Living in a solitary environment gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself, such as your strengths, weaknesses, motivations, behaviors, and desires. This can help you to become more self-aware and introspective, and it also encourages you to mature and grow as a person. This is true for me kaya ngayon i consider myself emotionally matured. I've had 3 ex and recently lang yung 3rd. Akala ko emotionally matured = cold heart, which means madali lang sakin makaka-move on kasi nga sa isip isip ko if andyan sya ok lang, if wala sya ok lang din kasi nga matured naman ako and independent person so di nakadepende sa ibang tao yung happiness and dun sa first 2 ex ko i handled it greatly. Until umiyak sya nung nagkita kami for the last time di ko nadin napigilan and akala ko after non hindi na ko iiyak, but no kasi after ko makita palang as in pag view ko ng gmail nakita ko name nya na nagreply sa goodbye email ko tumulo agad yung luha ko. This is the first time i felt really vulnerable with myself na malungkot ako and masakit ang puso ko and actually it feels great pala, i even replied to one of my close friend to say na wala na kami ng ex ko and i'm really not okay (kinamusta nya kasi ko since nakadeact lahat ng socials ko). Mas masakit talaga yung breakup if mutual decision and you both think na it's the best decision kesa tumuloy pa and ipilit. Right now i'm acknowledging my emotions and allowing myself to feel vulnerable. It takes strength to confront and process difficult emotions especially this one, and this can be a powerful step towards my personal growth and healing. I actually thought writing on a journal about your stories is not great but here i am writing my own story because it feels great pala lol

23M, take a beta blocker 1x a day for high BP and tachycardia (could it be this?)
I’m always exhausted. I hate it. I need help. I usually sleep 8+ hours/night although I often wake up in the middle of the night but this has been something that has happened my whole life.
To add a bit of context I graduated college about 15 months ago. At this time I never felt fatigued all the time.
This last semester of college I was working 50+ hours/week and taking 18 credit hours. I feel like this took a toll on my mental health. I feel like this really drained me and took a lot of joy out of my life, maybe became a bit depressed? Graduated college and felt fine for awhile.
During college I got a bit of exercise just from all the walking around campus I had to do. Once I graduated my exercise effectively dropped to 0. My diet in college and now sucks. Lots of takeout lack of fruits and veggies. Sit at a desk for 50-60+ hours a week. Just overall unhealthy. Not good, I know. Despite this I had never really felt so fatigued the rest of my life despite an unhealthy lifestyle so questioning if it’s related or not. I have been extremely fatigued for many months now.
Weekends I just lounge around all day. I usually do nothing and have no desire to do anything, especially given my exhaustion.
I had a CBC done a few months back for unrelated reasons explained below but my blood tests came back normal.
I had blood tests done because of GI symptoms I have had for a very very long time. PA and PCP were not worried and left it at a CBC given my bloody stools are not black. I have diarrhea ~2-5x/day, stools always flat and loose, stomach pain (often in morning), very fast digestion, intermittent red blood when wiping, often have yellow stools. I also often feel like I have brain fog/hard to focus. I have self diagnosed this to disassociation/depersonalization, maybe anxiety/depression? Really not sure but I feel like I only notice these symptoms when I think about it, it’s weird. Might be a psychosomatic thing.
Why am I so exhausted? This can’t all be lifestyle, can it? I know my lifestyle is bad but it has always been and I have not always felt so bad.
I plan to mention this at my next doc appt. in a few months but I feel like my symptoms often get pushed away as “probably nothing” so just curious
Advice is greatly appreciated!

Possible trigger warning: Discussion of chronic illness, death, and suicide
Section One: Assets and Debt
*Note: My husband (M) makes around $180k but we have separate finances so all income, debt, and expenses listed here are mine, unless otherwise noted*
Retirement Balance:
· My poor 401k has taken a beating in the last year or so; it’s currently sitting at about $338k despite recently increasing my contributions significantly
· I contribute 16% to my 401k and my employer contributes 8%
· I receive a small pension from my employer; they contribute 3% of my pay per year to this fund but it doesn’t perform well and I’m not including this in my retirement planning
Equity if you're a homeowner:
· M and I purchased our home in early 2020 for $615k, right before the housing market went WILD
· We put down $100k (which was from sale of previous home), and our rate is 2.99%; we refinanced in 2021 and took out $50k equity for bathroom renovations and kept our same interest rate (thankfully!) so current mortgage balance is $515k
· Our home is now worth approx. $950k so we have about $435k in equity
Savings account balance:
· My personal savings is really low right now at $3k
· M and I have a joint savings account we use for home expenses and a 529 for our child, A, who is currently 7; I’m hoping to increase our 529 contributions soon
Checking account balance:
· Currently $137; I keep this pretty low and just use it to pay for day-to-day expenses after all my bills are paid
Credit card debt (and how you accumulated it):
· $19k in total, across 4 credit cards
· It makes me physically ill to type this out, but I am actively paying it down using my remaining funds after expenses are paid each month
· This debt accumulated over a number of years and was largely due to expenses/inflation drastically outpacing my income
Student loan debt (for what degree):
· $0
· I had a private student loan for part of my MBA but I paid it off in early 2022. I’m really fortunate that my company pays up to $10k per year for education so my undergrad and most of my graduate degree were covered under that program
Other debt:
· $6k for an unsecured loan I used to pay for a surgery that wasn’t covered by my insurance
· $15.5k remaining on my auto loan
Section Two: Income
Income Progression:
· I got my first job at a fast-food restaurant when I was 13; I worked all through high school, sometimes two jobs at once, to pay for all my clothing and school supplies. My parents provided food and housing but everything else was up to me
· I started working at my current company when I was 18 years old; my starting salary was $19k per year. My mother kicked me out the month I turned 18 so it was a really hard year, but I learned a lot about self-reliance
· Fast-forward to the last few years: I made $85k in 2019-2020, $95k in 2021, and $100k in early 2022
· I started my current role at the end of 2022 and my current base salary is $140,000; I receive bonuses which bring my total cash compensation to approx. $167k annually
Main Job Monthly Take Home:
· My net pay is approx. $6230 per month
Pre-tax deductions are-
· $22 Dental insurance
· $154 FSA contribution
· $150 Medical insurance (for me only; M has A on his insurance due to my MS expenses)
· $995 401k contribution
· $11 Vision insurance
After-tax deduction-
· $20 charity; employer matches
Side Gig Monthly Take Home
· None right now; in the past I have delivered for Uber Eats, mainly for the tax write-offs
Any Other Monthly Income Here
· None
Section Three: Expenses
Monthly expenses:
· $1500 Mortgage payment (this is my half; M pays the other half)
o This includes homeowners’ insurance and property taxes
· $150 contribution to a joint savings account with M
· $150 contribution to savings account & 529 plan for A
· $335 auto loan payment
· $311 surgery loan payment
· $370 minimum payments for credit cards
· $112 term life insurance payment
· $350 electric/gas/watetrash/internet (this varies each month but $350 is avg.)
· $89 cellphone (just mine; M has his own plan with another carrier)
· $3 Apple storage
· $48 gym membership
· $10 Uber Eats subscription
· $80 pet expenses (my half, split with M; this covers food, meds, etc.)
· $60 auto and jewelry insurance
· $72 A’s private soccer lessons (my half; split with M)
· $100 A’s regular soccer team expenses (my half; split with M)
· $700 groceries/restaurants (my half; split with M)
· $60 gas for my car (blissfully low since I work from home and A’s school is close to us)
· $0 for Netflix and HBO-Go; we have friends & family who kindly share with us
· $65 for pest control (scorpions are bad here) *
Quarterly expenses:
· $90 HOA fees (split with M, this is my half)
· $120 monitored home alarm system *
Annual expenses:
· $99 Duolingo
· $129 Amazon Prime
· $450 professional memberships (related to various certifications I hold)
· $99 annual fee for travel credit card; airfare savings more than make up for it
· $30 PTSA membership fee
*Since M covers A on his health insurance, I pay for the pest control and home alarm system since it ends up being about the same cost
Day 1-Sunday:
7:00 AM: Slept in a little and it was glorious. Got out of bed, took my morning meds, chugged some water, and headed downstairs to check on A. He was already up for the day and he was watching a kids’ show on Netflix with M
7:15 AM: Made a green tea for my caffeine fix using half bottled, unsweetened green tea and half water to dilute it a little bit. Made breakfast for A; he wanted half a bagel with cream cheese and some green grapes. No breakfast for me since my morning fatigue med suppresses my appetite and I usually don’t start to get hungry until late morning or early afternoon.
7:30-8:15 AM: Hung out with A while he ate his breakfast, then I got dressed and headed to the gym
8:30-9:30 AM: Took a really fun cycle class where the instructor works with a live DJ. It makes it a really cool environment with great music, which makes the hour fly by
9:45 AM: Home from the gym, took a quick body shower and threw a load of laundry in the washing machine. Made some avocado toast with Ezekiel gluten-free bread, goat cheese, and eggs. I recently removed cow’s milk from my diet and I’m trying to also limit gluten; they’re both really reactive for my body so as much as I love ALL THE CHEESE and bread and pasta and ice cream, I know that reducing them may help with some of my MS symptoms. Sigh.
10:25 AM: Moved the laundry to the dryer and started the next load, then played Minecraft Dungeons with A for 30 minutes. He is an only child, so M and I play games and do various activities with him a lot. It’s sometimes hard when I’m really fatigued but I truly cherish all the time we get to spend playing with him and doing things he enjoys. I know I’m going to miss it when he gets older and decides he’s too cool to hang out with his parents.
11-11:30 AM: I only took half of my fatigue medication today, so I am dragging. I try to give my body a break from that medication once per week because I don’t want to become dependent on it. Unfortunately, I am exhausted on those days where I take a smaller dose or skip it. I made a chai tea latte with almond milk to try to get a caffeine boost (spoiler alert: it did not work). Talked on FaceTime with my mom and my little brother, who’s deployed overseas right now. Did light makeup and put my hair in a half-up/half-down thing while I was talking to them. I got dressed in comfy jeans, a coral-colored sweatshirt, and pastel Birkenstock sandals. M, A, and I left to go meet M’s family for lunch to celebrate M’s brother’s birthday.
12-1:30 PM: Had a really nice lunch with M and his family; I adore them and feel abundant gratitude for having in-laws I really like and enjoy spending time with. I wasn’t super hungry since I had a late breakfast, so I ordered some beef sliders and then drank 2 honey blonde ales. M’s family kindly treated everyone to lunch so no cost to us ($0).
1:30-3 PM: Took a little nap to sleep off the honey ale, while A and M hung out downstairs. Got up from my nap and made a snack for A of grapes and some chips. I munched on some grapes and gave myself a silent talking-to for overdoing it at lunch. Took my afternoon meds.
3:00-5:30 PM: A and I played outside with the dogs, throwing tennis balls for them to fetch and tossing a frisbee back and forth. We also practiced some soccer stuff. I did my daily French lesson with Duo Lingo, picked up the yard (dog owners-you know), and then A and I picked some fresh lemons, oranges, and tangelos from our citrus trees. We are really fortunate to have a huge backyard with tons of fruit trees and other plants. I washed all the fruit we picked, then used it to make a centerpiece for the kitchen island. We played some Mario Kart and another round of Minecraft Dungeons before getting ready for dinner.
5:30-6:30 PM: We had a quick dinner of leftover pizza, chicken wings, and salad. I cleaned up the kitchen while M did the dishes. M and I played a card game (Pinochle) while A took a shower and got his jammies on.
6:30-7:45 PM: M, A, and I finished watching “Rock Dog” on Netflix-it was cute. I packed A’s backpack and snacks for school tomorrow. It’s his first day back after Spring Break but he really enjoys school so he’s excited.
7:45-8:15 PM: Read stories with A for half an hour before he fell asleep. He wanted to know how to say some silly phrases in French, so we practiced that for a few minutes before I headed to my room to get ready for bed.
8:15-10 PM: I did my nighttime routine-brushed the dogs’ teeth (they both enjoy it and follow me to the bathroom at night when they know it’s time) and did my skincare routine. I have been loving products from The Ordinary and the granactive retinoid emulsion I use at night has been a game changer for my skin. I scrolled Reddit for a while before passing out.
Daily total: $0
Day 2-Monday:
3:30-5:00 AM: Woke up in the middle of the night after having a really stressful dream and could not get back to sleep. Scrolled Reddit and checked personal e-mails and texts until I finally fell back to sleep at 5 AM.
6:30 AM: Woke up after snoozing my alarm repeatedly. I checked my work e-mail and Slack messages to get caught up for the day; my team are all on the East Coast so they’re three hours ahead of me. Took my morning meds and drank a bunch of water.
6:45-7:45 AM: Went downstairs to grab my daily green tea and checked on A, who was doing a quick workout with M. A is very much into fitness right now and loves participating in whatever workouts M is doing. Made breakfast for A (bagel and cream cheese and grapes again), put away two loads of laundry, fed the dogs, showered, got dressed (pastel sweatshirt and yoga pants), helped A brush his teeth and get ready for school, picked up the yard again, and made an almond milk smoothie for my breakfast with pineapple and some of the citrus we picked yesterday. Before we headed out the door for school, A spotted a little rabbit sitting in our back yard, so we kept the dogs inside the house and gently chased the bunny out our gate to the front yard. I’m sure poor Peter Rabbit was terrified, but we didn’t want the dogs to get him. I realized that I have grown up to be Farmer McGregor!
8-11:30 AM: Dropped A off at school and sent a Venmo payment to A’s soccer coach for his soccer lesson later today ($35). Called my cellphone provider to inquire about an incorrect charge on my bill (they refunded it-$10), called my pharmacy to refill two prescriptions, and hopped on Amazon to order a new sports bra, some vitamins for the dogs, and some fancy gold sprinkles for cupcakes I’m making at the end of the month ($71.23). My first morning meeting got moved to later in the week, so I got caught up on all my e-mails, helped a coworker with some questions she had, and made a to-do list for my work tasks today.
11:30 AM: I made a quick lunch (breakfast?) of a breakfast burrito and finished an episode of “How to Get Away with Murder”; I am OBSESSED with this show and kicking myself for not starting to watch it until recently! I ate 2 cookies for good measure and headed back to my home office.
12-5 PM: Attended some meetings, prepped a presentation for tomorrow, and did other admin work. I talked to one of my sisters about issues our other sister is having while I emptied the dishwasher. I also completed my daily Duo Lingo lesson and typed up some of my Money Diary. Took my afternoon meds.
5-7 PM: M and A got home from A’s private soccer lesson and we heated up dinner (more leftovers) and ate quickly before A and I headed back to the soccer center for his regular practice. A was a rockstar and put so much energy into practice, as usual. I completed another Duo Lingo lesson while watching him practice.
7:15 PM: Home from soccer, ordered Dairy Queen delivery through Uber Eats ($26.73). It was a special treat for A since he did so well at his soccer practice and soccer lesson today. Am I going to feel terrible tomorrow after consuming so much dairy? Probably. Is it worth it? We shall see!
7:30-8:30 PM: A took a quick shower then M read him stories and put him to bed. I did my nighttime routine, watched another episode of “How to Get Away with Murder”, and then it was lights out.
Daily total: $132.96
Day 3-Tuesday:
4:45 AM: My alarm goes off and I begrudgingly crawl out of bed. I drink some water, take my morning meds, and make my green tea, before getting dressed for the gym. It’s still dark outside and it’s raining like crazy so my motivation to go to the gym is waning.
5:30-6:30 AM: I took a cycle class at my gym, with a different instructor and format than the one on Sunday. It wasn’t as challenging as the other cycle class, but it was also super early, so I am not complaining.
6:30-7:45 AM: Head home from the gym, shower, get dressed (a gray t-shirt and yoga pants), and hang out with A while he eats breakfast (bagel with cream cheese and some grapes again). I responded to Slacks from my team and checked my calendar for the day while I made another green tea. After A was done eating breakfast, we played some Minecraft Dungeons together. He doesn’t usually get to play video games before school, but he got himself dressed and ready to go in record time, so I didn’t mind making an exception.
7:45-8:15 AM: Dropped A off at school and headed home to finish getting ready for the day. I put on some light makeup and dry shampooed my hair so I would be presentable for the multiple meetings I have today.
8:30-11:15 AM: Took a bunch of meetings, two of which I thought would be really tough but ended up going well. Made a brunch of Ezekiel toast with peanut butter and strawberry jam and ate that while I typed up more of this Money Diary before my next round of meetings began.
12-4:30 PM: Lots of meetings and work to do in between them. I took a quick snack break and ate 2 cookies while I did today’s Duo Lingo lesson. I also took my afternoon meds while I had a break between meetings. I’m thankful for modern medicine but I would be lying if I said it’s not a pain to manage so many pills at different times throughout the day.
4:30 PM: Signed out of work for the day and-you guessed it-played some Minecraft Dungeons with A and M. A finished all his homework at school so we let him have some extra video game time before dinner.
5-8 PM: We had dinner (grilled chicken, quinoa, peas) then A and I had a dance party in the kitchen while I cleaned up from dinner. I snuck a leftover brownie and treasured every bite. We all watched a movie together then I read stories with A and put him to bed.
8:30-10 PM: I did my nighttime skincare routine, brushed the dogs’ teeth, scrolled Reddit for a while, then lights out.
Daily total: $0
Day 4-Wednesday:
5:45 AM: Woke up to the sound of a furious rainstorm outside. I live in a very dry climate so getting rain always feels like a luxury. I remembered today is the day I can begin making dining reservations for an upcoming trip to Disney World, so I log in to my Disney account and start looking at options. I’m surprised and delighted to get 3 different reservations I was hoping for right away. The last time we went to Disney World in 2021, I had to check daily for reservation openings, and I ended up just paying for a service that monitors restaurant availability in order to get the reservations we wanted. I was not expecting it to be so easy this time around! I had to pay to hold our reservations ($344.79) but will end up splitting them with my sister and her partner, whom A and I are going on the trip with. I have funds set aside in a travel sinking fund so using some of that for this expense. Note: A doesn’t know we are going on this trip and my sister, and I are planning to surprise him the morning we leave. I cannot wait!!!
6:00-7:45 AM: Made breakfast for A (Cheerios today) and got him ready for school while I drank my green tea. I got dressed (striped sweatshirt and yoga pants) and put on some light makeup since today’s schedule is pretty meeting heavy. I took my morning meds and started responding to Slacks, then checked my calendar to ensure I wasn’t added to any new meetings since yesterday afternoon. I started mentally preparing for a meeting I know is going to be difficult today. I try to treat everyone with kindness but there is a person I have to meet with today who does not seem to share that same value. Oh well, c’est la vie.
8:00-10 AM: After dropping A off at school, I got fully logged in for the day and jammed through all my e-mails and morning meetings. I took a quick break to work on the Money Diary and do today’s Duo Lingo lesson. I made a chai tea latte with almond milk and it went down a treat.
10-10:30 AM: Break between meetings so I used the time to empty the dishwasher and start a load of laundry. The rain finally petered out, so I picked up the yard and checked the mail while listening to a true crime podcast.
10:30-1:30 PM: More meetings, one of which was really fun! I really like my team and I appreciate that we can have a good time together, even when our work is stressful. Between meetings, I found a dermatologist with good reviews and called to make a Botox appointment. I paid a deposit to hold my appointment ($50); it will be deducted from the cost of my service. I’ve been hesitant to start getting Botox since I’m bad about keeping up with beauty routines, but I just need to do it and force myself to maintain it. I ate a quick sandwich with some turkey and grainy mustard on Ezekiel bread.
1:30-4:30 PM: Took my afternoon meds. Did some admin work, tried pulling a report in Snowflake but couldn’t wrap my brain around fixing the syntax errors so I called it quits for the afternoon. I really need to carve out time for SQL practice each day; my brain is not naturally good at coding and it feels impossible that I’ll ever get more comfortable with it. M and A got home and we celebrated A’s progress on his reading comprehension grades. He is extremely gifted with math and spelling but he has struggled a little bit this year with reading comprehension, so we try to really celebrate any growth he shows in that area. I downloaded some songs from iTunes ($5) and listened to those while I worked.
4:30-5 PM: I put together my to-do list for tomorrow, did one final sweep of Slacks and e-mails, and logged out for the day. A and M played Minecraft Dungeons for a few minutes while I finished working.
5-7:30 PM: M smoked a prime rib today, which we had for dinner, along with salad and leftover quinoa. A and I tossed around a football while M finished cooking the meat. I ordered invitations for A’s birthday party next month ($36, split with M so my total is $18). He is all about Minecraft right now so naturally that is the party theme he chose. I vacuumed the downstairs floors and cleaned the kitchen then we finished watching the movie we started last night. I ordered some clothing for myself and used a small credit I have from the store to bring down the total cost ($120.81).
7:30 PM: M put A to bed and read stories with him while I brushed the dogs’ teeth and did my nighttime skincare routine.
Daily total: $538.60
Day 5-Thursday:
4:45 AM: Woke up when M’s alarm went off; looked at my phone and saw how early it was then promptly fell asleep.
6:05 AM: Woke up to my alarm and dragged myself out of bed. I have a meeting at 7 AM my time so I need to get moving a little earlier than normal. M is taking A to school today so I get dressed (gray shirt, light pink Vuori pants), take my meds, put on some light makeup, and start checking Slacks and e-mails.
6:45 AM: A is still sleeping so I wake him up for the day. The dogs are so excited to see him so they accompany me to his room and jump up on his bed for kisses. I help A pick out clothes for the day and leave him to get dressed while I make his breakfast (Cheerios and grapes today).
7:00-7:30 AM: I log in to work and attend the early morning meeting; it’s a frustrating conversation and nothing gets accomplished, so will have to follow up with the stakeholders early next week.
7:30-8:00 AM: I make a Chai tea latte with almond milk for myself, fill A’s water bottle, and do a final check of his backpack to make sure he has everything he needs. I always pack A’s backpack each night with snacks, his homework folder, and any library books he needs to return the next day. It makes mornings a little less hectic and sets the tone for a less-stressful day for us. I kiss A and M goodbye as they head out the door, then go back to work. I had signed up for a short cycle class later this morning but I am not feeling it today; I cancel my registration and promise myself I’ll do a workout at home later in the day (spoiler alert: did not work out later).
8:00-10:00 AM: I listen to a podcast someone mentioned in their Money Diary (“I Will Teach You to be Rich”) while I do some admin work and put away the laundry I started yesterday. I have back-to-back meetings later today so trying to get any household and admin things done first so I can fully focus on those calls. I ate a quick breakfast of a tomato, goat cheese, and egg scramble with two pieces of Ezekiel bread toast.
10:00 AM-1:00 PM: Attended back-to-back meetings and coordinated follow-ups for our team as needed. My previous roles were always very meeting heavy, but a lot of those meetings felt pointless; I like that in my current role, people tend to only meet when it’s really necessary, so we get more out of the time we have together. Took my afternoon meds.
1:00-4:30 PM: Finished work for the day, had a brownie and a Dilly Bar made with coconut cream for snacks. I have definitely noticed a correlation between my level of stress at work and how much sugajunk food I eat. I stepped outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and check the mail. I received my Disney redemptions gift card for $77 from my Chase Disney Rewards credit card. I browsed the Shop Disney website and debated buying some Snow White themed “Minnie ears” for the upcoming trip, but I already have a few pairs I will bring so I decided to hold off on buying it. I did purchase a new Magic Band + for the trip ($26.96). I got it at a discounted rate since we have an upcoming reservation on-property. While the Magic Band isn’t required, it does make life easier since you can use it as your room key, to purchase food and other items in the parks, etc. I had previously bought one for A which I plan to give to him when my sister and I surprise him the morning we leave for the trip. I completed my Duo Lingo lesson for the day and got about 90% of the questions correct! I feel like it’s starting to “click” and I’m making good progress.
4:30-6:00 PM: M went to see the new John Wick movie, so A and I decide to order burgers and fries via Uber Eats for dinner ($27.35). M usually cooks dinner each night and while I know how to cook and can make basic things, I was really tired so I took the easy route. While we waited for dinner to arrive, I helped A with his homework and hung out with him while he played Minecraft Dungeons for a few minutes.
Daily total: $54.31
Day 6-Friday:
6:30 AM: I slept in a little this morning since I have no meetings until later today. I checked my Slacks and e-mails in bed for a few minutes, then took my morning meds and headed downstairs to make my green tea. A is already up and dressed so we hung out for a few minutes and then got his breakfast ready. He wasn’t very hungry this morning, so I let him have a granola bar and grapes instead of a bigger meal. Every single morning, he tells me he isn’t hungry and I remind him he needs to eat something or he will be hungry and distracted once he gets to school, so this is a well-rehearsed conversation for us.
7:00-8:00 AM: A ate his breakfast then finished getting ready for school while I took a super quick shower and got dressed (a blue sweatshirt and workout shorts). I only have one meeting today so I decide to skip makeup and hair and just put on my moisturizer and some lip balm. I drop A off at school and get fully logged in for the day.
8:00-9:30 AM: I chat with my team on Slack about some data analytics we got asked to provide today; I feel very grateful to work with smart people who view things differently than I do. It challenges me to think outside of the box and I feel like I’m constantly learning new things. M and I decide to increase our contributions to A’s 529 account, so I update my budget binder to plan for $100 per paycheck to his account instead of the $75 I have been doing. M puts in the same amount each pay period. Note: I know there are so many online budgeting tools I could use but I really love having a place to write it down and make it a little more fun by using different colored pencils for different categories.
9:30-11:00 AM: I had an awesome meeting with someone I mentor; part of it was career-related and part of it was just catching up on life. We make plans to meet again in two weeks and I’m excited to talk to her again. After the meeting, I quickly catch up on admin work and e-mails.
11:00 AM-12:30 PM: M and I worked on our estate plan. It’s been on my mind for a while because of my MS and we recently lost a loved one at a very young age so we decided to finally get this done. We utilized a free legal service through my company’s Employee Assistance Program, which walked us through filling out the different documents we need. We created a trust and will to ensure A and our dogs go to the guardians we’ve chosen for them and specified how we want our assets and property to be divided up. We also put together a living will/healthcare power of attorney for me, which was way more emotional than I anticipated. I’m on a high-efficacy treatment but MS is progressive and as of now there is no cure. I’m doing what I can to stave off my disease progression, but I want to specify my wishes regarding my long-term care in case I ever become incapacitated (physically or cognitively). Assisted suicide isn’t legal in my state but I let M know that would be my preference if my disease progresses to a certain point; maybe by then it will be legal here and if not, we can go to a state where it is legal. I know it was difficult for M to talk about this but I feel better knowing he understands my wishes and is willing to do what I ask.
12:30-1:30 PM: After the estate planning conversation, I needed an emotional palate-cleanser, so I scrolled Reddit for a few minutes and made a quick lunch (breakfast) of scrambled eggs with goat cheese, tomatoes, salsa, and guacamole. I called my sister and caught up with her for a few minutes and then went back to work to wrap up some admin tasks. Took my afternoon meds.
1:30-3:00 PM: I reviewed some proposed documentation to provide feedback, listened to another episode of “I Will Teach You to be Rich”, and watched a how-to video for SQL database creation. I placed an Amazon order for some health and beauty items ($58.59) and talked to M about the plans for tonight. The PTSA at A’s school is hosting a family game night so we chatted about what time to go and whether we should eat dinner first. I am currently running for a position on the PTSA Board at his school and I love events like this so I’m looking forward to it.
3:00-3:30 PM: M picked up A from school and they did some soccer drills in the backyard while I finished work. I also did my Duo Lingo lesson for the day and confirmed my reservation at a local restaurant tomorrow morning. My family and I try to get together every few weeks and tomorrow morning we are meeting there for an early breakfast.
3:30-4:30 PM: It has been a long, stressful week and my work is done for the day so I log off a bit earlier than usual. I check the mail, pick up the yard, and relax for a little while before it’s time to leave for the family game night.
4:30-6:30 PM: We ate a quick dinner of leftover pizza and salad then headed to the family game night. A had a really nice time playing the different carnival games and hanging out with his friends.
6:30-8:00 PM: We played Minecraft Dungeons for a while, M mixed a delicious cocktail for me, then M put A to bed while I did my nighttime routine.
8:00-10:00 PM: M and I watched a movie together then lights out.
Day 7-Saturday:
6:30 AM: Woke up with my alarm, took morning meds, and headed downstairs for green tea and cuddles with A. We watched some cartoons on Netflix then A and I started knocking out our Saturday morning chores while M was at the gym.
7:30 AM-10:00 AM: A and I went with my family to breakfast and it was delicious. A ordered pancakes and sausage and I had a delectable avocado eggs benedict dish and a cold brew with almond milk. My stepdad paid for everyone which was really nice ($0). After breakfast, my family came back to our house for a few minutes. We showed them our garden since A is really proud of the progress his fruit trees and veggie plants are making. M went grocery shopping for the week (my half was $90).
10:00 AM-1:30 PM: My family left and M, A, and I spent a couple hours just hanging out, playing some video games, doing laundry, and having lunch. I dropped off a return at the local post office (will be $35 once refunded) and put some gas in my car while I was out ($30).
1:30-4:00 PM: A had a soccer game in the afternoon; his team lost but he played pretty well and received good feedback from his coach. M headed to a friend’s house for a party and A and I went home. I did more laundry and played outside with A and the dogs since it was a nice, warm day. I placed an Instacart order for some candy for A’s Easter basket and a couple other items I forgot to have M grab at the grocery store ($40.78). A and I drew and colored for a while then made paper airplanes.
4:00-8:00 PM: A and I played some Minecraft Dungeons then had a dance party in the kitchen while I made dinner for the two of us. We had gluten free pasta with meatballs, garlic bread, and peas. After dinner I cleaned up the kitchen and more dancing ensued. We watched some TV and then put away A’s laundry and made the beds with the bedding we washed today.
8:00-10:00 PM: A and I watched some TV and I let him stay up later than usual since it’s a weekend night. A fell asleep around 9:30. I did my nighttime routine and scrolled Reddit until 10 or so when M got home from his friend’s house, then lights out.
Daily total: $160.78
At the end of each day please tally up your daily expenses. Then at the end of your diary please tally up all expenses in the following categories:
Food + Drink: $184.86
Health + Beauty: $108.59
Clothes: $120.81
Transport: $30
Travel: $344.79
Other: $156.19
Total: $945.24
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
Man, I have so many thoughts on this diary. I’m in this kind of weird space where I want so badly to pay off my debt because I have a lot of shame associated with it. On the flip side, I want to travel and enjoy the time I have right now because I don’t know if my health will permit that in the future. Overall I spent less on food than I usually do, partly because our families generously treated us when we went out with them. I feel grateful to make enough money to start paying off my debt more quickly, even though I have a long way to go. I’m also proud of how far I’ve come from the terrified 18 year old who didn’t know how I was going to pay my rent and still eat each month. If you made it through this super-long diary, thanks! I’d love to hear from anyone in a similar place with their health regarding how you balance responsible finances with having fun and enjoying your life.

Kolshian Homeworld ‘Aafa’, 8th September 2136
Rushing through the corridors of the governance hall, Cilany desperately attempted to keep hold of her data slate. This would be the story of a lifetime! She had originally come to Aafa to report on the planned attack on Earth, once news broke that the humans had survived. That the conquering beasts had superior weaponry, and had clearly amassed a significant fleet, was enough to upset the Federations’ pre-existing plans. Cilany had bluffed her way onto a diplomatic courier in the hopes of getting a front row seat to the summit of Federation leadership.
The news had come mid-flight that the humans had struck Gojid space, along with claims of several races fighting alongside the predators. There was even mention of some ‘Inter-Species Union’. Last Cilany had heard, the Cradle itself was under attack, this latest update coming just as her ship arrived in the Aafa system. She had immediately found an itinerary for the upcoming meetings, and waited for the discussions to begin.
All of her plans, and those of everyone on Aafa, had been turned upside down by the arrival of a human vessel in the system. Appearing two light-hours from Aafa, it had approached in a manner designed to let the Kolshians know it was there. When challenged by the defence fleet, a transmission had come from the gigantic tree-like vessel, broadcast across all channels. It showed a prey creature with dark grey-blue flesh and a short, crushing beak. Nodules and spines of bone protruded from its skin, and it seemed to be comprised of nothing but muscle. Flanking it were a pink-furred creature with a long snout, and a Mazic-like creature with two trunks. Standing a little to the left of the spined creature was Governor Tarva of the Venlil. This had shocked Cilany, as she had assumed that the leader of a conquered species would have either been executed (likely being eaten alive) or enslaved. Most shocking of all, the three unknown species were taller than the woolly leader. The blue-grey beast had spoken, their voice deep and rumbling with occasional hoots.
“Greetings, people of the Federation. I am Clan Lord Ulcalna Zhor-Latt, ambassador of the Covenant of Zhulrin. We are here as diplomatic representatives of the Inter-Species Union, on a mission of peace. We know that there is a summit taking place on this world, in which you plan to make war upon one of our member states, the Federation of Human Systems. It is our intention to find a peaceful alternative. We have brought with us an ambassador of the humans, who will explain to you exactly how this conflict can be avoided. You may attempt to prevent the discharge of our duties, but we will be heard. This is your one and only chance at peace.”
And that was that. The implicit threat conveyed by the mighty warship had prevented the Kolshian forces from engaging, while the apparent prey creature with long pink fur had continued the declaration. This ‘Ambassador Voronsk of the Rishtaln’ had explained that the assembled representatives of the ‘ISU’ would meet with the Federation Council. One would give a speech explaining who they were, the human ambassador would give an account of what was happening in Gojid space, and then they would return to their ship within half an hour. Cilany had heard that the assembled leaders had argued over whether to allow the human to speak, with many siding with Jerulim of the Krakotl and demanding that they blow the human ship out of the sky.
Then the Zurulian representative had pointed out the unpleasant truth: if the humans and their ‘allies’ were denied access, they would likely just bomb Aafa. If their representatives were killed, they would bomb Aafa. If the ‘diplomats’ were allowed to land and they attacked Federation citizens, it would destroy any attempt by the predators to deceive them. And besides, if they let the human talk, there was the possibility of gaining vital information about their plans.
So now, Cilany was rushing to the council chamber to get first-hand footage and live notes of the first act of predatory diplomacy in Federation history. From what she had picked up on the way, the diplomatic entourage had caused quite the stir when they exited their shuttle, though why was not clear. Panting, Cilany arrived at the door to the chamber. The area around the speakers’ podium was filled with Kolshian soldiers, nervously brandishing their weapons. Seating herself in the public gallery, along with maybe six other journalists brave enough to be in the same room as a predator. Surprisingly enough, there were many more ambassadors in the chamber than she would have thought. Cilany had just turned her pad on when the doors to the main podium opened. Into the room strode a veritable menagerie of new species. And at least four were predators.
The first into the room were two large reptilian bipeds, towering over the assembled guards much as the Arxur would. Their bodies were lined with blades, and their taloned digits clutched at their waists, as if reaching for weapons that were not there. They moved to the sides, taking up positions to the left and right of the speakers’ podium. From the position of their eyes, Cilany could see they were prey. The way they had placed themselves suggested they were guards, but why would the humans use prey as security?
Following behind came the rest of the ‘ISU’ representatives. On the left were the three creatures from the original message, and this time Cilany could see the entirety of their bodies. The Rishtaln moved with a sort of loping grace, and Cilany could almost imagine this pink prey creature sinking those wide spatulate nails into the flesh of an attacking predator. There was just something… menacing about how they moved. The grey creature who had identified themselves as ‘Clan Lord Ulcalna’ was larger in person than she had previously thought, their head easily level with that of an Arxur. The bony spines running along their back rose upon entering the chamber, some sort of threat display? Cilany could not think why a prey creature would feel the need to threaten fellow prey. And those arms… they looked capable of breaking a Mazic in half.
Perhaps the most horrifying was the quadruped with the twin trunks. They were surrounded by three bipedal creatures the size of a Venlil, with rust-red feathers and hooked beaks, their forward eyes betraying their predatory nature. Strangely, the beasts seemed to be holding data slates in their clawed hands. The four-legged prey showed no signs of fear or hesitation, seeming almost to swagger as the ambassadors entered the chamber. And the feathered beasts were not the only shocking sight. To the right of the party, a tall predator with purple-grey fur spotted with black and a short muzzle walked in front of a bright yellow creature that reminded Cilany of a Kolshian, save for its pot-belly and four large tentacles where the Kolshians had only two. Bringing up the rear was a tan biped whose long tail ended in a mass of long spines. If the position of its eyes did not make its diet clear, the two long fangs protruding from its lips did.
These seven species surrounded four central figures. Tarva was immediately recognisable, walking right next to the dark-skinned human. How could she be that close to a predator and not be whimpering in terror? The human ‘ambassador’ was tall, with some sort of form-fitting garment obscuring most of its near-black skin. A cloak with what looked like a stylised star-chart printed on it flowed from its back as its binocular eyes swept over the assembled dignitaries. On its left, a blue-furred quadruped with a long, bladed tail followed, their twin stalk eyes mimicking the humans’ predatory gaze. On their right was the tallest biped Cilany had ever seen, standing at least eight feet tall at the shoulder, with its long, branching antlers reaching even higher. Four yellow eyes, two side-mounted, two front-facing, took in the entire chamber as the green-furred creature marched forward. Four long arms extended from its torso, holding claws more terrible than even those of the Arxur. Cilany could only stare in shock at the advancing party. How could the humans have allies, and how were the prey creatures not terrified?
The ‘diplomatic party’ arranged themselves around the podium, as Clan Lord Ulcalna climbed the steps up to where the microphone stood. The spiked blue-grey biped looked out at the crowd of fearful and confused prey, cleared their throat, and then spoke.
“Greetings, representatives of the Galactic Federation. I am Clan Lord Ulcalna Zhor-Latt, representative of Clan Suraln, and ambassador of the Covenant of Zhulrin to the Inter-Species Union. With me are Ambassador Ansur-Telen-Noran of the Andalite Electorate, Visser 19 of the Yeerk Republican Committee, Emissary Elone of the Nimthyl Command, Ambassador Voronsk of the Rishtalishk Congress, Designate Harri Walln of the Manper Imperium, Speaker Zon-Das-Rop of the United Kelvar Sapients and his aides, councillor Roshanat of the Leeran Shoal, and Captain Williams of the FHS. First contact between our two interstellar coalitions has led to bloodshed, and it is our hope that by explaining who we are and where we come from, we may prevent further death”.
Cilany began taking notes as the Federation ambassadors looked on in trepidation. One new predator species they could understand, but one with the support of several other species was unimaginable. Even if the new prey species were slaves or thralls, it still gave the humans greater resources and numbers than previously thought. And it certainly does not explain the other predators…
“The Inter-Species Union is an intergovernmental organisation consisting of nineteen full members and seven associate members. There are also twenty-three species with whom we have close diplomatic ties, and thirteen species within our combined territory whom we have no formal contact.”
As the ‘Clan Lord’ inserted a data-storage of some kind into the view screen, Cilany considered what the Federation had just learned. There was another multi-species body in the galaxy, smaller but still highly advanced, if the reports from Gojid space were anything to go by. Most worrying of all, it included several predatory species. While the flesh eaters likely dominated their prey members, the sharing of power between them had… concerning implications.
An image appeared on the screen and Cilany’s heart stopped. There were at least twenty different species in the image, which appeared to be some sort of social gathering or reception. At least six were obvious predators, and there were some, such as a long insectoid with four stalk-eyes, which gave Cilany a sinking feeling in her stomach.
“The Union was formed approximately one-hundred and thirty years ago, with five founding members: the Andalites, humans, Yeerks, Hork-Bajir, and Taxxons. My own species joined fifteen years later, the ninth to do so. It was envisioned as a peace-keeping force, as well as a platform for inter-species cooperation. Through the trade of resources and technology, members enjoy security and comfort, with the assistance of other species in the improvement of their infrastructure and completion of large projects. To say nothing of cultural enrichment and the exchange of luxury goods.”
Now that got Cilanys’ attention. The humans were not only members of a multi-species alliance, but were founding members? How had that happened, given the anti-social tendencies of predators? And why had prey creatures allied with them in the first place? Clearly, they were tainted by their proximity to the flesh eaters, especially given the ‘cultural exchange’. The image changed, showing a map of the galaxy. Cilany stared at the two coloured masses filling the majority of the image. One she recognised as Federation space. The other, about one third the size, touched what she could only assume was Venlil space. This group of predators and their thralls control a significant territory. Striking Earth won’t be enough, the Federation will need to actually go to war with a force equal to a third of itself. And if we need to contend with the Arxur as well…
“Through the efforts of Expeditionary Corps, the ISU have explored and colonised a significant volume of the galaxy, especially given the relatively short time it has existed. But there are dangers in this galaxy, and so each and every member is pledged to support and aid their fellows in a time of war or other crisis. This has allowed for a period of peace that has been more or less interrupted for over a century. In addition to keeping the peace, the Union has dedicated itself to spread life through out its territory. It is thus that we come to the pride of the ISU: its Terraforming Initiative.”
The screen changed once again, displaying two images side by side. One was of a rocky, inhospitable planet, the sort that every system had. The other was of a green and brown world spotted with blue, clearly life-supporting. Cilany looked closer. The stars in the background were the same, and the landmasses of the habitable planet matched formations and high points on the barren one. Did this mean…? Blessed divines!
“The exchange of technologies between member states includes technologies for environmental modification and atmospheric synthesis. The same energies that power our ships and weaponry can be turned towards generating magnetospheres, and other requirements for a world to support life. Through the introduction of specific plant and animal species, we can create ecosystems that maintain what technology began. Thus, every system held by the Union contains at least one inhabited planet with a population of ten million or more.”
Gasps filled the chamber. Cilany herself could think well enough to continue her notes. The ISU modified planets to make them habitable. Such a thing was beyond the Federations’ capabilities. They could maintain their worlds, but it required significant investment, used only for homeworlds and major colonies. And if every one of the Union’s systems was habitable… then their population and industry must be much higher than anyone had thought.
“And with that introduction, I bring us all back to the reason we are here: the recent conflict between the Gojid Union and ourselves. I leave it to the human ambassador to give an account of how this happened, and to lead the efforts in finding a peaceful solution.”
With that, Ulcalna turned and strode from the podium as the human walked up to it, along with Governor Tarva. The predator reached down to adjust the microphone, looked up at the shocked Federation ambassadors, and then spoke.
“I am Noah Williams, designated ambassador of the Federation of Humans Systems. And I come in the hopes of preventing an escalation in the hostilities that have arisen in recent weeks.”
The human paused, as if to consider its words, then continued.
“For eons, humanity looked up at the stars with wonder and hope, creating a thousand thousand different stories and mythologies to explain the majesty of the night sky. As we advanced and learned of the nature of the cosmos, we wondered what the worlds orbiting those distant points of light were like. Was there life out there, were there people on those worlds, were there others like us? Much as we had gazed at the horizon in earlier times, and wondered what peoples and new lands were out there, what adventures awaited us. And then we actually met intelligent life”. The human slowly spread their arms wide, encompassing the nine bizarre species that had accompanied them. Cilany typed frantically, taking down every impression and thought that popped into her head. Here it came, the humans’ boasting of how prey were inferior and needed their guiding hand.
“And despite any physical differences, such as diet and appearance, not to mention cultural values, we found friends. Some species were more aggressive than others, some terrifying, heck, the Yeerks tried to enslave us before we even had interstellar travel.” The human gestured at the massive antlered biped. Cilany took note of that, as everyone else stared in shock. So, the four-eyed creature was a predator after all. But if they had tried to enslave humanity pre-spaceflight, how had the humans won? Suddenly, it hit her. Friends. The human had referred to these other species, including the prey, as friends. Not allies, for that was a relationship of convenience, but friends. Including a species that had tried to enslave them. What in the name of sanity is going on?
“Even through all of that, we helped to form a community of star-faring races, all working together to nurture life in this galaxy and work for the mutual benefit of all. Through the exchange of technology and knowledge, all species thrived. The galactic peace was upheld, the common defence assured, and worlds that had been nothing but barren rock were turned into lush gardens. Imagine our shock, when we came to this region of space, and found a full-blown war in progress.” The human looked straight at Chief Nikonus. It occurred to Cilany that Governor Tarva had likely told the humans who the influential members of the council were. But why look at the unofficial leader of the Federation with… distain?
“A war in which a species of carnivorous reptilians was committing genocide against every other species in the area, even going so far as to keep those species as livestock, like something out of a bad novel. And what is more, the local species were unlikely to accept our aid, simply because of our diet.” That stopped Cilany cold. Had the human really just suggested they would have… helped the Federation? Why? What was more, the human seemed to think of their predatory nature as irrelevant to how species interacted. She immediately began typing. Could it be that the humans thought of the Arxur as a bigger threat than the Federation…?
“But, we thought, no matter. We had established calm, cordial relations with the Venlil, and begun introducing technologies and ways of thinking that would enable them to better assimilate into the wider galactic community. We even began repairing the damage they had done to their ecosystems.” Now that was shocking. Had the humans really shared their powerful technology with the Venlil? The way the human had spoken, it was almost as if they expected that Tarva would discard her peoples’ long history with the Federation to join a group of predators and their ‘allies’. And what was that bit about damaged ecosystems?
“Then suddenly, we discovered that there was a species of warlike brutes, known as the Gojid, right on our doorstep. That the local coalition of species had, apparently, taken one look at our pre-Space Age world and decided to commit genocide, in violation of all civilised standards of behaviour. And the way we found this out is particularly telling.” Cilany saw many of the representatives bristle at the blatant hypocrisy of the predator. For her own part, she was confused. The human had decried warfare and genocide as evil. Yet almost two hundred years ago, they had committed such acts. And given how the human referred to the Gojid as ‘warlike brutes’, and doesn’t seem to empathise with our fear, is it possible that they intend to exterminate them?
“During an Arxur attack on one of the Venlil border stations, a human soldier on secondment to the Venlil garrison, along with his Venlil partner, were separated from the rest of the defending force. They were taken aboard a Gojid ship, and subjected to treatment that violates every code of military ethics held sacred in civilised space. And before you start claiming that I have no proof, Andalite mind-transcription tech really is a marvel.”
The human inserted its own device into the screen and a video appeared. It showed a cage of some sort, and there, standing in the foreground, was Sovlin. A four fingered hand was visible to the right-side and Cilany realised something. This was the view through the eyes of a human.
“Please, I keep telling you, my people came to Venlil Prime in peace! We’re helping them, giving them technology to repair their world, improving their defences. Our allies…”
Sovlin lashed out with a clawed paw and there was a cry of pain. The view abruptly moved.
“Predator lies! You monstrous flesh eaters have enslaved the Venlil! They are now your cattle, and if you think that I will permit your species to blight my people, you truly are insane!”
The image shifted again, suggesting the passage of time. The human seemed to be looking at the floor of its cage.
“Please. I need to eat. Surely there’s something, anything, you can feed me…”
A shock baton appeared momentarily on the screen and there was a horrifying scream.
“Disgusting predator. As if I would feed your degenerate appetite. What kind of beast do you take me for?”
The image cut out. The human ambassador stared up at the horrified Federation members.
“We have more than seven days of similar memories. Beatings. Torture. Starvation. An attempt to rape the Venlil Slaneks’ mind with the Gojids’ hateful ideology. That this Captain Sovlin refused to even feed his prisoner demonstrates the utter depravity of the Gojid military. That Prime Minister Piri did not turn him over to us immediately, or even send a message deploring his actions, but instead began mustering her fleet shows that this taint extends to the entire Gojid culture. It also says something about those species they associate with. Can you truly blame us for punishing the kind of behaviour that would have earned Sovlin the death penalty anywhere in ISU space?”
She saw shock sweep the chamber. The human had just hinted that their species followed some sort of ethical code, defying every piece of evidence on their psychology. Where was this code when they were gassing children? And how could Sovlin have fed his prisoner? There was no flesh aboard their ships, other than the crew. Did the humans expect Sovlin to butcher members of his own crew? Her heart stopped. No one had heard from Sovlin since the war began, if the humans captured him…. Be safe, old friend.
Cilany could see the Ambassador Jerulim was on the verge of exploding in rage at the predators’ words. Chief Nikonus clearly saw it to, as he immediately interjected. “Surely, ambassador, you understand our reluctance to tolerate a predator species on our border, especially given the inherently violent nature of such sapients.” The human ambassador fixed Nikonus with their piercing gaze, causing the Kolshian leader to stop.
“We appreciate that the Arxur have been terrorising you for over a century, but that does not excuse attempting to exterminate every species of carnivorous sapients you find, Chief Nikonus. Not to mention the ecocidal campaign the Gojid Union has been waging since before the Arxur were even an issue”. That last part caught Cilany, and everyone else, off guard. Are they talking about exterminators? But that’s a key aspect of any civilisation. Jerulim finally could not contain himself.
“You dare act as if you are sapient? You are predators, festering tumours of death and pain! No predator is capable of higher intelligence, and the idea that they have any place in the universe is obscene!” Clan Lord Ulcalna snorted in a way that reminded Cilany of a roar, silencing the Krakotl. The human, no longer being heckled, turned to the avian, a fearsome look upon their savage features.
“Ambassador, the disproportionate number of herbivorous sapients in this area of space does not change the fact that the Federation has no right to decide who is and is not considered sapient. And I find it disheartening that the Gojids’ perverse anti-predator ideology has tainted more species.” Disproportionate number…? The implications of that statement occurred to Cilany at roughly the same moment as they did the Farsul Ambassador. High Elder Darq stood, and mustering her courage, asked the same question as Cilany. “W-w-what do you mean, disproportionate?”
The look on the humans’ face was almost…amused. “Ambassador, to the best of my knowledge, approximately three-quarters of all know sapient species consume meat in some form. Of those, about one third eat nothing but meat”. The entire chamber went silent with shock. Surely that was not possible, predators could not make the majority of sapient races. Darq could only splutter at that, and Cilany did not blame her. The Farsul responded. “Then why is the universe not filled with rampaging predators, endlessly hunting for prey? Why are there not a hundred warring races fighting over our worlds, as we cower in fear?”
The human looked at Darq with what Cilany could only call derision. “Because, Ambassador, contrary to your interpretation of the facts, predators are not innately warlike. Despite what the amateurs you call ‘scientists’ may think, violence on the scale you witnessed during your ‘observation’ of Earth is not humanity’s natural state. To put it bluntly, that six-year conflict, which we call World War Two, was the single largest war in our history, and the worst thing we have ever done to ourselves.”
The human swept their predatory gaze across the chamber. “By the standards of human scholarship, the volume of data collected and the degree of actual analysis is inadequate. In a conflict that lasted six years, you have data from maybe a month, if that. There was no attempt to consider an alternative viewpoint, no attempt to even discover what the war was about. You criticise us for killing millions of our own kind, and then treat murdering billions of innocent people as some sort of moral right”.
From her vantage point, Cilany could see Nikonus rallying after the humans’ dismissal of Federation culture. “You speak of civilisation and morality, yet your government refers to itself as collection of smaller entities. It is clear that you are not unified as a species, and as recent events show, you have not yet put aside your warmongering ways.” Cilany agreed with the Kolshians’ words. Still, there was something in the humans’ statement about ‘insufficient analysis’. The way they had spoken of this ‘World War Two’, definitely suggested a more complex narrative than Federation scholars had thought.
Below, the human was issuing a rebuttal of Nikonus’ accusations. “My species is united, Chief Nikonus. However, our history has taught us that the more people a government attempts to control, the greater the strain on that government, causing instability. One must also consider the imperialistic sentiments such large states tend to provoke. Thus, every human colony is in effect a separate polity in itself, being effectively autonomous save for three areas of government: the military, major laws, and colonisation efforts. Each colony elects its’ own ruling body, and that group provides a representative to the Conclave, the ruling body of the FHS Government.”
The human pressed a few buttons on the podium and another video appeared. It seemed to show a view of inter-planetary space with several orbital stations. There were cylindrical structures with some form of outer framework of girders, about five of them, dominating the foreground. For some reason, the inner cylinder seemed to be revolving inside the frame. The backdrop was taken up by what looked to be a large ring of some sort, canted at an angle, the inner edge a blurry mix of blue, green and white. Cilany thought that it may have been spinning, but why… A ship appeared, flying away from the camera towards one of the cylinders. Cilany held her breath. If the ship was about the size of a cruiser, as it likely was given the lack of visible viewports, then those cylinders were more than twenty times the size of any Federation station, save for asteroid bases. And that ring… it was much larger that the cylinders…
“Even with our terraforming technology, ambassadors, there is only so much habitable space a solar system can have. Not to mention the fact that our colonists need somewhere to live while the process is carried out. Thus, for every citizen living on a planet, there are at least three who call one of our space-habitats home. What this means ambassadors, is that even our smallest colonies have populations of nine billion or more. The Sol system, for example, has enough space habitats to house eleven times the population of Earth. Given the administrative strain such populations present, you can understand why we… decentralise our government.”
The sheer scale of the industry needed to create such things, Cilany could not believe it. If this was real, then the humans not only had a higher population than even the most pessimistic projections, but they could turn that construction industry to building warships. Which meant… they’d be able to replace losses faster than the Federation every could.
President Cupo of the Mazic signalled that he wished to speak. Quickly taking a photo of the tan quadruped, Cilany considered the positive optics of someone other than the three founding species speaking. Whatever Cupo said, it helped to signal Federation unity. “So, human, your people are still divided into factions. Are your…allies similarly disunified?” Now that, Cilany thought, was a good question. Surely, if a species was not united within itself, its’ bonds with other species would be fragile. This could allow the Federation to fracture the ISU, if they applied the right pressure.
The human shook their head, possibly signalling negation. “Every species is different, ambassador, and thus each member of the ISU maintains a different form of government. The Andalites, for example, appoint a Prince or Governor to oversee each of their colonies, reporting directly to the Electorate.” They gestured to the blue creature with the bladed tail. “The Andalites were spacefaring more than a thousand years ago. It was they who held the Yeerks at bay, and in many ways were our first alien allies. Also, on a ship-to-ship basis, their military is arguably the most powerful in the Union. It’s their environmental tech and hyperstrong meta-materials, above all else, that allow Union orbital habitats to be as large as they are.”
Many were taken aback by this, Cilany included. Elder Darq spoke out, clearly intrigued by this social dynamic. The alliance between humans and Andalites flew in the face of all accepted scientific understanding of how predators and prey interacted. “But why ally with them in the first place? I would think that your urge to control and dominate would lead you to integrate them into your structure, in a subservient role”. Cilany found herself disagreeing with that sentiment. The human had spoken of a community of species, and had suggested that the conquering practices of their past were considered immoral by the current leadership. Could it be, she thought, that the humans have put their baser urges behind them?
The human seemed almost offended by Darqs’ words. “Because, Ambassador Darq, we are not conquerors. And attempting to rule them would be pointless, because they are not the same species of us. Their psychology and biological imperatives are very different. What is necessary for one species could even be harmful for another. We have found that interfering in the development and culture of other species, trying to shape them into something they are not, always leads to instability and bloodshed. Every species has the right to self-determination. Those thirteen species with whom we have no contact are not advanced enough to interact with without causing massive societal disruption. Ultimately, every species must develop its’ own way of doing things. We can supply guidance and technology, but direct intervention in the affairs of another species is wrong.”
It was then that Jerulim let loose yet another of his outbursts. “You decry direct intervention as immoral, but what are you doing to the Gojid?! Are you not occupying their worlds, are you not even now butchering them, and using other prey species to do it?” The Krakotl spread his wings, as if daring the human to contradict him. “All of this is beside the point! All this discussion of human politics and history is meaningless! What matters is that these predators have attacked a member of the Federation, without provocation, and are even now slaughtering the Gojid as they do their own people!”
The human sighed, looking around at the Federation ambassadors, while their fellow diplomats gave the Krakotl what could only be looks of disapproval. Cilany had just finished taking note of Jerulims’ hysterical speech, when the human gave their reply. “We have only acted in defence of ourselves and the preservation of galactic order, and even then, we have used the minimum degree of force necessary. The Gojid plotted to attack us, we simply struck first”. Jerulim was not done. Cilany started wondering exactly how he had become an ambassador in the first place. “If that was the case, you would have simply struck the military bases. But no, you invaded their colonies and their homeworld. You have not risen above the conquering ways of your past”.
Cilany could see that the human was growing more and more agitated. Is it going to attack? “If that is the case, then why have we not eradicated the Gojid? It really would not have been all that difficult, given the forces we can bring to bear”. Jerulim sneered. “I would think that was obvious. You want to take cattle, to feed your aberrant appetites, to gain new tastes of flesh. The other prey species you have met are too strong for you to conquer, so you thought you could take the Gojid as livestock!”
There was a long pause. Then the human looked straight at Jerulim. Now that is a sign of predatory dominance if I ever saw one, Cilany thought. “I see. You are assuming that we are like the Arxur. Well, let me explain something to you, primitive. The eating of fellow sapients is one of the greatest taboos in human culture, going back to before our first cities. Even the token data you collected during the darkest time in our history should show you that. And on that subject, I find the Federations’ condemning humanity over a single pre-space conflict to be hypocritical. All species go through such times before developing interstellar travel. Only those uplifted before such a stage in their development continue such behaviour, as they have not had the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.”
Again, the human had returned to the subject of this World War. Clearly, it had been a complicated situation, with nuances which the humans believed had not been appreciated by the Federation. Still, what could possibly lead them to think all species committed such horrors, or that uplifts are more likely to do so?
“As for ‘new tastes’, Earth is one of the most biologically diverse planets in known space. We have enough variety from her alone, not to mention the foods available through interstellar trade. Those members of the ISU who are herbivores, ‘prey’ as you so crudely put it, do not share your unreasoning fear of predators, and so have no problem with us feeding off animals they do not utilise. So, if we did decide to utterly destroy the Gojid, there would be no need to take prisoners or round up the civilians. We would not even need to deploy troops to the surface. We could simply atomise their cities from orbit, unleash bioweapons, or just, well, blow up the planet”.
Cilany heard the gasps of every ambassador in the chamber. Blow up a planet? The power required for such a thing, an entire glassing fleet didn’t have that much firepower. Nikonus broke the stunned silence. “That joke is not funny, ambassador. To suggest annihilating an entire habitable planet…” The humans’ gaze shifted. “On the contrary, Chief Nikonus, I am not joking. Or lying. The primary weapons of the most powerful warships we have, fired at full power, could crack the crust of the Cradle like glass, and that is if the atmosphere didn’t simply ignite.”
There was a stunned silence at that. Cilany quickly began taking down her thoughts at these unpleasant revelations. The humans have either overcome their base hungers or otherwise have discarded us as cattle for practical reasons. This means they have no need to take captives, save out of some form of rudimentary compassion… Their prey allies lack any instinctual fear of predators, suggesting high aggression: possible similarities in culture allowing humans to overlook their diet… Human weapons not being used at full power, implying that they do indeed exhibit restraint: why do so if the Gojid wanted to exterminate them…? The human looked around the chamber. They seemed exasperated, as if there was something the Federation did not understand.
“What I do not understand, ambassadors, is why you expect the Gojid to receive special treatment. Regardless of what ecological role their pre-sapient ancestors had, all space-faring species must be held to the same standards. And quite frankly, their behaviour illustrates why uplifting species, as the Gojid likely were, is wrong. Giving a culture that is still going through its savage phase advanced technology, before it has had the opportunity to work through its aggression as we did, can only lead to destruction. From our perspective, the situation is fairly simple: The Gojid attempted to exterminate a sentient species. Thus, they must be disciplined. The fact that we were the species they attempted to murder doesn’t really affect matters, other than shortening the debate over what to do about it.”
Cilany saw Nikonus stand once more, the Kolshian clearly agitated. That was understandable, the human had been hurling criticism at the guiding tenants of civilised life for the entire meeting. “What do you mean, it shortened the debate, ambassador? Surely the mere presence of an… aggressive species would demand prompt action.”
Once again, the human appeared exasperated. “What I mean, Chief Nikonus, is that usually there would be an extended period of discussion within the Conclave, and of course the leaders of the wider ISU. Arguments would be put forward for and against military intervention, the chances of establishing peaceful diplomatic relations with the government in question, whether there is a danger of falling into the trap of imperialism. No one wants a war if it can be avoided. But the Gojid’s savagery made everything much simpler. They made their murderous intentions clear, and Captain Sovlin’s actions demonstrated that any diplomats sent to seek a peaceful solution would be tortured to death. Which really only left one option: render the uncivilised brutes incapable of harming anyone. Our allies offered us military aid, thus allowing us to maintain our pre-existing commitments in other sectors of space, and here we are”.
Cilany paused to consider that. The humans would not have attacked the Gojid if they had not felt threatened. For a species as aggressive as them, there was only really one response to the apparent threat: eliminate that threat. Really, it was a sign of their restraint that they had not glassed the Cradle out of hand. That was when she heard it.
“Bullshit!”

Okay, here’s my attempt at a NOP fanfic.
The Nature of Predators is made by u/SpacePaladin15
Just a few tidbits before we get started. I’m not sticking close to the cannon, so don’t be surprised when groups operate differently from their real NOP counterparts. I’m going for a “dark time line” kind of situation. There are going to be war crimes and lots of devil’s advocate nonsense, so this fanfic may rustle your jimmies. The start of this story takes place on Sillis and is only told from a single Arxur supply officer’s POV.
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Memory transcription subject: Varce, Cattleship Δ1242, Sillis
Date [standardized human time]: December 4, 2136
Finally… After mindlessly double checking and triple checking weapons and herbivore feed inventory it was time to get some fresh air. The raid itinerary had originally slated us to landfall 36 hours ago, but then a small human fleet lurched into our FTL disruptor grid. The grid was deployed with the intent to prevent prey ships from escaping, but hey, happy accidents.
I looked around the squad that I would be overseeing during prey extraction. Their faces ranged from agitated to giddy, all hungry. Starvation prior to deployment was standard practice for lower enlisted. It made them extra violent which was perfect for propaganda. Having a full relaxed Arxur on shift wouldn’t be near as terrifying for the pseudo-sapient snack bags.
Of course not all were starved, officers like myself needed to keep a cool head while procuring desperately needed food for the people of Wriss. It is my job, as one of the Dominion’s loyal servants, to ease the suffering of sapient lives throughout the known universe. I should clarify, that while I am somewhat defective, I’m not some delusional prey loving nut-job. I just care about sapients more that the average Arxur, that’s all.
The cargo doors of the craft hissed open as eye burning natural light entered the space. After I recovered from my temporary blindness, I barked out orders to my subordinates and began driving the refrigeration cart out of the ship. Its anti-gravity motors hummed as Arxur marched alongside it. Except for Tarth, lazy ass was perched on the cart’s lid with a ranged rifle shouldered. He says he does it to “be a lookout”, but we both know that’s bullshit. I let him get away with it though, what’s the point of having authority if you don’t use it to let your friend do stupid crap?
We had been dropped off at ground zero of a conventional bombing zone. Ruble from buildings with twisted bit of chitin sticking out covered the ground. Troops passed any worthwhile pieces to the cart for preservation. Eating of scraps was forbidden. It would spoil the squad's appetite prior to any engagements with the tilfish survivors. Thinking about the impending carnage reminded me to activate the 360’ camera fixed atop the cart’s driver compartment. Maybe some of my footage would go into one of the hunting compilations that gets forcibly broadcast onto the media channels the prey’s young watch. I let out a throaty chuckle thinking about the fearful cries one of those forsaken abominations would make.
Tarth looked over to me. “What’s so funny blubber tail? All that prime officer food finally melt your brain.”
“No just thinking about the prospect of one of our hunts being used for entertainment, now get back to work “look-out”.”
“Eh… I’m not too sure any footage is going to be used from this raid. None of the Gojid Cradle footage got used since the brass didn’t want Arxur to be associated with killing sapients.”
“...True. Well I’ll film this anyway, maybe it could be used as b-roll footage for future human engagement training.”
“I’d prefer we didn’t run into any humans boss-man”
I grimaced at the thought, the chatty Arxur had a point. I’ve never killed a sapient before. I had pushed the idea out of my head before, but it all came back to me. The whole reason Chief Hunter Shaza deployed 8000 of her ships to Sillis was to fight the humans, the tilfish were an afterthought in truth. I don’t really get why the humans were so keen on picking a fight with the Dominion. Chief Hunter Isif saved their entire species and in turn they started rattling a saber at Chief Hunter Shaza’s initial raiding group. Do they want to be at war with both the Federation AND the Dominion. Surely they understand that that would be a death sentence for such a small race with no backup colonies. It’s just so frustrating, we finally meet another sapient race and all they want to do is fight. We should be working together to wipe out the genocidal maniacs in the Federation.
“Hey Varce. Varce. Looks like that building over there is ripe for hunting. Just say the word.”
I perked up after being pulled from my dark thoughts. We were no longer surrounded by rubble and were at our first scheduled stop. A eugenics clinic that was likely filled with eggs that would top off the cart I brought along. I glanced at the life detection hardware built into the driver’s panel.
“Listen up. We’re here for the eggs in that building. It has 33 adult tilfish life signs inside. Don’t bother taking any of them alive, just put a hole in their heads and dump them in the cart. Eggs are our priority. EGGS. Don’t get too bite-y. There’s a bomb shelter down the road for that kind of behavior. Now get to it and make the Prophet proud!”
I stood by with Tarth and several auto-turret technicians as the rest of the squad swarmed all sides of the clinic. Per standard procedure, I had the techs set up an auto-turret for any surprise runaways. After a couple of minutes a tilfish on the second floor desperately crawled part way out of a window trying to escape. It fell to the ground after Tarth took out one of its weight bearing feet. The impact ruptured it chitin and it died shortly after. As Tarth began strolling over to retrieve the soon to be refrigerated carcass, several more tilfish landed on top of the now flattened meat pulp. Tarth threw himself to the ground as the auto-turrets made there tell-tell beeping noise. Now Tarth had to carry back three piles of meat pulp.
Tarth sat the meat piles down in front of the cart while laughing. “Prophet help me. My life just flashed before my eyes. That would’ve been such an underwhelming way to go. Thank the prophet I’m a master at dodging.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call collapsing to the ground in terror “masterful”, but yeah sure. At least your not dead. Now lets get this slop cleaned up and preserved.”
“Your just jealous of how awesome I looked. Also, that ankle shot I did was glorious. Admit it.”
Tarth went on stroking his ego for the next half hour as the cart was filled with delicious nutritious eggs and gooey bug parts. The cart’s driver panel indicated that we had gathered about 10,000LBS of food in total. A good haul so far, that would be enough to feed roughly a 140 Arxur for a week. I sent the cart back to the ship with an escort while everyone else headed to the nearby bomb shelter.
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Once we arrived at our next scheduled location, courtesy of garbage prey internet security, I had the auto-turret techs set up a perimeter around the shelter entrance. It’s not likely that someone would pull a fast one on us, but I’ve never been into gambling. While we waited for fresh empty carts to arrive, I went ahead and had the squad look around for any material to block up the bomb shelter’s ventilation ports.
After even more waiting, four refrigeration carts and some shelter cracking materials arrived. The plan for shelter cracking was tried and true. First, we would have a drill bore out a hole through the blast door. That would then rapidly be followed up with a flash bang to scare off anyone smart enough to shoot through the hole. This is then followed by several tear gas canisters and a smoke machine. The smoke would exit any ventilation ports and they would be subsequently sealed. After all that we then pump the place full of nitrous oxide, wait about 20 minutes, and breach the doors.
Often times there will be one or two prey smart enough to wear self-contained breathing apparatuses. For this reason, once the door is opened we send in something similar to what a human would refer to as a “Claymore Roomba”. About 20 seconds after activating the device I heard a loud BANG and sent in the initial breaching party. After the all clear, the carts and myself entered.
Oh no.
Near the entrance to shelter was what was left of four humans. SAPIENTS. I killed sapients. I gave the order. They are my responsibility. I’m effectively a murderer now. I know that it’s “war”, but still. That doesn't un-kill them.
I choked down my horror remembering what would happen if other Arxur saw me like this. I turned to Tarth. “Inspect these four for any useful equipment or identifying information. After that, bring it all to me”
I turned away and kept walking. I couldn’t look at their mutilated faces anymore, shards of clear poly-carbonate lodged in their skulls from the breathing mask they were wearing. Blackened blood peppering their bodies and surroundings. Those were someones kids, friends, lovers, and I took them away. I just destroyed families in one foul swoop.
I cleared my head as i walked into the auditorium filled with drowsy and unconscious tilfish. I ensured the cameras on all of the carts were on and gave the order. What came next was quite the sight.
The little abominations screeched and squealed as my squad tore into them. Ripping the young away from the dazed brood-mothers, tearing the monsters apart like they deserved. Loyal and dedicated soldiers finally filling their stomachs after days of hunger. This is what it’s all about. Bringing smiles to the faces of sapients. At this moment I could finally forget about the atrocity that happened to those four in the previous room. I started to salivate myself a little, I shouldn’t indulge though. This is a reward to the Arxur people, not me.
I cheerily hummed as the weak tilfish were tossed into the refrigeration carts. The cold would slow them down to nothing, but it wouldn’t kill them. Perfectly convenient for filling the cages back on the cattle ships. Watching over the cart’s weight readouts I guesstimated that this would be enough to feed about 680 Arxur for a week. It makes me so proud thinking about all the young wonderful Arxur that will get to enjoy these meals. How they’ll go to sleep with full bellies and grow strong. No deformations from malnutrition. Perfectly formed jaws with clean straight teeth. Unlike mine, jagged, crisscrossed, and malformed. I’ll make sure that they have better lives then me. It’s the least I could do.
These thoughts were short-lived unfortunately. Tarth approached me with a bag crafted from the same materials as the pelts the humans wear. I took it silently and he went off to go get his fill.
I dug through the “backpack” as I would later identify it. The pack contained weapons, ammo, and holopads. Turns out the holopads required biometerics, but Tarth was kind enough to attach the associated severed thumbs to each. I went through and altered the security preferences to myself on all of them and glossed through one’s photo album.
I knew what I was going to see, but I punished myself anyway. The dead human had a mate. Whether or not it was a temporary relationship, I don’t know. They had pictures of themselves standing in front of various earth locations. Monuments, beautiful scenes of nature you’d never see on a federation planet, relaxed on furniture with a furry quadrupedal predator. Things I’ve never seen in person and likely never will. I robbed the human of all of this.
I put away the holopad and steeled myself. If I was going to have a breakdown, it would be in my quarters.
I quietly waited for the final stages of the shelter raid to wrap up and began planning the next step of today’s festivities. The entire squad would escort the refrigeration carts back to the cattle ship and we would then exchange them for one refrigeration cart and two cargo carts. After that we would search a nearby tilfish military base for heavy munitions and any high value ship related equipment and materials.
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There was a bit of a delay at Cattleship Δ1242. The other squads were as successful as mine, so we had to wait for a refrigeration cart to be freed up. I took the opportunity to drop off the human pack in my room and check the current raid situation. Thankfully there weren’t any notable hiccups in the raid from a global perspective. The human FTL clusterfuck only shorted us a few ships and part of the fleet was in process with salvaging them for FTL drives, fuel, FTL disruptors, inertial dampeners, shield generators, and databases containing flight logs and encryption keys.
After the update, I reconvened with my squad and gave them a run down on the status of the raid. Tarth already hopped up onto the refrigeration cart before I even got to it. Lazy ass.
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We were still about a half mile out from our destination when Tarth perked up and swung his rifle around toward a concrete building. I trailed his the direction his rifle was pointing to see a rather peculiar sight. A white human pelt that was tied to a stick by the arms was being waved around. However, who was holding it was hiding behind part of the building.
Before I could say anything Tarth already sent a round through the pelt.
“OH SHIT. Uhh… Hey in human culture white flags are a universal symbol of “I give up. Please don’t shoot me” okay?”
My thoughts shot back to the four mutilated corpses I left back in the bomb shelter. Icy guilt crept down my back and left my tail with pins and needles. I sighed for a moment and waved Tarth to lower his gun.
“Alright human, come out slowly, we won’t shoot you.”
A fleshy claw-less hand poked out from the wall and waited.
I grumbled as the weak predator peaked out. “When I said slowly, I meant some time today. I have a schedule to keep.”
“Sorry. Was just taking it slow. Figured if someone with a hair trigger got any ideas, it’d be better to lose a hand than a life.”
The human was one of the paler variants. It had a smashed in muzzle like the rest of its kind. Not exactly what I’d call an apex predator, but I’d tolerate it. (It… He I think?) He carried two large green storage cylinders on his back and was wearing the standard blue helmet uniform. At his hip was a belt carrying various bobbles and oh that’s a gun.
“If your surrendering, why do you have a gun?”
“It’s for the crazy murder bugs with the flamethrowers. As long as you bunch are on the ball with killing them, you can have it.”
I grunted at Tarth and nodded him over to the human. He drew the sidearm from the humans holster and inspected it. Tarth being Tarth, then proceeded to start jabbing the human with the weapon gleefully. The human looked over to me pleadingly. He clearly wasn’t thrilled with having a gun poking into his gut.
I spoke up. “Tarth do you intend on wasting our time as well? Get over here. Human, you will stay within ten feet of him or me at all times. Don’t try to run off, I don’t need to explain what will happen if you try.”
“Understood”
Well, at least the human seems to be disciplined enough to not have an attitude.
Our procession continued as I introduced our first official human captive to Tarth and myself. The weaker “social predator” was just as chatty as my slightly defective friend to my disappointment. However, once the topic of our destination came up, my mercy started to pay off.
“You guys are going to the base? Yeah. Fuck that. Don’t go there. That place is an absolute shitstorm. Some empathetic dumb-asses started to let tilfish in so we could protect them from the scary Arxur. I naturally raided supply of their MREs and got the fuck out of there. Lo and behold, before I was even out the gate the tilfish started shooting and burning dudes. Never trust a fuckin’ bug.”
Tarth and I both chuckled at the idea of some empathetic prey lovers getting their comeuppance.
“Despite that, we are still going human. I was assigned to raid the base for goods and you already know where everything is. So try not to get shot or burned until after our objective is completed.”
The human looked dejected. “Well fuck… I should’ve stayed behind that wall. Are you absolutely sure you want to go there. All the functional ships evacuated early yesterday during your surprise attack on the planetary defenses.”
Tarth spoke up. ”Wasn’t much of a surprise really. Not even an hour into the assault and a human fleet of a thousand some odd ships popped in behind us.”
“The UN had an entire fleet show up within an hour of you guys arriving?
“Yes. Although it was pretty short lived. They disabled a few of our shields with some kind of bombs, but it really didn’t matter. We outnumbered them 8 to 1 and just threw a wall of plasma at them. Not a whole lot of defensive positions to be had out in space. Most of them tried to run, but we catapulted FTL disruptor buoys at them and burnt them all. I have no idea what their strategy was there.”
“...Cool. Good to know.”
“You should have seen it. Ships full of foolish humans turning into molten slag. Their corpses ejecting into space and bloating up from the vacuum. Some of them holding onto their pet prey. Maybe we’ll gather up the tasty prey carcasses later, the cold of space preserves meat nicely I hear. I swear I could hear the screams even in space. That’s what it’s like when weak predators try to pick fights with the Arxur. They weren’t smart like you, human.”
The human shut up after that. I suspect the thought of so many of his kin dying likely saddened him. To be fair, I would be too if those were my people. I mean, it sucks that so many sapients died, but I didn’t have a hand in it.
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The entrance to the base was finally in sight. Tarth and the human lounged on the top of the refrigeration cart despite the irritated side glances from the others in the squad. I could smell the stench of burnt flesh wafting towards us from somewhere deeper in the base. It served as a good confirmation that the human wasn’t feeding us bad intel.
I was looking over to the human pleased when gray blood splattered out from the back of his helmet. It took me a second to realize we were being shot at. It took another for me to order my squad to take cover behind the sturdy carts. I ordered the auto-turret techs to deploy their toys to protect our flanks and rear.
Tarth, the human’s corpse, and I all crouched together behind the refrigeration cart. I’d never seen a dead body convulse in such a weird way before, desperately pulling off its helmet and cursing… Wait. What? The air suddenly reeked of burnt hair and small wisp of smoke coming from the doffed helmet. Tarth gave the living corpse a weird look and shrugged. Questions later, not dying takes precedence.
Tarth and I ensured the aim assist in our rifles was toggled on and proceeded to dispense suppressive fire from behind the cart. Ideally, we could just point our weapons in our adversaries general direction and the rifle’s computer would do the hard part.
The human started panicking when a metal ball dropped next to us. He kicked the sphere away and started cursing in pain while holding his foot. No surprise there you moronic primate, those black leather foot coverings aren’t going to protect you when you punt a metal ball down the street. Wait... Did that ball just explode? Oh. Yeah. We got briefed on those things come to think of it. Good call monkey-man, your foot didn’t go bruised in vain.
As Tarth and I lowered ourselves back down to reload, we suddenly felt the smaller predator forcibly sandwich himself between us. He tightened himself into a tiny ball while wide eyed. I looked around our perimeter. There weren’t any hostile humans so what was his deal. Tarth’s breathing seized up as well, what the hell was going on?
Beep Beep.
It occurred to me at that moment the auto-turrets haven’t been updated to recognize any humans as friendly. I froze up and slowly looked at our flanks. Both turrets were pointing at us. I’ve never pissed myself before… But I got damn close.
The three of us just stayed there perfectly still for what felt like hours. It gave me enough time to think about many things in my life. All the things I haven’t done yet. I’ve never had the opportunity to sire my own clutch, the closest thing I have to a friend is a psycho that gravitates toward me because I’m the only one that tolerates his non-stop yapping, and how nice is it to finally feel the warmth of another pressed up against me. Holy crap what is wrong with me? Prophet, I’m sorry for being so defective. If you bail me out of this, I’ll do whatever you want, just give me a sign.
And the Prophet answered my prayer indeed. Some foolhardy humans finally went for our flanks and drew the ire of the auto-turrets away from us. As the BRRT of the turrets sounded off Tarth, being the absolute bastard that he is, dived away from us.
This left me and the human exposed to the turrets. My initial thought was to push the human over and dive away, so I pushed him over. As I readied myself to dive, I thought about those four in the shelter. How I robbed them of their lives and families. I just couldn't do that again. I can’t just pretend that it’s not my problem. The human’s eyes showed such sadness from that impending betrayal. So I dived, hoping that I’d be able to hide him from the sensors on the auto-turrets.
Luckily, he was still balled up so it wasn’t terribly difficult to cover him with my body. I never felt so exposed in my life, doing this. I just laid there thinking, waiting, and wondering if my empathy was about to come back to bite me in the ass. This was all so off putting, being this close to another person. I wanted nothing more than to get up and walk away. I could hear his breath and the light tensing of his body. This wasn’t something that really happens with Arxur.
Eventually, the sound of gunfire died down. I heard people milling about, the hiss of medical foam being applied, and the louder hiss of angry Arxur having gunshot wounds treated.
“Uh. Sir?” I heard the confused words of one of the auto-turret techs.
“No no no. Leave him be. Can’t you see our dear leader is in love. Although, that is the UGLIEST woman I’ve ever seen.”
I’ve never wanted to smack that annoying lazy ass more than at this moment.
I cleared my throat. “Solider, would you kindly deactivate the auto-turrets so our guide to the base doesn't get shredded by an angry machine.”
“Oh..? Yes. Right away sir.”
So I laid there, feeling a smug ass staring a hole into the back of my head. I recapped the events of the skirmish and lamented how I did so little. I only burned through one magazine with some sprayN’pray and that was it. Hell, the human saved a lot of our asses with that grenade save.
Speaking of the human. “Hey human? Why aren’t you dead? You just took a bullet to the head.”
“Uh. The helmets we wear are really good. They have this non-Newtonian fluid laced with perovskite crystals. Basically, the helmet is a fluid sack that hardens in response to physical trauma. It then converts kinetic energy into heat and electricity. These helmets can eat a .308 point blank. Only downsides are that they are one and done armors and that they’ll burn the shit out of you if they stay in contact too long.”
I’d never heard of such a thing before, but clearly it worked. I’ve seen prey attempt to use helmets with varying degrees of failure. Problem is, usually the brain gets shook around and they die anyway. I decided that this fluid would be beneficial to the Dominion.
I spoke up to get Tarth’s attention. “Tarth. Order anyone that isn’t busy to strip the human’s of their armor pelts and headgear. Place everything in the cargo cart next to the human’s green storage bags.”
Shortly after I gave out the order, the auto turret tech returned. “Varce sir. The auto-turrets have been deactivated.”
I Immediately popped up to separate myself from the smaller predator. Looking around it seems we had fared well enough against the ambush. Heh. Arxur being ambushed. Crazy times. We only lost 3 soldiers and have a handful of injuries. It could have been a lot worse. Even Tarth has some med foam sticking out of his arm. The Arxur bodies were being loaded into the refrigeration cart. We’d look into harvesting their organs for transplants later.
The human looked over the bodies of his fallen kin. I decided it would be appropriate to talk to him about their deaths. The bodies had been stripped as ordered, although it appears someone got overzealous and stripped one of them of all there pelts. Wow. That is super gross looking. It’s just like, dangling around on the outside. What happens if it gets caught on something? Does it just tear off and regenerate? That’s just downright terrible design.
Getting myself back on topic. I turned to the human and spoke up. “So… Did you know any of these humans?”
“Uh… Yeah. To be honest. They were fucking elitist assholes. Doesn’t mean I wanted them dead though. It’s just well... This is all a fucking mess. They did shoot me in the back of the head though. So it’s kind of hard to not feel schadenfreude about the whole thing… Can I get a new helmet? Mine’s kind of busted right now.”
“Go for it. There should be some next to your stuff in the cargo cart.”
“Thanks. I mean… As in thanks for everything. You saved my ass in a big way. Not a whole lot of people would of done that for me… So thank you... Yeah.”
--------------------------------
The inside of the base had seen better days. Some buildings had been destroyed either by the original raid or the human’s occupation. It also appeared that the exterminator’s fires got out of hand and had spread to the tent city the UN made for their troops. There were quite a few chard human bodies mixed in with the debris. I could certainly understand why the human had no desire to come back.
I got out of the refrigeration cart and announced to my squad. “Apply fire retardant measures. There may be exterminators in this base.”
My fellow Arxur and I pulled out small aerosol canisters and began dousing ourselves in the gelatinous contents. This substance would greatly reduce the flammability of the fuel the exterminators typically use, though the films covering us would oxidize and become useless after about 20 minutes. We needed to make a clean sweep of our travel path and secure the nearby maintenance hangar before then. I placed the spent canister back in my tail pouch and began driving again.
“So you’ve got one of those spray bottles for me, right?” The human looked over to me pleadingly. “Just sayin’. I’d like to not burn to death if at all possible.”
“Are you willing to strip naked and shave yourself?”
“What?”
“This stuff only works if it forms a solid layer on you. It won’t work on fur and pelts.”
“Shit… Can I have my gun back then?”
“No.”
We continued moving for about ten minutes per the human’s instructions. The intersection that would take us to our loot was finally in view. There were large industrial style buildings surrounding us from all sides. This was where minor ship parts like valves would be stored or milled out for ships. Lots of little doors and tight alleyways for the diminutive insectoids to scurry through. As such this was the perfect environment for exterminators to hide. I kept my eyes peeled for even the slightest movement.
My suspicions paid off immediately when I noticed some dumpsters that were conveniently lined up between two buildings. I know a barricade when I see one. I brought our caravan to a stop just out of weapons range of the prey’s fortifications. I checked the driver’s panel for life signs and smiled knowing my caution was justified.
I stood out of the drivers seat, silently motioning towards the dumpsters. Half of the squad formed up around the carts. The other half broke into groups and approached the dumpsters from multiple angles. My group consisted of Tarth, the human, and three other Arxur.
My group and I shouldered our rifles and began unloading into the dumpsters. The foolish prey actually thought they were going to get one over on us. In moments tilfish started scrambling, desperately spraying the flammable contents of their weapons in the air towards us. Most of it fell short with only a few stray droplets touching us. We stood back at a comfortable range as the last few bugs dropped to the ground bleeding out in a pool of their own accelerant. One of the little abominations used the last of its pathetic strength to immolate the remains of it group.
A burst of flame pushed towards us, showering us with embers and half burnt debris. Our groups backed away from the intense heat and rapidly pawed off any unwelcome remains of the explosion. Well, except for the human, his left forearm was very on fire. With a surprising level of calmness, my human pulled a water bottle from his belt and doused the flame away.
He looked over to me and grumbled. “I probably should of stayed at the carts.”
“Probably. How did you even get that much fuel on your arm?”
“I didn’t. These uniforms are made out of acrylic and cotton. Very flammable. The UN thought it would be a good idea to have us peace keep against guys who almost exclusively use fire. I have many words about the UN. None of them are nice.”
“At least you handled being on fire pretty well.”
“I’ve seen about twenty people get caught on fire in the past week. I know the drill. Also, I’m gonna need some medical attention for this by the end of the day.”
--------------------------------
Fantastic, we’ve arrive at the maintenance hangar the human recommended and what do we find? More barricades and a bunch of life signs. Maybe I shouldn’t complain. I might be able to top off all my carts in one go.
I ordered my squad to surround the structure just as I had with the eugenics clinic. Though I had to stop the auto-turret techs before they accidentally lit up my human. I quietly pondered how I was going access the hangar with minimal gunfire. I didn't want to run the risk of accidentally damaging a spare FTL drive or something. I ultimately landed on the idea of just ramming through the door with the cargo cart to draw attention and then have the squad flank the inhabitants.
As one of my troops lined up their cart with the doors a shaky human voice called out. “Wait! We have missile warheads rigged to blow if you try anything!”
My human looked over to me and motioned he was going to the door. I allowed him to do so.
“Hey Lee, is that you?” My human questioned. “How are you holding up?”
“Hall? What the hell are you doing with the space nazi crocs?” (Who the hell is Hall? Oh, okay, that’s my human’s name. I should probably remember that.)
“You know. Trying to not die. Things are all kinds of FUBAR right now.”
“Things get rough and you just bail? All we had to do is hold down the fort and wait for rescue. And what do you do? You immediately defect to them. They literally eat babies. You abandoned humanity.”
“Lee. A UN fleet jumped into system one hour after the Arxur arrived.”
“So they tried to save us and you decide to run off?”
“No no. How long would it take for a fleet going FTL to get here assuming a distress signal was sent out the second the Arxur arrived?”
“… Are you saying that they knew the Arxur were coming and didn’t give us a heads up? But…”
“Look man. You’ve got to make your own decisions, but from where I’m standing you really only have two choices. Either commit suicide by Arxur or walk away from what your doing and survive. The Arxur are going to eventually try to trade us to the UN. I intend on living.”
“But what about the tilfish? Are you seriously fine with them being cattle?”
“If you want to die for some bugs that burnt Clark alive two days ago, then that's your call. See you later… Or not.”
“Wait. Wait!”
My human didn’t respond. He just walked back over to me. After that brief exchange, he looked completely used up. It did help me to better understand his willingness to work with me though. All these humans planet side had effectively been left to die before we even arrived at Sillis. Most of them didn’t even know they were fighting for a government that withheld knowledge that could’ve saved them. They could have evacuated and saved so many sapient lives. So much for 5 humans for every 500 million xenos.
I waited long enough. It was time to crack this egg. As I gave the order to breach, I heard four consecutive gunshots come from the hangar. The cargo cart broke open the door and the side entrances were forced as well. I walked in behind the cargo cart and took stock of the situation. A somewhat tanned human was standing over three tilfish carcasses while brandishing its rifle towards a crowd of prey.
The human was seizing up saying. “Don’t move. I… I… I don’t want to die, okay! I… I’m sorry. It’s just that…”
The human trailed off murmuring nonsense. My human got his attention and led him out of the building. Given the degraded mental state of the disheveled human, that was probably best given what was going to happen next. I gave a quick look around, there was no “rigged warhead”, the “Lee” human had given us an empty threat.
The weak prey didn’t stand a chance as my fellow Arxur snatched them up, forcing them into the refrigeration cart. Shrill cries escaped the grotesque creature’s mouths as they were pressed against the Arxur bodies that were already in the cart. Perhaps more refrigeration carts should’ve been brought. The cart reached what was the “comfortable capacity” and there was still a third of the tilfish to go. So naturally, we just started pushing them in harder. Pops and cracks could be heard as chitin bent and broke from strain. Ear piercing noises echoed throughout the room as the little mindless bugs wailed. With one final push, we managed to load all of the bugs into the cart. The readout said we had collected about 18,200lbs of food. While the cart’s recommended weight limit had been exceeded, the thought of 250 Arxur getting to stave off starvation brought me so much joy.
I walked about the hangar inspecting all of the available loot. While I was disappointed by the lack of any FTL related equipment, there was however, an abundance of components for inertial dampeners and shields. My squad got to work loading up the two cargo carts as I went to check up on the two humans. I found them a short walk away from the hangar sitting together under a shade. The humans looked over to me when I approached them. Lee must have gotten more ill. His face was inflamed and red with looked to be signs of leaked fluid on his pelts. Wonderful. I’m going to have to take both of them to medical since this one is developing some kind of infection.
My human looked between Lee and me for a moment before speaking. “Lee. This is Varce. He is a supply officer on his ship and is currently in charge of retrieving ship parts from this base. Varce. This is Lee. He was in training to become an air force mechanic prior to being transferred to the UN to be cannon fodder.”
Seeing that Lee was hesitant to talk, I took the initiative. “Hello Lee, I’m Varce. We’ll be heading back to our ship here in a minute. I’ll run you guys by our doc and get you some acceptable sleeping quarters. As for food, we have two bags of human meals ready to eat available for you since you guys have certain dietary restrictions. Also, I’m going to need you to forfeit your firearms for now. Armed humans can be somewhat distressing for Arxur. I hope you understand.”
Lee glanced up to me. “Are we going to be traded back to the UN?”
“Yes. While the exact terms haven’t been decided yet. I’d hazard a guess that Chief Hunter Shaza will likely be trading you for artificial meat. We don’t eat people.”
The human scrunched up his face at that and handed over his weapons. The three of us then headed back to the carts so that we could depart. I did have to shoo Tarth off the overburdened refrigeration cart. He then started to try to pester the mentally unwell human. Luckily, my human lured him away before any harm could be inflicted.
--------------------------------
Once we had returned to Cattleship Δ1242, the humans and I fished out the MREs and armor from the cargo cart. We went to my room to deposit the goods and then headed towards doc. I may have made a miscalculation on my path unfortunately. We passed by the caging area that was established for any captured enemy humans. It already housed several residents. Lee began to panic thinking that I was going to be placing him in there.
I stopped him and explained. “No Lee, listen. That’s for humans that try to kill us. I’m going to be re-purposing a supply closet for you two. Okay? ...That sounds worse than it actually is. It’s a nice supply closet. I’ll get you some nesting materials.”
My human started snorting and chuckling uncontrollably. I wasn’t certain if it was me or Lee that caused this.
We paid doc a visit and got my human patched up. The other one’s swelling had reduced back down during the trip back to the ship.
We would be departing soon. The ship had collected everything that it could for the time being, so our next destination would be a cattle farm on an old thafki colony planet. I hoped that things could go smoothly with the temporary integration of two humans. I’m going to need them for the ungodly big pile of ship components I’m about to have to enter into Dominion inventory.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That’s it for the time being. I’m not certain if I’ll do a follow up on this. This whole fanfic idea ended up happening thanks to Marcel’s magic helmet. I make no claim of being a decent write or proofreader. If you read this, it’s your own fault.

Bullshit, Hnd na dw need magsiyast si KD at mga KNP nya sa kanilang pananampalataya dahil sigurdo dw sila na nasa pananampalataya pa sila. Pwe!
Kung merong dpt na magsiyasat kayo ang unang magsiyasat sa srili ninyo kung tama ba ang ginagwa ninyo sa iglesia base bibliya ninyo kht dna ako fan ng bibliya.
Ano ba dpt ninyo siyasatin?
Una: Nagsisikap ba kau mangaral gaya ng ginwa ng kinikilala nyong sugo na si BES?

• Hindi ba aral ni BES nuon yung pangangaral may diresyonn at may mapa pang inilabas, anyare na? At bkt panay porverty porn na ang ginagawa ngayon?
  
• Bakit iniba nyo ang aral sa pakikipagdebate na aral na kinamatayan ni BES at ipinaglalaban nuon?
  
• Kung si KD ang Sugo bkt ayaw magpatanong abt sa bibliya at kaligtasan?
  
• Yung lifstyle ni KD at pamilya nya lapat paba aral ng bibliya? Ex: mga business, mararangyang kasuotan, mamahaling motor na binabalandra sa social media ni Ej Razon at Arlene Razon at iba pang pamilya ng sugo.
  
• Sobrang dami tulungan at projects sa kaperahan sa loob ng MCGI na pinahihirapan ang mga ktpd?
  
• Bkt walang transparency kung saan napupunta ang mga perang ibinibgay sa mga tulungan sa loob ng iglesia?
  
• Ang kaperahan puro pataas walang bumababang tulong mula sa pangangasiwa pababa sa mga lokal?
  
• Dugyot at naglahong mga lokal pero maraming businesses ng pamilya Razon ang umuusbong, bkt gnun?
  
• Bkt tintolerate ang exploitation sa loob ng MCGI sobea talamak na puros pa volunteer at walang spt ng benepisyo sa mga inaalping kptd
  
• Libreng hospital daw matapos ipinanghingi nasaan na?
  
• Anyare na sa mga naipundar ni BES sa Brazil? Pera dn ng mga ditapak ang marami dun...
  
• Higit sa lahat mdaming inconsistencies sa mga aral sa loob From Great Tribulations, pananamit, debate, pananalangin, pag-aasawa, pag aabuloy , Pag aayuno, 1,000 yrs... ilan aa mga yan as times goes by nagbabago at nabago... alin pa kaya ang mababago soon, dahil dpa nila naaunwaan dhil dpa daw dumarating sa pagkaunaw? Tsktsk...
  

Ilan lang ito sa mga nangyayari sa loob ng MCGI na dapat siyasatin ninyong mga namiminuno dyan lalo kana KD.
Huwag kang self proclaim mxado na feeling mo nsa mabuti kang pananamlataya dhil nagbasa ka lang ng sitas ng bibliya.

23M, take a beta blocker 1x a day for high BP and tachycardia (could it be this?)
I’m always exhausted. I hate it. I need help. I usually sleep 8+ hours/night although I often wake up in the middle of the night but this has been something that has happened my whole life.
To add a bit of context I graduated college about 15 months ago. At this time I never felt fatigued all the time.
This last semester of college I was working 50+ hours/week and taking 18 credit hours. I feel like this took a toll on my mental health. I feel like this really drained me and took a lot of joy out of my life, maybe became a bit depressed? Graduated college and felt fine for awhile.
During college I got a bit of exercise just from all the walking around campus I had to do. Once I graduated my exercise effectively dropped to 0. My diet in college and now sucks. Lots of takeout lack of fruits and veggies. Sit at a desk for 50-60+ hours a week. Just overall unhealthy. Not good, I know. Despite this I had never really felt so fatigued the rest of my life despite an unhealthy lifestyle so questioning if it’s related or not. I have been extremely fatigued for many months now.
Weekends I just lounge around all day. I usually do nothing and have no desire to do anything, especially given my exhaustion.
I had a CBC done a few months back for unrelated reasons explained below but my blood tests came back normal.
I had blood tests done because of GI symptoms I have had for a very very long time. PA and PCP were not worried and left it at a CBC given my bloody stools are not black. I have diarrhea ~2-5x/day, stools always flat and loose, stomach pain (often in morning), very fast digestion, intermittent red blood when wiping, often have yellow stools. I also often feel like I have brain fog/hard to focus. I have self diagnosed this to disassociation/depersonalization, maybe anxiety/depression? Really not sure but I feel like I only notice these symptoms when I think about it, it’s weird. Might be a psychosomatic thing.
Why am I so exhausted? This can’t all be lifestyle, can it? I know my lifestyle is bad but it has always been and I have not always felt so bad.
I plan to mention this at my next doc appt. in a few months but I feel like my symptoms often get pushed away as “probably nothing” so just curious
Advice is greatly appreciated!

23M, take a beta blocker 1x a day for high BP and tachycardia (could it be this?)
I’m always exhausted. I hate it. I need help. I usually sleep 8+ hours/night although I often wake up in the middle of the night but this has been something that has happened my whole life.
To add a bit of context I graduated college about 15 months ago. At this time I never felt fatigued all the time.
This last semester of college I was working 50+ hours/week and taking 18 credit hours. I feel like this took a toll on my mental health. I feel like this really drained me and took a lot of joy out of my life, maybe became a bit depressed? Graduated college and felt fine for awhile.
During college I got a bit of exercise just from all the walking around campus I had to do. Once I graduated my exercise effectively dropped to 0. My diet in college and now sucks. Lots of takeout lack of fruits and veggies. Sit at a desk for 50-60+ hours a week. Just overall unhealthy. Not good, I know. Despite this I had never really felt so fatigued the rest of my life despite an unhealthy lifestyle so questioning if it’s related or not. I have been extremely fatigued for many months now.
Weekends I just lounge around all day. I usually do nothing and have no desire to do anything, especially given my exhaustion.
I had a CBC done a few months back for unrelated reasons explained below but my blood tests came back normal.
I had blood tests done because of GI symptoms I have had for a very very long time. PA and PCP were not worried and left it at a CBC given my bloody stools are not black. I have diarrhea ~2-5x/day, stools always flat and loose, stomach pain (often in morning), very fast digestion, intermittent red blood when wiping, often have yellow stools. I also often feel like I have brain fog/hard to focus. I have self diagnosed this to disassociation/depersonalization, maybe anxiety/depression? Really not sure but I feel like I only notice these symptoms when I think about it, it’s weird. Might be a psychosomatic thing.
Why am I so exhausted? This can’t all be lifestyle, can it? I know my lifestyle is bad but it has always been and I have not always felt so bad.
I plan to mention this at my next doc appt. in a few months but I feel like my symptoms often get pushed away as “probably nothing” so just curious
Advice is greatly appreciated!

Hi! I need help po sana to enlighten me. I am afraid kasi baka mamaya I am evading something na di naman ako aware. :(
I am a professional po, and I have been first employed sa isang company here sa PH. So 3 years akong employed sa kanila, so sila na nagaasikaso kasi ng lahat ng need na asikasuhin, isa na nga dyan is yung taxes. Ang alam ko lang that time, since around 20k or less yung sahod ko, sabi nila hindi pa daw taxable. But di ko na gaano inalam yun that time kasi sila naman nagaasikaso nun.
But then after 3 years, nagresign po ako kasi I was hired by a company outside PH. I am only a contractor, NOT AN EMPLOYEE. And dahil nga po dun, yung income ko ay fully ko nakukuha and walang benefits, etc. Even our salary is not called a salary, but an invoice.
Ito po yung naging flow ng employment ko.
2018 - 2021 : Employed sa PH
2021 - present : Outsourced by a company outside PH
Ngayon di ko po kasi sure if need ko po ba magdeclare ng tax. Kasi, one of my co-workers, sabi is para daw po kaming OFW, and yung wages daw po na nakukuha kasi nila is non-taxable. I would just like to confirm if this is correct?
And I have a few additional questions.

1. Nag-fall po ba ako under Freelance/Self-employed? In that case, must I declare and file my taxes na po ba?
2. Mag 2 years na po ako halos sa current work ko. If in case I SHOULD file taxes, may penalty na po ba ako since di ako nagdeclare last year?
3. Twing when po ba yung deadline ng filing ng taxes? Kasi I want to know if wala po bang problema yung year 2021 ko since I think nakahabol ako sa pagfile ng taxes that year, kasi employed pa naman ako niyan sa PH company.

Help na rin po sana to know ano pa po need kong malaman regarding sa pagfile ng taxes. Haha. I don’t want to be illiterate sa ganito since nakakatakot makulong. Hahaha.
Thank you so much po sa sasagot.

I used to draw here and there years ago and taught myself art fundamentals but then stopped there as I got more into university studying computer science. After having been inspired on a recent art museum trip, I’m looking to get back into art and self study to create digital art like some of my favorite artists mentioned above. Currently my plan to go through the following resources in order:

• Fun with a Pencil by Andrew Loomis
• DrawABox lessons and challenges
• Figure Drawing for All Its Worth by Andrew Loomis
• Mikeymegamega
• Ctrlpaint’s digital painting videos
• Mogoon’s fundamentals class

Is this ok or is there another better study method for digital artists that leads to this specific kind of style? Or rather, how do Korean artists like Mogoon train themselves and study to get to where they are now? Here’s an example for reference

First build
PCPartPicker Part List

Type	Item	Price
CPU	Intel Core i5-13400F 2.5 GHz 10-Core Processor	$209.92 @ Amazon
CPU Cooler	ARCTIC Freezer i35 A-RGB CPU Cooler	$45.05 @ Amazon
Motherboard	ASRock B760M PG SONIC WiFi Micro ATX LGA1700 Motherboard	$149.99 @ Newegg
Memory	Kingston FURY Beast RGB 16 GB (2 x 8 GB) DDR5-6000 CL40 Memory	$89.99 @ B&H
Storage	Western Digital Black SN770 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive	$119.99 @ Western Digital
Video Card	MSI VENTUS 3X OC GeForce RTX 4070 Ti 12 GB Video Card	$829.99 @ Newegg
Case	Fractal Design Pop Mini Air MicroATX Mid Tower Case	$89.99 @ B&H
Power Supply	Corsair RM750e 750 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply	$99.99 @ Amazon
	Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts
	Total	$1634.91
	Generated by PCPartPicker 2023-03-26 12:04 EDT-0400

Second build
PCPartPicker Part List

Type	Item	Price
CPU	Intel Core i5-13600K 3.5 GHz 14-Core Processor	$299.99 @ Newegg
CPU Cooler	Thermalright Peerless Assassin 120 SE ARGB 66.17 CFM CPU Cooler	$40.90
Motherboard	MSI PRO Z790-P WIFI ATX LGA1700 Motherboard	$219.99 @ Amazon
Memory	G.Skill Flare X5 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) DDR5-6000 CL36 Memory	$114.99 @ Newegg
Storage	Western Digital Black SN770 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive	$119.99 @ Western Digital
Video Card	XFX Speedster MERC 319 Black Radeon RX 6900 XT 16 GB Video Card	$649.99 @ Newegg Sellers
Case	Fractal Design Pop Air ATX Mid Tower Case	$89.99 @ B&H
Power Supply	Corsair RM850x (2021) 850 W 80+ Gold Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply	$149.99 @ Amazon
	Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts
	Total	$1685.83
	Generated by PCPartPicker 2023-03-26 12:07 EDT-0400

Hirap maging introvert at quiet na tao sa corporate world. Kung ano-ano sasabihin sayo ng mga tao kahit nanahimik ka lang. Ibang-iba ako nung una kong pasok sa company na 'to, ngayon ko di ko na kilala sarili ko. I'm not really the type of person na naghohold ng grudge or someone na full of hatred. Ngayon, I don't trust anyone anymore sa workplace.
Ang hirap kapag gusto nilang baguhin ka kasi tingin nila may something wrong sayo kasi introvert and quiet ka. Di ko gets pano naging flaw at negative trait yun. People are wired differently lang talaga. Ngayon mas bumaba self-confidence and nawalan na ako ng gana sa work ko. Ganda sana ng company pero inculsion, belongingness, diversity is a scam na sinasabi lang nila.
Isa pa yung mga tao na feeling na trophy ako na pwede pakita sa iba na nabago nila ako at napasalita nila ako under their leadership. Nakakainis yung ganun eh. What makes you think na better person ka na kasi you talk more than me? Nakakainis pa chinichismis niyo ako sa ibang colleagues natin pati visitors.
Ang masakit sa akin yung iba na akala ko okay kami kahit tahimik ako kasi always there ako if may need silang help sa work, nagbago din tingin sa akin dahil sa mga chismis. Di lang nila alam na sa 1 year ko sa company to, i tried my best to go to work kahit na it feels like hell. Yung tipong jokes na nakakaoffend or minsan tinatawana ka kasi you are different from other people and marami pang iba na di ko gets na di naman issue. Di ko gets thinking ng mga kasama ko or ganito lang talaga sa corporate world. Hirap magresign kasi ganda ng company. Sorry rant lang.

TL/DR: the “guild matrix” concept helps us achieve better usefulness, and stability in our guilds, so that they’re more like naturally occurring, stable plant communities. It is a design tool based on current best practices used by some leading applied ecologists, conservationists, and ecological landscapers, in which you start a planting design with a “matrix” of a few rampant plants that play well together, are highly useful in large quantities, are multi-purpose, and can form a heavily weed-suppressing, spreading layer to plant our guilds into.
​
​
A guild matrix based on various perennial alliums, crosnes, a mild-mannered peppermint, sorrels, and yarrow.
Over the last 10 years, after reading more in applied ecology, I’ve come to think of the guild matrix as one of the most important elements of designing guilds, forest gardens, and Permaculture gardens in general. For me, it represents an important next step in “guild theory.”
​
For some background, the original approach to guild design in Permaculture as found in the Permaculture Designer’s Manual used the same approach as taught in the university program Mollison taught in at the time. It involved a complicated process of listing and charting how plants effect each other, which as extremely labor intensive and impractical, and pretty much never actually used.
​
By the time “Gaia’s Garden” was written, the Permaculture community had evolved its own model for designing guilds, “Guild Role Theory.” In the guild role approach, we think of some of the roles plants fulfill in a plant community, and try to include some plants to do each in our guilds. That might include fortress plants to control the edges of the plant community, ground covers, beneficial insect attractors, mulch-makers, etc.
​
Guild role theory was a massive improvement on the older approach, but it still had a few common complaints. Often, the guilds designed with role theory were still not very “stable,” which is to say they did not function like a self-maintaining plant community. And second, these guilds were not necessarily very useful to human gardeners.
​
I’ve found that using a guild matrix as one role in my guild I can get much better stability and usefulness out of my guilds. The main idea of these guild matrix plants is that they are aggressive but form a sort of ”truce” with each other, so that they persist together well over time. Such a matrix becomes highly resistant to weeds or invasion. And to improve usefulness and yields, these should be spreading plants that are highly useful in large quantities, perform multiple functions and uses, and that are fairly valuable.
​
Let’s go deeper into understanding the value of a good guild matrix by comparing 3 systems:
​
First, imagine you walk into an ecosystem that is stable and lush with plants, and some of them are edible. The agricultural value of this system is going to depend on how many are useful and how much work it all takes to harvest and maintain, right? If it takes more work to maintain than the value you get out of it, it’s not going to be valuable! In a few years, that kind of garden usually fails because it’s too expensive to maintain.
For example, many people plant only fruit trees and a few understory support species, or maybe the whole understory has gone to comfrey, because they’re thinking only of the long term yields with no early yields. Three years in, the only yield is a burned out gardener, with 5 more years to go before they get a yield!
Second, imagine you walk into a lush forest and all the plants are edible! Thing is – that alone STILL isn’t enough to make the garden truly useful! Perhaps they are low value foods. Perhaps no one you know likes them. Perhaps they take a lot of processing and it isn’t economically viable. Perhaps it’s all one plant, like japanese knotweed, which produces heavily one week of the year, producing a glut too large to harvest, and little else the rest of the season. Or maybe it just takes too much work and cost to maintain.
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Or perhaps, the plants all take a lot of time to maintain, and the guilds are easily overrun with weeds and grasses. Despite being entirely edible, this planting doesn’t really have the stability we want out of a “Forest Garden” or guild.
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Last, you walk into a third forest, this one has mostly edible plants. And, here’s where the magic is, this forest gives exactly the amount of produce you can reasonably harvest or sell, staggered all season long. And these aren’t just “you can eat that” weeds, it is highly valuable produce, desirable and useful to you in the quantities needed for meals, sales, or value added products. And because the plants are vigorous, spreading and symbiotic with each other, 90% of the maintenance that is required is just harvesting to thin the plants to keep things in balance.
A naturally occurring food forest with hickory in the over story, paw paws in the understory, and a dense guild matrix including fair spuds, ramps, ostrich fern, and solomon’s seal.
Clearly, the third one is going to be our goal, yet most people never really set out for that, let alone achieve it. Yes, such a “perfect” system may be impossible, but we can always move closer to it, and the closer we can get to it, the more valuable the garden will be.
What gets us dramatically closer to that goal is a “guild matrix” of good allstar plants. If you observe natural plant communities, you will see that most are characterized by a “community” or “guild” of players that seem to work well together, fit together in filling in niches, share similar needs, cooperate well and avoid competition. There is usually a basic matrix of a few plants that make up much of the ecosystem, with specimen plants appearing here and there like chocolate chips in a cookie. This is what we are going for.
For example, in much of the Eastern Woodland, especially under maples, you can walk into deep woods and find a matrix of ramps, solomon’s seal, claytonia virginica, ostrich fern, and perhaps may apple, sweet cicely all rambling around together. And sometimes, this understory can look as dense and productive as the most dense, intensive SPIN farm you’ve ever seen on youtube. That is the matrix other things grow into. Here and there tucked into it we may find currants or gooseberries, or elder, or service berries, paw paws, cherries, and mast trees in the overstory.
In moist acidic woods we may find a matrix of wintergreen, ostrich fern and blueberry. Witch hazel, currants, and mast trees may be tucked into that.
But what we also want is to make sure our “matrix” is as useful as possible, producing lots of plants, growing fast enough to handle fairly heavy harvesting, and productive over a long season, and ideally multi-purpose.
Walking onions are one of the most useful plant in my garden, next to garlic. Hardly a day goes by when I don’t use both. I can harvest them both in different forms from the time the snow melts until after the snow is a foot deep, and bring them in for storage even in the winter. And both can be used for mulch, and to create pest and disease repellent sprays. Garlic spray is famously used at Disneyland to repel mosquitos! Both can help repel grasses in the right conditions, and keep weeds away.
It would be hard to imagine having too many of such useful plants. Luckily, they self produce rapidly, too! With careful harvest, it is easy to maintain populations of both by just letting them self sow and divide. As bulbs, they can grow among a wide variety of plants and with their small root system and thin upright nature, they are unlikely to compete negatively with our other guild plants. Excellent guild matrix candidates.
Sorrels are delicious, productive all season long and provide a green for daily soups or salads and act as fortress plants suppressing weeds in the garden and creating a stable matrix. Alliums can easily grow vertically among sorrels, while sorrels spread and cover the ground to prevent weeds.
A wild and mild mannered mint might ramble around and fill in spaces too, and these have been known to both prevent weeds and encourage net biodiversity in the right conditions. Mints have been shown to be particularly good at eradicating field bind weed. Yet the effects of allelopathy are minimal when the garden is abundant and the soil is healthy. But if a weed is getting out of control, these vigorous allelopaths will crank up their chemical production and keep the system in balance. I know many people who simply can’t grow enough basil, but are afraid of growing mild mannered basil mint in the garden!
Crosnes are a mint that is an amazing fortress plant, useful as tea, and produces a great edible tuber in huge amounts. And the 4 of these plant friends together have a strong likelihood of creating a stable, useful groundcover throughout a garden. And, they provide tons of useful, edible biomass all season long.
Now, a solid guild matrix established, when you walk into the garden, everywhere you look, there is food that can be harvested, every single day of the year, and we haven’t even gotten to our “featured plants’ yet. That’s a garden that is guaranteed to be highly valuable and far easier than the usual food garden.