Then last but not least, here are all my various rankings of different facets of the show. Starting off with my episode rankings, and then team and canon ship rankings (in general and season-by-season), and lastly my final character rankings and tier lists (both in general and season-by-season). Though if you haven’t seen my part 1 post yet, I advise you go see it (you can find it via this link)

Episodes

Deplorable: Z (0.00 - 0.99 Points)
#145: “Sundae Muddy Sundae” (AS) - 0.15
#144: “You Regatta Be Kidding Me” (AS) - 0.20
#143: "The Aftermath: II: Forgive and Forgwen" (TDA) - 0.40
Loathsome: F- (1.00 - 1.99 Points)
#142: “Three Zones and a Baby” (PI) - 1.15
#141: “Lies, Cries and One Big Prize” (PI) - 1.40
#140: “Can’t Help Falling in Louvre” (WT) - 1.70
Painful: F (2.00 - 2.99 Points)
#139: “Sky Fall” (PI) - 2.20
#138: “The Final Wreckening” (AS) - 2.35
#137: “Zeek and Ye Shall Find” (AS) - 2.70
Infuriating: F+ (3.00 - 3.99 Points)
#136: "The Chefshank Redemption" (TDA) - 3.30
#135: "2008: A Space Owen"(TDA) - 3.40
Lousy (Red): D- (4.00 - 4.99 Points)
#134: “Mo Monkey Mo Problems” (PI) - 4.30
#133: “Saving Private Leechball” (AS) - 4.45
#132: “Search and Do Not Destroy” (TDI) - 4.80
Cringe: D (5.00 - 5.99 Points)
#131: “Phobia Factor” (TDI) - 5.05
#130: “A Blast from the Past” (PI) - 5.20
#129: "The Princess Pride" (TDA) - 5.80
Weak: D+ (6.00 - 6.99 Points)
#128: "3:10 to Crazytown" (TDA) - 6.10
#127: "Top Dog" (TDA) - 6.50
#126: “The Obstakill Course” (AS) - 6.55
#125: “Evil Dread” (AS) - 6.70
Lackluster: C- (7.00 - 7.99 Points)
#124: Haute Camp-ture (TDI) - 7.05
#123: “The Very Last Episode, Really!” (TDI) - 7.25
#122: "The Aftermath IV: Who Wants to Pick a Millionaire?” (TDA) - 7.40
#121: “Anything Yukon Do, I Can Do Better” (WT) - 7.70
#120: “Brazilian Pain Forest” (RR) - 7.85
Borderline: C (8.00 - 8.99 Points)
#119: “This is the Pits!” (PI) - 8.10
#118: "Rock 'n Rule" (TDA) - 8.15
#117: “Hawaiian Punch” (WT) - 8.30
#116: "The Aftermath I: Trent’s Descent" (TDA) - 8.50
#115: “Darjeel with It” (RR) - 8.65
#114: "Beach Blanket Bogus" (TDA) - 8.80
#113: “Walk Like an Egyptian Part 2” (WT) - 8.95
Neutral: C (9.00 Points)
Average: C (9.01 - 10.00 Points)
#112: “African Lying Society-Safari” (WT) - 9.05
#111: “Heroes vs. Villains” (AS) - 9.10
#110: “No Pain, No Game” (TDI) - 9.40
#109: “A Million Ways to Lose a Million Dollars” (RR) - 9.60
#108: “The Bold and the Booty-ful” (AS) - 9.85
#107: “That’s Off the Chain” (TDI) - 9.95
Decent: C+ (10.01 - 11.00 Points)
#106: “Jamaica Me Sweat” (WT) - 10.20
#105: “A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste” (ROTI) - 10.25
#104: “Slap Slap Revolution” (WT) - 10.40
#103: “Moon Madness” (AS) - 10.45
#102: “So, Uh, This is my Team” (PI) - 10.60
#101: “I Love You, I Love You Knots” (PI) - 10.75
#100: “The Sucky Outdoors” (TDI) - 10.80
#99: "Masters of Disasters" (TDA) - 10.90
#98: "No One Eggspects the Spanish Opposition" (AS) - 10.95
Fine: B- (11.01 - 12.00 Points)
#97: “Suckers Punched” (AS) - 11.05
#96: "Dial M for Merger" (TDA) - 11.10
#95: “Hawaiian Honeyruin” (RR) - 11.35
#94: “Food Fright” (AS) - 11.40
#93: “Down and Outback” (RR) - 11.55
#92: “Greece’s Pieces” (WT) - 11.60
#91: “Paintball Deer Hunter” (TDI) - 11.80
Dope: B (12.01 - 13.00 Points)
#90: "One Million Bucks B.C." (TDA) - 12.02
#89: “Picnic at Hanging Dork” (WT) - 12.10
#88: “I Love You Grease Pig” (PI) - 12.15
#87: “None Down, Eighteen to Go Part 1” (RR) - 12.20
#86: “Super Happy Crazy Fun Time in Japan” (WT) - 12.25
#85: “Finders Creepers” (ROTI) - 12.30
#84: “Niagara Brawls” (WT) - 12.35
#83: “If You Can’t Take the Heat” (TDI) - 12.40
#82: “Hide and Be Sneaky” (TDI) - 12.45
#81: “None Down, Eighteen to Go Part 2” (RR) - 12.50
#80: “The Big Sleep” (TDI) - 12.60
#79: “How Deep is Your Love” (RR) - 12.65
#78: “Pahk’d with Talent” (PI) - 12.70
#77: “Awww, Drumheller” (WT) - 12.80
#76: “X-treme Torture” (TDI) - 12.90
#75: “Not So Happy Campers Part 2” (TDI) - 12.95
#74: “The Am-AH-zon Race” (WT) - 13.00
Solid: B+ (13.01 - 14.00 Points)
#73: "Million Dollar Babies" (TDA) - 13.05
#72: “Total Drama Drama Drama Drama Island” (TDI) - 13.15
#71: “Wawanakwa Gone Wild” (TDI) - 13.20
#70: “Mediterranean Homesick Blues” (RR) - 13.25
#69: “Chinese Fakeout” (WT) - 13.30
#68: “Walk Like an Egyptian, Part 1” (WT) - 13.35
#67: “The Ex-Files” (WT) - 13.40
#66: “French is an Eiffel Language” (RR) - 13.45
#65: "Full Metal Drama" (TDA) - 13.50
#64: “Hello and Dubai” (RR) - 13.55
#63: “Bjorken Telephone” (RR) - 13.60
#62: “Rapa Phooey” (WT) - 13.65
#61: “Hurl and Go Seek” (PI) - 13.70
#60: “Aftermath I: Bridgette Over Troubled Water” (WT) - 13.71
#59: “Truth or Laser Shark” (ROTI) - 13.75
#58: “Not Quite Famous” (TDI) - 13.80
#57: “Grand Chef Auto” (ROTI) - 13.85
#56: “Backstabbers Ahoy!” (ROTI) - 13.88
#55: "The Aftermath III: O-wen or Loose" (TDA) - 13.90
#54: “Bigger! Badder! Brutal-er!” (ROTI) - 13.92
#53: “Not So Happy Campers Part 1” (TDI) - 13.95
#52: "Ocean's Eight - Or Nine" (TDA) - 14.00
Awesome: A- (14.01 - 15.00 Points)
#51: “Aftermath II: Revenge of the Telethon” (WT) - 14.10
#50: “Twinning isn’t Everything” (PI) - 14.15
#49: “Camp Castaways” (TDI) - 14.20
#48: "Alien Resurr-eggtion" (TDA) - 14.40
#47: “Broadway, Baby!” (WT) - 14.45
#46: "Celebrity Manhunt's TDA Reunion Show" (TDA) - 14.55
#45: “Ice Ice Baby” (ROTI) - 14.60
#44: “Riot on Set” (TDA) - 14.63
#43: “I See London” (WT) - 14.70
#42: “Lord of the Ring Toss” (RR) - 14.75
#41: “Brunch of Disgustingness” (TDI) - 14.80
#40: “Shawshank Ridonction” (RR) - 14.85
#39: "Runaway Model" (ROTI) - 14.90
Fantastic: A (15.01 - 16.00 Points)
#38: “Dude Buggies” (RR) - 15.05
#37: "Mutiny on the Soundstage" (TDA) - 15.20
#36: “Aftermath IV: Hawaiian Style” (WT) - 15.30
#35: “Who Can You Trust” (TDI) - 15.40
#34: “A Ticket, a Casket, I’m Gonna Blow a Gasket” (RR) - 15.45
#33: "Crouching Courtney, Hidden Owen" (TDA) - 15.60
#32: “My Way or Zimbabwe” (RR) - 15.65
#31: “Scarlett Fever” (PI) - 15.70
#30: “Newf Kids on the Rock (WT) - 15.75
#29: “Monster Cash” (TDA) - 15.80
#28: “Dodgebrawl” (TDI) - 15.85
#27: “Are We There Yeti?” (TDI) - 15.87
#26: “Got Venom” (RR) - 15.95
Extraordinary: A+ (16.01 - 17.00 Points)
#25: “Last Tango in Buenos Aires” (RR) - 16.05
#24: “Up the Creek” (TDI) - 16.10
#23: "The Sand Witch Project” (TDA) - 16.15
#22: “Ca Noodling” (RR) - 16.25
#21: “Eat, Puke, and Be Wary” (ROTI) - 16.40
#20: “Sweden Sour” (WT) - 16.45
#19: “Basic Straining” (TDI) - 16.50
#18: “One Flu Over the Cuckoos” (TDA) - 16.55
#17: “Maori or Less” (RR) - 16.60
#16: “El Bunny Supremo” (RR) - 16.65
#15: “I Triple Dog Dare You” (TDI) - 16.70
#14: “Little Bull on the Prairie” (RR) - 16.75
#13: “The Enchanted Franken-Forest” (ROTI) - 16.80
#12: “Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon” (TDI) - 16.85
#11: “Aftermath III: Aftermath Aftermayhem” (WT) - 16.90
Legendary: S (17.01 - 18.00)
#10: “Get a Clue" (TDA) - 17.05
#9: “The Treasure Island of Dr. McLean” (ROTI) - 16.10
#8: "Super Hero-Id" (TDA) - 17.25
#7: “I Love Ridonc and Roll” (RR) - 17.30
#6: “New Beijinging” (RR) - 17.35
#5: “Planes, Trains, and Hot Air Mobiles” (WT) - 17.45
#4: “Hook, Line, and Screamer” (TDI) - 17.50
#3: “Bahamarama (RR) - 17.65
#2: “Brain vs. Brawn: The Ultimate Showdown” (ROTI) - 17.70
#1: “Up, Up, and Away in my Pitiful Balloon” (ROTI) - 17.80

Teams

#13: Pimâpotew Kinosewak (PI)
#12: Killer Grips (TDA)
#11: Wâneyihtam Muskwak (PI)
#10: Heroic Hamsters (AS)
#9: Team Victory (WT)
#8: Villainous Vultures (AS)
#7: Team Amazon (WT)
#6: Killer Bass (TDI)
#5: Screaming Gophers (TDI)
#4: Toxic Rats (ROTI)
#3: Screaming Gaffers (TDA)
#2: Mutant Maggots (ROTI)
#1: Team Chris (WT)

Canon ships (season-by-season)

Worst (Z)
#33: Gwent (TDA)
#32: MacBrody (RR)
Terrible (F)
#31: Skave (PI)
#30: Ozzy (WT)
#29: Zoke (AS)
#28: Derrie (RR)
#27: Gwuncan (AS)
Bad (D)
#26: Coderra (WT)
#25: Gwent (TDI)
#24: Gwuncan (WT)
Neutral (C)
#23: Lyler (TDI)
#22: Scottney (AS)
#21: Lesharold (TDI)
Good (B)
#20: Duncney (TDA)
#19: Gidgette (TDA)
#18: Crimsennui (RR)
#17: Lesharold (TDA)
#16: Lesharold (WT)
#15: Gidgette (WT)
#14: Anne Marito (ROTI)
#13: Lyler (WT)
Excellent (A)
#12: Ozzy (TDI)
#11: Ryphanie (RR)
#10: Zoke (ROTI)
#9: Gidgette (TDI)
#8: Duncney (WT)
#7: Samkota (ROTI)
#6: Aleheather (AS)
Best (S)
#5: Ozzy (TDA)
#4: Nemma (RR)
#3: Duncney (TDI)
#2: Aleheather (WT)
#1: Shawsmine (PI)

Canon ships (general)

NOTP (Z)
#20: Macbrody
Terrible (F)
#19: Skave
#18: Derrie
Bad (D)
#17: Gwent
#16: Coderra
#15: Gwuncan
Neutral (C)
#14: Zoke
#13: Scottney
Good (B)
#12: Crimsennui
#11: Lesharold
#10: Anne Marito
#9: Lyler
Excellent (A)
#8: Ryphanie
#7: Ozzy
#6: Gidgette
#5: Samkota
#4: Duncney
OTP (S)
#3: Nemma
#2: Aleheather
#1: Shawsmine
Now for what y’all have been waiting for

Character rankings (season-by-season)

Deplorable: Z (0.00 - 0.99 Points)
#147: Chris (PI) - 0.01
#146: Amy (PI) - 0.24
#145: Chris (WT) - 0.35
#144: Ezekiel (WT) - 0.67
#143: MacArthur (RR) - 0.96
Loathsome: F- (1.00 - 1.99 Points)
#142: Chris (TDI) - 1.21
#141: Chef (PI) - 1.30
#140: Mal (AS) - 1.81
#139: Leonard (PI) - 1.95
Painful: F (2.00 - 2.99 Points)
#138: Kelly (RR) - 2.25
#137: Chef (WT) - 2.54
#136: Chris (AS) - 2.88
#135: Mike (AS) - 2.91
Infuriating: F+ (3.00 - 3.99 Points)
#134: Taylor (RR) - 3.31
#133: Sadie (TDI) - 3.55
#132: Katie (TDI) - 3.60
#131: Sugar (PI) - 3.72
Lousy (Red): D- (4.00 - 4.99 Points)
#130: Tammy (RR) - 4.30
#129: Sierra (AS) - 4.82
#128: Justin (TDA) - 4.94
Cringe: D (5.00 - 5.99 Points)
#127: Staci (ROTI) -
#126: Dave (PI) - 5.39
#125: Leonard (RR) - 5.57
#124: Beth (TDA) - 5.61
#123: Jo (AS) - 5.83 (6.24)
Weak: D+ (6.00 - 6.99 Points)
#122: Sierra (WT) - 6.22
#121: Carrie (RR) - 6.32
#120: Jay (RR) - 6.50
#119: Eva (TDI) - 6.59
#118: Trent (TDA) - 6.82
#117: Devin (RR) - 6.91
#116: Mickey (RR) - 6.92
Lackluster: C- (7.00 - 7.99 Points)
#115: Izzy (WT) - 7.00
#114: Leshawna (WT) - 7.19
#113: Chris (ROTI) - 7.50
#112: Sam (AS) - 7.77
#111: Heather (TDI) - 7.86
Borderline: C (8.00 - 8.99 Points)
#110: Beardo (PI) - 8.25
#109: Mary (RR) - 8.33
#108: Duncan (AS) - 8.40
#107: Chef (TDA) - 8.82
#106: Miles (RR) - 8.95
Neutral: C (9.00 Points)
Average: C (9.01 - 10.00 Points)
#105: Courtney (AS) - 9.09
#104: Chris (TDA) - 9.21
#103: Ellody (RR) - 9.25
#102: Justin (TDI) - 9.28
#101: Laurie (RR) - 9.47
#100: Cameron (AS) - 9.51
#99: Rodney (PI) - 9.75
Decent: C+ (10.01 - 11.00 Points)
#98: Chef (AS) - 10.08
#97: Tom (RR) - 10.34
#96: Beth (TDI) - 10.43
#95: Jen (RR) - 10.52
#94: DJ (WT) - 10.65
#93: Owen (TDA) - 10.69
#92: Ella (PI) - 10.72
#91: Sanders (RR) - 10.75
Fine: B- (11.01 - 12.00 Points)
#90: Bridgette (TDA) - 11.23
#89: Geoff (TDA) - 11.45
#88: Tyler (TDI) - 11.49
#87: Sky (PI) - 11.57
#86: Trent (TDI) - 11.65
#85: Topher (PI) - 11.72
#84: Scott (AS) - 11.73
#82: Zoey (AS) - 11.82
#83: DJ (TDI) - 11.86 (11.75)
Dope: B (12.01 - 13.00 Points)
#81: Ezekiel (TDI) - 12.01
#80: Scarlett (PI) - 12.23
#79: Noah (TDI) - 12.31
#78: Bridgette (TDI) - 12.49
#77: Pete (RR) - 12.59
#76: Gerry (RR) - 12.66
#75: Chef (TDI) - 12.72
#74: Mike (ROTI) - 12.76
#73: Gwen (WT) - 12.87
#72: Anne Maria (ROTI) - 12.93
#71: Blaineley (WT) - 12.96
Solid: B+ (13.01 - 14.00 Points)
#70: Josee (RR) - 13.01
#69: Crimson (RR) - 13.32
#68: Jacques (RR) - 13.37
#67: Dawn (ROTI) - 13.39
#66: Leshawna (TDA) - 13.40
#65: Gwen (AS) - 13.50
#64: Tyler (WT) - 13.63
#63: Harold (WT) - 13.67
#62: Max (PI) - 13.78
#61: Owen (TDI) - 13.89
#60: Stephanie (RR) - 13.90
#59: Jo (ROTI) - 13.97
#58: B (ROTI) - 13.98
Awesome: A- (14.01 - 15.00 Points)
#57: Lorenzo (RR) - 14.03
#56: Izzy (TDI) - 14.07
#55: Chet (RR) - 14.13
#54: Bridgette (WT) - 14.16
#53: DJ (TDA) - 14.17
#52: Duncan (TDA) - 14.27
#51: Sammy (PI) - 14.35
#50: Cody (WT) - 14.45
#49: Ennui (RR) - 14.47
#48: Gwen (TDA) - 14.57
#47: Lightning (ROTI) - 14.61
#46: Don (RR) - 14.68
#45: Geoff (TDI) - 14.80
#44: Sam (ROTI) - 14.87
#43: Lindsay (AS) - 14.95
Fantastic: A (15.01 - 16.00 Points)
#42: Owen (WT) - 15.09
#41: Lightning (AS) - 15.10
#40: Courtney (TDA) - 15.29
#39: Heather (AS) - 15.31
#38: Leshawna (TDI) - 15.35
#37: Geoff (WT) - 15.50
#36: Alejandro (AS) - 15.54
#35: Heather (TDA) - 15.59
#34: Rock (RR) - 15.64
#33: Cody (TDI) - 15.78
#32: Noah (RR) - 15.85
#31: Courtney (WT) - 15.90
#30: Jasmine (PI) - 15.94
Extraordinary: A+ (16.01 - 17.00 Points)
#29: Noah (WT) - 16.11
#28: Lindsay (TDI) - 16.29
#27: Chef (ROTI) - 16.34
#26: Ryan (RR) - 16.37
#25: Courtney (TDI) - 16.42
#24: Lindsay (WT) - 16.50
#23: Scott (ROTI) - 16.51
#22: Dakota (ROTI) - 16.62 (16.95)
#21: Lindsay (TDA) - 16.70
#20: Brody (RR) - 16.80
#19: Junior (RR) - 16.92
#18: Brick (ROTI) - 16.95 (16.77 - 16.97)
#17: Harold (TDI) - 16.98
#16: Owen (RR) - 16.99 (16.97 - 17.00)
Legendary: S (17.01 - 18.00)
#15: Geoff (RR) - 17.10
#14: Dwayne (RR) - 17.28
#13: Duncan (WT) - 17.31
#12: Emma (RR) - 17.36 (17.51)
#11: Izzy (TDA) - 17.42
#10: Alejandro (WT) - 17.45 (17.55)
#9: Heather (WT) - 17.47 (17.57)
#8: Duncan (TDI) - 17.62 (17.61)
#7: Spud (RR) - 17.63
#6: Cameron (ROTI) - 17.67
#5: Gwen (TDI) - 17.74
#4: Zoey (ROTI) - 17.85
#3: Harold (TDA) - 17.93
#2: Kitty (RR) - 17.95
#1: Shawn (PI) - 17.96
Cameos
#20: Chris (RR) - 0.10
#19: Ezekiel (AS 2.0) - 1.45
#18: Anne Maria (RR) - 7.20
#17: Blaineley (RR) - 7.21
#16: Ezekiel (AS 1.0) - 7.60
#15: Jose (AS) - 8.20
#14: Owen (AS) - 8.70
#13: Ezekiel (ROTI 2.0) - 9.20
#12: DJ (ROTI) - 9.85
#11: Ezekiel (ROTI 3.0) - 10.10
#10: Ezekiel (ROTI 1.0) - 10.40
#9: Gwen (ROTI) - 10.25
#8: Bridgette (ROTI) - 10.60
#7: Izzy (AS) - 11.40
#6: Owen (ROTI) - 14.85
#5: Everyone (ROTI) - 15.20
#4: Lindsay (ROTI) - 15.80
#3: Izzy (ROTI) - 16.30
#2: Heather (ROTI) - 17.20
#1: Duncan (ROTI) - 17.25

Character rankings (general)

Deplorable: Z (0.00 - 0.99 Points)
#88: Chris - 0.21
#87: Amy - 0.24
#86: MacArthur - 0.96
Loathsome: F- (1.00 - 1.99 Points)
#85: Mal - 1.81
#84: Ezekiel - 1.92
Painful: F (2.00 - 2.99 Points)
#83: Kelly - 2.25
#82: Leonard - 2.93
Infuriating: F+ (3.00 - 3.99 Points)
#81: Sadie - 3.17
#80: Katie - 3.19
#79: Taylor - 3.31
#78: Sugar - 3.72
Lousy (Red): D- (4.00 - 4.99 Points)
#77: Tammy - 4.30
#76: Justin - 4.96
Cringe: D (5.00 - 5.99 Points)
#75: Staci - 5.15
#74: Dave - 5.39
#73: Sierra - 5.73
#72: Beth - 5.88
Weak: D+ (6.00 - 6.99 Points)
#71: Carrie - 6.32
#70: Mike - 6.47
#69: Jay - 6.50
#68: Devin - 6.91
#67: Mickey - 6.92
Lackluster: C- (7.00 - 7.99 Points)
#66: Beardo - 7.20
#65: Chef - 7.52
#64: Eva - 7.70
Borderline: C (8.00 - 8.99 Points)
#63: Mary - 8.33
#62: Trent - 8.67
#61: Miles - 8.95
Neutral: C (9.00 Points)
Average: C (9.01 - 10.00 Points)
#60: Ellody - 9.25
#59: Laurie - 9.47
#58: Rodney - 9.75
Decent: C+ (10.01 - 11.00 Points)
#57: Tom - 10.34
#56: Jen - 10.52
#55: Ella - 10.72
#54: Sanders - 10.75
Fine: B- (11.01 - 12.00 Points)
#53: Jo - 11.06
#52: Sky - 11.57
#51: Topher - 11.72
Dope: B (12.01 - 13.00 Points)
#50: Scarlett - 12.23
#49: Sam - 12.24
#48: DJ - 12.52
#47: Pete - 12.59
#46: Gerry - 12.66
#45: Bridgette - 12.92
#44: Anne Maria - 12.93
#43: Blaineley - 12.96
Solid: B+ (13.01 - 14.00 Points)
#42: Josee - 13.01
#41: Crimson - 13.32
#40: Leshawna - 13.20
#39: Jacques - 13.37
#38: Dawn - 13.39
#37: Tyler - 13.27
#36: Max - 13.78
#35: Stephanie - 13.90
#34: B - 13.98
Awesome: A- (14.01 - 15.00 Points)
#33: Lorenzo - 14.03
#32: Chet - 14.13
#31: Sammy - 14.35
#30: Courtney - 14.38
#29: Scott - 14.39
#28: Ennui - 14.47
#27: Don - 14.68
#26: Lightning - 14.72
#25: Cody - 14.82
Fantastic: A (15.01 - 16.00 Points)
#24: Owen - 15.11
#23: Izzy - 15.31
#22: Noah - 15.47
#21: Rock - 15.64
#20: Heather - 15.74
#19: Jasmine - 15.94
Extraordinary: A+ (16.01 - 17.00 Points)
#18: Ryan - 16.37
#17: Geoff - 16.39
#16: Cameron - 16.61
#15: Dakota - 16.62
#14: Lindsay - 16.70
#13: Brody - 16.80
#12: Junior - 16.92
#11: Brick - 16.95
Legendary: S (17.01 - 18.00)
#10: Gwen - 17.11
#9: Dwayne - 17.28
#8: Duncan - 17.32
#7: Emma - 17.36
#6: Alejandro - 17.48
#5: Spud - 17.63
#4: Zoey - 17.69
#3: Harold - 17.94
#2: Kitty - 17.95
#1: Shawn - 17.96
Other characters aside from the main 87 + Mal
#17: Fang - 2.83
#16: Jose - 3.40
#15: DJ’s Mom - 6.60
#14: Intern in Glamouriffic’s template - 7.30
#13: Brittany - 8.05
#12: Leshaniqua - 8.10
#11: Scruffy - 9.45
#10: Mr. Coconut - 9.80
#9: Josh - 10.20
#8: Bruno - 10.25
#7: Chester - 10.64
#6: Svetlana - 10.90
#5: Sasquatchanakwa - 11.10
#4: Molotov - 11.11
#3: Manitoba - 11.62
#2: Vito - 12.00
#1: Loki - 14.59
And then as a bonus, here’s a link to my entire Google Sheets I used to assemble each ranking chart. I’m too lazy to explain every facet of how I calculated things, or how it works. But if any of you are actually curious and comment more specifically, I can answer
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aEr5JBcy4EVq_7rZEhVzhP5nimYT6O4vSkF-u313EaU/edit?usp=sharing

Outro + what I might do in the future👀

With that all being said, this completely concludes my super long rewatch series. Once again, thank you to all who actually followed this series at any point! With that being said, I figured I should briefly talk about what I have planned in the future. Well for starters, I still have to continue my poll series. And now that I’ve completed this series, stating my opinions should be even easier now. Also, the new seasons are coming up soon. So I may or may not add onto this series once the episodes air, whether it be doing full-on episode by episode reviews, or just going by the slightly more efficient commentary style I did where I go through a few episodes per post. On top of this, I’ve also recently watched a couple of fanseasons on YT, that being Disventure Camp and Adventure Camp. And I think I have something planned for that
But for now, this is Geo, for the last time in this series, signing off✌️

No, he’s not dead. I just need to get this off my chest. I 18F have a brother 24M who is currently in jail. The brother who lived in my family home over the last couple years isn’t the brother I grew up with. He recently was arrested for stalking and harrassing a girl, and then going to her college with a knife. Like I said, this is not the brother I grew up with. My brother, I’ll call him B for anonymity, has been very mentally ill for a long time now, he has autism and was diagnosed with bpd after jumping off an aquaduct to end his life and surviving it. He got bad in 2019 after he started drinking excessively and that hasn’t changed to now. Now he’s just bitter and horrible and is honestly a scary person. At the start of this month he was arrested and police were coming every day to search his room and ask us for statements. They found some things that they didn’t tell us about at the time, but he had a diary and he had written how he wanted to unalive us all, but that’s not what I wanted to get off my chest. For the past couple days my parents have been cleaning out his room as he is not allowed here anymore. Today I offered to help because my mum is wanting to turn it into an office, which is something she’s been thinking about for awhile but was waiting for B to move out. I went in there and just looked around what used to be my big brothers room and I couldn’t help but to cry. He kept a drawing I made for him when I was younger up on his wardrobe door and so many memories ran through my head. I looked around and it was so overwhelming. I miss the brother I grew up with. Not the person he is now. I ran out crying, it feels like I’m mourning him but he’s still alive. I’m a mess and I feel so conflicted.

Two Virginia inmates escaped from jail using a toothbrush to dig a tunnel through their cell wall before heading to IHOP. John M. Garza, 37, and Arley V. Nemo, 43, were found to be missing from their cell Monday at around 7:15 p.m., according to the Newport News Sheriff’s Office. The two were apprehended in … Continue reading Virginia inmates who dug out of jail using toothbrush captured at IHOP

I know, many fanfics have been written about Dexter, but me and my buddies are taking it to the next level, either with a comic book format and a machinima inside a video game. It will be free, we don't wanna profit off this cause that ain't cool or legal. MCH will be featured using a deepfaked voice, the technology is getting better each day. I've used the technology for my Fallout 4 mods and was very happy with it.
Here is the plot summary we agreed upon and it continues after New Blood:
As Angela calls in the shooting, the FBI and Batista start going over there. Dexter has survived, however. Turns out he was wearing Logan's kevlar vest and only got injured. He expected to die, but survived. He sneaks away while Angela is searching a trash can nearby for evidence. The FBI and Batista arrive too late.
Later Dexter blackmails Angela. She will help him leave town or he will expose the lie of Angela "shooting" him and Angela will lose her career, maybe go to prison. She's left no choice and agrees to help. She sneaks Dexter out of New York state in the trunk of a police car. The FBI let her pass all the checkpoints.
Dexter needs medical help and gets it from a vet. The vet doesn't quite fit the code, but he's actually torturing and killing animals. Oh well, better get rid of him anyway cause he's a witness and still a pretty bad guy. Dexter kills him. The vet is the first person to explicitly name him as the "BHB" before he dies.
From a grave in Miami, a man emerges. It is James Doakes, his body seemingly restored.
Dexter changes his appearance and tries to get into contact with Lumen who's in Minneapolis, the one person who knew his secret. She helps him set up a new identity, but she's also married now, making things pretty awkward. He must now adapt in a new city while in hiding and struggling with his urges. His new identity is Daniel Ambrose.
Doakes has taken on a new identity as Steve Mathison and infiltrates himself in Dexter's new life, causing all sorts of problems for Dexter in subtle ways. He gets him in trouble with his employer, his new friends, even with Lumen and her husband. He makes his double life almost impossible for example taking bits and pieces of evidence back to his crime scenes. This eventually causes the FBI to come to town and start looking for Dexter.
Lumen eventually will reconcile with Dexter and team up against Doakes and then there's a crazy exchange of gunfire 4-ways between Doakes (who seems to come back healthy every time he's mortally injured by Dexter) Dexter&Lumen, a gang of hoodlums that Dexter was tracking and some FBI forces, leaving many dead.
In the finale, there's a crazy chase to the location where this all started. The Everglades. Doakes wants Dexter to turn himself in and take responsibility for framing him. Dexter agrees so he can save Lumen, but it's revealed that Moloch resurrected Doakes and evil power is keeping Doakes alive. Doakes kills Lumen. It was all a trick again. Dexter collapses on the ground, devastated, Debra, Rita and Hannah died, now he's lost Lumen. Moloch reveals he caused Hannah's cancer.
This sends Dexter into a rage, he attempts to kill Doakes, but fails. Doakes walks off into the sunset.
Many months later, Dexter tracks Doakes down. He kills Doakes in a way that would make sure he never comes back, completely destroying his body in a woodchipper. In reality, Doakes set him up again and wanted to be killed. The video footage conclusively proves it is not self-defense.
Dexter gets acquitted in court of being the BHB and even of killing Logan thanks to his lawyer arguing that Logan was an abusive cop who wanted to rape him in jail. His lawyer has no defense for the killing of Doakes, or rather Steve Mathison. He's sentenced to life but escapes thru the prison bus window and falls off a bridge into a lake in an apparent suicide.
We see Harrison and Angela attend Dexter's funeral and a spot of blood is seen on his shoe, implying that he's also become a vigilante serial killer.

Hello, I am searching for an old television show animation segment from my childhood. It was a show that had two hosts talking at a table introducing animations, but this was the only episode I ever saw. I distinctly remember the introduction to an animation within the show being a female voice whispering "iceball...." and there were three parts to it, being iceball, Iceball 2, and Iceball 2 and a half. I remember Iceball 2 and a half having a walrus and a human character, possibly within a jail cell of some kind, and the animation style seemed to be flash-esque. The year may have been around 2010 or so, give or take. Thank you in advance!

I got a surprise a moment ago when a police man seemingly manifested in the car seat behind me, asking what I was doing. Were I a rude type I'd have asked what he was doing in my car, but submitting to authority I began to sing like a canary and divulge personal details of my life neighbors don't have access to. I simply said "I'm sealing the window from the rain, no sarcasm inflected.
He asked which windows were out which sparked a oh so familiar dummy discussion about nothing no on cares about to lead into the inevitable have you been using/have a warrant/on probation.
I just got out of jail last year and have always respected and submitted to policemen, so I answered with candor, inevitably admitting that I had a drink and was on probation, no warrant. I've been on the street long enough to learn cop impromptu nomenclature between policemen that people usually miss, they basically were aware I was intoxicated on something more than alcohol, instant probation violation if they wish, and they believed there to be at minimum paraphernalia in the car.
I asked why they came and the cop said "a neighbor worried about you pouring bleach in thr gas tank, thinking your high."
After a brief banter of approval that no man should be accosted in his own garage after work, the cop winked and with a nod he left. No charges or searches or anything but a really chill bro on bro heads up on the neighbors in my gated community. Wouldn't have gone down like that 15 years ago. If they suspected even heroin it would be a big sobriety test show, 4th waiver search with backup or Canine, pictures for gang unit task force, and an unholy splitting of a single charge into micro misdemeanors you never knew existed but all fall under a single basic crime.
VSD, Vista Sheriff's Department - thanks for being Bros, and shout out to Carslbad PD for similar petty preponderance. Sometimes it's best to just close the book and walk. We already have an egregious number of prisoner's per capita/population. Hey, maybe someone kicking it doing their thing, coke, heroin, pills, sure it's a dangerous and terrible lifestyle, but literally entrapping someone into a concrete cinderblock cell for doing so is so incomprehensibly inappropriate it borders on parody.

Hello guys! Today i had a amazing idea So,using a number randomizer you gonna spin it two times and generate a cursed ship,here is the characters list! 1-Duncan 2-Owen 3-Noah 4-Alejandro 5-Cody 6-Mal 7-Mike 8-Geoff 9-Scott 10-DJ 11-Courtney 12-Dakota 13-Dawn 14-Sierra 15-Heather 16-Gwen 17-Bridgette 18-Izzy 19-Emma 20-Sadie/Katie So,search on google "Random number randomizer",you will put the max possible number as 20 and spin two times,the ship you get,comment It!

Part 1 https://www.reddit.com/DrCreepensVault/comments/11y06d4/headgames/
Opening his eye’s, it was dark and Michael sensed he was sitting up rather than laying down as one expected to be when sleeping. His neck was sore and when he tried to move his head to relieve the tension, he found it impossible. He wondered if maybe he were still dreaming and tried to will himself to wake up, but nothing changed. He thought maybe if he pinched himself that would work, but he could not feel his hands, or the rest of his body for that matter.
At the back of his neck a dull pain throbbed as if tension had built up and he needed to pop his neck. It wasn’t sharp pain but rather irritating, and he thought he would go mad if he didn’t find a way to relieve it. Finding himself immobile with no way to relieve the tension, Michael changed his thoughts to take his mind off of it.
Remembering the visit from the prison warden, Michael recalled the man saying that certain precautionary medical measures were taken to prevent aggression and wondered just what had been done to him. He thought about what he knew of that could be done to prevent aggression and other than his earlier thoughts of reduced testosterone levels or increased levels of estrogen, he could think of nothing which would require immobilization.
‘Unless they castrated me!’ he thought suddenly and wished he could reach down to feel if his parts were still intact. But he wasn’t a sexual offender, so that didn’t really make sense. This thought calmed him and he continued to search his mind for answers.
Michael’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming closer. He couldn’t see anything, but he felt someone had come into the room with him. The lights came on, hurting his eyes and Michael squinted to shield them. He could hear the other person moving around but had no idea where they were or what they were doing.
Finally he could open his eyes fully and saw immediately that he was in a white room not unlike the one where he had received the shot. The wall in front of him was bare except for the mortar joints of the cinder block it was constructed of and a small stainless steel rolling cart parked directly in front of him.
“So, are we awake yet?” a man’s voice asked.
Michael tried to talk but couldn’t.
A face popped up in front of him, grinning at him in a weird way with eyes bulging. This guy was way too happy.
“How you doing, Michael?” he asked with his rather high, effeminate voice. “Did you sleep okay?”
Michael tried once again to answer but no sound came forth. In fact, he could not even feel his breath moving through his mouth.
“It’s okay, Mikey boy. I know you can’t talk, but what you can do is blink your eyes. So when I ask you a question, just blink once for yes and twice for no. Okay?”
Michael blinked once.
“Very good, Mike!” he said in a patronizing tone. “Now the first thing we need to do is make sure you are okay. So I’m going to pull up a seat and we’ll go over a few things.”
He stepped away from Michael’s view for a moment and returned carrying a clipboard and pushing a stool. He sat on the stool with a flourish, reaching down to adjust himself at the crotch and Michael found himself wishing he could do the same thing.
“Alrighty then, let’s continue shall we?” he said with a broad grin, cocking his head to one side. “Remember, blink once for yes and twice for no.”
Michael blinked once to acknowledge he understood.
“Awesome! Now, let’s see,” he said flipping up a page on the clip board. “Are you in any pain?”
Michael thought for a moment of how to answer. He wasn’t in pain, but he was very uncomfortable with a dull throbbing in the back of his neck. He blinked three times.
“Well, okay Mike. I see we have some work to do.” he sat up straight and laid a finger to the side of his mouth. “You blinked three times which is neither yes nor no, so it means something else, right?”
Michael blinked once.
“Okay, I asked if you were in pain and you didn’t say yes, but you also didn’t say no, so you’re not in pain but you don’t feel good.” He looked to Michael quizzically.
Michael blinked once.
“Oh good, we’re making progress!” He clapped his hands together and smiled broadly. “Is it a headache?”
Michael blinked twice.
“Alright, does your neck hurt?”
Michael blinked once, paused and blinked twice.
“Oh I see, yes and no,” He maintained the silly grin. “Your neck is uncomfortable?”
Michael blinked once.
“Let me see if I can help,” he reached around behind Michael’s head and began to massage the back of his neck.
Michael felt the warmth of the man’s smooth hand as he massaged and soon the knot began to relax. Looking at his new friend, Michael wondered what had brought someone of such a personality to work in a place like this. His blonde hair was shoulder length and stringy but time had not been nice as he was mostly balding on top. He had a very large rather pointed nose that sloped steeply back to his eyes. Up close he could see the eyes were somewhat sunken in and there were large dark circles around them, indicating the man did not sleep well. But what really got him was the smile. A goofy grin with his large but well maintained teeth.
“How’s that?” he asked, removing his hand.
Michael blinked once.
“Good. Now let’s get on with the other questions so we can start to get you settled in.” He looked to the clipboard. “Do you have any other pains?”
Michael blinked twice.
“That’s great. A lot of times, guys come out of surgery like you did and they have headaches or other pains and there’s not much I can do but give them a painkiller.” He noted something on his chart. “Now, your neck doesn’t hurt now but it may start to as the healing progresses so I want you to let me know if it does and we’ll take care of it.”
Michael blinked once.
“Oh by the way,” he looked serious at Michael for a moment. “My name is Peter and I’ll be the one who takes care of you from now on. There is another attendant by the name of Marco who comes in late at night, but he doesn’t do much other than make sure the equipment is running right. Marco is, how should we say, a little strange. And then there‘s Natalie. You already met her. The nurse who got the room ready when you first got here.”
Michael thought about the nurse he had seen. He didn’t really see her well, but figured it didn’t matter as there would be plenty of time for that. What he did remember though was she had a great body and it was something to look forward to seeing again.
“Anyway, Michael, we run in three shifts here. Natalie works seven am to three pm, I work three pm to eleven pm and Marco works eleven pm to seven am. So there is always someone here to see that you boys are taken care of. Okay, do you have any questions?”
Michael blinked twice.
Peter reached around to one side of Michael’s head and pulled a very thin computer monitor around for him to see, angling it off to one side so as to not block Michael’s view forward, but still easily seen. The screen was divided into several parts which looked to be medical monitors and a small box in the lower corner which reminded Michael of a chat box he and his friends used on the internet.
“This is your life support monitor and it also serves as a way for you to communicate with me.” He reached up to adjust a small object at the top of the screen. “I need for you to look directly at this point for a few minutes Mike so I can calibrate it.”
Michael looked at the point indicated where Peter’s hand rested. There was a small beam of light emitting from a very tiny hole and he could also see a picture of his eye coming to focus on one part of the screen. He realized it was a camera of some sort.
“This is an optical mouse,” Peter explained. “It follows the iris of your eye so that once calibrated, wherever you look on the screen, the mouse pointer will follow. And like a mouse, you can click on menu’s but instead of a finger, you simply blink twice rapidly to click the mouse.”
Michael watched as Peter continued to calibrate it and saw a mouse icon appear on the screen.
“There we go.” Peter sat back satisfied. “Now Michael, I need for you to look at the screen and look at what I tell you to so we can make sure the mouse is calibrated.”
Michael blinked once and turned his eyes to the screen. He watched the mouse rove the screen as it followed his eye movements.
“Look at the blue circle,” Peter instructed.
Michael searched the screen and looked directly at the blue circle in the corner as the mouse followed to rest there.
“Good, now find the red box.”
Michael looked across the screen, the mouse icon following his eye until he found the red box.
“Excellent. Now let’s do a little more. Find the word menu and click the mouse.”
Michael looked until he found the word menu above the small box which resembled a chat box. He waited for the icon to settle on the word and blinked twice. A small box slid down with menu choices and he read them, the icon following his eyes across each one.
“Okay Michael, this is your communication interface. From here you can type messages in the box below by opening the keyboard on the menu.” He reached over and pushed a button on the screen to make the keyboard appear on the screen above the chat box. “At first, your eyes are going to get very tired as you type messages, so don’t try to do a whole lot at first. As time passes your eyes will become accustomed and grow stronger.”
Michael looked at the interface and wondered just how long he was going to have to use this. The way Peter was talking this would be his only means of communication for a long time to come. Just what had they done to him to make it so he needed to be immobilized for such an extended period of time?
“Now, if you’ll look up here for a moment,” he pointed to an exploding star symbol at the top of the screen with a small black box under it. “Before you are finished healing, there are probably going to be times when you do have pain and since we won’t always be around you to know, you can simply click this icon and get a small dose of painkiller. After it is administered, the counter will appear in the box below the icon so you will know when the next dose is available.”
Michael blinked once.
“But I gotta warn you, Mike.” Peter got real close to Michael’s face and he could smell his aftershave. “The painkiller is a strong narcotic. The computer will only let you have a dose every two hours, but that is still enough to get you addicted. Once the doctor determines you are healed, the painkiller will be removed, so don’t get yourself hooked on it. I’ve seen a couple guys do this and believe me, the withdrawal is very painful and there’s nothing we can do but watch you suffer through it as you quit cold turkey.”
Michael blinked once.
He wasn’t interested in the painkiller. In fact, other than aspirin, he wouldn’t take any medications when he was free unless a doctor prescribed an antibiotic for infections.
“Okay, Michael, I’m about to get off shift so let me show you one more thing before we stop for today. On the menu, you will find the heading “games”. When you select it, you are given a choice of several different computer games which can be played with the optical mouse.” he looked at Michael and grinned proudly. “These were my idea and I programmed them in so you guys wouldn’t get too bored. I know it must really suck to be immobilized like that.”
Michael blinked once.
“So anyway, I would suggest trying one of the simple games like tic tac toe or hangman at first until your muscles get used to using the optical mouse. Also, the games will turn off for fifteen minutes of every hour in order to prevent eye strain and headaches that can result from these.” He stood up and moved the stool over against the wall. “I gotta go now, but I’ll be back in the morning. Get some sleep and play with the games if you like. Marco will come and check on you before too long.”
Michael watched him walk out of sight, listening to his footsteps fade in the distance. Suddenly he felt very sleepy and questions of his situation no longer seemed important. He looked at the computer screen for a moment and decided he would check it out further later on. Right now, he needed to rest. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come.
But sleep did not come as he could not make himself feel comfortable enough to sleep. The familiar pressure against the back or side of his head when he lay down was missing and he had the ever present feeling of sitting at attention. He opened his eyes and looked at the computer screen, considering if he should dose himself with the narcotic to induce sleep. He immediately decided against it as he remembered Peter’s warning about not becoming addicted. He would have to find some other way.
Wondering how he would deal with his inability to make himself sleep, Michael became aware of a squeaking sound. Very faint at first but it was slowly getting closer and louder. He wondered what it was and wished he could turn his head to see, as he could really only hear it out of his right ear. This meant the sound was originating in the hallway as that was the way Peter had gone when he left.
The noise came even closer and now Michael could hear footsteps walking in time to the squeaking as if the irritating noise was a marching cadence. As it shifted around his position, he watched as a gurney came into view being pushed by a very strange looking man. He assumed that this was Marco and knew the gurney was not for him as there was already someone laying on it, covered entirely by a white sheet and Michael found himself wondering why the person under the sheet seemed to have no head.
“Well, well, lookee here,” he said mockingly, as spittle gathered at the ring in the corner of his lower lip. “If it isn’t the big bad bank robber who killed all those people in cold blood. Not feeling so tough now, are you dude?”
Michael tried not to let the man’s words get to him. He had been taunted by guards and even other inmates before who didn’t believe he was innocent. This time, unlike those other times though, he had no choice but to keep silent.
“So you’re Michael Chaste. You don’t look so tough.” He leaned in very close. “In fact, you look like a bitch. That’s right, you heard me bitch!”
The man’s breath was horrible and Michael found himself wondering if this guy chewed on road kill at meal times. He had short greasy black hair, an eyebrow piercing, the lip ring piercing he had noticed at first and a tattoo on his neck of a flying bird which looked to Michael like a swallow. Oh the fun he could have with this guy if he had his voice and was not incapacitated.
“So, I guess Peter got you all hooked up on the monitor since it’s pulled around now. Enjoying them drugs, dude?” He looked at the screen. “Oh, you haven’t taken any yet, huh?”
He walked out of Michael’s site to the left and could be heard moving something around in a drawer. When he returned, he was carrying a small thin strip of something clear like tape.
“Okay Mike, here’s the deal. Since you can’t talk or even really communicate yet, let me give you the rundown.” He pulled the rolling bench over and sat in front of him as Peter had done.
“Open your mouth,” he held the strip close and laid it on Michael’s tongue.
The taste was very sweet and he realized it was also dissolving slowly. Whatever it was, he liked it.
“That my friend is a treat for you,” Marco said calmly. “I know I can come off all bad ass and all but really I feel for you cause it has to be one major bummer to be in your position. I don’t really care if you wasted a bunch of people. Hell, I’d waste people too if I could get away with it. Most of them are worthless as tits on a boar hog anyway.”
He spun around in the chair, as if making a point. “Fact is, I don’t think there’s any crime in the world so bad that you should have to be treated this way, but I don’t make the rules. I just exploit them.”
He got up from the stool and headed off around the room again. Michael could hear him running water in a sink and sloshing something around, but had no idea what was happening. Again he wished he could turn his head. After a few minutes, Marco came back and sat down. There were now dark blotches on his smock.
“So like I was saying, I exploit the rules to get what I want out of this crummy job. But I really can’t complain. I come to work about the time all my friends are passing out and I get off in time to sleep before it’s time to party again, so it’s cool.” Marco lit a cigarette. “Hope you don’t mind if I smoke. I’m not supposed to but there’s nobody here at night but me and you guys.”
He sat back and inhaled deeply from the cigarette and for once Michael could imagine what it was smokers got from smoking as he recalled his last smoke. The smell in the air was actually a pleasant change from the sanitary smell of cleaners, disinfectants and purified air. He watched Marco smoke and play with the cigarette. He was a strange one, but seemed to have a certain quality that Michael found he could like.
“So dude, I guess you met Peter.” Marco looked him straight in the eye. “Is that dude a flake or what? Man, the first time I saw him I was thinking to myself, dude, there’s a weird one if ever I saw one! And what’s with that hair? I mean, come on. If you’re bald on top you don’t let the sides and back grow. He looks like he tried to jump up too fast and his head pushed through the top of his scalp.”
He jumped up abruptly and did a little dance, ending up leaning back against the body on the gurney. He reached back and patted the stomach.
“Wow, that’s pretty muscular.” He pulled up his shirt to reveal a small paunch and rolls. “I wish I was that muscular. The chicks would really dig it.”
He walked to the far side of the gurney and lifted the sheet up between them.
“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, “Man, you were hung weren’t you buddy. Talk about a trouser snake. It’s like a damned boa constrictor.”
Michael could hear the sound of slapping and wondered just what Marco was doing to the body. He watched as he dropped the sheet and walked over to lean in close.
“Dude, you were really something, weren’t you?” He smiled and reached out to touch Michael’s nose gently. “I bet the ladies loved you.”
Michael was confused. What was he talking about?
Seeing his confusion, Marco walked over to the body and whipped back the sheet. Reaching down, he grabbed hold of the bodies penis and lifted it for Michael to see.
“Man, do you know what I could do if I was hung like that?” He smiled and seemed lost in his own perverse joy. “I could have any woman I wanted.”
Michael felt wrong. He couldn’t say watching Marco man handle the obviously dead body made him sick cause he felt nothing of the sort, but it did feel wrong.
“Oh, I get it now,” Marco said slowly. “You still don’t know what’s really going on yet, do you?”
Michael blinked twice.
“Oh yeah, Peter taught you the blinking thing. Good.” He walked out of sight, returning with something in his hand. “Okay, let me lay it out for you Mike. Part of my job is to take the bodies to the incinerator here and cremate them, which is what I was on my way to do when I stopped in here to see you. Being that you’re new and all, I thought what the hell, let’s take some time to get to know the new guy and maybe have a little fun. So here we are in this damned cold ass prison, just the two of us in a plain white room with a stiff, except the stiff isn’t just any stiff It’s you!”
Michael was completely confused now. What did he mean the stiff was him? He was right here looking at him and being talked to, so how could the dead body be him.
“Still confused, eh, Mike?”
Michael blinked once.
“Okay, maybe I should ease you into this and let you know what my job is really all about.” He sat on the stool and lit another smoke. “I come in here every night and, aside from cremating stiffs, I also maintain all the life support equipment that keeps you guys alive. I mean, there’s the blood oxygenation re-circulator which acts like a heart to keep blood flowing to the brain and the feeding solutions which are added to the blood to make sure you have the nutrients you need. That’s the easy stuff. Then there’s about ten other solutions that have to be added to the blood continuously since you don’t have the organs to make them. And of course, the blood is also then continuously cleaned so you don’t get infections or blood poisoning. I’m telling you, Mike, it’s like maintaining a whole laboratory for each one of you guys and I do it all myself.” He turned and looked at Michael seriously. “If it weren’t for me, I’d be cremating all of you!”
He got up, walked to the end of the gurney and began to push it toward the door opposite where he came in.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes, dude,” he called back.
Michael thought about everything Marco had just told him and tried to grasp the point that was alluded to, but never made. It was as if he was supposed to understand something that was beyond his comprehension and he couldn’t put it all together. He had said the body was him, but how could that be when he was still right here and the body was now on it’s way to be cremated?
“Okay dude. I’m back,” Marco said entering the room. He came back and sat on the stool once again. “So, did you figure it out yet?”
Michael blinked twice.
“Man, I don’t know whether you’re just not that smart or just in denial.” Marco sat back and moved something around in front of him. “Okay Mike. This is going to be painful, but you have to know before you can be moved into the ward with the rest of the inmates.”
He held up a small mirror so Michael could see himself.
Disbelief filled his eyes and Michael wondered how what he was seeing could be true. They had shaved all of his hair off, including his eyebrows and there were multiple patches with wires stuck all about his head which ran off to a bundle that wandered away from the base of his neck. Around his neck was what looked to be a black leather collar connected to some sort of rubber sheet which was in turn fastened to the tabletop his head protruded from. There were small silver bolts in the circumference of the leather collar and there was no doubt in his mind that they actually were attached to him in some manner.
He looked from the mirror to Marco and back again. Now Marco moved the mirror back a little to give him a broader view and Michael was horrified. He could see the edge of the tabletop under him now and below it, instead of his body, was a vat of clear liquid only a few inches deep. Now he understood what Marco was trying to tell him and he looked at the man as if he held some answer that would take the horror away.
“I’m sorry, Mike. Like I said, I do not think any crime deserves for this to happen to you.” He put the mirror down. “But that was your body I just took to the furnace.”
Marco got up and rolled the stool over by the wall. “I have to go and check on the others now, but I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
He went out the door he had first entered and Michael listened as the sound of his footsteps faded away. His mind was numb and he couldn’t think. He wanted to scream and yell and rage at the world about how he had endured so much without ever once acting in any way to justify what was happening to him and now they had done this to him.
They had taken his body and mounted his head on a plate like a trophy. A living trophy. Michael looked over at the monitor and looked directly at the painkiller icon. He blinked twice, feeling immediately as the narcotic began to flow freely into his brain, numbing his thoughts and senses.
He looked again and saw the monitor was now counting down from two hours, but still tried to administer another dose. If he could somehow overdose, the nightmare would end. But the machine refused to respond and he was left to stare blankly at the counter as it worked it’s way down to his next dose.
Narrated by me on YouTube https://youtu.be/kPnf7LDXhUM
My YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwyAE1VdOplNBMyqEDeNOeA
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Find my books @ Amazon.com https://www.amazon.com/Steven-Knies/e/B00JHRUGP6
Eternal Convictions / HeadGames Steven Knies (c) October 23, 2009

HeadGames is the concept story behind my novel Eternal Convictions.
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PART 1
The sound of people talking was loud in the hallways as men went about their daily business. As background noise it was a confusing jumble that faded to a dull roar, but if one listened closely to individual voices, picking them out of the din, actual conversations could be heard. Deals were being made as men jockeyed for position while rumors spread and gossip was shared. People discussed hopes and dreams as they planned for a better future.
Michael opened his eyes and looked up at the heavy wire mesh of the walls around him. He was in a holding cell in the high security wing of the prison and the constant noise was a welcome change. His own cell was more like a closet where he was hidden away from the world and the only sounds were the constant blowing of the air vents and his own breathing. Occasionally, a guard would rap on his cell door with a night stick as he looked in to make sure Michael was still alive, but even this was rare.
The cell was six feet wide and eight feet long with walls made of solid concrete. The only openings were the steel door he received his meals through and the air vents in the ceiling. He was allowed to leave only if he had a visitor or for one hour of exercise each day in the exercise yard. Some yard, he thought. The exercise yard was actually a twenty by twenty atrium surrounded on all four sides by the walls of the prison. Overhead, steel mesh, not unlike that on the walls around him now, was laid across strong steel beams and welded in place to prevent any chance of escape. Highly unlikely in any event, considering the mesh ceiling was some eighteen feet above the paved ground.
His world had devolved into cold concrete and steel ever since that fine spring day he had gone to the bank. Thinking back, Michael remembered the four long days he had spent in the holding cell of the courthouse waiting for the jury to deliver a verdict. Each morning he was shackled, marched to the courthouse and placed in the holding cell where he waited for the verdict and each evening he was shackled and marched back to his cell at the city jail. His lawyer had been there most of the first day, expecting a quick decision but he was called away on business early in the afternoon.
After that, he would show up in the morning and talk with Michael a while before giving his cell phone number to the court clerk and leaving to do other business as they waited for the outcome. His lawyer was just about to leave on the fourth day when word came a verdict had been reached.
For a brief moment, Michael relived the joy he had felt when he knew there was a verdict. While he was terrified beyond belief that he would be convicted of the crimes he was accused of, he felt sure that God would not let him take the blame. His joy was short lived.
The jury found him guilty of all charges, sentencing him to multiple life sentences to run consecutively. It meant there was no hope for parole, ever, as he would be dead before having served a fraction of the sentence. The judge declared Michael to be a menace to society, incapable of rehabilitation and ordered him to be confined in a maximum security prison.
When it became clear that he would not be free any time soon, Michael authorized his attorney to liquidate what little remained of his assets and place the money in trust to be drawn upon as Michael needed it and to pay for continued attorney fees through the appeals process. Money was of little concern to him now, though. Other than personal toilet articles, he was not allowed to have anything else in his cell other than periodicals and books provided by the prison.
Two men began to scuffle in the hall outside the holding cell and Michael got up from the table to see what was happening. Leaning his forehead against the wire mesh, his vision was relatively unobstructed as he watched the men fight. The guard outside the cell, looked anxiously up the hall as he waited for others to come and separate the men as he was not supposed to leave his position by the gate.
He had never been interested in boxing, nor any other violent sports, but Michael found himself fascinated by the fight and rooting for the man he felt was the underdog. He noticed the thin white stripe on the men’s prison shirts and realized they were trustees, prisoners who are allowed extra privileges for good behavior. He laughed to himself as he realized they were putting their elevated status at risk with this fight, even as he silently cheered them on.
One of them kicked a mop bucket over at the other and Michael turned his face to avoid the spray of soapy water. Looking back at the fight, Michael was aware he was now wet and felt the water running down the mesh to his fingers where he was holding on. It traced small streams down his hands and arms to wet his shirt sleeves, but he didn‘t care.
A surge of electricity caused him to stiffen and Michael wondered what was happening as his vision turned white and he lost all control of his muscles. Even though his legs sagged and he could feel his face contorting, he could not let go of the wire.
“Hey buddy, you alright?” the guard asked him over the sound of the fight.
Michael heard him but could not answer.
“Aw hell. Somebody help me here!” the guard yelled. “I think this guy is getting electrocuted!”
Michael heard the words, but they made no sense as his vision faded to black except for a small pinpoint of white. The pinpoint grew larger and he began to see a face coming closer. The face was laughing cruelly and Michael could only stare in disbelief. Then the vision changed and it was as if he was looking at the bank robbery he had been convicted of from one of the security cameras. He could see himself talking to the girl and the man with the gun as the robbery started. It was as if he was reliving it from outside his own body and Michael wondered if he was dying as he had heard that one’s life flashes before their eyes as they die.
He heard the gate to the cell open and felt a hard shove as someone used something to push him away from the wall. Falling to the ground, his vision cleared immediately and he was confused, but felt fine otherwise. He got to his feet and moved to the chair by the table. The guard was talking to him, but he was thinking about what he had seen and didn’t register the voice.
“Hey buddy, just sit right there while I get a medic,” the guard said as he used his radio to call the infirmary. “They’ll be here in a few minutes.”
Michael heard a familiar voice and looked to see what was happening.
“What’s going on here?” Phillip Johnson asked, looking from Michael to the guard. “Michael, are you alright?”
“Yeah, I think so,” he said quietly.
The guard proceeded to tell Phillip what had happened, speculating that the water from the bucket must have hit the floor outlet and charged the mesh. They were quickly joined by a medic who checked Michael out thoroughly and pronounced him to be fine. It all seemed to happen very fast and Michael wondered what was going on. He was aware of the conversation between the guard and his lawyer, but it made no sense to him. He had lost all sense of time.
When the medic asked him questions, he was apparently giving the right answers but in thinking about it, he couldn’t remember what was said or even what it was about. Sitting there dazed, he watched the medic leave and the guard resume his post outside the door after closing it and locking them within. Then he realized Phillip was talking to him.
“So how have you been, Michael?” Phillip asked as he opened his brief case and took out a legal pad and pen.
Looking at the pad, Michael was reminded of their first meeting in the city jail.
“Not too bad, Phillip,” he said. “My concentration has improved since I don’t have any distractions in my cell.”
Phillip looked at him puzzled for a moment before he realized Michael was being mildly sarcastic. He couldn’t blame him. Being locked up like he was would drive anyone mad with boredom.
“I’m sorry, Michael.” Phillip looked him in the eye. “I wish there was more I could do for you.”
“Well, just get my conviction overturned and I’ll buy you dinner.” Michael smiled as he thought about being free.
“That’s why I’m here, Michael.” Phillip looked grim.
“You got my conviction overturned?” Michael asked.
“No, I’m sorry to say,” Phillip began. “The courts have over ruled your appeal and upheld your conviction.”
“Then let’s get busy filing a new appeal.”
“We have exhausted all of the appeals processes, Michael,” Phillip looked down at his bare notepad. “There is absolutely nothing more I can do except be here if you need me for something else.”
“You mean there are no more appeals, no chance of getting this damn wrongful conviction overturned?” Michael couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Phillip, I have been patient throughout this whole ordeal. I’ve been good even when the injustice has driven me so crazy that I actually wanted to resort to violence and now you’re telling me that there is nothing that can be done?”
The guard turned to watch the conversation as he heard what was being said and the tone of Michael’s voice. He had seen inmates go off on their lawyers in the past and waited to see if he would need to intercede.
Michael was aware of the way he sounded and of the guard’s renewed attention. He took several deep breaths to try and calm himself. Phillip had done everything for him. It wasn’t his fault.
“I wish there was something I could do, Michael.”
“I know, Phillip,” Michael looked at him with tears in his eyes. “I have begun to think God hates me.”
Phillip almost wished Michael would turn violent. At least then he could leave here knowing he had tried to help and was rejected. It would be far easier to leave a man he cared nothing for to such a fate, but this was killing him inside. He had come to like Michael very much and understood him to be a kind and gentle soul. There was no doubt in his mind that he had not done the things he was convicted of, but he could do nothing. He felt helpless.
“God doesn’t hate you, Michael,” Phillip said quietly. “As you’ve told me all along, God has a purpose for you and we are not privy to what that purpose is.”
“You know, Phillip,” Michael wiped his face dry with his sleeve. “I always believed and I guess I still do, somewhere deep inside, that God has a plan for all of us and we are but part of some grand design. But for the last two years, as I’ve waited for the appeals process to bear me out, I have seen nothing that could be accomplished by my being taken from the world where I was helping people and placed in a cold concrete and steel box where I have no contact with anyone whatsoever for twenty three hours of each day. How could I serve even the smallest purpose here?”
He looked at Phillip for an answer neither of them had.
“I was always fond of saying that no one is worthless, as they could always serve as an example of what not to do but even that has no meaning here.”
“Michael, when we met, I was skeptical of your story but as I checked it out and found what you were telling me to be true, I learned to not take things only as I saw them.” Phillip put the notepad back in the briefcase. “I have never been a religious man, but watching you through this ordeal has given me hope. You have demonstrated such faith and patience as I never witnessed before and it shows me there is a higher power at work in our lives.”
“Will I see you again, Phillip?” Michael asked. “If I have no reason for legal counsel, will you still visit?”
For the first time in his life, Phillip found he did actually want to return to visit with one of his clients even if his legal services were not needed. Money was not the concern here. He had found something in Michael that had been missing in his life and he felt that, even though he had failed to free an innocent man, he had made a true friend.
“Yes, Michael.” Phillip swallowed hard. “You have given me hope and perhaps even faith. I can’t say when or how often, but I will visit and I will answer any letters you send.”
“Thank you, Phillip.” Michael reached out and squeezed his hand. “For everything.”
There was no need for good bye. Both men had reached an understanding of what they needed from each other and the moment left them filled with emotion that threatened to overwhelm them. Phillip grabbed his briefcase and turned to leave as the guard opened the gate for him.
Michael sat for a few minutes looking at the area around him as he waited for the guard to take him to his cell. It was standard procedure for visitors to clear the holding area so the gates could be secured before prisoners were allowed to move about. There was nothing new to see, but still he studied every detail of his surroundings Once he was back in the cell, there would be nothing to look at or distract him from the endless hours of nothing. He had already read the book he was given so many times he had committed it to memory and there was no telling when he would receive a new one.
“All right, Chaste. Let’s go.” The guard held out his hand to take Michael by the elbow and lead him down the hall.
Michael resigned himself to his fate and trudged along silently until they came to the entrance of his wing and walked on past.
“Where are we going?” he asked, looking around.
“You’ve been transferred to a new wing,” the guard said and continued to lead him.
They seemed to walk forever before coming to a gate where he was halted as the guard on the other side opened it. The guard who was leading him guided Michael through but did not follow. Instead, he pulled the gate shut and locked it as the new guard led him down this new corridor. It had no openings on either side but he could see a small point of light at the very end. As they drew closer, Michael could see that the door actually led outside the building and he wondered just how far he was being transferred.
His senses were assaulted as he stepped outside into the sunlight. For two years he had seen only the sky above the exercise yard and no hint of sun as the large structure of the prison kept the yard in shadows all the time. Now he smelled a wide variety of plants and marveled at how the sun felt on his face. It was like being born anew and Michael let himself revel in it.
He was guided onto an electric cart and driven across the compound. He no longer cared where they were going as he was busy looking at the world. In the distance, he could see the mountains with their snow covered peaks, but he did not let himself sink into despair with thoughts of never being able to go to them. Instead, he studied them and everything else he could see to form images in his mind. Once he was led back indoors, there was no telling when he would set foot outdoors again, if ever.
The cart came to a stop outside the steel door of another building and Michael was led from the cart. For the first time since he had been first arrested, Michael resisted the guard and stopped walking halfway from the cart to the door.
“Let’s go, Chaste,” the guard said menacingly.
“Just a second, buddy.” Michael thought quickly. “Do you think maybe I could have a quick smoke before we go in? I haven’t had one in over two years.”
Michael didn’t smoke, hadn’t for years, but he had seen the cigarettes in the guard’s pocket and knew it would give him ten more precious minutes outside.
“Yeah, sure. Why not.” The guard offered him a cigarette and raised the pack to show a guard in a nearby tower. “I was about to go on break anyway. Now don’t try anything, Chaste. There are guards on the towers around us and this is a shoot to kill zone.”
“I won’t,” Michael said calmly.
He had no intention of trying to escape and, in fact, the thought had never crossed his mind. He sucked at the cigarette as the guard lit it for him and found himself in a violent coughing fit as the acrid smoke seared his throat and lungs. He wondered why people would do this to themselves and claim they even liked it.
“I guess it has been a while, huh.” The guard laughed. “Take it easy. It’ll come back to you.”
It seemed to take forever to get his breathing calmed down but once he did, Michael continued to smoke the cigarette. The taste was nasty, but he did enjoy the light buzz he was getting from the nicotine and decided that this must be what smokers liked about cigarettes. He let the sensation wash over his senses as he looked around, taking in the scenery.
The prison was a very large complex. The fences in the distance looked very small, but he remembered from his arrival that they were at least twenty feet tall and topped with razor wire. The main prison building he had just left was nearly half a mile away but still loomed very large, giving perspective to its size. To the east he could see the yellow fields of the plains stretching away toward Kansas and to the west were the mountains. He seemed to be located in a large bowl as the mountains curved around to encompass part of the north and south.
He took one last drag of the smoke and dropped it to the ground where he crushed it out. The guard had also finished and nodded toward the door. Silently they walked over to the steel door and waited for the guard on the other side to open it. As Michael entered, he noticed a sign beside the door which read “Medical Receiving” and wondered why he was being led through a delivery entrance.
Michael looked around at the holding cell he was placed in after arriving at the new prison building. It was small, about three feet by three feet with a barred door. It was like a broom closet in which a bench had been placed and there was no room to lie down or even stretch his legs unless he stood. He hoped he wouldn’t be in here for long.
Across the hall was a well lit room with medical supplies and an examination table. It was clearly some kind of clinic or infirmary and the open door was directly across from his cell. Occasionally, he would see a nurse enter through a door at the back of the room to do something out of his sight before leaving the way she came. His view was very restricted and he could only see about eight or ten feet to either side of the cell he occupied. He was aware that the air smelled of disinfectant and clean linens.
He recalled his old cell and the silence there. That had been loud compared to this place as there was not even the sound of air being moved mechanically. He could hear his breathing and, though he was calm, it sounded very loud. Listening carefully, he thought he could even hear his own heartbeat but dismissed this, realizing he must be hearing his own pulse in his ears.
Michael thought about his meeting with Phillip and the strange event which happened just before he arrived. The guard said he was electrocuted but, as a technician, Michael had been subjected to many electrical shocks over the years and this was nothing like that. There had been a current running through his body, but it was not electrical in the sense he knew. It was more like his blood was on fire and had grabbed hold of every muscle in his body. The vision of the bank robbery was confusing but, knowing he had been at the bank during the robbery and seen the videos during his trial, he decided he must have been reliving it.
The only logical explanation was that stress from waiting to hear about his appeal had triggered some type of seizure. He remembered how his vision had went all white and then faded to black before he saw the vision. The only thing he couldn’t explain was the man’s face he had seen as it looked like no one he had ever known or could recall seeing.
The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall and Michael looked to see who was coming. A small man in a white lab coat, who he presumed was a doctor, accompanied by the guard who led him here, stopped in front of his cell.
“Chaste.” The guard spoke evenly, but firm. “The doctor needs to examine you for long term incarceration in this facility. We’re going to go into that room across the hall. Normally I would have to handcuff you, but you’ve been cooperative so far. Can we keep it that way?”
Michael nodded and stood up. “Yeah, thanks.”
The guard opened the gate and allowed Michael to step out. He motioned with his arm to the room across the hall and Michael went where directed.
“Have a seat on that examining table,” the doctor said as he turned to retrieve a cart with medical instruments.
Michael sat on the table, feeling like he would slip off as the white paper covering it moved under him. He looked at the cart the doctor was pushing. There was a blood pressure machine, digital thermometer, a jar of tongue depressors, a box of latex examination gloves and several other items he recognized as general practitioners’ tools. The only thing that seemed out of place was the hypodermic syringe, but the needle was a very small gauge and he decided it must contain a flu shot or something similar.
“Please remove your shirt,” the doctor said as he put on his stethoscope.
Michael did as asked and handed the shirt to the guard who laid it on a chair for him.
For the next thirty minutes, he was poked and prodded and blood was drawn with a much larger syringe he had not noticed behind one of the machines on the cart. He wasn’t afraid of needles, but the large gauge had unsettled him. He watched as it was inserted and a vial was attached to collect his blood. The doctor pressed a gauze pad to the wound when he was finished and instructed Michael to keep it there with his other hand.
As they finished up, Michael heard footsteps in the hall and looked up to see a tall man in a suit enter the room. He was very self confident and moved around looking at things as if he owned them.
“We’re ready, sir,” the doctor said and stepped aside so the man’s view of Michael was unobscured.
“My name is Warden Dempsey, Mr. Chaste.” He looked Michael straight in the eye. “You are here because you were convicted of crimes against society so brutal that a judge deemed rehabilitation impossible and every appeals court which heard your case upheld the decision. There are no more appeals and no chance for you to ever leave this prison during the course of your natural life. Therefore you were transferred here, to me, to be entered into the Eternal Convictions program.”
Michael was already completely aware that he had no chance to ever leave prison, but the cold tone of the Warden drove the fact into him once again like slivers of glass. He knew that there was no escape from this nightmare and hoped at the very least to be treated civilly as he served his sentence. There was no use proclaiming his innocence any more. As the man had said, all appeals were exhausted. He felt as though the Warden’s words had sucked the life from him as the judge’s had when he pronounced his sentence.
“This facility is operated entirely autonomous from the main prison where you have been to this point. Here, there are no visitors, no computers, nor any other contact with the outside world. For all practical intents and purposes, you are deceased. Even the IRS will not contact you here so you may take joy in that fact.” The Warden smiled at his own joke. “What there is, though, is order. I run an orderly prison here with no problems. You have been cooperative thus far and I expect it shall remain so as I have no tolerance for any disobedience. Can I count on you for this, Mr. Chaste?”
Michael looked at the man for a moment and knew immediately that he despised him. Far beyond the fact that he, himself, was a convicted felon and expected to be treated poorly, this man was the type who thought himself above the rest of the world and carried himself as such. Michael respected his position, but not the man.
“Yes sir,” he said quietly.
“Very well,” the Warden continued. “In order to preserve order, we take certain precautionary medical measures to prevent aggression. The doctor is now going to give you an injection to facilitate this.”
Michael was aware the doctor had picked up the small syringe from the cart and was tapping air bubbles from it as he squirted some of the liquid into the air. He held it at the ready, waiting for the order to continue.
“Proceed doctor,” the Warden said and turned to leave. Reaching the door, he turned back as if having forgotten something. “This will be the last time we meet, Mr. Chaste. Please enjoy your stay with us.”
As quickly as he appeared, the Warden was gone and Michael was left to the doctor and guard. He looked from one to the other as if expecting an apology for the Warden’s intrusion, but neither man even changed their expression. It was time for the injection and he made himself relax as the doctor approached.
He felt the needle enter his upper arm and wondered just what he was receiving. The Warden had said it was to prevent aggression and Michael wondered if he was being injected with hormones to inhibit testosterone production or perhaps it was estrogen to enhance his inner calm. He really hoped it was neither as self gratification was one of the only releases he had in prison and he wasn’t particularly fond of the idea of growing breasts as the other guys might take an undesired liking to him.
He had no more than completed this thought and was about to ask what he was injected with when he realized he knew already. His vision blurred and a deep fog began to settle over his mind. Suddenly he was very tired and could feel his entire body relax. As he passed out, Michael realized he had been given a sedative.
Everything seemed to be moving slowly and he couldn’t understand why everything seemed out of place. Michael looked up from the bench where he was working to see his girlfriend coming toward him through the door. She was carrying something that looked like plans and he wondered why as she had never had anything to do with his work. In fact, he had not even seen her since before he began doing electronics work and wondered why she was here, but decided he didn’t care. He was happy to see her.
She laid the plans on his desk and told him to hurry up or they would be late picking up the kids. She seemed upset and he wondered why, while at the same time, he wondered what she was talking about as neither of them had children.
He followed her through the door and into a large area he could only describe as an inner courtyard with driveway passing through it. In the center was a large fountain made of very old white marble and water streamed down from the center in a heavy flow, cascading over terraced ledges to the catch basin which was overgrown with weeds.
Looking around, he realized the landscaping had been long neglected as grass protruded randomly in tall yellowing bunches at joints of the pavestone sidewalks and driveway. The area was surrounded by a red brick wall of some ten feet in height and this also was overgrown with vines and weeds. The mortar seemed to crumble in places and small bunches of plants sprouted from the cracks. In a far corner, a faded white gazebo stood in a shroud of plant life with its grey wood roof shingles covered in moss. Atop at the peak, a wind vane shaped like a rooster pointed it’s scaly green arrow at the gate where the driveway entered. Beyond the gate and along the outside of the brick walls, heavy forest shut out the sun.
“Come on or we’re going to be late,” she called to him. “Mother wants to rebuild this place and has decided to rip out all of the sheetrock in the east wing to make sure the structure is sound.”
He followed her across the courtyard and through a set of double doors, back into the house. He had no idea where they were going or even where they were, but felt the need to continue following.
“This room is going to be the new family room,” she said, walking around a large wooden structure in the middle of the room.
Michael looked down and saw that there was no floor here but rather bare earth with a rough sandy texture. The floor was uneven as well with the outer edges raised where they walked and dipping down in the center under the wood framework. None of this made sense and as he looked at the large structure in the middle of the room, it looked to him like the skeleton of a large boat which had been either built here or unearthed as the building was erected around it. As he walked around the end and saw her moving toward the back, her mother entered through a set of French doors to his left followed closely by several children.
He did not recognize the children and heard her say something about rebuilding the house since her husband had died. In his mind, he knew this wasn’t right as his girlfriend’s mother had passed long before her father and they had lived in a very small house. None of this made any sense, but he suddenly felt an urgent need to talk with his girlfriend, if she would ever stop walking away from him.
“I need for you to talk to me,” he said pleading.
“We have plenty of time to talk. You’re not supposed to be at the prison until Thursday.” She smiled and continued to walk around the framework away from him.
“That’s not right,” he said. “I’m going to be gone before you even realize and I don’t know if I will ever be able to see you again.”
Michael heard the words he was speaking, but had no idea what he meant or why he felt it so urgently. One part of his mind knew that he had parted ways with her years before, but another part said he needed her to stay with him now because he was about to face something terrible and she was the only one who had ever understood him.
“Don’t be silly.” She smiled coyly. “I’ll always be here.”
She walked around the back of the framework and he went back the other way to intercept her. Coming face to face he put his hands on her shoulders and looked deep in to her eyes. It was strange, but he could not see the love he knew should be there. Instead he felt she was mocking him.
“I don’t know how I’m going to get through this,” he pleaded. “I have done everything I could, but nothing seems to work.”
“It’s all being taken care of,” she reassured him.
“What’s being taken care of?” he tried to ask, but the words would not come.
Suddenly Michael’s neck was sore and he couldn’t speak. She started to walk away from him again and when he tried to follow, he found he couldn’t move. In fact, he couldn’t even turn his head to see where she was going, but had to follow her with his eyes until she was out of sight. He tried to call to her, but no words came and he wondered what was happening.
“There. That should do it,” he heard her say.
“Doctor, we have rising activity on the EEG. The patient is waking up”
Michael tried to look and see who the doctor was and who was talking to him, but still could not move his head. He was stuck looking out of an old multi-paned wooden window at the overgrown garden.
“I got it,” she said and then everything went black.
​
​
Part 2 https://www.reddit.com/DrCreepensVault/comments/11y08t7/headgames_part_2/
This story on YouTube narrated by myself
https://youtu.be/kPnf7LDXhUM
My YouTube channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwyAE1VdOplNBMyqEDeNOeA
Check out my author page on Facebook!
https://www.facebook.com/Steven-Knies-325198035130
Find my books @
https://www.amazon.com/Steven-Knies/e/B00JHRUGP6
Eternal Convictions / HeadGames
Steven Knies (c) October 23, 2009

I'm from Toronto, seen so many posts of rappers freestyling or inmates being hood rats behind bars, but 90% of the time the cells or wherever the videos being recorded at looks really nice.. for a Parisian obviously. Even in most of the documentary's they look good anyone in this sub got first hand experience on how it is? Why wouldn't someone who's homeless and dead broke not wanna just kick up in one of your jails?

I wanted to share my whole DUI experience in case it can help some of you just going through this. It is very long, so I split it up into parts to make it more digestible, and so you can skip a part of you aren’t interested in reading it. TLDR; at the bottom.
Some key info: I’m a female and was arrested at 28 with my first DUI charge and received it while living in Texas at the beginning of 2022. BAC came in at .21 and I had crashed my car into the curb when the cops found me. I hired my own attorney and the whole ordeal took 10 months.
Part 1: The Night I got Arrested
I went to a bar I had never been to by myself. I was recovering from COVID that I had tested positive for 10 days earlier. I had tested positive on my birthday and was feeling very bored and lonely and thought it would be a great idea to go out by myself and maybe make some friends or meet someone. Pro-tip for any of you new to San Antonio, the bars on the strip over-pour. I was not aware of this at the time and that was my second mistake. My first was going out without any friend.
Long story short, I left around close but I was so drunk that I blacked out. Usually when I drink heavily, I’ll sleep it off in my car before I leave, but I was so far gone, I didn’t sleep first. I don’t remember getting into my car or crashing it. The first time I came to consciousness, I realized my car was acting weird and pulling me to the left so I got out to look at it. The next thing I remember was having a cop standing next to me and the flashing lights behind my car. I tapped my damaged side skirt with my foot, looked at the cop, and said, “I dunno what happened.” I know, I should have claimed someone I had just met was driving because they said they were okay to drive, then crashed and ran off, but I was too drunk to think that clearly.
Next thing I remember, I’m being put in a holding cell. I didn’t come back to full awareness until I had woken up in the cell. I’m a little bitch, so needless to say, I spent the rest of the night sobbing. I learned that I had denied the breathalyzer and was taken to the nurses room to get my blood drawn. I tried to deny that one too but they had a warrant. Considering this was about 4 hours after I had left the bar and taking into account my sex and body weight, I was probably at around a .28 when I left. Around 9am I was taken to the magistrates office.
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Part 2: Magistrates
I was taken to the processing room and asked by a male officer, “what do you have down there?”. Very professional way of asking if I'm a man or a woman... I look like a girl, but whatever. They set me up with a female officer and she had me strip naked, bend over and cough. One of the more humiliating times of my life. Pro-tip, if you plan on getting a DWI, make sure to bring a sweatshirt or jacket because it is absolutely freezing in both the police station and magistrates office. Also, maybe wear some sweatbands to shove under the ankle cuffs. I had a lot of bruises around my ankles when I left.
To save you all of the boring details of how the next 14 hours went, just skip to part 3 from here. Between waiting, watching whatever was playing on the TV’s, and trying to sleep in between fits of crying, I went through the whole processing process. First up was the judge where I was read my charges and given my bond. The bond amount came out to $1000, and thankfully I was eligible for a PR bond. I was bonded out with a $70 fee, but that didn’t mean I could leave like I was hoping.
Next up was getting processed. Finger prints, mugshot, the works. Then I had to sit down and go over my details with the bonds office so I could be accepted for the PR bond. After that was a trip to the nurses station where I had to take a pee test to check if I was pregnant (fun fact, I’m only attracted to women so... no), asked some medical history questions, and tested for TB. I was finger printed a second time for some reason and then spent the next forever hours waiting to be released. People with severe ADHD are not built for being locked up. I thought I was going to go insane.
Around 11pm they called my name for release where I was given my inmate card and told me this would be used as my ID since I wasn’t getting my license back. Then I was brought into the exit room and received my things from the desk. Wallet, keys, shoe laces, and phone. My phone was dead and no one had a charger, and with my car being impounded, I had no way to get home. Thankfully I made friends with another lady that had been locked up and her family was picking her up. She offered to get me a ride home.
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Part 3: Impounded Vehicle, Damage, and Hiring a Lawyer
The next morning, I called a lawyer one of my friends used for her DWI and set an appointment for that afternoon, then took an Uber straight to the impound lot. I got to my car and saw the full extent of the damage in the light. It was bad. I clearly got into a fight with a curb and somehow got damage on the top of my fender. I never got charged for hitting anyone, so who knows what happened there. Maybe a concrete barrier, considering how much the top of my fender was ripped up. My rocker panel was completely crushed in, stress cracks on my front bumper, front lip was hanging off a bit, both wheels were cracked and tires were flat, and my side skirt had been mostly ripped off. I called a tow truck and he dropped me off at a little family owned shop and they took the wheels off to find the tie rod was snapped, and the front lower control arm and rear control arm were bent.
Suspension repairs came out to $700. I ordered a new set of wheels and tires later that week and left my car sitting in front of the shop while I waited for the wheels to get delivered. It took an entire month to get my car back in a driveable condition because of how long it took to get the wheels. I didn’t have the money to fix the body and didn’t want to file it with my insurance due to the situation, so over a year later I’m still driving a busted up car, but at least it works. Total cost for the parts, labor, getting it out of impound and tow came out to around $2600. I had a friend’s ex look at the body damage and he told me to expect around $3400 in body repair. Pro-tip, don’t get a DWI, they’re expensive.
One more pro-tip, as soon as you get out of jail, go online and get your license replaced. It takes a couple months for your license suspension to go through, so make sure you get a replacement license in the mean time. The cops will not give you your license back. As for the lawyer, he was cheaper than the car and was a huge help. $2700 and he dealt with everything. My advice when it comes to lawyers is get one. Many will offer payment plans so you don’t have to provide cash up front. He made the whole ordeal so much easier and gave me a lot of helpful info, plus knew the prosecutors and had friends among them. I’ll get more into why you need to get a private attorney in later parts. Hiring him was simple. I went to their website and set up an appointment time. Went to his office the day after being arrested, and told him the story. He told me what to expect, let me know what he can do, and we set up the payment plan. The deductible was $200 and he set me up to pay $150 biweekly until the $2700 was paid off. I had trouble paying him back and he said no worries, just get him back by the end of the year.
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Part 4: Court, License Suspension, and Legal Advice
If you just got out of jail, be prepared for many months and many court appearances. Thankfully, a lot of court in Bexar County has been moved to Zoom since COVID hit and that is still the case today. My roommate is going through it right now, but for a different crime and with a free public defender, so I will be making comparisons in Part 8.
The first court date is just you stating that you are there and willing to follow the orders of your bond, stay in the state, and all that fun stuff. They ask if you’re present and you say you are, then your attorney will introduce him or herself. The next couple court dates are a blur, just mundane conversations with the lawyer and judge. Thanks to having an attorney, I didn’t have to attend 2 of the dates and he took care of the license suspension court. I was suspended for 6 months and could request approval to drive to and from work with a Restricted Drivers License, but I didn’t want to pay for the SR22 insurance. I only drove to and from work over the next 6 months, mounted my front license plate instead of leaving it in my window, and always drove as carefully as possible. Happy to say I made it without any issues. If you do get caught, that could mean additional fees or even being arrested again if the cop is having a bad day.
During this time, my attorney gave me a list of things to do that would look good to the judge. Based on his conversations with the prosecutors, without doing those things I was looking at 18 months probation and 9 months with an interlock. These things included taking 2 different driving courses, getting my friends and family to write letters saying nice things about me, writing a letter saying nice things about myself, donating to the judge’s favorite charities, and I even went ahead and took a SASSI-4. That’s an exam you take that a therapist will review and screen you for substance use disorder and risk. My lawyer decided not to show that one to the prosecutors when my result for “Alcohol and other Drug Problem” was “High probability of substance use disorder”.
I completed everything he gave me and the prosecutors offered a plea deal for 15 months of deferred adjudication probation (which allows me to have my record wiped 2 years after completing probation) and 7.5 months with an interlock. If you live in Texas and are convicted of a DWI for the first time, you are required a minimum 12 months of probation and have to have an interlock installed for at least half of your probationary period. They say a mandatory three days incarcerated too, but this is not true. The likelihood of going to jail for your first DWI once convicted is extremely low. I talk to one guy at the bar a year ago who volunteered 30 days in jail instead of taking a plea deal. That didn’t seem like an option for me, but I wouldn’t have taken it because fuck that. He said he wished he hadn’t.
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Part 5: Conviction
I voluntarily decided to get sober in September and started attending AA meetings. I received my 1 month chip the day before my final court hearing and I think this helped my case a ton. My final court hearing had to be in person. My lawyer met with the prosecutors one last time and they settled on their original deal of 15 months probation and 7.5 months on interlock, but agreed to drop me from a Misdemeanor A to a Misdemeanor B because of my voluntary 1 month completion of sobriety with AA.
Once I was called to the stand, my lawyer stood with me and spoke to the judge about my case and the plea deal. She asked me a couple yes or no questions. Make sure you always say “your honor” when you finish speaking as a show of respect. The judge will take your respect of them into account. When all was said and done, and this is why I say having a lawyer is very helpful, I pleaded no contest and the judge sentenced me to 12 months of probation because in her words, “that’s as low as I can go”, which told me she would have gone lower if she could, 6 months on interlock, and agreed to dropping me to a misdemeanor B. I wanted to bear hug my lawyer after we left the court. Thanks to him and to my efforts based on his recommendations, and my personal decision to attend AA and get sober, I was dropped from 18 months of probation and 9 months on interlock to just 12 months of deferred adjudication probation and 6 months of an interlock. I am so thankful to the judge for having some mercy on me.
After court, I went to the probation office to get registered, and my first meeting was scheduled for a month later.
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Part 6: Probation
Since I had completed all of those things my lawyer suggested I do (all except the donating to the judges charity because I was broke), I had the certification already completed for the mandatory classes. Also, and this one is weird and totally up to the judge, because I was vaccinated for COVID, she dropped 20 hours from my 45 hours of community service. I don’t know why, but I’m not complaining.
My first probation meeting went well. I seem to have a good PO. She did make me aware that I had to give 3 months notice for any planned travel outside of the state, but I travel for work frequently, and usually only get 3 days to 2 weeks notice before I have to fly out, and I work outside of the country on occasion. I contacted my lawyer and he was able to get the judge to approve an Order for Travel, allowing me only 48 hours notice to my PO if I am traveling anywhere inside or outside of the country for work with a mandatory drug test within 24 hours of returning home. Once again, thank you lawyer. A free attorney would have taken months to get this approved, but it only took my attorney a week.
I’m nearly half way through my 12 months of probation, and so far I haven’t had any issues. Every drug test is clean, my certification was approved, she set me up to do my community service at the animal shelter, and that’s it! Almost… I did have to take an alcohol and drug evaluation and, like the SASSI, the counselor who evaluated me, said I have a high probability of a substance use disorder. Pro-tip, if you had a beer while on probation, even if it was just one, don’t admit that… She talked me up and was being super friendly, then asked when the last time I purchased alcohol was and my dumbass admitted to having a beer with some pizza earlier that month. Now, I have to complete a month long $500 outpatient substance abuse treatment program. I start that next week.
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Part 7: Interlock
Per my plea deal, I have to have an interlock installed on my car for 6 months and had a month after my court date to get it installed. I shopped around and ultimately went with SmartStart because they had the closest location to me. That was the only reason. The reviews for every company are all equally bad. I’ve had it for almost 5 months, and I can genuinely say this is the worst part of the punishment. These thing drives me insane. I’m required to blow into it 3 times a day, even if I’m not going anywhere. I’ve had to have the technicians fix something with it twice now. The first time it locked me out even though I wasn’t in my car, the second time it kept disconnecting and I couldn’t start my car unless I fiddled with the wires.
I also had someone break into my car a couple months ago, and that dumbass stole the camera. They probably thought it was a security camera, but it is definitely not. The camera only turns on when you are blowing into the device, just to make sure you are the one blowing into it and not cheating the system by having someone else blow into it. You are responsible for any damages to the device, so that ended up costing me $300 dollars to replace plus an additional $90 for the install. That brings me to my next issue… You have to have the device calibrated once a month. Calibration means they download all of the data on the interlock device and send it to your PO. It will record any time you blew dirty, got a warning (this happens if you are close to .025 BAC), didn’t blow when it alerted you while driving, or got a lockout. And it costs $90 each time. I'm looking at 6 months of interlock costing around $1000.
This past month, I started having an issue with my battery and found that the car will completely lose power and I have to adjust the negative terminal to get power back. This wouldn’t be the worst thing ever, and it isn’t the fault of the interlock, but if I get into my car and it has power, and I blow, sometimes the car will lose power when I try to start it. This causes the interlock device to freak out when I get power back to my car, and it won’t allow me to start the engine even though it isn’t asking me to blow. I have to turn my car off, disconnect and reconnect the unit, then sit there for 10 minutes with the battery disconnected before I can reconnect it, blow into the interlock, and finally start my car. This thing is nothing but an expensive pain in my ass.
Just a little over a month left and I can say goodbye to this little piece of shit. Provided my PO doesn’t take a long time to get the request for removal and the judge doesn’t take a long time to respond. That’s my final issue. Even though there was the agreement made in court that I only had to have it for 6 months, I can’t just get it removed once I hit the 6 month mark. I have to get approval for it to be removed and this can take anywhere from a couple days to a couple months depending on how backed up the judge is. According to my PO, the judge is very backed up. It took one of my friends nearly 2 months to get approval to have hers removed. That whole time you still have to use it as normal and go in for monthly calibrations. Our court system is so convoluted.
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Part 8: Private Attorney vs Public Defender
Whatever you do, do not use a public defender. If there is any possible way you can afford an attorney, do that. Even if you have to take out a loan, HIRE AN ATTORNEY. My roommate is using a public defender for the trouble she’s in, and it has been nothing but a pain in the ass. They are overworked and will only do the bare minimum for you. My attorney was so easy to contact, went out of his way to help, covered court dates for me, got a great deal with the prosecutors, and gave me tons of helpful advice. Plus he was able to help with the work order and have it approved in a week after I completed court.
My roommate’s attorney is nearly impossible to contact, and when she finally does get a hold of him, he has no idea who she is or what is going on with her case. He’s always asking her to remind him of what happened last, and asking his assistant questions too. He got the prosecutors to agree to consider dropping her case after her first court date and all they needed was her hospital records to review since she was arrested on domestic dispute charges for taking the fall for her abusive ex. She was also arrested on a warrant for missing her court date, which means she is currently on full house arrest. For the past 3 court dates, her attorney has forgotten to give the prosecutors her hospital records.
She also requested partial house arrest so she can return to work but the attorney is dragging his feet on that too. She has now been out of work for 5 months and can never get a straight answer from him when she asks if she can go to work yet. Her place of employment has rehired her twice now, but she keeps getting removed from their system because it is taking so long. It seems this second time was the last straw, because now they won’t contact her back, and she can only get approved for partial house arrest if she has employment and a schedule to prove. It feels like going in circles with this guy, and she’s extremely depressed and defeated, and I’m footing all of the bills because I’m nice and love her. But holy fuck I am BROKE.
Please, for the love of all that is good, hire a private attorney, otherwise you’re probably going to get a shit plea deal, the absolute minimum amount of help, and be stuck to navigate the court system on your own. I regret not hiring an attorney for her, because she would have had her charges dropped back in January if it wasn’t for this shitty public defender, could have gone back to work, and she would have made back what the lawyer cost a month later. Don’t put yourself through that if you don’t have to.
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Part 8: Conclusion/TLDR
Anyway, if you made it this far, congrats. If I was helpful in any way, I am glad I could share. This took me a solid 3 hours to write. If you didn’t make it through, here’s the TLDR or a summary for those of you who did read most, if not all of it;
I got in an accident with a curb after blacking out and was arrested for a DWI. I declined to blow, but was given a blood test about 4 hours later, resulting in a .21 BAC. My license was suspended for 6 months because I refused the breathalyzer, although I would still recommend refusing just in case. It’s easier for a lawyer to get a dismissal on a blood test, plus there's a chance you’ll sober up enough to be under the legal limit by the time they get the warrant for the blood test. Make sure to get a replacement license as soon as you get out of jail, because it’ll take a couple months before your license is suspended.
Push for a PR bond if this is your first time being arrested and you have a clean record. The county will pay your bond and you just have to pay a fee. My bond was $1000 and I had a $70 fee. Do not accept a public defender if you can avoid it. Hire a lawyer. If you want all the details of why, you can read that in Part 7. Thanks to my lawyer and his recommendations, my charge was dropped from a Misdemeanor A to a Misdemeanor B, went from 18 months of probation and 9 months on interlock to 12 months and 6 months, and got a work travel order permitted in a week.
He was also able to get me a plea deal for deferred adjudication probation, which means you don’t get officially charged until you complete probation, and can have your record expunged after 2 years of completion. That’s great, because having a DWI on your record can be extremely limiting. You can’t go to Canada for 10 years, can’t rent a car, might not be approved for TSA PreCheck, employers will see it on a background checks, landlords and universities can see it too, and your insurance goes up. Get that expunged as soon as you can.
And finally, I wanted to put all of the costs together, including my extra costs and possible costs for anyone curious of the total.
Car Stuff - $11 for license replacement, $400 to have removed from Impound and towed to a shop, $700 on suspension repairs, estimated $3400 for body work. Total = $4511
Court/Probation Fee's - $70 for PR Bond, $2500 in court/probation fees, $120 for DUI courses, $10 a service hour, so $250 total if I don't do community service, outpatient therapy is $500. Total = $3440
LawyeInsurance - $2700 in lawyer fees, $250 for Restricted Driver License, around $800 for SR22 insurance for 6 months Total = $3750
Interlock - $540 for 6 months of calibrations, $390 for stolen camera, $90 for removal. Total = $1,020
Expunging Record - $600
Total cost when all is said and done - $13,321
Needless to say, I should have taken a $30 Uber. But hey, I've learned a lot because of what I did and there is nothing I can do but make the best of it. You can do this too. This is just one shitty hurdle in life, but you can overcome and move past it with time and effort. Thanks for reading.