keeps living creatures and their tools from passing through while allowing non-living things to pass through without issue. Via non-Euclidian space a person attempting to pass through the barrier will find themselves wandering endlessly, and they will find themselves back where they started upon turning around.
    • Even when Reimu and Marisa traveled to the moon they never left the barrier, and they consider getting through the barrier to be harder than going to the moon
    • Gensokyo is designed to be the opposite of the outside world, and things that contradict that concept cannot pass through the barrier
    • Akyuu states the barrier is a barrier of common sense and keeps the outside world's common sense outside, and that it's composed of multiple smaller barriers, but that it periodically weakens every 60 years
    • There is at least some difference in the seasons between Gensokyo and the outside world
    • Sumireko was unable to fully penetrate the barrier from the outside
  • Limits
    • Non-living things and certain creatures are able to pass through the barrier more easily
    • It's noted Remilia's scarlet mist would have spread past the boundary into the human world
    • Objects that violated common sense from the outside world being used on the barrier would threaten its very existence
• Manipulation
  
  • Yukari was one of the sages to suggest the creation of the Great Hakurei Barrier, though whether she's the actual creator is unclear. Reimu refers to her as the original creator but Yuyuko thinks the barrier is too strong for Yukari to make
  • States that she has torn holes in the barrier
  • Creates a powerful distortion in the barrier
  • Repairs the barrier after Reimu does something to weaken it
  • Whenever a human from the outside world wanders into Gensokyo, it's because of fluctuations in the barrier caused by her

Gensokyo's Boundary of Reality and Illusion

• General
  
  • Created a boundary of illusion and reality around Gensokyo, defining Gensokyo as illusionary and the outside world as real, so anything that becomes viewed as fantasy is pulled into Gensokyo, even from outside Japan. This was performed 500 years ago and still going strong.
  • Yukari seems to have at least some amount of awareness of those who enter and leave Gensokyo through this method
• Living Things
  
  • A snake wakes up in Gensokyo as soon as he transforms into a youkai, with Mamizou stating that when you turn into a youkai you wind up in Gensokyo. Said snake is potentially originally from India
  • When there's a demand for Zashiki-Warashi in the outside world they start vanishing from Gensokyo, and later return when that demand fades
  • New youkai created in the outside world immediately appear in Gensokyo as well, but due to not having a clear form they disappear just a quickly
  • Rinnosuke notes that Gensokyo is rather multicultural, as youkai brought with them foreign cultures as they were pulled into Gensokyo
  • A real life human shows up in Gensokyo after becoming a god
  • Animals that become endangered or extinct (at least in Japan) are more prevalent in Gensokyo
  • A completely ordinary seal winds up in Gensokyo after being forgotten while a youkai well integrated in human society could remain in the outside world
• Nonliving
  
  • Items that fall out of use in the outside world wind up in Gensokyo
  • People doubting or forgetting the moon landing is enough to cause several magazines about it to appear in Gensokyo as well as the Soyuz spacecraft
  • Lyrica implies that instruments and even noises can fall into fantasy
• Buildings
  
  • The Scarlet Devil Mansion is a western style mansion housing multiple powerful youkai that is assumed to have arrived in Gensokyo fairly recently, with Akyuu also noting that it seemingly wasn't designed for Japanese climates
  • Another western style mansion housing the Prismriver sister also exists in Gensokyo
  • Unused radio towers occasionally appear in Gensokyo
  • After Miko is forgotten by the outside world, her entire mausoleum arrives in Gensokyo
• Large Scale
  
  • Due to Kanako making it fall into fantasy the Moriya shrine and the nearby lake move to Gensokyo
  • According to legend the Bamboo Forest of the Lost appeared in Gensokyo after being washed away by a tsunami
  • It's thought (according to Keine) that Youkai Mountain in Gensokyo is the original mythical form Yatsugatake, before it had been torn down by a god, back when it was taller than Mt. Fuji

Misc

• Boundary of Reality and Illusion - Moon
  
  • Erases the boundary between the real and illusionary moon, turning a reflection of the moon in the water into a portal to the moon itself that allows for instantaneous travel
  • Can return to Earth by doing the same thing to a reflection of the Earth
  • Leaves the portal open by shoving an umbrella into it
  • The Watatsuki sisters state she can freely travel between the Earth and moon, and that she once brought a throng of youkai to the moon with her
  • Implies this can only be performed when the moon is completely full, and that she was trapped on the moon when the full waned more quickly than expected
• Netherworld
  
  • Weakened the barrier between Gensokyo and the Netherworld so Yuyuko could more easily enter Gensokyo. She is also responsible for its repair
    • The Netherworld's barrier weakening causes the boundary between life and death to become vague, with Youmu wondering if it's okay to leave the boundary between this world an the next so ambiguous, though Youmu also notes it hasn't changed up the natural order too much
  • States that she caused the borders between Hell and the Netherworld to fade
    • Both the Netherworld and Hell are massive, but it's not clear to what extent she actually merged them
• Lunar Capital
  
  • Breaks through the barrier of the lunar capital, but it takes her a while due to the complexity
    • This barrier separates the living fantastical moon from the scientific dead one, and requires a specific route in order to reach the capital
  • Opens a whole in the barrier hiding the house of the Lunar sage with her thumb, and leaves her glove in the gap so that Yuyuko and Youmu can later use it to enter the Lunar Captial
• Misc Conceptual
  
  • States she can manipulate the boundary between Gensokyo and the outside world, the worlds of the living and the dead, human and youkai, or even day and night
  • Claims she can give the immortal Mokou a near death experience by manipulating the boundary of life and death
  • States she thinned the barrier between human and youkai, possibly making Reimu a youkai temporarily
    • States she could set the boundary between human and youkai for Mai and Satano to make them one or the other
  • Manipulates the boundary between daylight and moonlight to cause both to happen at the same time
  • Makes the moon as bright as daytime by manipulating the boundary between day and night
  • Marisa speculates that Yukari manipulated the border between danmaku for play and danmaku for combat for one of her attacks
  • States she can easily manipulate the boundary between spring and winter
  • States she causes noctambulism (sleep walking) in humans by manipulating the boundary between asleep and awake
  • Manipulates the boundary of master and slave, causing both teams using perfect possession to swap said roles
    • Doing this required interfering with the dream world

Other Abilities

Note that a number of feats here potentially involve boundary manipulation, but it's less explicit
Energy Projection

• Feats
  
  • Individual needles can break rock, and destroy a large boulder with sustained fire
  • Effortlessly defeats the three fairies of light, throwing out projectiles made of light and non-light
  • Marisa considers Yukari's danmaku harder to deal with than Yuyuko's
  • Surrounds herself with rings of danmaku
• General
  
  • Fires out large amounts of danmaku in various patterns
  • Fires off danmaku in front of her with a swing of her fan
  • Attacks with lines of energy
  • Fires off several orbs trailed by lines of energy
  • Creates spirals of energy around her body
  • Using a bomb, unleashes a pulse of energy that knocks back her foe
• Skills
  
  • Purple Needles of Painful Reproach: Rapid fires needles in front of her
  • Bewitching Bait: Creates a bird's eye that high speed projectiles then fly through at random paths
  • Spacetime Seam: Creates a pulse of energy projectiles in all directions around her, possibly by cracking space
• Spell Cards
  
  • Standard Danmaku Pattern
    • Barrier "Curse of Dreams and Reality"
    • Barrier "Balance of Motion and Stillness"
    • Barrier "Mesh of Light and Darkness"
    • Evil Spirits "Dreamland of Straight and Curve"
    • Evil Spirits "Bewitching Butterfly Living in the Zen Temple"
    • Sinister Spirits "Double Black Death Butterfly"
    • Barrier "Boundary of Life and Death"
    • Yukari's Arcanum "Danmaku Barrier"
    • Outer Force "Infinite Superspeed Flying Object"
    • Border Sign "Boundary of Form and Emptiness"
    • Border Sign "Boundary of Wave and Particle"
    • Photon "Doppler Effect"
    • Aerial Bait "Hyperactive High Speed Flying Object"
    • "Yakumo's Nest"
    • "Impossible Danmaku Barrier"
    • "Casebook of Luck, Resilience and Perseverance"
  • Combo Attack with Others
    • "Perfect Possession and Dream Seal": With Reimu
    • "Boundary of Spirit Medium and Divine Spirit": With Reimu
    • "Secret God Barrier": With Okina
    • "Shoot the Danmaku Barrier!": With Marisa
    • "Unauthorized Danmaku Photography is Strictly Prohibited": With Reimu
    • Paper Sign "Barrier-Enclosed Zener Card Shuriken": With Sumireko
  • Misc
    • Aerial Bait "Addictive Bait": Opens several locations through which high speed projectiles travel from
    • Fantasy "Perpetual Motion Machine of the First Kind": Creates a perpetual motion device that automatically fires danmaku without her input
    • Spirit Medium's Melancholy: Fires off danmaku that only hits one part of a perfect possession duo
• Last Word
  
  • "Profound Danmaku Barrier -Phantasm, Foam and Shadow-": Creates an everlasting bullet pattern with her finger deciding its life and death

Shikigami: Shikigami are spirits that have been turned into tools via a patter, that have software installed to control them

• Feats/Statmenents
  
  • Has the ability to control shikigami, which like computers will follower her commands exactly. Her primary shikigami is Ran, who herself has her own shikigami Chen
  • Has shikigami possess various crows which she uses for scouting
    • A crow rapidly flies over large swaths of the lunar surface in what is implied to be a short span of time. Its flight is also described as unnaturally straight, with it following the special path required to reach the Lunar Capital with computer-like accuracy
    • [Limit] A crow is killed by being possessed exposed to the vacuum of space
  • Has eyes all over Gensokyo... literally, with this eyes noted to be her familiars
• Skills
  
  • "Apparotation Needle": Has Ran chase after he foes while firing off danmaku
  • Eyes that View Change: Opens a gap holding an eye, which attacks the enemy when it sees a weakpoint based on specific programming
• Spell Cards
  
  • Summoning Rand and or Chen to attack enemies
    • Shikigami "Ran Yakumo"
    • Sign III "Ran Yakumo"
    • Shikigami "Ran Yakumo +"
    • Shikigami "Chen"
    • Shikigami "Ran Yakumo & Chen":
  • Other
    • Magic Eye "Laplace's Demon": Opens up several gaps holding eyes which attack when they see an exploitable weak point

Umbrella

• General
  
  • Hits her foe by spinning her umbrella
  • Creates spirals of energy around her umbrella
• Skills
  
  • Bewitching Butterfly Lurking in the Zen Temple: Envelopes her umbrella in energy and spins it while slamming into her foe
  • Fantasy Manji-Parasol: Gathers spiritual energy on her umbrella, then spins and fires it off as a projectile
  • Full Moon Umbrella: Creates a ring of energy around herself with a swing of her umbrella
• Spell Cards
  
  • Sign II "Manji-Parasol of Yakumo"

Senses

• Sees the human village despite Keine attempting to hide it by trying to make it appear that nothing had ever been there by eating its history
  
• Youkai can see perfectly by moonlight
  
• Claims to see the backside of the moon bathed with sunlight, even during a new moon
  
• Detects that a tree is from the outside world
  
• Eavesdrops on Sakuya's conversation while not physically present, and speaks to Reisen before warping to the location
  
• Claims to clearly see the launch of the Scarlet Devil Mansion's rocket from a ways away
  
• Senses Eiki's presence
  
• Senses the weakening of the Great Hakurei Barrier while presumably asleep
  
• Realizes the Shinmyoumaru in front of her isn't the normal one
  
• Sees the outside world beyond the Great Hakurei Barrier
  
• Sees the flow of energy from living things and helps Youmu to understand it
  
• Able to see the god that Utsuho had absorbed the power of
  

My PS3 is dying a slow, yellow tinted death, so I'm getting rid of my retro PS collection. Also have some Wii/DS games for sale.
I can provide pics for all games upon request. All PlayStation games are black border, in their original cases, include all discs and are in used but playable condition. All prices are US dollars. Discounts for bulk orders can be negotiated.
I'm also interested in trades. See here for details.
PS1:

• Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete - Damaged Case - Includes Hardcover Manual - 100
• Vagrant Story - Slightly Damaged Case - Includes Manual - 70
• Final Fantasy IX - Slightly Damaged Case - Includes Manual - 20
• Chrono Cross - No Manual - 20
• Metal Gear Solid - Includes Manual - 40

PS2:

• Xenosaga ep 1 - Includes Manual - 35
• Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance - Includes Manual - 12
• Phantom Brave - Missing bonus soundtrack disk - Includes manual - 10

PS3:

• Valkyria Chronicles - Includes Manual - 8
• Metal Gear Solid 4 - Includes Manual - 8
• Batman: Arkham Asylum - Includes Manual - 8
• Batman: Arkham City - Includes Manual - 8
• Eternal Sonata - Includes Manual - 20
• Little Big Planet - Includes Manual - 8
• Little Big Planet 2 - Includes Manual - 8
• Bioshock - Includes Manual - 6
• Uncharted - Includes Manual - 5
• Uncharted 2 - Includes Manual - 5
• Uncharted 3 GOTY - Includes Manual - 6
• Demon Souls - Includes Manual - 15
• Dark Souls - Includes Manual - 10
• Final Fantasy XIII - Includes Manual - 10
• Ghostbusters: The Video Game - Includes Manual - 7
• Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch - Includes Manual - 6
• Devil May Cry 4 - Includes Manual - 10
• Ico/Shadow of the Colossus Collection - Includes Manual - 10
• Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Greatest Hits Red Case) - Includes Manual - 5
• Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction - Includes Manual - 10
• GTA 4 - Includes manual - 10
• LA Noire - Includes manual - 5
• Portal 2 - Includes manual - 10
• Rock Band 2 - No manual - No peripherals - 5
• Rock Band 3 - Includes manual - No peripherals - 10
• The Beatles Rockband - Includes manual - No peripherals - 8
• InFamous - Includes manual - 9
• Killzone 2 - Includes manual - 5
• Call of Duty 4 MW - Includes manual - 5
• Call of Duty Black Ops - Includes manual - 5

Wii:

• Excitetruck - Includes manual - 7
• Donkey Kong Returns - Includes manual - 10
• Xenoblade Chronicles - Includes manual - 25
• Super Mario Galaxy - Includes manual - 15
• Super Mario Galaxy 2 - Unopened - 50
• LoZ Twilight Princess - Includes manual - 15
• Resident Evil 4 - Includes manual - 10
• No More Heroes - Includes manual - 10
• Super Smash Bros Brawl - Includes manual - 18
• Punch Out Wii - Includes manual - 35
• Rayman Raving Rabbids - Includes manual - 5
• Metroid Prime 3: Corruption - Includes manual - 15
• BoomBlox: Bash Party - Includes manual - 8
• Okami - Includes manual - 8
• Super Paper Mario - Includes manual - 18
• Muramasa: The Demon Blade - Includes manual - 40
• Wii Sports Resort- Includes manual - 30

DS

• LoZ Phantom Hourglass - Includes Manual - 50
• The World Ends With You - Includes Manual - 30

Pics:
PS1/PS2 games album 1
PS1/PS2 games album 2
PS1/PS2 games album 3

For context I feel like I’ve been in a rut for the last few weeks. Like I’m craving a little bit of satisfaction and I’m right on the edge but that feeling never comes. I’ve tried having sex, reading a book to the end, crocheting a project and finishing it, exercising, drafting my own book, “self play”, going for walks, starting a skin care routine, playing my favorite video games, watching my favorite shows, playing with my cats but literally nothing is giving me the sense of “okay you accomplished something here’s that good feeling you’re reaching for”. Any advice or ideas that I can do to make me feel regulated and satisfied?

Torvan Nikolsim, Shipmaster of Scientific Vessel SE-89.
We had managed to dodge the patrol that found our shuttle. It was evident that the sentients pursuing us here were hostile, given their toting of apparent firearms. However, Talvak and I had managed to find a recess in a nearby geological formation. The engineer was fiddling with the antenna, seeing if he could hotwire it to send at least some signal.
“Talvak, why are you still fiddling with that scrap metal?” I said, still irritated at the uncomfortable heat in the air around me.
“There’s no point in not trying, sir.” He said, some technical piece of metal trapped gently in between his jaws, giving his speech a puffy quality.
“We don’t have any kind of datapad. Even if the antenna was functioning properly, we don’t have a terminal to use it with.”
“We don’t need a terminal.”
My head tilted at this, swallowing a suspiciously thick glob of saliva. Perhaps some water for me?
“What do you mean?”
Talvak looked at whatever he was holding, another green piece of conduit or like, and then turned to me.
“Sir, since there is… well… Can I tell you this in confidence?”
“What?”
Talvak took a second, and opened his maw again.
“I’ve been running something of a data smuggling business back on Enceres.”
My ears twitched in alarm, myself suddenly sitting upright. Smuggling of any kind was a serious crime in the Enceric Union.
“What?!” I bellowed, somewhat outraged. “Do you know how long you could be rotting in a cell if you were caught? You’re idiotic.”
“Well, I… Uhh.” Talvak quieted down at this, sheepishly flicking his tail behind him.
“Look, I don’t care. I’m not a GSPA officer, I’m a scientist. I’m just concerned for my crew. What do you know?”
“I’ve figured out a way to manually run an antenna without using a terminal. The terminal is what reads the data transmissions, so by bypassing it, I can download and transmit data without it being logged. It’s rather a nifty little trick.”
That was, undoubtedly, a smart little hack.
“Talvak, out of curiosity, who were you smuggling data for?”
“Do you really want to know that?”
“We could very well die, might as well do it with a somewhat clean conscience.”
Talvak paused for a moment.
“I’ve been smuggling media and stuff for the Salroan Concord. Mostly cinematics and music and other stuff banned in the Union.”
“You committed treason?!” I shouted, shocked at Talvak’s bold move. “That warrants the death penalty!”
The Salroan Concord occupied a large swath of territory on Enceres, namely on the continent of Salro. They and the Enceric Union were sworn enemies, namely due to massive ideological differences. Accordingly, Spies and other collaborators were not afforded the luxury of a prison cell.
“Eh… Well, technically, still committing.”
“You’re really an idiot, you know that?”
Talvak again looked away sheepishly.
“Look,” I began, “I’m sorry for lashing out. We’re both under a lot of stress. And heat!”
Talvak chuffed.
“So, what exactly are you doing?”
“Well, as I said, I needed a way to bypass the terminal’s logging system, so I’ve figured out how to hotwire something directly to the antenna. It’s fairly simple if you know what you’re doing. All I need to do is loop this here circuit,”
He gestured at some part of the antenna that I couldn’t see,
“And get it so that it sends a looping distress signal. The antenna has a battery charge, so it’ll broadcast for a while. We won’t be able to transmit specifics, but it’ll convey distress, and our position.”
Talvak sat back from his little diatribe, looking somewhat proud of himself. He relaxed his ears and bared his teeth in a relaxed manner, gently drawing back his lip, just barely showing the tip of his canines. I’ll admit, that was a pretty smart thing, even if he did learn the skill by committing a crime.
So I left Talvak to finish his technological fiddling, and I moved to the edge of the cave, staring out. There wasn’t any particular thing I was looking at, I was just trying to pass the time. Nonetheless, I still took more time to stare at those spire-like plants. Annoyingly warm or not, this planet has beauty to it., I thought. In the back of my mind, there were still several concerns floating about.
Why had this operation gone so badly? Establishing outposts on worlds in the Ca’an system was relatively simple; Send a probe, await results of the atmosphere’s makeup, and then send the first colonizers. The weird thing is, not once were any of Cavara’s drones able to transmit atmospheric information, leaving us in a scientific dark. In addition, I was to blame for the deaths of about four crewmen in the shuttle crash. But these were overshadowed by the more immediate concern; intelligent life.
I saw distinctly non-San’tari life forms clambering out of that noisy air transport, weapons in hand, before I darted off into the foliage with Talvak. Sapient and intelligent life would give a very clear answer as to why the drones couldn’t last ten minutes in atmosphere without being destroyed. Sapience explained the lights of cities on the surface that some idiots thought were bioluminescence. But these were violent life forms. Like us. The reaction of blasting a drone out of the sky is completely rational. Enceric Union air defenses wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing in a similar situation. But there was a worrying aspect to the lack of hesitancy; If they didn’t hesitate to destroy a drone, would they not hesitate to kill me or Talvak? Or would horrifying scientific experimentation await us, things only reserved in the minds of a GSPA interrogation officer?
My musings were interrupted by a sudden cough, leaving me bent over, wheezing for breath. Maybe taking off the hazard mask wasn’t a good idea. When I got back into a sitting position, I realized I needed to relieve myself, so I wandered off a couple paces, and emptied the contents of my bladder against a rock.
However, I noticed a growling in my belly, disrupting my peaceful waiting, so I wandered back inside the cave.
“Talvak, did you happen to find any rations, anywhere?” I said, aware that I probably couldn’t eat any food here, given the biochemistry.
“No sir, you?”
I flicked my ears in the negative.
“Well, this might be an issue.” Talvak said, curling his tail. “But, I’m almost done wiring the loop. We should be out of here in a couple day-night cycles.” Suddenly, an Idea hit me.
“Talvak, this planet obviously has life, right?”
“Sir?”
“Well, on Enceres, glucose is needed for any sort of biological reaction capable of sustaining life to occur.”
“Sir, with all due respect, I’m a technician, not a biologist.”
“You’re also a data smuggler. What I’m saying, Talvak, is we should, in theory, be able to consume certain flora here, and the flora should use glucose. Temporary rations.”
“Is that really the best idea, Shipmaster?”
“Absolutely not, but I’m hungry, and I’m developing a strange cough.”
“Fair.”
With that, Talvak turned back to the antenna, and I turned to the mouth of the cave. It was time for some basic foraging.
—---------------
Colonel Samuel Greene, Douglas MacArthur Airbase
The telescope results brought back from NASA were definitely not what I had expected. I had assumed the high atmospheric transmissions were from some foreign power’s spy satellite, but this was definitely unique. I turned my gaze from my office window to my monitor, and stared at the image again. Two long, sleek objects were visible on the monitor, with a large mushroom-like formation protruding from the front of one of the objects. The images were stills, but I had to assume these were vessels of some kind. One one of them, I could barely make out a small protrusion, not too different from the barrel of a gun.
Sighing, I turned off my monitor, and rose from my chair. The command center had seen a sudden influx of personnel, from NASA scientists to even a few of the kooks from SETI. But with the recent developments, were they really kooks? China was fervently denying any spy activity (reinforced by our own intelligence), and Russia didn’t have enough resources to maintain a space program after the War. Mongolia, The Ukraine, Namibia, and Kazakhstan were too young as space-capable nations (not to mention their friendly terms with the US), and the ESA would have notified us if they were doing something this large.
“Colonel Greene, sir.” “Captain Myer. What’s the results with our ground recovery operation?”
The aging air captain shifted.
“We secured the wreck’s crash site, but we’ve found something concerning.”
“What might that be?”
“Corpses, sir.” Myer shifted again, patting his pockets as though searching for something. Finally, he stopped searching, and gazed around the room. His sight fell on something, and he walked over, procuring a tablet.
“Look at this, Colonel,” He said, signing into the tablet. “This isn’t a human cadaver.”
It took a second to process what I was looking at. The corpse of… whatever it was on the screen was charred to a very severe degree. Through the carbonized material, I could see the white glint of bone, or at least what I assumed to be bone. The corpse had been placed next to a measuring device, like something from a crime scene. A small caption under the image noted that this… thing was at least six feet and five inches tall. The corpse had legs that were similar to a human’s, with the addition of an extra joint above what I assumed to be an ankle. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make out anything from the hands and feed, given that the corpse was charred beyond recognition. At the head, the only distinct feature was a large protrusion from the mouth area, possibly a snout.
“What are your thoughts, Myer?” I said, attempting to pass the tablet back to him.
“Wait, here.” The captain responded, gently pushing the tablet back to me. He swiped the screen, revealing three similar corpses next to the first, obviously moved from their original position. I said a small prayer that whatever these things were had suffered a quick and painless death before being carbonized.
Myer swiped again, pulling up an image of what I assumed to be the craft that air defenses had shot down. It was more interesting looking than the objects on the satellite image, with an aerodynamic shape. It was actually not too dissimilar from a small helicopter, minus a rotor system.
“Fascinating, isn’t it?” A feminine voice said from behind me.
Startled, I wheeled in my spot, and came face to face with a dark-skinned woman wearing a modest blouse and a visitor badge. Thick black plastic glasses rested on her nose, and the lanyard around her neck informed me that she was with SETI.
“I’m sorry, who are you?”
“Naomi Charleson, SETI.”
Oh, one of the maybe-not-kooks.
Without prompting from me or Myer, she began, “It’s definitely extra-terrestrials. No earth animal has a body like that,” She said, stating the obvious. “This is huge! We aren’t alone in the universe! Think about the scientific implications. The cultural ones. Hell, even theological!”
“Well, thank you for your opinion, Miss Charleson-”
“Doctor Charleson.”
“Thank you, Doctor Charleson, but we’re a little far away from declaring aliens. There’s a lot of scientific work that needs to be done, as far as I’m aware.”
“That’s why I’m here,” she said matter-of-factly.”
“Eheh, thank you, Doctor, but-”
“Colonel,” Myer interrupted, “This just came in from one of the combat recorders from the recovery team.”
He shoved the tablet back towards me. There was a video queued up on screen. I pressed the play button. The camera feed was shaky. It was only a ten second loop, and the video was edited, zoomed in on a tree line. I saw it; a gray figure just beyond the trees, stalking away into the darkness.
“I’ve already dispatched a second recovery team that specialized in tracking terrorists in the wilderness. We’ll have a result by nightfall.” Myer said.
Regardless of whatever this special team that Myer spoke of brought back, whatever was brought back would determine our response. What that would be, I couldn’t say.
—----
Torvan Nikolsim, Shipmaster of Science Vessel SE-89
My scavenging was relatively uneventful. I had gathered a series of green leaf-like plants from various foliages around the cave, and brought them back to our lair. Talvak had gotten the antenna up and running, and, according to him, either SE-89 or CX-13 would pick up the distress signal.
“So, here’s dinner.” I said, poking some leaves around the floor. The greens did have a visual appeal to them, and my stomach growled eagerly knowing that some form of sustenance was incoming. However, I couldn’t risk dying from toxins, so I broke open the plant, rubbed the inside of the plant against my lips, and waited. Nothing happened, aside from a vaguely distant scent drifting up to my nostrils, eliciting more saliva in my already desperate maw. Waiting a little more, to rule out the possibility of any ill reaction, I finally caved, and began to eat the improvised salad, Talvak following suit.
The leaves were nothing special, they were literally just common ground plants, better suited for some herbivorous animal. But, they were preferable to starvation. Finishing our meager meal, Talvak slinked off to a side of the cave, and curled up. I followed suit, except with the opposite rock wall making up my dormitory for the evening. There was no need to huddle for warmth, nor was there any equality in rank to warrant such physical closeness. I closed my eyes, and allowed oblivion to consume me.
—
I awoke with a start.
Footsteps
Was Talvak awake?
No, too many.
I sat up, and gazed around the dim cave. Something was wrong. I had sworn I had left a small beacon on, but it was turned off. My heart only dropped when I heard a pair of heavy steps stopped right in front of my face, and I felt a cold, hard cylinder press itself against my head.
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A special thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for the fantastical universe.
Have a really long chapter!
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Memory transcription subject: Jaxton, son of a humble sheep farmer
Date [standardized human time]: October 11th, 2136
If someone asked me years ago how many people would travel the globe just to see me. My answer would have been three; my father, my mother, and Dex Mason. My mother and father would have been simply obligated to do so, as I was their son, and I would have done the same thing. Dex was my best friend when I went to middle school in America, and he stayed my best friend when I went back to Wales, going back to Atlanta for many vacations.
What can I say? He had a nice collection of guns, and his general cheerful attitude made many people optimistic, so a day on the range with him led to the both of us being happier.
Then you add in Dex’s older and younger brothers, our mutual friend John Dillinger, and then you have a recipe for a fun time; guns, video games, hiking, and the occasional sheep herding if they ever come to my home: It’s a blast!
An alien porcupine though… I honestly never expected that I would ever in my honest-to-God lifetime, have such an impact on someone before. We barely knew each other for even a few minutes, yet she to my knowledge was merely some sad Gojid that was struggling with depression and loss. All I did was walk in and comfort her, or well, that’s how I saw it.
I still feel like an absolute idiot for forgetting about what I told her. It wasn’t a promise, but based on the implication of how I said it. It may as well have been a declaration to see the girl a few hours later, or however long it took her to get ready.
Now, speaking of Barlim, it’s been a few minutes since she arrived at my doorway at the most unexpected of times. I had her sitting in our living room on our couch. The Gojid, or Gojya, that I had to have explained to me, had her arms wrapped around one of our decorative pillows. She was giving squeezes every few seconds depending on how she felt, and if she was really giving it a firm squeeze, I’d reach over and stroke the top of her head. Barlim seemed to relax every time I did this.
“You holding up better?” Barlim appeared to be holding up better: No longer sobbing out tears from her eyes, or having mucus running from her nostrils.
She merely sniffed weakly for a second, nuzzling into my hand. If I had to admit, I had no idea if I was performing some massive social taboo by patting her like an animal, but if she wasn’t going to complain, neither was I. I mean, I already poked myself twice more! “I’m feeling much better. Sorry for intruding…”
“Don’t be,” I said while holding back a small laugh. “Are you feeling better enough to talk now?” Barlim’s ears flicked in response, and then she nodded in response upon realizing I didn’t know what those ear flicks meant. “Good.”
“Hey, I would just like to apologize for how I acted,” my mother started before I had the chance to speak. “It’s just that I’ve seen on the news and read of murderous xenophobic aliens…-”
“It’s fine,” Barlim let out the most adorable-sounding chittering noise I have ever heard. It sounded as if a porcupine was, well, laughing! “I would not have reacted much differently… Three days ago?” At least she could make fun of herself for how she acted. Her ears gave a few flicks, gesturing towards amusement or self-depreciation if I had to guess. They burned bright blue.
My father took a minute to stand up and walk over to Barlim. She only fidgeted a little bit, but not much when he reached out to her with one hand. “Jameson, again, it’s been pleasant to meet you so far.” The man’s hand hung in the air for several seconds. Barlim eyeing it up with what had to be a quizzical expression. “You’re supposed to grab it and firmly shake it,” my father eventually grunted.
“Oh!” That seemed to snap Barlim out of her stupor. She reached forward in kind with one paw, clasping her surprisingly big paw around my father’s hand, which he shook. The Gojid seemed to have a fair understanding of the action after a few seconds, at which point the handshake ended and my father returned to his seat.
A brief, quiet pause occupied the four of us before there was more knocking at the front door. “Oh, uh, that may be the rest of my friends. I sort of forgot about them when I realized we were so close.” The tips of Barlim’s ears turned a delicate shade of blue. She started to get up, but with a firm palm on the top of her head, I held her down, gently.
“You traveled a long way. Let me get the door,” I state and get up from the couch. My knees and back stretch, giving a satisfactory series of pops before I work my way to the front door. I decide against grabbing the mask, assuming that Barlim’s friends have gotten quite used to the infamous human binocular stare. When I open it, I see a rather eclectic group of individuals, some familiar and some not.
“Arwen, Trivi, Tova, and I take it Barlim’s friends.” Arwen and Trivi issue some friendly waves. Tova has her forearms clasped around Arwen’s neck from behind, jaw resting on the redhead’s shoulders. Her eyes are puffy and orange. It was pretty easy to assume what she had been going through. Meanwhile, the other three flick their ears and tails in a way that was most likely a greeting, but that was just me making an inference based on this being our first interaction, and them not giving waves in greeting.
I really need to learn Gojid and Venlil body language.
“Just delivering the rest of that one Gojid’s friends.” Arwen’s tone was the general cheerful tone it always was. She briefly stepped back from the door and swung an arm to the side, pointing to the three aliens behind her, doing so while under the weight of Tova.
“Barlim,” one of the Gojid said to Arwen. “My name is Pragh,” she then pointed over to another Gojid, “That’s Tack, and,” she indicated to the final Gojid, “That is Telg.” Again, the other two Gojid gave very similar flicks of the ears when they glanced at me with one of their eyes. “I take it you’re Jaxton?”
I couldn’t resist the urge to curl my lips upwards in a smile. The three Gojid didn’t flinch when I exposed my teeth, for which I was grateful. I really didn’t feel like bowing to more people than I needed to at the moment, having not gotten a particularly great amount of sleep last night was not a wise idea. “You’d be correct. It seems I’m the popular man of the hour. What can I do for you all?”
“Well, Tack and I were simply following Barlim, so we were going to stay with her until the UN or whoever really controls the whole Gojid refugee camp situation comes looking for us-”
I cut off Pragh with an amused tone. “So let me get this straight. You wanna come and mooch off my family for a bit because you have nowhere to stay at the moment?” I hold my tongue for just the slightest second, letting Gojid raise up her paws defensively. Even Arwen’s eyes widen briefly at what I just said.
“That’s not-” Pragh doesn’t speak for long before I dismissively wave my hand.
“I’m joking, yes, I’m sure my parents will allow you to stay for a bit, but you’ll have to clean up after yourselves, and all that stuff.” I lean up against the doorframe. “Ok though, jokes aside, what do you all want?”
Pragh rubbed her paws over her blue ears. “Yes, well, you did sort of hit one of them. I will admit, there was very little planning other than we’re going to Wales on our part. You don’t have to worry about Telg though.”
“I scored myself a date! Hah!~ So, I will be going back to Georgia in about an hour or two.” The Gojid paused, popped open one of the pockets on his hoodie, and took a peek inside at a slip of paper he pulled out. “Two hours, yeah, I have about an hour to spend here. So you and Tack are going to stay here?”
Pragh nodded to Telg’s words. “Yep, someone has to make sure Barlim continues to be a responsible Gojid. Also, I still have more research to do over the internet-”
“Ah yes, research, Pragh, research, am I right?~”
“No! Not that! I’m not going to be looking up that!”
The two male Gojid couldn’t help but hold back giggles and chitters, making me feel as if I was missing some sort of- Oh. The second it clicked for me, I just let out a long, slow sigh. “Please, let me just say that humanity is probably not whatever you found. Factory farms are a thing of the past.” Apparently, I was wrong, for the other two Gojid started laughing more uproariously, “Ok, I’m wrong it seems…” The gears proceeds to click a second time after realizing it was something a lot more bawdy than damning. I opened my mouth to say something but quickly realized that I wouldn’t have anything to follow up on if one of them decided to make any sort of accusation, so I quickly shut my plan to speak about that down. “How about you all just come inside now? Your friend Barlim already came by, and I’m pretty sure you all would like a break from your adventure.”
“Actually, Trvi and I were going to take Tova to my home. Might take her to the hospital if Quilix has calmed down. God, I wished they transported him to Ysbyty Gwynedd, but no. He had a freakout and had to be moved to London.”
“It’s all my fault…” The dark venlil whined.
Arwen’s hand managed to work its way between Tova’s ears, giving a few scritches. Scritches that Tova nuzzled into. “Come on you big, big venlil. I know you’re upset. Just, hang in there for a little while longer. I’m sure Quilix will come around. Let’s take you home, see ya Jaxton!” Arwen waved and carried the venlil toward the parked taxi in front of my house. Well, carried was a generous term for half-carry/half-assisted in guiding toward the car.
Trivi followed seconds later, giving his own bye and wave. “Tell your mother and father I said hi, see you tomorrow!” And with that, the blonde venlil scampered off, following after his human lover.
This left me with the three other hedgehog-looking aliens standing awkwardly in front of my door. They looked amongst themselves, thinking about saying something.
Wait, someone’s missing…
“Arf! Arf!”
The three Gojid who looked like they were about to say something all jumped about a foot in the air when Lacey came bounding through them, running straight past me into my home. “Oh, Lacey! Welcome ho- Oh, and ignored.” I shake my head upon hearing the following oof that comes from my father. Lacey must’ve claimed my father’s lap as her seat. “Well, if you want to come inside and meet the rest of my family. Come right on in.”
The next few minutes are filled with more pleasantries being exchanged. The Gojid all take their place on the couch, somehow managing to fit four of them on a couch meant for three. I end up choosing to stand by my father, who gently strokes Lacey across her back. The border collie panting jovially, looking back and forth between us and our alien guest, giving the occasional bark to beg for more attention.
The Gojid guests seem calm for the most part, sitting on that couch, but it is quite clear that the dog makes them uncomfortable since they flinch every time Lacey either makes a noise or stares at them with those heterochromatic eyes. “Not a fan of dogs, are you?” My father breaks the silence once it starts up again.
“I didn’t like…” Pragh started but stopped seconds later. “Listen, I believe you know why most Federation species don’t like humans, right?” Pragh’s words earned an affirmative grunt from my father. My mother and I nodded too. “Well, you’re all sapient and in control of your hunting instincts…” I raised my eyebrow at that but chose to say nothing. “That dog though-”
My father raised a hand, telling Praph to stop speaking for a moment. “I am going to have to stop you right there. Firstly, humans don’t, or we believe don’t have hunting instincts, and secondly, Lacey is a good girl that has harmed no person before, human or alien. I can assure you, as well as Quilix, Trivi, and Tova, that Lacey wouldn’t harm any of you, your pups, or anything else you will be worried about.”
Those few calmly spoken, but sternly voiced words are enough to calm the four Gojid down a fair amount. While I can’t see their muscles under their fur all that well, I can safely assume that their muscles grew lax at such information. Maybe we can do more to ease them around the dog while they’re here?
With an idea springing to mind, I take a few steps over to our old wooden hall tree. It is adorned with a few coats and hats, but what I am interested in is blue colored, six feet long rope of dog leash. The second it makes the lightest noise, Lacey is bolting toward me. “Eistedd!” The dog swiftly responds to the command: Hind quarters hitting the ground the second the word leaves my lips. I reach down and stroke the top of the dog’s head with one hand, getting a jovial arf out of her. “Merch dda, merch dda.~” I give the dog’s head a little bit more tender love with my palm and fingers before attaching the leash.
“Cefn.” I keep my voice low, coaxing Lacey into walking toward the couch.
The four Gojid, three of which have probably spent some time outside with the dog, all had a similar reaction when the dog came over: Paws came up off the ground, retracting safely onto the cushions above. It wasn’t really out of the border collie’s reach, but it was clearly instinctual-driven or propaganda-driven fear. “No need to be afraid, she won’t bite you - eistedd.” True to my words, Lacey gets close, sniffing along the edge of the sofa, but not jumping up onto the furniture.
“I see you’ve been practicing, Jaxton. You showing off for the guest?” My dad jokes.
“Hey, I don’t really get a good chance to speak Welsh. Dam- Darn it, really should’ve paid more attention in school. Might go get some lessons so I’m not part of the ten percent that can’t speak it. All I can do is shepherd a dog around, ask for the bathroom, a beer, where am I, and a few other things.” It’s hard not to let out a disappointed sigh. “I need to get off my backside and stop being so lazy.” I pause for one small moment. “And that probably translated for all of them to their native tongue. Doesn’t matter if I say it in English, Welsh, or honestly, Mandarin.”
My old man grins and laughs, leaning his back into the old rocking chair he claimed. My attention returns back to the dog, the fearful porcupine, and three scared hedgehogs.
The first one to reach out if I recall his name is Tack. The Gojid’s claws lightly brush the top of Lacey’s head in a tepid fashion. The dog stares back up at the curious paw; not growling, barking, yipping, biting, or making any sort of fuss that could freak out the apprehensive Gojid. Slowly, Lacey’s tail beings to wag as the curious touching continues for a few seconds. “Is that normal?”
“Mhm… Yes, dogs’ tails wag when they are happy. If she was really happy, she’d jump on you and start licking your face.”
The four Gojid recoiled with what looked like disgust: The thought of a predator’s maw all over their face, tasting them as if they were her next meal was probably what was coursing through their minds. “I think… That’s something I wouldn’t like from a non-sapient creature.” Telg adds in.
He says he doesn’t want it from a non-sapient, but what about a sapient? Oh, what wonderful thoughts this one has. I internally joked.
Both my father and mother let out an audible cough at Telg’s… Well, it could’ve been an indecent statement, or maybe licking was a sign of greeting? There was no way for me to know with my lack of knowledge of Gojid customs.
God damn; Gojid customs, language, body language, and Welsh! That was leaving out Venlil ear and tail signals as well! Too much to learn.
With a gentle nudge, I guide Lacey down the bottom of the couch, letting each Gojid get about a minute or two of bonding time with the goodest of girls. It’s only been a few minutes, but the four could be easily seen relaxing: Tack and Telg are both confident enough to let their paws touch the floor again.
From fearful of anything that ate meat their entire life to sort of fearfully allowing a dog to sniff them, or them to touch a dog, must be leaps and bounds beyond possibility months ago.
“So, you all more comfortable around dogs?”
I get a non-varied amount of reactions: All of them positive to a minor degree, but none are negative or super positive. “Good.”
With such a positive, or well, lacking in a negative reaction from our alien guests. I reach down and unhook the canine’s restraint. No one flinches and Lacey continues to sit for about another few seconds before lazily pacing around the front of the couch, sniffing at paws for some more time before retreating back beside my father’s feet.
“So… What’s the history between humans and dogs?” Pragh was the one that shot this question. One is no doubt born from the fact that we probably allowed a non-sapient predator into our home.
Well, if I was using their logic, of course: I wouldn’t be surprised if it came from ‘Wouldn’t predators eliminate the competition?’ if I had to guess.
“The history involving our canine companions is long and complex.” I reach behind my head to adust my blonde ponytail, tightening up the black band to keep my hair from falling in front of my face. “Most domesticated dogs you’ll see; German shepherds, border collies, Australian shepherds, golden retrievers, and on and on the list goes. I believe there are hundreds of breeds, but that is another tangent we can go on another date. What you’re more interested in is the history, as you have asked.”
I took a few steps around toward the front of the couch, using this new position to project my voice onto my alien audience. My parents had already heard this story a few times when they spoke with one of our dog breeders.
“It all started roughly speaking, thirty-thousand years ago.” I paused, totally for dramatic effect, but to also allow the Gojid to digest this fair-sized crumb of information. “Our competitor, an antagonizing species of persistent pack predators with a strong social bond, the wolf, would often invade human territories, and vice versa. You see, humans and wolves aren’t too dissimilar. We’re both highly social species, pursuit pack predators as I have heard, emotionally intelligent, highly adaptive, strong parental connections, and good communication skills. I can go into specific details another time, but those are some of the big traits we share. I’d say that the large preference for having a social structure coupled with good communication skills on both sides were the two assets that helped the most. Emotional intelligence and actual intelligence would probably be third and fourth. Dogs and wolves can be pretty smart.”
I take a moment again, allowing my audience to follow along with what I am saying, waiting to see if any of them have a question. “So due to these similarities, humans and these wolves cross species’ barriers?” The bipedal porcupine opined.
I nod to Barlim’s question. “Very close, but not quite.” I take a moment to swing a pointing finger down to Lacey. “I mean, as much as I love Lacey. I don’t see a dog diplomat coming through any time soon to argue for their sapience let alone an alliance.” I then straighten my posture back up, holding back a small laugh by letting a grin stretch across my lips. “It was more along the lines of wolves were desperate for food, and they’d feed off the scraps we humans left behind. This would go on for some time with the braver or more docile canines being allowed to slowly integrate with human society.”
“But they’re eating your scraps and food, but what do they do for you? Other than herd sheep? It just seems like your competition is swooping your food from under your nose, but… You’re not complaining at all.” Pragh was the one to ask that question.
Called it!
“These proto-dogs had many purposes! Just look at Lacey and you can probably see what she has that is superior to a human. Tell me what traits you can see.”
I give the four Gojid some time to look over the dog. They eventually look like they all have something to say, so I slide down the line of them; Pragh, Telg, Tack, and then finally Barlim.
“A better sense of smell to hunt for prey you can’t see?” Pragh opined.“Better hearing for locating threats?” Telg questioned.
“Sharp teeth and claws for fighting off other humans.” Tack would state rather confidently.
“To form an emotional connection with and to not feel lonely?” Barlim tilted her head to the side, giving the dog another look.
I let them stew over their answers for about thirty seconds to discuss amongst themselves. Needless to say, I was kind of shocked, but also not by Barlim’s answer. Maybe my time spent with her gave me some subconscious understanding of her mentality? The other Gojid all looked at her, so I assume her different answer probably made something click amongst all of them.
“Well, to answer your questions; yes, yes, yes, and yes. You’re all correct. Some may say that the first three are probably the priority.” This statement earns a chitter from the four Gojid occupying the couch. “But I like to have hope for that last one: When you’re by yourself. The world is a scary place after all. It’s best not to be alone. I believe you all have herds? Well, we humans have families, tribes, or nations, depending on how deep you wish to look into it, and yes, dogs can be a part of a human family. Family cares not from where the blood comes.”
“Quick question and not to side-track the conversation too far, but I was told by my date that humans dislike being called predators. Is that true here too, or was that a dialect or cultural thing?” Telg was the one throwing this question.
“It is that way here too. When humans refer to other humans as predators, it is because that other human is a gross pervert that does horrific, deviant, and sexual things toward other people, animals, or in this case now that aliens exist, aliens, so I would refrain from calling humans predators unless you personally know the individual and they are ok with it. That being said, humans define predator as more of a relationship adjective when between animals. A deer is a predator to plants as a wolf is a predator to a deer. It is the relationship of consumption rather than dietary traits.” I finish off my statement with a nod.
“Well… If you don’t mind me referring you to as a predator for one statement…” Telg droned on.
I take a brief glance over toward my parents. My dad gives me a nonchalant shrug. My gaze returns back to Telg. “Go ahead and shoot your question or statement at me.”
The four Gojid look stunned for a moment, off-put by something I said-
Oh, don’t tell me ‘shoot’ was predatory… Probably was.
“Just… throw out your question.”
“It was more of a statement, actually, but anyways. Family cares not from where the blood comes, has to be one of the most herd-like statement I have heard from a predator.”
Did he really just say that?
He really did, but I can’t fault him. From his point of view, he’s been spun so many times that up is down, and left is right.
I shake my head, lowering it. A small chuckle slipping from between my lips. I could even hear my mother and father laughing behind me a few seconds later.
“Was what I said really that funny?”
“No, just the logic behind it is kinda funny. Like I said, humans don’t normally refer to ourselves as predators, and this whole alien thing is kind of new to me.” My words carried upon by a light tone earns some laughs as well from our Gojid guests.
I clap my hands together, signaling the end of our little tangent. “Now, if I may resume my, if I do say so myself, informative explanation… The proto-dogs seamlessly integrated into our small tribes at the time; they could track threats and prey miles before we were even aware of them, they could hear the smallest sounds and alert us of their dangers. Moreover, their sharp teeth and claws served as deterrents against other threats such as large carnivores, food-stealing rodents, or hostile human forces. Additionally, their companionship provided solace to lonely humans. As you can see,” I pointed back to Lacey, who was having her back rubbed by my father’s sock-covered foot, “Lacey seems to be enjoying herself quite nicely, but so is my father. In short, interacting with dogs triggers the release of feel-good chemicals in both human and canine brains. Activities such as petting, snuggling, and playing contribute to this positive bond."
Again, I pause, giving everyone some time to follow along. “Thus, they’d impact our evolution and vice versa: Humans that had dogs in their tribes were more successful than tribes without dogs. Humans that bonded more effectively with their canine companions would get even farther. As millennia went by, humans would get better at reading dog expressions, and dogs would get better at reading human expressions.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I typed into it for a bit until an old photo of a wolf showed up. I turned my phone’s screen toward the four Gojid. “Here you can see a wolf. They aren’t extinct due to some wildlife restoration efforts, but we had a few close calls. Wolves are extinct in the UK and Ireland as of now, but not in North America, Europe, or Asia. What you see before you are what thirty-thousand years of evolution has done to us.”
Based on the look that the Gojid were giving me. I would guess it was along the lines of wow.
“Now, before you start asking more questions. I should let you know that humanity has not only domesticated one carnivorous species, but a few others as well; some birds of prey like falcons, felines, and mustelidae such as ferrets. Meanwhile, on the herbivorous side, we have horses, elephants, rabbits, and so on. Yeah, it’s quite a long list. Means more animals for us to pet and touch. Humans can bond with just about anything, even non-living things, but that’s a story for another time.”.
I perform a small stretch, feeling my back pop. A small break in the monotony of speaking for so long.
“Now, to go back to the human-dog bond. I should remind myself to tell you the story of Gelert. It’s quite a sad story, but bear with me for just a moment.”
I clear my throat, getting ready to speak out an old Welsh folklore myth.
“A long time ago, a prince of North Wales by the name of Llywelyn went out hunting without his trusty dog, Gelert. He’d return home later that day to see Gelert, covered in blood, jovially returning to him. This freaked out the prince, who rushed to his son’s crib, finding it knocked over and messy with blood. He feared that the dog had killed his son and immediately plunged his sword into the dog’s side.” The four Gojid wince at the description, having just been told of the forged bond I have described moments ago. “The dog’s pained cry heralds the cry of the prince’s infant son, who lay on the other side, protected from a slain wolf. Gelert had valiant fought to protect Llywelyn’s son from the wolf, and in so was rewarded with a blade through its heart! A tragic tale to discourage impulsive thoughts and rash rushes to judgment. It was said that the prince buried Gelert and never smiled again.”
I never considered myself a great storyteller, but somehow I managed to get the four Gojid all teary-eyed. Barlim was rubbing at her eyes once again, and so was Tack too.
“H-how could he have done that to the dog..?” Barlim’s meek voice trailed off.
“Well, as said, Llywelyn thought Gelert killed his son. It was a rash decision. This moral folklore is supposed to warn against such tragedies, speaking of which, isn’t there an extermination fleet heading this way?”
While I may have been speaking for so long, having taken all our attention away from the potential destruction of Earth, or the general mopey attitude that came from meeting Tova. It probably was wise to bring up the fact that armageddon was on its way to Earth.
The four Gojid just sort of looked down sheepishly at the ground or flicked their ears in a way that probably meant the same thing. I didn’t really mean to put them on the spot like that, considering it was some of their former allies committing this attack, but I guess that’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
“I think I can speak for all of us here that we don’t-” Telg was interrupted by my father.
“We don’t blame you, or at least I can attest to myself, my son, and my wife over here. One day, assuming we survive this looming catastrophe. There will be regret, followed by hope, and then love and compassion once again. Though, I don’t think that’s what my son was hinting toward, more over the fact that your allies are about to make a rash decision they don’t understand. Probably one you would have made years ago, but that doesn’t really matter here, or there. We live in the now, and I think it’s time we started stocking up on some goods for our cellar. Well, we got goods actually, and a couple of guns too, but nothing fancy like the Americans and all their machine guns. A .30-30 lever action, an old .44 revolver, a twelve gauge shotgun, and a .22 hunting rifle. Nothing fancy,” he shrugs and grunts. “I’m more worried about my sheep. The best we can do is pray they don’t shoot the barn.”
There’s a brief silence as the seven of us come down from the long monologue that was dispersed between moments of questionnaires. I rub one of my eyes, stretching my jaw open wide in a hand-covered yawn.
How long have by been talking?
“Sprak! I gotta go or I am going to miss my flight!” Telg clamors, quickly hopping off the couch. He quickly taps at his phone with his claws, making his way toward the front door. “See you guys later, and thanks for letting us stay! Yes, I know how to call a taxi!” He opens the door and bolts outside. At least had the manners to close it back without slamming it.
This left us with three Gojid!
“Well,” my mother stood up from her chair. “I’m certain you’re all hungry after such a long adventure, and Telg is probably too, but he’s gone already. Let me see if I can make you all something to eat…” She hesitates for a second before continuing. “Nothing with meat or animal products in it. Just vegetables and fruit,” she iterates before walking off to the kitchen, leaving my father and I with the three Gojid.
You know, that leaves one important question that’s been on my mind. One that I had asked Barlim, but have been quickly distracted by her onslaught of sudden tears due to my forgetful nature. “A quick question if I may have your attention.”
The three Gojid turned their attention toward me, looking at me as they awaited my question
“How the hell did you all get here?”
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Big rant, about more than just the cancer. Mental health, sex drive, body issues. Mentions of suicidal thoughts. In case anyone is trying to avoid triggers. Im sorry to dump this on you guys, but idk where else to put it and I need to get it out. I can't say it out loud. It makes no sense. And its just going to upset the people closest to me. There is nothing positive or uplifting here, so if you're having a rough day maybe skip this post.
Why is my brains default setting "fucking moron"? The ADHD makes me stupid and forgetful and confused all the time. I get appointments mixed up no matter how I try to keep track of them. I plan out and redo and double check all my projects at work and I still fuck it up. Every. Single. Time. And this is my default setting. The ADHD says "yes, stupid" and the meds that are supposed to help fucking don't. I'm so jealous of all the ADHDers whose stories I read that are like "I got meds and suddenly mind was clear I could get shit done." Why don't my meds do that? Why am I taking this fucking pill EVERY GODDAMN DAY IF IT DOESNT DO ANYTHING?
I'm starting to suspect that maybe I don't even have ADHD. Everyone else has hyper specific interests that they throw themselves into. I can't do that. All I can do is sit and stare. At the wall. At my phone. At the TV. Everyone else's ADHD makes them learn about this cool stuff that interests them. In starting to think maybe I dont have ADHD and I really am just fucking stupid.
This trash ass garbage body I've been cursed with continues to betray me. Got pregnant while on birth control, got cancer for no goddamn reason, threw a clot that landed me in the ER post surgery for no reason. I have zero control over my brain. I wish there was a way to kill the body without killing myself. I tried once, a long time ago, and failed at that like I've failed at everything else.
And I feel utterly alone. I have very few friends to begin with. My best friends life is on a really big upswing. I'm so happy for her, but at the same time I just wish she'd shut the fuck up about it. And it makes me feel like a bad friend. My partner has been very supportive in his own way, but he's not very good at expressing himself and when I get whiny and start crying for no reason, his patience wears thin and he gets snappy, then just shuts down. "I dont want to say the wrong thing and set you off". I get that. I try to just remove myself when I get like this, but our house is like 600 square feet and the only way to really remove myself is to leave. And I'm a fucking loser and I can't drive so I'm just stuck here. I can't even go for a walk right now because I'm still in pain from the ER trip last week. My therapist tells me that isolating isn't good for me. But what he doesn't understand is that its good for everyone else. I don't isolate for me, I do it for them. I would love to have someone just hold me and tell me it's okay and let me cry it out. But we're in our 30s now and no ones got the time or patience for that melodramatic bullshit.
I feel so disgusting all the time. Cancer means they cut off my right tit and replaced with a tissue expander. So I have a normal boob and a rock hard plastic balloon that sticks straight out and has a four inch scar where the nipple should be. My hair is growing back but it didn't do any of the cool post chemo things like curls or a new color, so its just the same sad, limp, geasy-looking dishwater disaster it was before. They sliced my belly button open so that they could take out my ovaries. I'm 35 and starting menopause. I'm going to get fatter and more wrinkly. One of the post cancer drugs I have to take (which my insurance refuses to pay for) is probably going to make my hair even thinner. But its okay because menopause is going to take that hair and transfer it to my fucking face instead. Once I get reconstruction done, ill have one tit thats nothing but scar tissue, no nipple, and a giant scar across my belly. And that's IF I can get it done. They won't do it if I don't quit nicotine and I've spent that last year trying and failing to quit. I genuinely don't know if I can do it. My other option is to have the tissue expander removed and either be freakishly crooked or take off the other boob too and be freakishly flat forever. If I have zero tits and zero ovaries am I even still a woman? Having a vagina does not mean I'm a woman. I'll be a nothing. All because I'm a whiny little piss-baby who can't give up her one remaining vice. I QUIT HEROIN COLD TURKEY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I CANT DO THIS.
My sex drive had already fallen down into a dark hole before cancer. Now it's probably gone forever. My poor partner has been understanding and supportive about it for the last couple years, but I can only imagine that patience isn't going to last forever. Eventually he's going to get tired of it. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who does not want to be touched like that. No one wants to be in a relationship where their partner can't even flirt back because she knows she doesn't have interest in sex and doesn't want to lead him on. Its no wonder we've been together for most of a decade and he has no interest in marriage. I wouldn't want to be trapped with me either. I'm a fucking nightmare. And within the next year I'm going to get even more unattractive. Eventually he's not even going to want to touch me. I don't blame him. I can't even look at myself, I can't expect anyone else to want to. At this point are we even a couple? We don't have sex, I can't flirt anymore. We might as well just be weirdly close roommates. God, its a miracle he's stuck around this long.
People keep telling me "at least you're still alive to feel this way." Fuck all the way off with that shit. Being alive is the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM and there is a big difference between being alive and living. Besides, being alive is not a fucking flex when you've spent the last 25 years wishing you'd never been born.
In case you couldn't tell, the depression meds are fucking helping either. Neither is therapy. Talk therapy is a fucking joke. I can run my mouth til I'm blue in the face and guess what? It fixes exactly jack shit.
In conclusion, I wish I had never told anyone I had cancer. I wish I'd just kept my motherfucking mouth closed and let the cancer do its thing and take me the fuck out. I'm sick of being here. But I'm a such a fucking simping, people pleasing, pathetic excuse for a human that I can't even let myself die because I might disappoint someone else. I wasted my entire life up til this point and there's no indication that I'm going to do anything useful or worthwhile with it now. I deserve cancer.